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(Daily Mail)   Girl gets battery stuck up her nose for six months but she's fine now that it's been removed and she's learned not to do that again. However, now she does plan on sticking her fingers in a wall socket to see what that's like   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Plug, Stewart Paterson, EDT, Mailonline  
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6371 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Jul 2017 at 6:38 AM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-07-16 12:20:55 AM  
I once had some bark stuck in my leg for a couple of weeks. It taught me that you should pick at it, cuz the grown-ups said I'd just have to put up with having it in there, but I squeezed it out from the closed end of the wound to the open end like getting toothpaste out of a tube... if the toothpaste was solid, black, and coated in a thin yet incredibly slippery layer of some kind of goo.

Still have an indented scar just below my right knee.

But I got a nice, long ride in my dad's Mustang when he drove me to the hospital. Can't remember if I got blood on the upholstery, since children don't pay attention to that... but, you know, sports car. Totally worth a bigass chunk of bark in your leg and then a giant frigging needle (of drugs that don't kick in 'til you're leaving, making you nearly fall down in the parking lot) injected directly into the wound.

Which is funny, because I usually burn through drugs in record time. They had to re-drug me halfway through my Caesarian, for instance, and dentists have complained about pushing the upper limit for my size in order to get the desired effect.
 
2017-07-16 12:41:39 AM  
I used to be addicted to snorting batteries.
Then I started going to AA meetings.
 
2017-07-16 01:46:53 AM  
Well that's a plus, she shouldn't feel negative about it.
 
2017-07-16 02:08:06 AM  
At least it was not a crayon undiscovered for decades.
 
2017-07-16 02:14:47 AM  

Dimensio: At least it was not a crayon undiscovered for decades.


Done in four.

/Shakes fist.
 
2017-07-16 02:47:06 AM  
'She can't blow her nose at all so we have to manually clean it for her with a special tool.'

I would have liked to see a picture of said tool. Or at least a description. Without it I can only assume that it's a rubber hose.

img.fark.net
 
2017-07-16 02:47:38 AM  
Is this the thread where we all make bad battery puns? Cuz I really get a charge out of those.
 
2017-07-16 04:36:34 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: Is this the thread where we all make bad battery puns? Cuz I really get a charge out of those.


Watt else would it be?
 
2017-07-16 06:49:25 AM  
I RFTA.  Is it normal, nowadays, for people who go through this kind of thing to commemorate the experience with a photoshoot?  What the fark.  The baby boomers were right, ya'll needed to get hamstrung to prevent worse than this.
 
2017-07-16 06:52:17 AM  

Cpl.D: I RFTA.  Is it normal, nowadays, for people who go through this kind of thing to commemorate the experience with a photoshoot?  What the fark.  The baby boomers were right, ya'll needed to get hamstrung to prevent worse than this.


Yeah.  Really makes you wonder who raised these parents and all.
 
2017-07-16 07:07:51 AM  

cyberspacedout: Farking Clown Shoes: Is this the thread where we all make bad battery puns? Cuz I really get a charge out of those.

Watt else would it be?


Ohm you!
 
AOW
2017-07-16 07:12:45 AM  
When I was growing up the most common battery was the D cell and if you could get one of those up your nose you had a superpower of one kind or another, did have some broken glass in my foot once, after the cuts healed I noticed pain and some swelling but being 9 I ignored it because wound = iodine or mercurochrome, vile bottles of liquid torture. Alas dad saw me limping though and had mom hold me down while he took a razor blade, tweezers and horrors beyond horrors ALCOHOL and went digging till he got the last of the glass outta my foot.
 
2017-07-16 07:13:53 AM  
I hope this was a fairly negative experience and she doesn't do it again. And her parents should be
empowered to do whatever it takes to not have to go through that again.
 
2017-07-16 07:23:23 AM  
So now we're doing child injury stories on the main page?!
In this day and age you couldn't find anything more shocking??
 
2017-07-16 07:26:03 AM  
Oh, and if this happened in the U.K., with social healthcare, the girl probably wasn't even charged.
 
2017-07-16 07:27:22 AM  
Wait till she gets a song stuck in her head.
 
2017-07-16 07:29:05 AM  

bearded clamorer: I used to be addicted to snorting batteries.
Then I started going to AA meetings.


Braggart.  Some of us can only handle AAA size.
 
2017-07-16 07:43:45 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: cyberspacedout: Farking Clown Shoes: Is this the thread where we all make bad battery puns? Cuz I really get a charge out of those.

Watt else would it be?

Ohm you!


Hard to adjust to the newer alternating current environment
 
2017-07-16 07:44:41 AM  
Good thing she didn't put a salt shaker in there too...
 
2017-07-16 07:53:52 AM  
This was in the Daily Mail, so I now doubt the existence of batteries, noses, and little girls.
 
2017-07-16 08:05:05 AM  

BitwiseShift: bearded clamorer: I used to be addicted to snorting batteries.
Then I started going to AA meetings.

Braggart.  Some of us can only handle AAA size.


Disassemble a 9 volt battery and you will find 6 tiny AAAA cells.
Only your imagination will limit your misuse of these little wonders...
/ shine on, you crazy diamond
 
2017-07-16 08:08:26 AM  
So though she was involved in battery, was she charged?
 
2017-07-16 08:14:12 AM  
What iI told you it was a D cell?
img.fark.net
 
2017-07-16 08:14:23 AM  
I think somebody is Li-Ion here...
 
2017-07-16 08:17:18 AM  
Why does her mother have small teeth?
i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2017-07-16 08:18:18 AM  

bearded clamorer: I used to be addicted to snorting batteries.
Then I started going to AA meetings.


I assume that once you stopped snorting the batteries you were discharged.  Or did they put you in a cell?
 
2017-07-16 08:20:13 AM  
The child was quoted as saying "I knowed not to do it."
 
2017-07-16 08:21:57 AM  
Cannot kill the family,
Battery is found in me.
 
2017-07-16 08:24:19 AM  
Ladies and Gents, this is a future POTUS in the making!
 
2017-07-16 08:31:59 AM  
Considering that it's the Daily Mail, I now know that batteries, schools and seven year olds don't exist.
 
2017-07-16 08:32:26 AM  

PushF12: Why does her mother have small teeth?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x423]


Not her birth mum she was adopted.
 
2017-07-16 08:33:06 AM  
professionalmorondotcom.files.wordpress.com
 
2017-07-16 08:33:52 AM  

phrawgh: Ladies and Gents, this is a future POTUS in the making!


She's British. She will be a future PM.
 
2017-07-16 08:36:52 AM  

PushF12: Why does her mother have small teeth?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x423]


Adoptive mother. I guess the biological mother gave up her daughter when she realised the kid wasn't smart enough to not stuff a battery up her nose.
 
2017-07-16 08:38:46 AM  

punkwrestler: PushF12: Why does her mother have small teeth?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x423]

Not her birth mum she was adopted.


If my kid we that dumb, I'd tell people she was adopted too.
 
2017-07-16 08:40:32 AM  
but she's fine now...

She must feel eel-lated.

img.fark.net
 
2017-07-16 08:46:42 AM  

phrawgh: Ladies and Gents, this is a future POTUS in the making!


No soap.  Radio.
 
2017-07-16 08:49:19 AM  
lapsuspsych.files.wordpress.com
 
2017-07-16 09:15:49 AM  

rnatalie: [lapsuspsych.files.wordpress.com image 640x464]


About damn time.
 
2017-07-16 09:38:46 AM  

Resident Muslim: Oh, and if this happened in the U.K., with social healthcare, the girl probably wasn't even charged.


Damn it.  I wanted to make that joke.
 
2017-07-16 10:07:22 AM  
Did they check her vagina yet?   Once she discovers she can stick stuff in there I'm sure she'll try it out.
 
2017-07-16 10:17:17 AM  
Of course the battery got stuck. The noses has a lot of resistance.

\Watt? That was funny. Don't be so negative.
 
2017-07-16 10:19:01 AM  
Kids call it "juicing".
 
2017-07-16 10:24:42 AM  
So I am eating dinner with my roomate and her toddler (2.5 at the time?). I thought it would be funny to show the kid how to shoot a pea out of her nose. My roomate gets look of abject horror that I demonstrated how to stick vegetables in your nose. Shortly after the kid jams a diced carrot up her nose. Of course I get the "this is your fault" look. Kid is freaking out but we can't get the carrot out because she is freaking out so bad and won't hold still. The kid won't blow her nose when we try holding one nostril shut, and any further attempts to get it out are met with her thrashing around like a shark.
So she has to go to the ER. Now I figure I want no part of that so I don't go. So my roomate is explaining how this is all my fault. The nurse asks where I hell I was if this was all my fault. Roomate says I refused to come along. Doctor looks at her for a second and says "Hell, I wouldn't have come either."

\doctor ended up extracting the carrot with a paper clip he bent so that it had a single loop.
 
2017-07-16 10:29:38 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: Is this the thread where we all make bad battery puns? Cuz I really get a charge out of those.


I don't think I have the capacitance for that. It's farad away too complicated.
 
2017-07-16 10:30:39 AM  
Up His Nose
Youtube 2AYnz86FK8c
 
2017-07-16 10:33:43 AM  

punkwrestler: PushF12: Why does her mother have small teeth?
[i.dailymail.co.uk image 634x423]

Not her birth mum she was adopted.


Yes, but she still has tiny teeth.
 
OOF
2017-07-16 10:34:11 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-07-16 10:51:53 AM  
Since no one else posted it yet:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxQjZ3GbpOg
 
2017-07-16 10:54:17 AM  

MythDragon: I thought it would be funny to show the kid how to shoot a pea out of her nose.


And in the end, you taught the kid a valuable lesson in the same manner as Willy Wonka, except without causing permanent deformity the way he always enjoyed. I'd say your teachable moment had an optimal outcome.

/You should have come along to the hospital just so that on the late-night ride home you could start singing "THERE'S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING... WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING..."
 
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