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(Forbes)   Nuclear physics may hold the key to cracking open the standard model   ( forbes.com) divider line
    More: Cool, particles, Quark, new particles, higher energy particles, quarks, entire spectrum, fundamental particles, subatomic particles  
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1836 clicks; posted to Geek » on 19 May 2017 at 8:38 PM (26 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



28 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-05-19 07:34:00 PM  
And quantum physics may hold the key to cracking open the super model.
 
2017-05-19 07:51:30 PM  
The button on the key fob cracks open the Limited and Sport models.
 
2017-05-19 08:45:16 PM  
How do we crack open the Forbes website?
 
2017-05-19 09:06:18 PM  
I clicked on that shiat like a biatch. No content no talent idiot ass website and all, just staring back at me saying "What? Whatchoo want, boy? You want a story? You want me to tell you a story? You cametuda wrong house if you want a story. Gitcho ass back home now, boy."

fark, they registered a click. Ethan ass seagull. Thinks he write shiat people can read, its just a blank ass page.
 
2017-05-19 09:08:34 PM  
 
2017-05-19 09:13:03 PM  
"What's your jorb like, Ethan ass seagull?"

"I write headlines and a lead line, some goofy ass intern takes my picture while I think about how smug I'll feel when cashing out, and then me and my editor laugh about those biatch ass lusers who think they gonna read some kinda article or some shiat. Aw snap, there's nothing there! Arnie and I laugh our asses off bout that. Every time someone gets cockblocked by Forbes, a bell rings and a quarter falls out the sky and into my pocket. Right in, every time, without fail. That's my job. It's a lot like being the worm.'
 
2017-05-19 09:17:51 PM  
They said there would be no colors.
 
2017-05-19 09:19:27 PM  
That was the most explanation points I've ever seen in a 'science' article.
 
2017-05-19 09:20:20 PM  
I saw nothing in the article about physics beyond the Standard Model.  This was about new and exciting combinations of standard model particles, that's all.
 
2017-05-19 09:20:36 PM  
Chardonnay usually works too.
 
2017-05-19 09:27:24 PM  
"What about those alternate links, Ethan ass seagull?"

"I go to Wikimedia and Wikipedia and Wicketmedia and Midgetfeedia and hit the Images and I'm Feeling Lucky buttons, and as long as it isn't a picture of hooker disease identification charts or hobo farts, I make up what a science nerd might say about a completely unrelated graphic. Then when I run out of Malibu coconut rum, I hit submit and save that semi thought as if I'm gonna finish it, but on a completely different website. BUT THAT AIN'T HAPPENING JACK! As soon as you click, you get Forbesed and that's when, as you're distracted, I impregnate the nearest household object that seems vaguely donut shaped. Oh here's a graphic about how, due to topology, donut shape applies to both coffee cups and your spouse. Image courtesy of "Keep clicking until you see it, biyatch!"
 
2017-05-19 10:01:33 PM  
Hey Ethan ass seagull, why did your parents name you Ethan ass seagull?

"My mom was a psychic and my dad was from 17 minutes in the future, and they knew how I would end up writing for Forbes, and rather than abort me like responsible members of the human race, they named me such that I had a higher than average likelihood of having my arse kicked in, throughout junior high, mostly during gym class, or lunch, or while breathing, so that I would understand what its like to clic on a link and feel a metaphorical foot kick your ass in as you see the giant welcome page and you realize you just got Forbsed. Here's a chart about peanut sales per Carter administration.
 
2017-05-19 10:27:16 PM  
Yoyoyo, Ethan ass seagull, how did you start writing paywalled garbage?

"Yeah, I was doing decent work at Starts With a Bang which was incidentally named after you, after the night I hooked up with your mom, that's funny, just kidding about that, and someone asked me if I could make it less interesting by about a quarter, and maybe four fifths less written. All for an extra two dollars a week and all the chowder I can fit in my pants. I said "well..." real slow like I was hesitant. Then a clown in a hajib hit me in the Christmas ornaments with a miniature toaster, and repeatedly yelled "FORBSED!" until I agreed in a very legally binding fashion. Part of the agreement outlined the lack of unwanted future appliance to genital contact, which was a major selling point due to my lack of professional experience. Now I go home each night, eat marijuana till I puke, then try to find images that most closely resemble that puke to write about by uploading sepia filtered instagrams of my puke to tineye.
 
2017-05-19 10:49:40 PM  
The Quest for Glueballs
Youtube FpwpnVRABYk
 
2017-05-19 11:02:22 PM  
It's Dancing Bears in TuTu's All The Way Down
 
2017-05-19 11:18:14 PM  
Keep in mind; they may not look exactly like this....

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-19 11:55:38 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: Keep in mind; they may not look exactly like this....

[img.fark.net image 850x354]


img.fark.netView Full Size


Doesn't like Quarks..:
 
Al!
2017-05-20 12:33:41 AM  
recondite cetacean:

Here's what I got from your drivel: either you are Ethan ass seagull (which is a strange way of typing that, since the English language capitalizes proper nouns, such as: Ethan Ass Seagull), you have been fired from a job at Forbes or one of their affiliates, you work in the field of quantum mechanics (I would bet a large sum of money that even though I do not, if you do, I probably would be better at your job than you), you are a troll, or you are on the autism spectrum.  If it's the last one, I don't mean any offense by this, and I respect you for being able to converse somewhat coherently with your fellow man.  If it's any of the rest besides trolling, get a grip, dude.  If u b trollin', troll away my swarthy, smelly basement dweller!  I've always been a sucker for a troll!

/I bet you have more people ignoring you than I have met in my life.
 
2017-05-20 04:07:25 AM  
OF COURSE it would be a Nuclear Physicist.. It would be highly unlikely that a chicken shat hauler from Arkansas would be the one cracking the Standard Model..sheesh...
 
2017-05-20 05:41:19 AM  
This is why I prefer the automatic model.
 
2017-05-20 09:50:51 AM  
Hey Al! We have a number of questions for you as well.Like how do you spend Saturday mornings?

"I usually do my internet stuff for a few hours, which consists of entering conversations with strangers, completely being incapable of any level of comprehension even given context based clues, and coming up with a number of clearly implausible explanations for observed behavior. In college, which in lieu of actually attending I just hung out with older kids in the neighborhood home on Easter, Christmas, Spring Break, and High School Sweetheart Weekend Shag, I was known affectionately as shiat Sherlock. I might have made No shiat Sherlock, except that my Watson is a 26 year old Kitchen Aid stand mixer, and my pipe is empty due to my penchant for using snuff to form extraneous punctuation marks. And my violin playing skills, to put it mildly, have been requested at state executions to encourage self administration of lethal levels of Anderson Cooper level eye rolling."
 
2017-05-20 09:59:38 AM  
 
2017-05-20 10:17:57 AM  
Hey Al! What else do we need to know about you?

"I was born in a vat of gin, my mother was a dromedary, and my father is a cloud of unsettlingly happy looking vaporized cheese food. My career as a Marquis de Sade celebrity impersonator took a left turn when, mistaking me for the long dead HP Lovecraft of Penthouse Forums, Forbes asked me to design an infuriating way to simultaneously welcome and enrage guests to their website. It was to be based on Web 2.0 practices, and Sharia sensibilities. I call it Web 2 and three sevenths, but that nomenclature only caught on recently, when Martha Stewart made one for Halloween out of children's fear and a few small economies. From this work I have built my legacy. My talent for prognostication has been widely disseminated via avenues such as the daily horoscope, and I am generally referred to as the pseudo intellectual contemporary of the likes of Carrot Top and Several Discarded Pre War Soup Cans. My gift to the world is a message of hope and spirituality, as millions of users begin their day saying things like 'Please, God, not another Forbes Welcome page', and 'I hope Ethan ass seagull finds a better outlet for what used to be a reasonably not terrible series of arbitrary images and quasi dissociated thoughts'. Finally, thank you from my sponsors, whom I would be remiss if I failed to mention: a rusty halibut and two semi aquatic cavemen."
 
2017-05-20 11:08:25 AM  

recondite cetacean: Hey Al! What else do we need to know about you?

"I was born in a vat of gin, my mother was a dromedary, and my father is a cloud of unsettlingly happy looking vaporized cheese food. My career as a Marquis de Sade celebrity impersonator took a left turn when, mistaking me for the long dead HP Lovecraft of Penthouse Forums, Forbes asked me to design an infuriating way to simultaneously welcome and enrage guests to their website. It was to be based on Web 2.0 practices, and Sharia sensibilities. I call it Web 2 and three sevenths, but that nomenclature only caught on recently, when Martha Stewart made one for Halloween out of children's fear and a few small economies. From this work I have built my legacy. My talent for prognostication has been widely disseminated via avenues such as the daily horoscope, and I am generally referred to as the pseudo intellectual contemporary of the likes of Carrot Top and Several Discarded Pre War Soup Cans. My gift to the world is a message of hope and spirituality, as millions of users begin their day saying things like 'Please, God, not another Forbes Welcome page', and 'I hope Ethan ass seagull finds a better outlet for what used to be a reasonably not terrible series of arbitrary images and quasi dissociated thoughts'. Finally, thank you from my sponsors, whom I would be remiss if I failed to mention: a rusty halibut and two semi aquatic cavemen."


Well, this escalated in a rather wordy sort of way.
 
2017-05-20 11:09:56 AM  

recondite cetacean: Hey Al! What else do we need to know about you?

"I was born in a vat of gin, my mother was a dromedary, and my father is a cloud of unsettlingly happy looking vaporized cheese food. My career as a Marquis de Sade celebrity impersonator took a left turn when, mistaking me for the long dead HP Lovecraft of Penthouse Forums, Forbes asked me to design an infuriating way to simultaneously welcome and enrage guests to their website. It was to be based on Web 2.0 practices, and Sharia sensibilities. I call it Web 2 and three sevenths, but that nomenclature only caught on recently, when Martha Stewart made one for Halloween out of children's fear and a few small economies. From this work I have built my legacy. My talent for prognostication has been widely disseminated via avenues such as the daily horoscope, and I am generally referred to as the pseudo intellectual contemporary of the likes of Carrot Top and Several Discarded Pre War Soup Cans. My gift to the world is a message of hope and spirituality, as millions of users begin their day saying things like 'Please, God, not another Forbes Welcome page', and 'I hope Ethan ass seagull finds a better outlet for what used to be a reasonably not terrible series of arbitrary images and quasi dissociated thoughts'. Finally, thank you from my sponsors, whom I would be remiss if I failed to mention: a rusty halibut and two semi aquatic cavemen."


I am amused, though.  Bravo.
 
2017-05-20 12:50:33 PM  
In summary, your honor, I used to like SWAB, until it moved to Forbes, which takes all of the potential of JavaScript, and uses only the bad parts. This is well known and documented, and I'm done with my tantrum now. Eat a dick, Forbes developers.
 
2017-05-20 05:25:27 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: Keep in mind; they may not look exactly like this....

[img.fark.net image 850x354]


Strange Quark should've been vesica piscis shaped.
 
2017-05-20 10:06:58 PM  
Article is one for the morning

/This is not a geeky bookmark
 
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