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(ESPN)   Hefty lefty David Wells loses epic battle with bar stool in his own kitchen   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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15459 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 May 2004 at 7:20 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

51 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-05-21 12:22:49 AM  
At least he didn't sneaze himself onto the DL.
2004-05-21 07:27:58 AM  
If I lost to the Cubs, I'd slash my wrists too
2004-05-21 07:28:03 AM  
Couldn't be the first injury that Wells had involving a barstool.
2004-05-21 07:32:12 AM  
"I wasn't running" said Wells. Superfluously.
2004-05-21 07:36:33 AM  
In other baseball news, Jose Lima's wife still has exceedingly large breasts.
2004-05-21 07:37:46 AM  
"There I was, minding my own business........"
2004-05-21 07:40:39 AM  
"I can't lie. I cut my wrists because I wasn't getting any run support."

With humor like that, and his famous love of booze, I'd say Wells is FARK's ambassador to baseball.
2004-05-21 07:41:15 AM  
fark needs to leave Wells alone...
this guy should be our hero!
do you know any other man who can pitch a perfect game in the middle of a horrible hangover?

after i heard that story, i put him on my fantasy baseball team :)
2004-05-21 07:41:18 AM  
That guy is pretty damn cool in my book. I'd get in a barfight with him anyday of the week.
2004-05-21 07:52:00 AM  
Been there... done that
2004-05-21 07:52:31 AM  
What? No pics of the bar stool?
2004-05-21 07:53:30 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
Hefty lefty?
2004-05-21 07:54:14 AM  
David Wells is a bum. The barstool probably told him he sucked.

/end White Sox fan
2004-05-21 07:55:40 AM  
Barstool eh?

[image from too old to be available]
2004-05-21 07:58:35 AM  
For a look at the real David Wells go to:
2004-05-21 08:01:40 AM  
This is actually helping my fantasy league team.
2004-05-21 08:07:12 AM  
..."with bloodshot eyes, monster breath and a raging, skull-rattling hangover" after partying until several hours before game time.

Holy crap, this could be my dad!
2004-05-21 08:13:10 AM  
Ha - antifreakmachine - was just thinking the same thing

fat, stupid, slobs are funny to watch as they slowly mutilate themselves - gotta love that stuff
2004-05-21 08:14:33 AM  
2004-05-21 08:39:58 AM  
Hehehe. Gotta watch out for that killer furniture there, Dave.
2004-05-21 08:45:08 AM  
The Padres left-hander denied reports that the mishap Sunday night happened while he was roughhousing with a friend, but admitted the chain of events started when a buddy slapped him on the back of the neck.

Sounds like Wells likes it rough.
2004-05-21 08:49:04 AM  
Yeah, the article says roughhousing, but Wells says he wasn't playhousing. Hmmm. He also mentions performing a "header" too. Sounds like he's exploring an alternative lifestyle.
2004-05-21 08:57:43 AM  
virgosnake, he also says "We do that on the team." Betcha he looks forward to the post game showers.
2004-05-21 09:03:16 AM  

dammit, that was the only joke I could think of, too.
2004-05-21 09:05:04 AM  
Atta boy tubby. Didn't know Wells was a homo.. a fat and ugly homo at that.

- Heard he uses a satallite dish as a cereal bowl
- He was standing on a corner once and a cop came along and said "Hey you two, break it up"
- He has his own gravity
- Whale watching tours go past his house
2004-05-21 09:05:38 AM  
David Wells and John Daly are my two favorite "athletes" of all time.
2004-05-21 09:09:37 AM  

technically, everybody has their own gravity. Fat people just have a little more.
2004-05-21 09:16:05 AM  
I just read his book. It's got some pretty funny stories, but his ego's so huge it pretty much comes out of the book and slaps you in the face. Or on the back of the neck.
2004-05-21 09:16:10 AM  
Oh, man, there is nothing sweeter in life than just kicking it with the buddies, knocking back some cold ones, and starting up some serious neck slapping.
2004-05-21 09:17:24 AM  
Is the barstool okay?
2004-05-21 09:26:02 AM  
Wasn't he on Hollywood Squares at one time?
2004-05-21 09:34:31 AM  
"I'll take the fat, dumb, clumsy guy for the block, Jim..."
2004-05-21 09:34:55 AM  
I'm sure the tripping over a barstool part of the story is true.
2004-05-21 09:40:30 AM  
I get out of work by telling people it aggravates my "Football Injury"...

What I dont tell 'em was I got it when I fell off a barstool watching the Super Bowl..
2004-05-21 09:54:37 AM  
Wells...said that after tripping, he knocked a bottle of wine onto the floor and landed on it and a glass he was holding.

Larry and Moe unavailable for comment.
2004-05-21 10:11:39 AM  
The Padres left-hander denied reports that the mishap Sunday night happened while he was roughhousing with a friend, but admitted the chain of events started when a buddy slapped him on the back of the neck.

[image from too old to be available]

Reminds me of this old game
2004-05-21 10:11:54 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Look out David, if you hit the bottle too hard, (and the floor), you might end up with this guy as your room, errrr van -mate.
2004-05-21 10:28:31 AM  
His hero is Babe Ruth - Can you tell?
2004-05-21 10:31:06 AM  
The pinnacle of athletic fitness. Now where's the next story about an over-roided meathead having his heart explode after laboriously tying his shoes?

/exercise kills. Baseball kills brain cells.
2004-05-21 10:34:42 AM  
2004-05-21 11:52:59 AM  
Was that a homo version of a "donkey punch?"

Here's a list of a few of the strangest injuries in baseball:

John Smoltz burned his chest while ironing a shirt that he was wearing.

Wade Boggs hurt his back when he lost his balance while trying to put on cowboy boots.

Odibe McDowell cut his finger buttering a roll at the Texas Ranger's welcome home luncheon.

Ricky Bones hurt his lower back getting out of a chair while watching TV in the clubhouse.

Kevin Mitchell strained a muscle while vomiting.

George Brett hit his foot on a chair and broke his toe while running from the kitchen to the TV to see Bill Buckner hit.

Rick Honeycutt injured his wrist while flicking sunflower seeds in the dugout.

Phil Niekro injured his hand shaking hands too hard.

Nolan Ryan was bitten by a coyote.
2004-05-21 12:11:30 PM  
Glenallen Hill had a nightmare about spiders, started sleepwalking, tripped over stuff and hurt himself.

A guy on the Angels (I think Brian Downing) hurt himself playing mini golf. He was leaning on his putter and it snapped. He needed stitches to close to cut on his arm.

Ben McDonald missed a start because he cut his fingernails too close on his pitching hand.

Richie Sexson strained a neck muscle during the team picture because he was trying to put on a hat that was too small.
2004-05-21 12:45:00 PM  
For embarassing injuries, don't forget: Sammy "Achoo! Ow, my back!" Sosa.

/Go Sox
2004-05-21 01:06:04 PM  
to all the critics: how many of you have pitched a perfect game in yankee stadium? Where some say ego I say confidence.

/go tigers
2004-05-21 01:09:41 PM  
man what a farking poosee. oh no ive tripped i need to go on the DL and just soak up the money i get from my contract
2004-05-21 02:45:52 PM  
Stienbrenner officially bans Flip Flops

[image from too old to be available]
2004-05-21 03:36:31 PM  
has anyone heard wells' 911 call from a few years back?

some guy punched him in a bar, and david didn't like that too much:

this guy is a hero BTW
2004-05-21 04:16:32 PM  
Wells was lit on that. "Sllennd the cooops...mothafarker. I'se gaut ma teesth knaucked ouhht."

Wells is a real pussy, I'd kick his ass if I saw him just for the fun of it.
2004-05-21 06:35:23 PM  
Two other classics....

Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach opening a DVD.

And Paxton Crawford (True Sox fans remember him) cut his back (if I remember correctly) on a drinking glass in his hotel room, in the middle of the night.....he said he fell out of bed....I still say he was bucked off.
2004-05-21 06:35:58 PM  
And David Wells reminds me of Jeff the Drunk from Howard Stern.
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