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(Daily Mail)   If you've ever wanted to piss on a Russian Typhoon-class submarine, here's your chance   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Interesting, Gareth Davies, Cardiff RFC, Wales rugby union captains, EDT, Wales, Mailonline  
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10390 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2017 at 7:43 PM (18 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



87 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-07-17 06:23:43 PM  
Depends.  Did the Obamas sleep in it?
 
2017-07-17 06:35:23 PM  
That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.
 
2017-07-17 06:37:46 PM  
Donskoy J StickinthaTrumpski
 
2017-07-17 06:40:13 PM  
Just how does that relic still float?
Oh, wait, not float? Uummm,

Proves that spay on rubber stuff from Walmart really will make a screendoor waterproof.
 
2017-07-17 06:55:50 PM  
Tonight we shale into hishtory
 
2017-07-17 06:55:51 PM  
So you're going to sail a giant sub into a narrow, shallow body of water dotted with 10,000  granite Islands.?
Remember the last time you tried that?
Good luck. The swedes need the practice.
 
2017-07-17 07:03:56 PM  
Hope they have sea tow insurance. The only Russian aircraft carrier broke down last time it was sent out and will be in dry dock for years, the Ruskie sub will probably break down before leaving Russian waters, but it does have a chance of breaking the Kursk record for deaths in a sub.
 
2017-07-17 07:11:24 PM  
This sounds like a seriously overweight idiot who decides he wants to get into shape by swimming ... in his five-year-old's wading pool.
 
2017-07-17 07:14:10 PM  

snocone: Just how does that relic still float?
Oh, wait, not float? Uummm,

Proves that spay on rubber stuff from Walmart really will make a screendoor waterproof.


B-52s are held together with the good stuff.
 
2017-07-17 07:31:32 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control, and we will be lucky to live through it."
 
2017-07-17 07:47:40 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 07:49:23 PM  
What if I want to take a dump?
 
2017-07-17 07:49:30 PM  
How long before another Russian sub accident is in the news....
 
2017-07-17 07:49:51 PM  

Bith Set Me Up: [img.fark.net image 850x361]

"This business will get out of control. It will get out of control, and we will be lucky to live through it."


THANK YOU. Jesus Christ fark, you are SLIPPING.

/did you know those subs have swimming pools onboard? Talk about meta.
/Why? Because in the spirit of Soviet engineering, fark you, that's why.
 
2017-07-17 07:50:50 PM  
What version of windows runs all that equipment?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 07:52:30 PM  
Give me one piss....one piss only please.

i.ytimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 07:52:31 PM  
Considering the condition the hull look like it's in, I bet a fishing boat with a fish finder on it would be able to track that sub.

What's the point of flexing nuclear muscles? No one is going to launch them because they know it will be the end of the planet....well, no one except chubby boy in North Korea.
 
2017-07-17 07:52:37 PM  
It was deployed by the Soviet Army...

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 07:56:06 PM  

Mentat: What if I want to take a dump?


The Russians probably have a plan for that.
 
2017-07-17 07:56:14 PM  

IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.


I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much
 
2017-07-17 07:56:58 PM  

Girl From The North Country: Depends.  Did the Obamas sleep in it?


The emblem on the front reminds me of the Obama logo lol.
 
2017-07-17 07:58:03 PM  
One squirt only, Vasily.
 
2017-07-17 07:58:30 PM  
Over compensating much Vova?
 
2017-07-17 07:59:39 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much


The Bulava has had 7 or 8 successful ocean launches since 2010, and has been deployed aboard the Borei class boats since 2013.

The initial program was a fiasco, but the sumbiatch works now.
 
2017-07-17 08:00:49 PM  

Dickbong: What version of windows runs all that equipment?

[img.fark.net image 850x561]


It's not a recent photo.

I wouldn't be surprised if the equipment is the same today, but Sygma photo agency is long gone.
 
2017-07-17 08:01:09 PM  

PreMortem: snocone: Just how does that relic still float?
Oh, wait, not float? Uummm,

Proves that spay on rubber stuff from Walmart really will make a screendoor waterproof.

B-52s are held together with the good stuff.


linex.comView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 08:03:06 PM  
it can only turn right because the stuff to make it turn left was scrapped for krokodil
 
2017-07-17 08:04:09 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much


What do you think all those cost overages on F-35 have really been going to... I am sure the US has whole classes of things that no one knows about...
 
2017-07-17 08:06:07 PM  

Dickbong: What version of windows runs all that equipment?

[img.fark.net image 850x561]


That stuff is probably running on vacuum tubes.
 
2017-07-17 08:06:43 PM  
Nukey McNukeface.
 
2017-07-17 08:08:45 PM  
Last of her class still afloat... Stripped of her war load and used as a test bed... then sent into a pond where it can't submerge while surrounded by NATO?

Yeah, it's a museum cruise.
 
2017-07-17 08:09:34 PM  

NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much

The Bulava has had 7 or 8 successful ocean launches since 2010, and has been deployed aboard the Borei class boats since 2013.

The initial program was a fiasco, but the sumbiatch works now.


Not exactly.  Dual test launch in 2015 had one explode in boost phase and the other fail to get to the target.  Ivan has some serious QC issues.

/I'd feel slightly more smug about it if all of our high tech new stuff worked as designed...
 
2017-07-17 08:09:55 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size


"Stop pissing, Yuri. Give me a stopwatch and a map, and I'll fly the Alps in a plane with no windows."
 
2017-07-17 08:12:59 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much

The Bulava has had 7 or 8 successful ocean launches since 2010, and has been deployed aboard the Borei class boats since 2013.

The initial program was a fiasco, but the sumbiatch works now.

Not exactly.  Dual test launch in 2015 had one explode in boost phase and the other fail to get to the target.  Ivan has some serious QC issues.

/I'd feel slightly more smug about it if all of our high tech new stuff worked as designed...


Well, the same Chinese pseudo shiat is in our supply system. Be patient.
 
2017-07-17 08:15:40 PM  
Skimmed headline and thought it said Russian Tycoon, was hoping we could all piss on Trump. alas.
 
2017-07-17 08:17:46 PM  
Meh, that's old nuclear booms.  I prefer solid state nuclear booms.
 
2017-07-17 08:22:27 PM  

Irving Maimway: Tonight we shale into hishtory


I don't know how many times I've seen that movie, but it just now occurs to me that a submarine does not sail.
 
2017-07-17 08:30:17 PM  

Glockenspiel Hero: NIXON YOU DOLT!!!!!: Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much

The Bulava has had 7 or 8 successful ocean launches since 2010, and has been deployed aboard the Borei class boats since 2013.

The initial program was a fiasco, but the sumbiatch works now.

Not exactly.  Dual test launch in 2015 had one explode in boost phase and the other fail to get to the target.  Ivan has some serious QC issues.

/I'd feel slightly more smug about it if all of our high tech new stuff worked as designed...


Huh. Learn something new every day.
 
2017-07-17 08:31:05 PM  

IgG4: Glockenspiel Hero: IgG4: That's some awesome 1980's vintage technology you got there Vlad.

I know.  Why, it looks exactly like the 1980's vintage technology on our ballistic missile subs.

Of course, the Russians actually have missile subs built in the past few years as well.  We'll get around to that eventually if it doesn't bankrupt the entire Navy first.

/I said they had new ballistic missile subs. Working ballistic missiles for those subs, not so much

What do you think all those cost overages on F-35 have really been going to... I am sure the US has whole classes of things that no one knows about...


Building a plane hidden in a hangar in the desert? Sure. Hiding a nuclear submarine? Not bloody likely.
 
2017-07-17 08:34:48 PM  

cyberspacedout: Irving Maimway: Tonight we shale into hishtory

I don't know how many times I've seen that movie, but it just now occurs to me that a submarine does not sail.


Naval expression.
 
2017-07-17 08:34:49 PM  

Mergatroid: Considering the condition the hull look like it's in, I bet a fishing boat with a fish finder on it would be able to track that sub.


Actually, that's not unheard of....

http://www.raymarine.com/view/?id=8069

Now, that's an image of a wreck, not an actual fully functional submarine, and I understand that while on mission submarines tend to generally give surface ships (especially ones using active sonar, which is what a fish-finder really is) a wide berth, but I don't find it unplausible that submarines get occasionally detected on fish-finders, especially given the number of times they've ended up getting caught in fishing nets:

https://www.google.com/search?q=submarine+caught+in+fishing+net
 
2017-07-17 08:35:21 PM  
media.boingboing.netView Full Size
 
2017-07-17 08:38:38 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: Dickbong: What version of windows runs all that equipment?

[img.fark.net image 850x561]

That stuff is probably running on vacuum tubes.


Which is not necessarily a bad thing.
 
2017-07-17 08:42:22 PM  
Jesus Christ, I think whoever wrote that article was typing with one hand and jerking it with the other.
 
2017-07-17 08:44:41 PM  
... that's my fetish....
 
2017-07-17 08:48:11 PM  
Meh, I'll be concerned when that thing make it to Montana...
 
2017-07-17 08:54:14 PM  
Can we send in a Seal team to put a firecracker link or two onto the hull and sink that thing?

/ not that I would advocate such a thing
// but it would be hella cool
/// stop that <slap>.  Take at least an M-80 to sink that sucker
 
2017-07-17 08:58:31 PM  

jake_lex: Jesus Christ, I think whoever wrote that article was typing with one hand and jerking it with the other.


That explains the small words and 17 pictures.

Museum cruise is a good way to describe this. They might even let people on for tours.
 
2017-07-17 08:59:46 PM  
img.fark.netView Full Size

/ oblig
 
2017-07-17 09:06:32 PM  
FTFA:
Typhoons were built to hide in the world's deepest oceans and stay there undetected for months, whereas the stretch of water separating Scandinavia and northern mainland Europe has an average depth of just 180 feet. 
This will mean it will be forced to surface to avoid scraping along the sea bed, giving enthusiasts the chance to catch a glimpse of the beast.


Actually, since the sub only draws about 39 feet when fully surfaced.   If you triple that, it's 117 feet.  That gives you 180 - 117 = ~63 feet of wiggle room.  You could have 30 feet under your keel and 30 feet over the sail.  That's pretty generous, though.  Total height from keel to top of sail is probably more like 2.5 times draught, or more like 97 feet.

Plus, 180 feet is the *AVERAGE* depth, which means that much of it is deeper than that.  Yes, that limits where you can go, but this isn't for real operations, this is dick-waving.

And if you really *DO* want to piss on it, fly over to Denmark, and go to the middle of the Storebæltsbroen.

upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size


Submarines are required by law to surface before passing under the bridge.
 
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