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(Some Guy)   How to behave like an American, a short illustrated guide for the rest of the world   (modernhumorist.com ) divider line
    More: Satire  
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11535 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jan 2002 at 12:28 AM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



319 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2002-01-11 01:19:56 AM  
Come on Holmes, admit it. Your a closet case :)
 
2002-01-11 01:22:51 AM  
No flame war here, man, and I knew that was meant for Holmes.
You've got every right to tell me I'm grossin you out.
But I got every right to talk about who I am, just as you do.
I don't come here for the sex. That is at buttbuddies.com.
Think about how you get to make hetero comments all the time.
And there are a whole lot of disgusting boobies around here that I constantly have to avoid.
You really want me to have to hide?
 
2002-01-11 01:22:52 AM  
Troll alert.
 
2002-01-11 01:23:03 AM  
Why don't all you guys just make-out and get it over with?
 
2002-01-11 01:27:47 AM  
Hytes Xian I never really thought it about that way. But I cant believe that anyone, no matter their sexual orientation would be disgusted by boobies. I mean, Im not a lesbian (oh how I wish I were) but I get turned on by lesbian porn. Girls on the other hand dont get turned on by gay porn, even though they like looking at male bodies. I have a hard time looking at myself in the shower, so dont see how that whole gay porn thing works.
 
2002-01-11 01:28:17 AM  
In my dreams, RageX. In my dreams.
 
2002-01-11 01:30:57 AM  
And RageX, grow up. If you dont like our conversation then dont join in, you dont own this thread do you?

Hytes Xian, and please dont take my above comment as a request to explain the gay porn thing, no more grossing each other out eh?
 
2002-01-11 01:32:12 AM  
Please Freak could you stop bringing up your hetro'ness? I mean I cant really ogle over good looking guys like Hytes Xian when I know your sitting there at your comp waiting for the next "boobies" link so you can drool over potential vaginal shoot stuffers. EWW ICK!
 
2002-01-11 01:33:18 AM  
GAH! The hetrosexualness of Freak's comments made me fark up.


Please Freak could you stop bringing up your hetro'ness? I mean I cant really ogle over good looking guys like Hytes Xian when I know your sitting there at your comp waiting for the next "boobies" link so you can drool over potential vaginal shoot stuffers. EWW ICK!
 
2002-01-11 01:33:29 AM  
Dude! Think about it. You like Boobies. You don't like looking at yourself in the shower.
I like weeners; can't stand Boobies.

Don't get me wrong. I admire the beauty of a female body, but it's an art thing, not a sex thing.

Can we shut up now? I'm scared.
 
2002-01-11 01:33:31 AM  
Oh I own it, my name is all over it, except for the gay part of the thread .. that's yours.

make-out!
 
2002-01-11 01:35:19 AM  
oooh, spank that ass, Freak.
 
2002-01-11 01:36:48 AM  
LOL Fault.

Hytes Xian, yeah I guess I can understand that. As long as you can admit to the beauty of the female form, even in art.
 
2002-01-11 01:38:46 AM  
Polypuga nice try, though I have been around threads and chatrooms too long to get fazed by a comment like that. Oh wow, bring up the gayness, im so scared.

And as for you RageX I would take the time to argue with you but that would be a waste of time so I will simply use my lower fark # to squash you :)
 
2002-01-11 01:39:53 AM  
Awwwww, you little Freak! Come here, you!

Just kidding.
 
2002-01-11 01:40:47 AM  
Seriously though, Hytes Xian if Jessica Alba wanted you to fark her brains out you would turn her down? You know you wouldn't, you would probably say something like "Oh well, but Im not gonna enjoy it I tell ya" and blow your nuts in two minutes.
 
2002-01-11 01:41:27 AM  
All this serious talk aside, it's damn 54 degrees outside here in the middle of North Carolina in the MIDDLE OF WINTER. AT NIGHT.

That's just wrong.

Okay, didn't think you'd care, but still. Just wrong.
 
2002-01-11 01:42:49 AM  
Count your blessings Scrubjosh.
 
2002-01-11 01:45:42 AM  
Seriously though Scrubjosh, I think someone stole a few of your blessings. Cuacasion, possibly black individual between the ages of 18-45. Height between 5'3 and 6'5, hope you find that bastard. I think he stole my parking permit too.
 
2002-01-11 01:45:42 AM  
Ok, buster (that's you Freak), you asked for it:

Imagine you wake up in the middle of the night and you see Brad Pitt, naked, bent over the candle he's lighting beside your bed. He stands up, and as the flame grows brighter, you see his enormous smooth...

Now TELL me you don't have a hard-on right now.
 
2002-01-11 01:47:11 AM  
I see the light Hytes Xian, you've converted me. Gimme the names of some local clubs, or should I just move to San Fran? Can you be my first gay lay?
 
2002-01-11 01:47:53 AM  
Freak, I wasn't starting an argument with you I was making fun ;)
 
2002-01-11 01:48:27 AM  
But you have definately made your point, I did have a hard-on while typing that Jessica Alba thing, I even researched some pics for inspiration but you ruined it with your post. Im gonna stop now, and hopefully you will too.
 
2002-01-11 01:49:04 AM  
No.No.No. That's not what I wanted. I was illustrating the Jessica Alba thing from my perspective. Go back to being straight right now. I like you. I don't want you to have to suffer the crap I do. Convert back. Now.
 
2002-01-11 01:49:36 AM  
I know RageX, thats why I have the little smiley face after my scathing comment to you :)
 
2002-01-11 01:49:43 AM  
Freak: It's damn WINTER. I want some damn ICE or SNOW. I crave cold weather.

Hytes: Bud, I assure you I didn't know I could shrink that much that fast. You live your life the way you want to, I don't care at all what you prefer. But don't go around thinking you're more special or deserve preferential treatment or pity because you're different. It's like the saying goes...you're unique, just like everybody else. I'm not gonna bash you, so ignore those who do, instead of *ahem* trying to get a rise out of them. You're accomplishing nothing
 
2002-01-11 01:50:32 AM  
Wow, I actually had to reread this crap to figure out the cause of this pissyness. I think it's simply that Hytes Xian commented one too many times on his sexual preference.

But fark was founded on boobies and if every third link is boobies along every other photoshop... and the filter replaces words with "boobies"... then I think we should give some leeway to other sexual preferences for demonstrating their sexuality.

By the way. I'm straight... and studies show that men who are outwardly against homosexuality are also the most latently homosexual.

Polypuga
 
2002-01-11 01:51:33 AM  
(Before anybody accuses me of anything, btw...I just want to point out I took Drama in HS, and from that class I made numerous friends who were either bi or gay...because they didn't want to be treated differently and didn't feel the need to act as if it was a big deal)
 
2002-01-11 01:51:34 AM  
Well, I'm a chick......obviously, I am 'Premiuum Pu$$y' and Brad Pitt just doesn't get me wet....I mean he's a good looking guy and all......but nothing I dream about at night. Now Christian Bale, there's someone who gets me, you know, tingly and stuff......
 
2002-01-11 01:51:36 AM  
I cant believe your turning me down, I thought the biggest benefit of being gay was lots of sex?
 
2002-01-11 01:52:47 AM  
I will say this about Brad Pitt though...

Ever since he stopped being some teen idol in the 80's or whenever, he's made some damn good movies.
 
2002-01-11 01:56:11 AM  
homo says what?
 
2002-01-11 01:56:40 AM  
I agree Scrubjosh, I enjoyed both "Fight Club" and "Snatch". I think I almost shed a tear during that trailer burning scene in "Snatch", but the theatre was pretty dark so I'm not sure.
 
2002-01-11 01:57:56 AM  
I cant believe you would actually wish for snow Scrubjosh, I lived in Jersey for a year way back and I hated the snow. Maybe its just cuz it was so dirty over there but still cold weather causes too many problems.
 
2002-01-11 01:58:06 AM  
Premium kunt: Are you sure that "tingly" feeling isn't your black vibrating dildo going off?
 
2002-01-11 01:59:48 AM  
Freak:

When you've lived in eastern NC for the first 16 years of your life, you learn to appreciate the cold white stuff from the heavens. Deepest snow I've ever been in is ~8 inches, just once...seen 6 inch snow twice...and have seen any real accumulation of snow maybe 10 times in my life. It's beautiful stuff here in the south, much fun to play in.
 
2002-01-11 02:01:01 AM  
And right now I'm in the middle of NC at college...had a huge snow recently, but of course I was at home during winter break, so I missed most of it...well, I take that back, the storm that dumped a foot of snow here in Raleigh left one of those 6-inchers at my house.
 
2002-01-11 02:01:32 AM  
Yeah, I'm through. For now. Great game guys. Freak, I haven't laughed this hard all day. And to all of you, thanks for your open-mindedness.
Honestly, I wish there was a gay Fark, but there's not. I've only been here a few weeks, and have come to be quite passionate about it. Probably got some Fark addiction issues going, in fact.
Anyway, I been layin low, but gradually steppin in deeper. Then, somehow, in the last few days I decided to come out. So I'm comin out. It'll probably calm down later.
Scrubjosh, I don't expect special treatment. Equal? I don't even expect that. I know better. But I do strive for it. And part of that is not ignoring the bashers. I can't afford to do that. Uh-oh, this post is getting long...
 
2002-01-11 02:02:04 AM  
I'm inspired by its accuracy.
 
2002-01-11 02:05:09 AM  
Its great having you here Hytes Xian, and Fark wouldn't be the same without all the diffrent people here. Just as long as I dont scroll down and see some half naked dudes in the thread then its all good. You can make all the comments you like.
 
2002-01-11 02:05:10 AM  
Um...yeah 'Ryan not the Mack" I don't need one......but thanks, I'm glad to know I could be part of your fantasy for this evening....
 
2002-01-11 02:06:19 AM  
Don't worry, Hytes Xian, there are many gay farkers out there. I am one of them (well, technically, I am bisexual). Don't let pure hetro's like Freak freak you out.
 
2002-01-11 02:06:34 AM  
You guys sure are taking a long time to make your pointless.

I live near chicago, and I want some snow too, dammit.
 
2002-01-11 02:06:50 AM  
Sure its fun to play inScrubjosh, but how about driving to work? Or having to shovel all that crack off your driveway. I get pissed when it rains here in Southern Cali, so I cant even imagine how people in Seatle or the frigid states deal with their weather.
 
2002-01-11 02:08:37 AM  
Hytes:

Don't take what I say the wrong way. I don't think less of you because of how you choose to live your life. I think less of people who crave pity. I'm not saying you do, but playing the role of the victim is usually a warning sign.

You're gay, so what? There's no need to emphasize it. There's a reason heterosexuals don't go around yelling, "Hey, look at me, I'm straight!", because you're inviting trouble. And the ones who do do that disgust me because they seem to think it's a big deal that they're in the majority.

One of my best friends in HS was openly gay, but he never once said a word about it...I wouldn't have known he was such if I hadn't talked with his last girlfriend recently...and I still think highly of the guy. Especially since he didn't care what others thought of him, and didn't feel a need to draw unnecessary attention on himself.

Life your life, be happy. Just don't bring trouble on yourself
 
2002-01-11 02:09:13 AM  
Would y'all mind if I talk to PremiumPu$$y about Christian Bale for a minute?
 
2002-01-11 02:10:14 AM  
Freak:

Shovel...snow? As in to movie it? Why would you want to do that? *g*

Yah, I"m sure driving in it's a biatch, but I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
 
2002-01-11 02:10:34 AM  
Any snow you got in Chicago would be thourougly contaminated El Bastardo.

And Im not harrassing him Fault, I just snapped for an instant. Tommorows payday and I am desperately hoping the money will land in the account before the bills come around, plus I need gas.
 
2002-01-11 02:10:54 AM  
Hey....I don't know what show I was watching last night, I think it was H&C on foxnews, or maybe the dude who looks like Phil Hartmann on MSNBC,CNBC, or CNN or whatever, but anyway, I think they called jail 'the pokey' or something like that.....my ex (who I was watching TV with) explained to me this is an actual accepted term to describe jail... Now I get it and all....but is this really true? Do people actually call it this? Or am I really as gullible as my ex thinks I am.....just curious....

HI HX Guess who?!
 
2002-01-11 02:11:48 AM  
Just Comment,
Everybodies culture is different. I like being an American. And given being in S California, I am exposed to a lot of other peoples cultures as well. It's not hard to like things different from you. I get a thrill from the learning about other cultures. It is one of the things that confuses me about these terrorists and thier hate of Americans. When Persians fled from Iran or Arabs left Beruit from Iraq, they were welcomed by Americans. I was one of the families that sponsored the "boat people" of Vietnam, when they wanted to come over. And I signed up to defend this way of life, no matter how I may be called. And if those fundementalist want to cover their women, tell them to come over here, where they will be appreciated (Note: our women fight: see Marine article) and I have had every respect for my Female Commanders.

Lord HAVOC
USAR and proud of it
 
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