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(The Raw Story)   New creationist book features gladiator match between Noah and a tyrannosaurus rex   ( rawstory.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Book of Genesis, Paleontology, art features Noah, Dinosaur, Tyrannosaurus, Creationist Ken Ham, Tyrannosauridae, Creator deity  
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8457 clicks; posted to Main » on 19 Jun 2017 at 12:50 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-06-19 12:16:55 PM  
Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.
 
2017-06-19 12:20:26 PM  
Almost as if they just make shiat up as they go along.
 
2017-06-19 12:24:41 PM  
Well, this is embarrassing...
 
2017-06-19 12:26:16 PM  
They're not making anything up. The Tyrannosaur (Rrrathrak, as he was known) was fighting for the right to be on the ark -- not just the right of Tyrannosaurs, mind you, but for *all* dinosaurs. Noah was racist against dinosaurs because his third wife had been eaten by one. He had been commanded by God to build the ark large enough to accommodate Dinosaurian passengers, but deliberately disobeyed (claiming a lack of materials). Incensed by this, Rrrathrak challenged Noah to 1-on-1 combat, with the victor earning the right to take his family on the ark (and the loser being condemned to the flood). God was angry at Noah for having not built the ark to the specifications he was originally given, but was even more concerned about the possibility of Rrrathrak winning the fight. This is because the Dinosaurians were favored by Satan (as are all reptiles, even since the Garden of Eden). So God gave unto Noah a special blessing that enabled him to smite Rrrathrak with his cane, and Rrrathrak fell, and as he fell so to did all of the "Serpentine Race" that had been so favored by the Lord of Lies.
 
2017-06-19 12:28:00 PM  
The worst part is the scene is almost a word for word ripoff of the rancor scene in Return of the Jedi. Noah even uses the force to throw a rock and hit the button that drops a gate on the T-Rex. George Lucas should sue.
 
2017-06-19 12:36:03 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 12:37:34 PM  
Just when I thought Ken Ham couldn't possibly be any dumber, he does something like this.......AND HE TOTALLY REDEEMS HIMSELF!
 
2017-06-19 12:51:01 PM  

Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.


img.fark.net

pfft. battle armor.  HE ATTACKS FROM A DISTANCE, YA HEATHEN.
just like angels with their bows and arrows and sonic harp attacks.
 
2017-06-19 12:51:55 PM  
Having not read the article or the thread, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Ken Ham's "Answers in Genesis" is responsible.

*click*

It sucks being right all the time.
 
2017-06-19 12:52:50 PM  
Crazy ass creationists....
 
2017-06-19 12:54:07 PM  
So.  Who won?
 
2017-06-19 12:54:26 PM  
Actual human beings with undamaged central netvous systems and functional frontal lobes beieve this claptrap too.  And vote.

It's kind of wonderful in a "we're all going to die" sort of way.
 
2017-06-19 12:54:47 PM  
Blah blah blah, yes, creationists are dumb.

But seriously. Stop and think about it. Sure, it never happened, but that's some epic sh*t right there. Creationist fanfic is f*cking awesome if you approach it from a different angle.

/still waiting for a movie based on Revelations
 
2017-06-19 12:55:37 PM  
Does it star Russell Crowe?  Because if it doesn't star Russell Crowe, I won't see it.  Russell Crowe is the only actor who can portray Noah in a one-on-one death match with a T-Rex.  You can't have good gladiatorial dinosaur combat without Russell Crowe.

/"fightin' 'round the world!"
//1-two punch
///"1, 2, 3 yer out!"
 
2017-06-19 12:56:11 PM  

Pocket Ninja: They're not making anything up. The Tyrannosaur (Rrrathrak, as he was known) was fighting for the right to be on the ark -- not just the right of Tyrannosaurs, mind you, but for *all* dinosaurs. Noah was racist against dinosaurs because his third wife had been eaten by one. He had been commanded by God to build the ark large enough to accommodate Dinosaurian passengers, but deliberately disobeyed (claiming a lack of materials). Incensed by this, Rrrathrak challenged Noah to 1-on-1 combat, with the victor earning the right to take his family on the ark (and the loser being condemned to the flood). God was angry at Noah for having not built the ark to the specifications he was originally given, but was even more concerned about the possibility of Rrrathrak winning the fight. This is because the Dinosaurians were favored by Satan (as are all reptiles, even since the Garden of Eden). So God gave unto Noah a special blessing that enabled him to smite Rrrathrak with his cane, and Rrrathrak fell, and as he fell so to did all of the "Serpentine Race" that had been so favored by the Lord of Lies.


This is exactly how I remember it from CCD, except Noah had a lightsaber.
 
2017-06-19 12:56:19 PM  
Noah wouldn't have stood a chance.

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 12:56:41 PM  

elvisaintdead: Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.

pfft. battle armor.  HE ATTACKS FROM A DISTANCE, YA HEATHEN.
just like angels with their bows and arrows and sonic harp attacks.


That's just dumb. There's no way a T-Rex would attack from a distance. Like the mighty Klingons who genetically engineered his species eons past, he is clearly a warrior who wants to grapple with his foe and taste their fear on their dying breath. There's no way a T-Rex would dishonor his clan by fighting from a distance as those cowardly duckbills do.
 
2017-06-19 12:57:05 PM  
Riiiiiight.

Hey, Rex, how long can you tread water?
 
2017-06-19 12:57:28 PM  
Ken ham does the good works of the atheists.  He stretches the credibility of his faith and by doing so shines the light if understanding on many who have grown disgusted with his passe plot line.
 
2017-06-19 12:57:36 PM  

BitwiseShift: So.  Who won?


Obviously, the T-Rex won, as the lizard people, now cleverly disguised of course, now run most major governments and corporate entities in the world.
 
2017-06-19 12:57:49 PM  

BitwiseShift: So.  Who won?


Noah's wife Joan jumped out of the stands and killed the T-Rex with her sword and to celebrate she then banged a gong. She then went to France, I think to help a dolphin. Any questions?
 
2017-06-19 12:58:48 PM  

Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.


img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 12:58:54 PM  
Laugh all you want, but that would make a great Kung Fury sequel!
 
2017-06-19 12:59:34 PM  
Bang a gong, baby!
 
2017-06-19 12:59:41 PM  

Bermuda59: BitwiseShift: So.  Who won?

Noah's wife Joan jumped out of the stands and killed the T-Rex with her sword and to celebrate she then banged a gong. She then went to France, I think to help a dolphin. Any questions?


You're gonna have to work harder on your history report, or you're going to military school in Alaska, Ted!
 
2017-06-19 01:00:15 PM  
I'd pay good money to see that as a movie, however I still find Lord of the Rings more believable.
 
2017-06-19 01:00:23 PM  

Pocket Ninja: They're not making anything up. The Tyrannosaur (Rrrathrak, as he was known) was fighting for the right to be on the ark -- not just the right of Tyrannosaurs, mind you, but for *all* dinosaurs. Noah was racist against dinosaurs because his third wife had been eaten by one. He had been commanded by God to build the ark large enough to accommodate Dinosaurian passengers, but deliberately disobeyed (claiming a lack of materials). Incensed by this, Rrrathrak challenged Noah to 1-on-1 combat, with the victor earning the right to take his family on the ark (and the loser being condemned to the flood). God was angry at Noah for having not built the ark to the specifications he was originally given, but was even more concerned about the possibility of Rrrathrak winning the fight. This is because the Dinosaurians were favored by Satan (as are all reptiles, even since the Garden of Eden). So God gave unto Noah a special blessing that enabled him to smite Rrrathrak with his cane, and Rrrathrak fell, and as he fell so to did all of the "Serpentine Race" that had been so favored by the Lord of Lies.


Specist, not racist.
 
2017-06-19 01:00:36 PM  
LOSER MUST RETIRE
 
2017-06-19 01:01:07 PM  
To the creationists:

"Don't worry, Scro'! There are plenty of 'tards out there livin' really kickass lives. My first wife was 'tarded... She's a pilot now!"
 
2017-06-19 01:02:18 PM  

grumpfuff: Blah blah blah, yes, creationists are dumb.

But seriously. Stop and think about it. Sure, it never happened, but that's some epic sh*t right there. Creationist fanfic is f*cking awesome if you approach it from a different angle.

/still waiting for a movie based on Revelations


There isn't enough LSD in the world to make that.
 
2017-06-19 01:02:32 PM  
boards.420chan.org
 
2017-06-19 01:03:22 PM  
That's a Carnotaurus.
 
2017-06-19 01:03:41 PM  
All you libs acting like you WOULDN'T go see this in a movie.
 
2017-06-19 01:05:08 PM  

elvisaintdead: Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.

[img.fark.net image 500x322]

pfft. battle armor.  HE ATTACKS FROM A DISTANCE, YA HEATHEN.
just like angels with their bows and arrows and sonic harp attacks.


i.imgur.com
 
2017-06-19 01:05:46 PM  

Bermuda59: to celebrate she then banged a gong.


That's a rather odd and specific fetish, but hey, whatever works.
 
2017-06-19 01:06:17 PM  
I'd like to see you prove them wrong.  You can't, because you weren't there.  But you know who was?  God.  And guess whose word is infallible?  That's right.  God.  Czech Republic, Marky-Marxists!!!
 
2017-06-19 01:07:28 PM  
an orgy of blood and kicking and the biting with the teeth and the hurting and shoving

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 01:07:50 PM  

brobinson2001: To The Escape Zeppelin!: elvisaintdead: Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.

pfft. battle armor.  HE ATTACKS FROM A DISTANCE, YA HEATHEN.
just like angels with their bows and arrows and sonic harp attacks.

That's just dumb. There's no way a T-Rex would attack from a distance. Like the mighty Klingons who genetically engineered his species eons past, he is clearly a warrior who wants to grapple with his foe and taste their fear on their dying breath. There's no way a T-Rex would dishonor his clan by fighting from a distance as those cowardly duckbills do.

.....please tell me that's a fanfic you just made up?

*please*


Well, yeah. Klingons didn't have genetically engineered and battle-suited up T-rexes for battle.

The Voth did.
 
2017-06-19 01:08:49 PM  

Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.


Maybe he used net and Trident?
 
2017-06-19 01:09:05 PM  
I'm pretty sure the people writing these books are the same type of people who submit nonsensical papers to shady scientific journals.
 
2017-06-19 01:09:17 PM  

xalres: That's a Carnotaurus.


...which had even more comically tiny arms than the T Rex. I mean, look at those things.

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 01:09:18 PM  

Pocket Ninja: They're not making anything up. The Tyrannosaur (Rrrathrak, as he was known) was fighting for the right to be on the ark -- not just the right of Tyrannosaurs, mind you, but for *all* dinosaurs. Noah was racist against dinosaurs because his third wife had been eaten by one. He had been commanded by God to build the ark large enough to accommodate Dinosaurian passengers, but deliberately disobeyed (claiming a lack of materials). Incensed by this, Rrrathrak challenged Noah to 1-on-1 combat, with the victor earning the right to take his family on the ark (and the loser being condemned to the flood). God was angry at Noah for having not built the ark to the specifications he was originally given, but was even more concerned about the possibility of Rrrathrak winning the fight. This is because the Dinosaurians were favored by Satan (as are all reptiles, even since the Garden of Eden). So God gave unto Noah a special blessing that enabled him to smite Rrrathrak with his cane, and Rrrathrak fell, and as he fell so to did all of the "Serpentine Race" that had been so favored by the Lord of Lies.


Sadly, the exclusion of the dinosaur species from the Ark put an end to the issue of dinosaur/human romance/rapes, as documented in this documentary:

img.fark.net

https://www.amazon.com/Ravished-Triceratops-Dinosaur-Beast-Erotica/dp​/​B00GTI3612
 
2017-06-19 01:09:35 PM  
img.fark.net

It's all coming true!
 
2017-06-19 01:09:51 PM  
Um, I missed that part of the bible.  Anyone care to tell me where that happens?
 
2017-06-19 01:09:52 PM  

Pocket Ninja: They're not making anything up. The Tyrannosaur (Rrrathrak, as he was known) was fighting for the right to be on the ark -- not just the right of Tyrannosaurs, mind you, but for *all* dinosaurs. Noah was racist against dinosaurs because his third wife had been eaten by one. He had been commanded by God to build the ark large enough to accommodate Dinosaurian passengers, but deliberately disobeyed (claiming a lack of materials). Incensed by this, Rrrathrak challenged Noah to 1-on-1 combat, with the victor earning the right to take his family on the ark (and the loser being condemned to the flood). God was angry at Noah for having not built the ark to the specifications he was originally given, but was even more concerned about the possibility of Rrrathrak winning the fight. This is because the Dinosaurians were favored by Satan (as are all reptiles, even since the Garden of Eden). So God gave unto Noah a special blessing that enabled him to smite Rrrathrak with his cane, and Rrrathrak fell, and as he fell so to did all of the "Serpentine Race" that had been so favored by the Lord of Lies.


I heard the dinosaur banged his wife, it wasn't just oral.

/Eatin ain't cheatin
 
2017-06-19 01:10:02 PM  
Noah was the first wino. He drank wine made from this vineyard, and got drunk; and lay "uncovered" within his tent.
Why do these folks in the Bible never have sir-names?

img.fark.net
 
2017-06-19 01:10:07 PM  
Funny. We had the 'op-ed' commercial for Ark Encounter just a couple days ago, and now this.

If they had Noah v T.Rex at the place, they might have customers.
 
2017-06-19 01:10:17 PM  
Laugh all you want, but you're dealing with an administration that thinks that book is appropriate for educational purposes.

The Vice President is quite happy to have creationism taught in schools. So is the Secretary of Education. This isn't a joke to them - this is what they want your kids to learn "as an option", alongside evolution.

You want to know why this country's falling behind? This is why. We joke about this because intelligent, rational people couldn't possibly imagine that anyone would be seriously considering this, yet we've voted people into some of the highest offices in the land that are doing exactly that. They're working hard to get this kind of abject stupidity taught as an official part of the curriculum at the federal and state level for public schools.

Laugh all you want - but then do something about it. We laughed at Trump, remember?
 
2017-06-19 01:10:26 PM  
Despite featuring a giant dinosaur on its cover, the book's description doesn't once mention any battles between Noah and prehistoric creatures.

I'm sure they will say the cover is an allegory of religions fight against godless liberal science, which is so deliciously ironic, as the entire story of Noah's ark was meant as allegory in the first place.
 
2017-06-19 01:10:53 PM  

Smoking GNU: brobinson2001: To The Escape Zeppelin!: elvisaintdead: Diogenes: Oh, please.  How's a T-Rex supposed to handle a shield and sword with those tiny little arms?  This is just silly.

pfft. battle armor.  HE ATTACKS FROM A DISTANCE, YA HEATHEN.
just like angels with their bows and arrows and sonic harp attacks.

That's just dumb. There's no way a T-Rex would attack from a distance. Like the mighty Klingons who genetically engineered his species eons past, he is clearly a warrior who wants to grapple with his foe and taste their fear on their dying breath. There's no way a T-Rex would dishonor his clan by fighting from a distance as those cowardly duckbills do.

.....please tell me that's a fanfic you just made up?

*please*

Well, yeah. Klingons didn't have genetically engineered and battle-suited up T-rexes for battle.

The Voth did.


I thought it was the Gorn.
 
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