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(STLToday)   "Sampson told authorities she tried to set the house on fire to kill her girlfriend but denied threatening her girlfriend with a hunting knife"   ( stltoday.com) divider line
    More: Murica, lincoln county, United States, Lincoln County sheriff, hunting knife, Sheriff, United States Constitution, Viscount, Deputy Jim Auer  
•       •       •

3014 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jul 2017 at 5:20 PM (21 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2017-07-20 02:29:08 PM  
I first read that as Simpson.
 
2017-07-20 02:33:23 PM  

kdawg7736: I first read that as Simpson.


Read it as Sampson, but I bet she's Delilah.
 
2017-07-20 03:06:20 PM  
A woman attacked her girlfriend with a hunting knife and steak knife and ripped out her belly button ring


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:21:57 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:24:46 PM  
Is the girlfriend named Delihla?
 
2017-07-20 05:25:18 PM  
Shot the sheriff something something deputy?
 
2017-07-20 05:25:46 PM  
*clicks link*

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:27:20 PM  
I think I might have found the issue.

 FTFA : "she lived with and had been dating for about three weeks."
 
2017-07-20 05:29:56 PM  
No homicide-related charges even though she admitted she was trying to kill her (albeit not with the knife)?
 
2017-07-20 05:29:58 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:31:02 PM  

jonas opines: [img.fark.net image 500x268]


Maybe she was trying to give her a backiotomy?
 
2017-07-20 05:32:22 PM  

croesius: jonas opines: [img.fark.net image 500x268]

Maybe she was trying to give her a backiotomy?


She had sex wit her momma!!
 
2017-07-20 05:33:47 PM  
"Audrey Sampson, 29, of the 400 block of Julie Court, was charged Wednesday in Lincoln County Circuit Court with two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage".

She sounds like a fun date.  I'd bet she would be a blast at parties!

/you see kids, this is why you should never stick your d*ck in crazy
 
2017-07-20 05:34:31 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

Triggered this image in my head. I guess some stuff never goes away...
 
2017-07-20 05:38:04 PM  
Never bring a knife to an arson fight
 
2017-07-20 05:39:35 PM  

fusillade762: [img.fark.net image 320x240]


Someone was in his car.
 
2017-07-20 05:40:45 PM  

jonas opines: [img.fark.net image 500x268]


media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:41:27 PM  

MSBFDffpm: "Audrey Sampson, 29, of the 400 block of Julie Court, was charged Wednesday in Lincoln County Circuit Court with two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage".

She sounds like a fun date.  I'd bet she would be a blast at parties!

/you see kids, this is why you should never stick your d*ck in crazy


// Still OK to stick your tongue in crazy?
 
2017-07-20 05:42:18 PM  

iheartscotch: I think I might have found the issue.

 FTFA : "she lived with and had been dating for about three weeks."


68.media.tumblr.comView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:42:35 PM  
 
2017-07-20 05:45:41 PM  
Don't stick your dick tounge/finger/rabbit vibe in crazy.
 
2017-07-20 05:45:43 PM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: MSBFDffpm: "Audrey Sampson, 29, of the 400 block of Julie Court, was charged Wednesday in Lincoln County Circuit Court with two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage".

She sounds like a fun date.  I'd bet she would be a blast at parties!

/you see kids, this is why you should never stick your d*ck in crazy

// Still OK to stick your tongue in crazy?


Sure

/or so I am told...
 
2017-07-20 05:47:01 PM  

Just another Heartland Weirdass: Don't stick your dick tounge/finger/rabbit vibe in crazy.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:52:53 PM  
"had been dating for about three weeks "

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:54:17 PM  
Crazy runs in the family?

img05.deviantart.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 05:54:50 PM  

Millennium: No homicide-related charges even though she admitted she was trying to kill her (albeit not with the knife)?


Came here to mention that.
 
2017-07-20 05:58:21 PM  
two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage.

Sampson was held in lieu of a $100,000 cash-only bail.


That's a mighty white discount there.
 
2017-07-20 06:06:11 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 06:07:53 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage.

Sampson was held in lieu of a $100,000 cash-only bail.

That's a mighty white discount there.


You must have missed the part about "Cash bond". Meaning that she'd have to come up with $100k IN CASH. That is, no bail bondsman
 
2017-07-20 06:10:22 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 06:12:30 PM  

squirrelflavoredyogurt: MSBFDffpm: "Audrey Sampson, 29, of the 400 block of Julie Court, was charged Wednesday in Lincoln County Circuit Court with two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage".

She sounds like a fun date.  I'd bet she would be a blast at parties!

/you see kids, this is why you should never stick your d*ck in crazy

// Still OK to stick your tongue in crazy?


Doesn't work out either, trust me on this.
 
2017-07-20 06:15:53 PM  
Don't stick your clit on crazy!
 
2017-07-20 06:16:32 PM  

iheartscotch: HotWingConspiracy: two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage.

Sampson was held in lieu of a $100,000 cash-only bail.

That's a mighty white discount there.

You must have missed the part about "Cash bond". Meaning that she'd have to come up with $100k IN CASH. That is, no bail bondsman


No I read it. There's no farking way in hell a black person gets even that deal. She tried to burn a house down with a cop in it.
 
2017-07-20 06:19:10 PM  

vudukungfu: kdawg7736: I first read that as Simpson.

Read it as Sampson, but I bet she's Delilah.


Read it as Sampson and thought immediately: This is not a repeat from the Book of Judges.

Sounds like it though: it has a Sampson, a femme fatale who is probably a Philistine, and the attempted destruction of a house, albeit an ordinary house, not a Bet (Beth) of some Philistine god.

That is what the letter B stands for. A house. It is a common two-room shotgun shack such as was used in the Middle East as homes and temples for the common people and their gods.

Bet comes from the demotic Egyptian writing system, which spread to the "Holy Land", became the Hebrew and the Phoenician Alphabet, then Greek, from whence it spread to the North (as Runic characters scratched into wood and stones) and West, where it became the Roman alphabet, suitable for cutting or carving into marble and bronze.

Beth or Bet means house. B is a two-room apartment even today. It is also a woman's name (Beth or Bethany or Beth Anne, etc.) and the surname of a famous TV doctor, House.

Bet you did not know that. On the other hand, that is probably a sucker bet as well as a Dad Joke and bad pun, so I am glad no cash is involved.
 
2017-07-20 06:21:01 PM  
Question: Cars have stick shifts. Why don't they make girl cars with clit shifts?

Answer: Because men drivers would never be able to get out of park by finding first gear.

OK. I am done. Buh-bye.
 
2017-07-20 06:21:35 PM  
That is one short and ooogly ginger
 
2017-07-20 06:22:42 PM  
I love Brock Sampson. I love any Patrick Warburton character. He has such a great voice. It is a shame he is not doing the new Tick live-action show. He owns the Tick's voice now, although I read some of the comics long before the TV show and animated TV cartoon.

Buh-bye again.
 
2017-07-20 06:23:57 PM  
If I had my way, if I had my way, if I had my way,
I would tear this old building down.
 
2017-07-20 06:24:24 PM  

SPARC Pile: [iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/sz6LcFFi5as?start=34 - 480x360]


Once more and then I am really leaving this thread.

Brock's car looks like the General. But Brock is smarter than the entire cast of that show together. And with the General or Kit thrown in.
 
2017-07-20 06:26:30 PM  

brantgoose: vudukungfu: kdawg7736: I first read that as Simpson.

Read it as Sampson, but I bet she's Delilah.

Read it as Sampson and thought immediately: This is not a repeat from the Book of Judges.

Sounds like it though: it has a Sampson, a femme fatale who is probably a Philistine, and the attempted destruction of a house, albeit an ordinary house, not a Bet (Beth) of some Philistine god.

That is what the letter B stands for. A house. It is a common two-room shotgun shack such as was used in the Middle East as homes and temples for the common people and their gods.

Bet comes from the demotic Egyptian writing system, which spread to the "Holy Land", became the Hebrew and the Phoenician Alphabet, then Greek, from whence it spread to the North (as Runic characters scratched into wood and stones) and West, where it became the Roman alphabet, suitable for cutting or carving into marble and bronze.

Beth or Bet means house. B is a two-room apartment even today. It is also a woman's name (Beth or Bethany or Beth Anne, etc.) and the surname of a famous TV doctor, House.

Bet you did not know that. On the other hand, that is probably a sucker bet as well as a Dad Joke and bad pun, so I am glad no cash is involved.


I for one welcome our AI trivia overlords
 
2017-07-20 06:36:42 PM  
1: whoa
2: very careful statements to the cops, admitting what she couldn't deny, denying everything else. wonder if this is her first run-in with the law
 
2017-07-20 06:37:49 PM  
Hell hath no fury ...
 
2017-07-20 06:48:53 PM  
FWIW, she did cut off his hair.
 
2017-07-20 06:59:08 PM  

MSBFDffpm: "Audrey Sampson, ... was charged ... with two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage".


How do you resist property damage? Build a fence? Kill the termites? Redline?
 
OOF
2017-07-20 07:33:40 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-20 08:27:30 PM  

iheartscotch: I think I might have found the issue.

 FTFA : "she lived with and had been dating for about three weeks."


Q: What does a lesbian bring on a second date?
A: A moving van.

Q: What does a gay dude bring on a second date?
A: What's a seconddate?

Old jokes.
Tip your waitress.
 
2017-07-20 08:46:07 PM  

HotWingConspiracy: iheartscotch: HotWingConspiracy: two counts of arson, two counts of domestic assault, first-degree assault, resisting arrest and property damage.

Sampson was held in lieu of a $100,000 cash-only bail.

That's a mighty white discount there.

You must have missed the part about "Cash bond". Meaning that she'd have to come up with $100k IN CASH. That is, no bail bondsman

No I read it. There's no farking way in hell a black person gets even that deal. She tried to burn a house down with a cop in it.


HAHAhaha......*gasp*.....hahahaha!!
Nice troll. The rare LGBT/Race cross trolling.
 
2017-07-20 09:00:36 PM  

brantgoose: vudukungfu: kdawg7736: I first read that as Simpson.

Read it as Sampson, but I bet she's Delilah.

Read it as Sampson and thought immediately: This is not a repeat from the Book of Judges.

Sounds like it though: it has a Sampson, a femme fatale who is probably a Philistine, and the attempted destruction of a house, albeit an ordinary house, not a Bet (Beth) of some Philistine god.

That is what the letter B stands for. A house. It is a common two-room shotgun shack such as was used in the Middle East as homes and temples for the common people and their gods.

Bet comes from the demotic Egyptian writing system, which spread to the "Holy Land", became the Hebrew and the Phoenician Alphabet, then Greek, from whence it spread to the North (as Runic characters scratched into wood and stones) and West, where it became the Roman alphabet, suitable for cutting or carving into marble and bronze.

Beth or Bet means house. B is a two-room apartment even today. It is also a woman's name (Beth or Bethany or Beth Anne, etc.) and the surname of a famous TV doctor, House.

Bet you did not know that. On the other hand, that is probably a sucker bet as well as a Dad Joke and bad pun, so I am glad no cash is involved.


I know Hebrew. I taught it to my girlfriend's kid.
I even got her a Jewish babysitter with a degree in childhood education, so we could date.
I'm good like that.
 
2017-07-20 09:10:51 PM  
Not Florida? No?
 
2017-07-20 09:15:15 PM  

brantgoose: vudukungfu: kdawg7736: I first read that as Simpson.

Read it as Sampson, but I bet she's Delilah.

Read it as Sampson and thought immediately: This is not a repeat from the Book of Judges.

Sounds like it though: it has a Sampson, a femme fatale who is probably a Philistine, and the attempted destruction of a house, albeit an ordinary house, not a Bet (Beth) of some Philistine god.

That is what the letter B stands for. A house. It is a common two-room shotgun shack such as was used in the Middle East as homes and temples for the common people and their gods.

Bet comes from the demotic Egyptian writing system, which spread to the "Holy Land", became the Hebrew and the Phoenician Alphabet, then Greek, from whence it spread to the North (as Runic characters scratched into wood and stones) and West, where it became the Roman alphabet, suitable for cutting or carving into marble and bronze.

Beth or Bet means house. B is a two-room apartment even today. It is also a woman's name (Beth or Bethany or Beth Anne, etc.) and the surname of a famous TV doctor, House.

Bet you did not know that. On the other hand, that is probably a sucker bet as well as a Dad Joke and bad pun, so I am glad no cash is involved.


I love it when I get around 3/4 of the way through your posts and think "this has gotta be a Brantgoose work", I look up to see the user name, and DISCO.
Thought about farkying you, but it would ruin the surprise.
 
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