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(BBC-US)   Scene: The Terrorist Afterlife. "So, in your final mission, you were given a Kalashnikov rifle, handguns, gas cylinders and a car. How many infidels did you kill?" "Well, I dented a police van"   ( bbc.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Police, President Emmanuel Macron, deadly terrorist attacks, Interior Minister Gérard, law enforcement officers, local police station, Bomb disposal experts, news channel reports  
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3220 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2017 at 7:24 PM (13 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-06-19 02:48:37 PM  
Sounds French to me...
 
2017-06-19 03:10:13 PM  
That's my kind of terrorist.
 
2017-06-19 03:20:39 PM  
It's hard to find good instructors...everybody with firsthand experience has already blown themselves up.
 
2017-06-19 04:04:45 PM  
... this is part of why i do not worry about random acts of terrorism.  These guys have to plan an attack for a decade to have more than a blip of an effect that fades out after two days.
 
2017-06-19 04:18:12 PM  
img.fark.net

img.fark.net


The terrorists in question?
 
2017-06-19 06:55:02 PM  
...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...
 
2017-06-19 07:28:07 PM  
It sounds like he had a problem with premature explosion...Sad.

/ they make pills for that now....
 
2017-06-19 07:28:33 PM  
Never forget that terrorism is the last resort of people who aren't smart enough to do anything else.
 
2017-06-19 07:31:42 PM  
NO VIRGINS FOR YOU!!

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 07:32:25 PM  
And all the other terrorists on the Group W bench moved away...
 
2017-06-19 07:34:20 PM  
One point for the good guys.

cfs8.blog.daum.net
 
2017-06-19 07:34:24 PM  
Tard Terrorist.

"Yay, one infidel!"
 
2017-06-19 07:35:24 PM  
Silence, I keel you!.
 
2017-06-19 07:36:31 PM  
By the way, terrorism is a coward's way to nothingness.

Next.

P.S. You are forgotten and yer virgins revoked before the click...
 
2017-06-19 07:38:12 PM  
Here's your 72 virgins.

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 07:38:56 PM  
A guy bumped into my shopping cart the other day. Makes you wonder how many of these so-called "accidents" are actually weak terrorist attacks.
 
2017-06-19 07:40:05 PM  

gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...


I prefer the Medieval interpretation in Dante's Inferno. The worst part of hell is NOT the various and sundry torments (don't get me wrong, they are pretty terrible). It's knowing that you are forever divorced from the Creator and it's nobody's fault but your own.

/ as to where he'd get sent in Hell; you could make an argument that he betrayed god and send him to the 9th circle

// one wonders how that works. Does heaven have a DA and or a department of justice?
 
2017-06-19 07:40:19 PM  
bigeyedeer.files.wordpress.com
 
2017-06-19 07:40:21 PM  

T Baggins: A guy bumped into my shopping cart the other day. Makes you wonder how many of these so-called "accidents" are actually weak terrorist attacks.


*honks car/truck horn*

Road terrorist.

Ha.
 
2017-06-19 07:41:56 PM  

iheartscotch: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I prefer the Medieval interpretation in Dante's Inferno. The worst part of hell is NOT the various and sundry torments (don't get me wrong, they are pretty terrible). It's knowing that you are forever divorced from the Creator and it's nobody's fault but your own.

/ as to where he'd get sent in Hell; you could make an argument that he betrayed god and send him to the 9th circle

// one wonders how that works. Does heaven have a DA and or a department of justice?


Nope.

Just raw judgment, motherfarker. You ready?
 
2017-06-19 07:43:04 PM  
I am.
 
2017-06-19 07:43:21 PM  

iheartscotch: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I prefer the Medieval interpretation in Dante's Inferno. The worst part of hell is NOT the various and sundry torments (don't get me wrong, they are pretty terrible). It's knowing that you are forever divorced from the Creator and it's nobody's fault but your own.

/ as to where he'd get sent in Hell; you could make an argument that he betrayed god and send him to the 9th circle

// one wonders how that works. Does heaven have a DA and or a department of justice?


Probably not.  It sucks for the various Christian/Catholic faiths the most - there's people in their version of hell for eating meat on a Friday or some ludicrous shiat like that.
 
2017-06-19 07:43:41 PM  

maxheck: And all the other terrorists on the Group W bench moved away...


And creatin' a nuisance.
 
2017-06-19 07:52:08 PM  
"What was the last thing to go through your mind?"

"My ass."
 
2017-06-19 07:52:43 PM  

Aezetyr: iheartscotch: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I prefer the Medieval interpretation in Dante's Inferno. The worst part of hell is NOT the various and sundry torments (don't get me wrong, they are pretty terrible). It's knowing that you are forever divorced from the Creator and it's nobody's fault but your own.

/ as to where he'd get sent in Hell; you could make an argument that he betrayed god and send him to the 9th circle

// one wonders how that works. Does heaven have a DA and or a department of justice?

Probably not.  It sucks for the various Christian/Catholic faiths the most - there's people in their version of hell for eating meat on a Friday or some ludicrous shiat like that.


That's why they've got Purgatory and Limbo. Purgatory is for people who didn't fark up bad enough for hell. Limbo is, more or less, for unbaptized children. Yep, if you don't get splashed and aren't bad enough for hell; you get to spend all of eternity at a daycare.

/ watch out for the small ones, they bite

// the entire concept is laughable. According to them, god is infinitely merciful. And yet, it appears that he has some interesting foibles. So, if you wear polyester, be prepared to meet Hitler.
 
2017-06-19 08:07:45 PM  

Really, nobody?
 
2017-06-19 08:20:21 PM  
Wasnt this a car commercial?
 
2017-06-19 08:24:25 PM  
"Well at that point I unloaded my AK-47 at point-blank range."

"And then what happened?"

"They left."

i.ytimg.com
 
2017-06-19 08:24:34 PM  
Found it!

 
fek [TotalFark]
2017-06-19 09:13:08 PM  

NephilimNexus: Found it!

[YouTube video]


sunnova...

csb: when this ad aired some coworker was emailing it around the office. other coworker of middle-eastern descent was super pissed and nearly got him fired.
 
2017-06-19 09:25:52 PM  

NephilimNexus: Found it!

[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZRhdjPIa4J0 - 480x360]


Oh, wow. I can't believe anyone thought this was a good idea for selling cars. There aren't enough palms for enough faces for this one.
 
2017-06-19 09:30:01 PM  

NephilimNexus: Found it!

[YouTube video]


Holy shiat.

I mean, I laughed but I can't believe that actually got approved to run!
 
2017-06-19 09:32:21 PM  

NephilimNexus: Found it!

[YouTube video]


Snopes says it's fake :-(
 
2017-06-19 09:47:05 PM  
Does he still get the virgins?
 
2017-06-19 09:57:24 PM  
You know, if I were to lie to someone to get them to do something, I'd promise them ice cream and virgins.

Heck, I'd promise haloes and harps and wings and salvation.

It's almost as if the same snake oil works on the same susceptible people.
 
2017-06-19 10:02:13 PM  

maxheck: Heck, I'd promise haloes and harps and wings and salvation.


Can I skip the halo and harp, it seems sort of effeminate.  I'm not really into bling.

Also, virgins aren't really my thing.  Bleh.   I like confident experienced women.  Okay, um....not to put too fine a point on it, but can I get 72 dominatrixes?
 
2017-06-19 10:02:48 PM  
I propose that there be a hell for the gullible who take it out on others. farktards who get burned, crushed, blown up done whatever.

But then again, I am a rather vindictive minor god. All I ask is a few eons of torment.
 
2017-06-19 10:08:56 PM  
Oddly enough, one of my favourite jokes from (an Irish) childhood involved the  afterlife of terrorists---in my case IRA men.

So one day during the Troubles, a recently deceased soul approaches St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, an arm and most of his face missing.

St. Peter doesn't even bother to check the book of life. "Paddy O'Neill?"

"Aye, that's me."

"You obviously just blew yourself up."

"Aye, had a wee accident with some Semtex."

"You're a terrorist. There is no place for you here. Get you into the dark where there is weeping and---"

"You mental? You think I want to fooking come in?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Sure I'm just after planting the rest of me Semtex around the back. Yiz have ten minutes to clear the place."
 
2017-06-19 10:09:35 PM  

maxheck: I propose that there be a hell for the gullible who take it out on others. farktards who get burned, crushed, blown up done whatever.

But then again, I am a rather vindictive minor god. All I ask is a few eons of torment.


Wish no shrapnel, farktard, unless the skies should torment the innocent...

Ever seen a three year old girl cry until she had no more tears? Yeah, shrapnel, farktard.

I wonder about people who wish war-pain on children...perhaps you should just warrior out?
 
2017-06-19 10:14:16 PM  

MrMasterTutor: maxheck: I propose that there be a hell for the gullible who take it out on others. farktards who get burned, crushed, blown up done whatever.

But then again, I am a rather vindictive minor god. All I ask is a few eons of torment.

Wish no shrapnel, farktard, unless the skies should torment the innocent...

Ever seen a three year old girl cry until she had no more tears? Yeah, shrapnel, farktard.

I wonder about people who wish war-pain on children...perhaps you should just warrior out?


World doesn't need you. You are anaethema to life. Just fark off, would you?
 
2017-06-19 10:17:09 PM  

ThrobblefootSpectre: maxheck: Heck, I'd promise haloes and harps and wings and salvation.

Can I skip the halo and harp, it seems sort of effeminate.  I'm not really into bling.

Also, virgins aren't really my thing.  Bleh.   I like confident experienced women.  Okay, um....not to put too fine a point on it, but can I get 72 dominatrixes?


Never really been into virgins. Lovely, shiny equipment, but they have no idea what to do with it. Am all about the Cougars. :P

That's not actually a tenet of Islam, it's more propaganda from extrapolation.

BUT... you'll see the 72 Houri thing salted through any discussion. Meh. Islam, like Christianity can be warped so far. Evidently it's Islam's turn.

It kinda sucks no matter no matter who is indulging.
 
2017-06-19 10:21:16 PM  

gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...


I've heard two different takes from people with near-death experiences. Either they see light, loved ones, etc, etc, or they see nothing whatsoever, only feeling isolated and overcome with dread and remorse. Like one point of light far, far outside of its galaxy. Forever and regretfully alone, at least judging by what I've heard from people in hospice..

Actually dying and being resuscitated, they claim to feel nothing. Anyway.. always thought that binary was very interesting. Could very well indicate how that person feels in their dying moment, if the mind has enough time to dream.
 
2017-06-19 10:24:23 PM  

MrMasterTutor: MrMasterTutor: maxheck: I propose that there be a hell for the gullible who take it out on others. farktards who get burned, crushed, blown up done whatever.

But then again, I am a rather vindictive minor god. All I ask is a few eons of torment.

Wish no shrapnel, farktard, unless the skies should torment the innocent...

Ever seen a three year old girl cry until she had no more tears? Yeah, shrapnel, farktard.

I wonder about people who wish war-pain on children...perhaps you should just warrior out?

World doesn't need you. You are anaethema to life. Just fark off, would you?


You're not Irish, want to tell me about Christian Virtue?
 
2017-06-19 10:28:14 PM  

0z79: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I've heard two different takes from people with near-death experiences. Either they see light, loved ones, etc, etc, or they see nothing whatsoever, only feeling isolated and overcome with dread and remorse. Like one point of light far, far outside of its galaxy. Forever and regretfully alone, at least judging by what I've heard from people in hospice..

Actually dying and being resuscitated, they claim to feel nothing. Anyway.. always thought that binary was very interesting. Could very well indicate how that person feels in their dying moment, if the mind has enough time to dream.


It indicates how far you are away from the center of the universe, imo. Either you swim with, or against the current, and you know what you do, better than anyone. If you are an inveterate liar when it counts, selfish, self-serving exclusively, and a money-grubber, you will be stretched on the event horizon of your very own black hole, continuously, for all time...

You can quote me on that, b/c it's real, all supernatural-like, and I'm ready to cast you out, motherfarker...

;)
 
2017-06-19 10:29:38 PM  

ScrletFire: Does he still get the virgins?


Yes, but they laugh at him while he tries to perform.
 
2017-06-19 10:32:55 PM  

I should be in the kitchen: Snopes says it's fake :-(


It's real.  I mean, it's right there.  It was planned & filmed.  But then someone in marketing realized that making fun of Islamic suicide bombers only creates more Islamic suicide bombers and, in the interest of not being the target of Islamic suicide bombers decided to not publicly run the ad.  However, as with everything else, the material eventually found its way to YouTube.
 
2017-06-19 10:34:00 PM  

MrMasterTutor: 0z79: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I've heard two different takes from people with near-death experiences. Either they see light, loved ones, etc, etc, or they see nothing whatsoever, only feeling isolated and overcome with dread and remorse. Like one point of light far, far outside of its galaxy. Forever and regretfully alone, at least judging by what I've heard from people in hospice..

Actually dying and being resuscitated, they claim to feel nothing. Anyway.. always thought that binary was very interesting. Could very well indicate how that person feels in their dying moment, if the mind has enough time to dream.

It indicates how far you are away from the center of the universe, imo. Either you swim with, or against the current, and you know what you do, better than anyone. If you are an inveterate liar when it counts, selfish, self-serving exclusively, and a money-grubber, you will be stretched on the event horizon of your very own black hole, continuously, for all time...

You can quote me on that, b/c it's real, all supernatural-like, and I'm ready to cast you out, motherfarker...

;)


Umm... O..K? Am I about to get mod-banned or something? I mean I follow your logic and appreciate it, but "cast you out"? What did I do!?
 
2017-06-19 10:35:16 PM  

Gyrfalcon: ScrletFire: Does he still get the virgins?

Yes, but they laugh at him while he tries to perform.


There are no virgins in heaven. Heaven's too real for "virgins".

Word.
 
2017-06-19 10:37:31 PM  

0z79: MrMasterTutor: 0z79: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I've heard two different takes from people with near-death experiences. Either they see light, loved ones, etc, etc, or they see nothing whatsoever, only feeling isolated and overcome with dread and remorse. Like one point of light far, far outside of its galaxy. Forever and regretfully alone, at least judging by what I've heard from people in hospice..

Actually dying and being resuscitated, they claim to feel nothing. Anyway.. always thought that binary was very interesting. Could very well indicate how that person feels in their dying moment, if the mind has enough time to dream.

It indicates how far you are away from the center of the universe, imo. Either you swim with, or against the current, and you know what you do, better than anyone. If you are an inveterate liar when it counts, selfish, self-serving exclusively, and a money-grubber, you will be stretched on the event horizon of your very own black hole, continuously, for all time...

You can quote me on that, b/c it's real, all supernatural-like, and I'm ready to cast you out, motherfarker...

;)

Umm... O..K? Am I about to get mod-banned or something? I mean I follow your logic and appreciate it, but "cast you out"? What did I do!?


Apologies, I tend to use "you" to include other than "you" specifically.

I am a poet first, explainer lastly; not you, literally, bruh.
 
2017-06-19 10:40:33 PM  

MrMasterTutor: 0z79: MrMasterTutor: 0z79: gopher321: ...said Satan, lovingly tearing out the jihadists' liver with his fiery claws...

I've heard two different takes from people with near-death experiences. Either they see light, loved ones, etc, etc, or they see nothing whatsoever, only feeling isolated and overcome with dread and remorse. Like one point of light far, far outside of its galaxy. Forever and regretfully alone, at least judging by what I've heard from people in hospice..

Actually dying and being resuscitated, they claim to feel nothing. Anyway.. always thought that binary was very interesting. Could very well indicate how that person feels in their dying moment, if the mind has enough time to dream.

It indicates how far you are away from the center of the universe, imo. Either you swim with, or against the current, and you know what you do, better than anyone. If you are an inveterate liar when it counts, selfish, self-serving exclusively, and a money-grubber, you will be stretched on the event horizon of your very own black hole, continuously, for all time...

You can quote me on that, b/c it's real, all supernatural-like, and I'm ready to cast you out, motherfarker...

;)

Umm... O..K? Am I about to get mod-banned or something? I mean I follow your logic and appreciate it, but "cast you out"? What did I do!?

Apologies, I tend to use "you" to include other than "you" specifically.

I am a poet first, explainer lastly; not you, literally, bruh.


Allright, should probably step away from web browsers for a bit, maybe take a beer run and fire up some Gradius III and IV.

Super-literal-minded and had an episode today. Not going into detail. ANNNYYY-heur....
 
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