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(Marketwatch)   When was the exact moment you became an adult?   ( marketwatch.com) divider line
    More: Interesting, Moneyologist Facebook Group, adulthood, Developmental psychology, Parenting, Adult development, Emerging adulthood, financial independence, Parent  
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305 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 18 May 2017 at 11:50 AM (26 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



52 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2017-05-18 08:11:05 AM  
I'll let you know.
 
2017-05-18 08:23:19 AM  
The day I graduated college.
The day I got married.
The day I had my first child.
The day I delivered my stillborn son.
The day my daughter died in my arms.
The day my second child lived.
The day I filed for divorce.
The day my divorce became final.
The day I bought a house.
The day my firstborn graduated highschool.
The day my firstborn almost od'd on etoh.
The day my firstborn graduated college.
The day my firstborn got married.
The day I realized I'd have enough money to retire someday.

define "adult".
 
2017-05-18 08:26:42 AM  
I still laugh at the sound of my farts... so not yet (57)
 
2017-05-18 08:40:06 AM  
It is said you never really become an adult until your parents die.
 
2017-05-18 09:00:09 AM  
Something something, Subby's Mom, something somethin'
 
2017-05-18 09:04:14 AM  
Probably when I signed the enlistment papers for the Army.

/however as old as I get (& I am) I refuse to grow up so there's that
 
2017-05-18 09:04:40 AM  
Married, two kids, good job, advanced degree, house in the suburbs.

Only an adult when I fake it.
 
2017-05-18 09:19:06 AM  

EvilEgg: It is said you never really become an adult until your parents die.


Well, then, I'm half way there.
 
2017-05-18 09:29:55 AM  
One moment in particular.  I went to my favorite hot dog stand, and the dude said "You come here all the time, here's one for free."  And I said, "Man, what I look like, a charity case?" I took it, and threw it on the ground.  I told him, "I don't need your handouts, I'm an adult!"

And at that moment, I became one.
 
2017-05-18 09:35:16 AM  
I still ride the grocery cart back to the return stalls.

I'm at least this many *holds up two hands, 8 fingers*
 
2017-05-18 09:40:57 AM  
The day I suddenly realized that my parents were winging it too
 
2017-05-18 09:49:22 AM  
"Adult" can be subjective.  And most grown-ups I encounter have distinct periods where they act no different than the kids my 7 year old plays with.  Those periods vary but mostly occur when they don't (or believe they don't) have to answer or be accountable to another grown-up.  Look at simple things like driving or getting in line at the grocery store - it's always "me first" or "you will wait one me".  Kids.

As for myself, I have "adult" responsibilities.  I ran for an hour after work then came home, cleaned house and engaged in a 20 minute nerf war with my son and one of his friends.
 
Ant
2017-05-18 09:59:26 AM  
Probably when my son was born. I was 35 at the time, but before then my wife and I had only been responsible for ourselves. Now we had this other person who was completely dependent on us for his survival. It really makes you grow up.
 
2017-05-18 10:05:21 AM  
19, in the Navy, my first day at work as a cryptologist, realizing what was at state.
 
2017-05-18 10:08:07 AM  
Wait?  I can do that?
 
2017-05-18 10:08:56 AM  
It's a gradual process that starts when you are born and ends when you die. There is no exact moment
 
2017-05-18 10:30:21 AM  
Yesterday at 12:45 p.m.
 
2017-05-18 10:32:09 AM  
It was in the nips thread
 
2017-05-18 10:34:16 AM  
I'll let you know as soon as it happens.
 
2017-05-18 10:39:49 AM  
The day my parents told me my older Sister was dying and that I would be the big Sister (to her) now.   I was 11.   Dealing with death and illness quickly matures you.
 
2017-05-18 11:08:40 AM  
1989, working as a summer lifeguard, was living at a lake resort in a camping tent, her name was Catherine, we hooked up one night...ah, memories...
 
2017-05-18 11:11:18 AM  
When I finally grokked that another human being had a vested interest in me living up to my responsibilities, and that failing this person was not an option.

It's easy to exist as a grown-up child when your failures are self-contained. Shiatty credit, perpetually broke, all your free time and money spent getting wasted, whatever -- if you're only hurting yourself, it's easy to keep on acting childish and not have to worry much about it. It's even kind of healthy to some extent; if you're not at least partially living that way during your college years, you're missing out on a hell of a lot of fun and good memories with friends.

But when someone else becomes even partially dependent upon you living up to higher standards of responsibility than "I still have food and a bedroom somewhere," you either grow up or you are hurting the person. Some people never get to the adult phase, and they leave a trail of destruction behind them, all while blissfully (and sometimes willfully) ignorant of the fact. Marriages, kids, other relatives -- they all end up paying the price for a grown-up child not being an adult.
 
2017-05-18 11:55:08 AM  
Last month. When I bought my first major appliance for the house. Until then, I was just pretending to adult.
 
2017-05-18 12:00:23 PM  
I keep wondering about the idea of Rights of Passage.  Other cultures have well-defined, precise separation between "child" and "adult", often with a symbolic ritual.  It gives the new adult a definite sense of going from one to the other.

Here in the US, at least, we don't have that.  We have fuzzy, often conflicting definitions.  Are you "adult" when you can drive?  When you can enlist?  When you can drink?  When you can be President?  All of those have different associated ages, so while someone may turn "adult" by getting a drivers license, they're still not "adult" enough to buy alcohol.

I don't have a conclusion, just a bunch of random thoughts about it.
 
2017-05-18 12:02:18 PM  
Society would probably say I became an adult after moving out of my parents house (I was 19) but I say I became an adult once I had a good credit score and that was when I was 27.
 
2017-05-18 12:06:15 PM  
I would say when my first daughter was born, but that wouldn't be truthful as I was still pretty childish for her first few weeks or maybe even months. But the first time she crapped out her diaper and clothing and I realized I had no choice but to pick her up immediately and deal with it, that's when it stopped being polite and started being real.
 
2017-05-18 12:07:38 PM  

skyotter: I keep wondering about the idea of Rights of Passage.  Other cultures have well-defined, precise separation between "child" and "adult", often with a symbolic ritual.  It gives the new adult a definite sense of going from one to the other.

Here in the US, at least, we don't have that.  We have fuzzy, often conflicting definitions.  Are you "adult" when you can drive?  When you can enlist?  When you can drink?  When you can be President?  All of those have different associated ages, so while someone may turn "adult" by getting a drivers license, they're still not "adult" enough to buy alcohol.

I don't have a conclusion, just a bunch of random thoughts about it.


img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2017-05-18 12:13:03 PM  

lycanth: 19, in the Navy, my first day at work as a cryptologist, realizing what was at state.


I see you became an editor much later.
 
2017-05-18 12:15:01 PM  
Probably when I took out a loan to buy a car.

Recently I learned I'm at an age where cognitive development is finished, but senility has not yet begun. This is as adult as I will ever feel. That's kind of scary.
 
2017-05-18 12:20:58 PM  

BKITU: When I finally grokked that another human being had a vested interest in me living up to my responsibilities, and that failing this person was not an option.

It's easy to exist as a grown-up child when your failures are self-contained. Shiatty credit, perpetually broke, all your free time and money spent getting wasted, whatever -- if you're only hurting yourself, it's easy to keep on acting childish and not have to worry much about it. It's even kind of healthy to some extent; if you're not at least partially living that way during your college years, you're missing out on a hell of a lot of fun and good memories with friends.

But when someone else becomes even partially dependent upon you living up to higher standards of responsibility than "I still have food and a bedroom somewhere," you either grow up or you are hurting the person. Some people never get to the adult phase, and they leave a trail of destruction behind them, all while blissfully (and sometimes willfully) ignorant of the fact. Marriages, kids, other relatives -- they all end up paying the price for a grown-up child not being an adult.


This is good and true. I would also add another example: a friend or colleague recommends you for a job and you get it. It's incumbent upon you to do well and set a good example, because your behavior also reflects on the person that referred you.

Here was a recent "whoa maybe I'm a grown up" thing for me: updating my resume and having an interview, and realizing that all of the nice things on my resume and that I was saying about myself are actually true. Not faking it till I make it, but actually true. Kind of blew my hair back for a minute.
 
2017-05-18 12:23:49 PM  
I've always been old... My (18 month older) sister nicknamed me "Prune." Was the first of my siblings to move out and have a life of my own.

I can speak to one important transition... When my dad realized I was an adult.

Dad was (and is) the most capable guy ever, and he always handles things, it's a point of pride, and other people can just shut up and take advice from the expert, which wasn't necessarily *wrong,* since he usually knew what he was talking about.

Then his horse died.

There was a lot of things building up to it, mom had divorced him, all the kids had moved out, the family farm was falling apart due to apathy, Brandywine's death was the proverbial camel-breaking straw that brought everything home.

Anyway, he rented a backhoe to bury Brandy, and halfway through digging a pit big enough for an 18-hand part-draft horse, he just broke. I took over the backhoe and finished the job, something he never would have allowed previously.

Sounds silly, but I think that was the moment I became an adult to *him*, and ever since there's a lot more respect on both sides.
 
2017-05-18 12:24:31 PM  
I probably started feeling like an adult when I stopped worrying about how much money was in my checking account when I went grocery shopping. So, yeah, go ahead and give me two pounds of that smoked Gouda because I'm going to eat a pound with my bare hands on the way home from the store.
 
2017-05-18 12:27:08 PM  
I really don't know when it happened but I know when I realized it.  It was the sudden death of my grandfather, who was more of a father to me than my actual father.  I had to step in to help my family through a really tough time emotionally logistically and financially.  I had to be the calm rational source of strength even though I was just as upset as everyone else.   After things had settled into the new normal I realized that I had done a good job of it.  At the time I just thought of it as doing what needed doing and never considered what it said about me, and more importantly what it said about what he taught me about being a man.
 
2017-05-18 12:42:09 PM  
When I put the twist tie back on the bread instead of just tucking the wrapper under the bread itself.
 
2017-05-18 12:42:50 PM  
I like Roseanne's answer: the first time I spoke to a complete stranger about the corns on my feet.
 
2017-05-18 12:51:15 PM  
When I got my own apartment.
It was a small studio apartment, only a 15 minute walk from downtown Montreal.  As it was also 2 blocks from from blvd St. Laurent (the Main), there was never a dull moment nearby.
Looking back, it was really a crappy little place, but I was so proud that I actually had my very own space. Being responsible for that space meant taking care of things I never had to think about before then.  Plenty of good and bad moments, often having to stretch out whatever little money I had left over after paying the bills - or as so often occurs when you are young, not paying them and dealing with the anxiety.
 
2017-05-18 12:52:36 PM  
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
2017-05-18 12:58:44 PM  
I remember it well. i was 16 years old and my father kicked me out of the house (long story but I was a very bad kid). I had to find a place to live and finish high school. Thankfully, I had an older gf who I talked into letting me move in to her apartment and only my senior year left.
 
2017-05-18 01:05:09 PM  
IDK but I recall exactly when my childhood ended; first day of fourth grade. I asked my teacher if I could take my science textbook home to read. He said "No, I don't want you getting ahead of the other students." Even at age 9, I knew there was something seriously farked up about his reasoning. So maybe not exactly the end of my childhood, but certainly a milestone in realizing that some adults are stupid dicks.
 
2017-05-18 01:07:21 PM  
The first time I voted.
 
2017-05-18 01:14:36 PM  

lycanth: 19, in the Navy, my first day at work as a cryptologist, realizing what was at state.


Trying to figure out what "state" is code for in that sentence.
 
2017-05-18 01:16:28 PM  
"I'm pregnant."
 
2017-05-18 01:33:57 PM  
 The first time I said, "Oh I remember that, it happened about 20 years ago, right?"

Realizing that I had full memory of events from 20 years prior caught me completely off-guard

/that was a long time ago
 
2017-05-18 02:04:21 PM  
When my mom dropped me off in front of an apartment in the ghetto and said my stepdad wanted me and my sister out. I was 15, she kept our child support though, I had to find my Dad and get the checks rerouted. I realized then that I was all I had. I never asked her for anything again, and spent years bailing her out before I completely cut contact.
 
2017-05-18 02:07:41 PM  
While I'm tempted to say I'm still not an adult, I'll agree with the other folks that it was when we got our first kid.  Up until that point, every decision you make can be redone- you can always go back to school/quit your job/get divorced.  When you have another living person utterly dependent on you?

A number of years back the school I worked for was going through hard times and they laid off a lot of faculty+staff.  They eliminated my position, but wanted to keep me and they had an open position and so gave me the option to take it.  Not a job I wanted, less pay, etc.  But I took it because I had two kids, one with health problems, and I couldn't afford to be without a job.

Now, the idea that an adult has the least clue what's going on?  Wrong.  I just sort of wing it and hope for the best.  The hardest part of parenting is realizing that you screw up literally every day
 
2017-05-18 02:17:24 PM  
When I realized I wouldn't go blind pounding one out.
 
2017-05-18 03:10:27 PM  
The terrible moment when I realized that the people running EVERYTHING are no smarter or wiser than you and I.
 
2017-05-18 03:25:48 PM  
It wasn't when I graduated from college.
It wasn't when I got my master's degree.
It wasn't when I fell in love with a woman,
Nor the day I asked her to marry me.

It wasn't the wedding, it wasn't the birth,
Nor buying a home, on a little plot of earth.
The day I adulted, and was a child no more
Was the day I bought... a goddamn lawn mower.
 
2017-05-18 03:57:42 PM  
It didn't happen in one fell swoop, but it started quite early for me, it was more of a 'rain gauge catching random drops' type situation than a 'dipping an empty cup into water and pulling it out full' thing.
 
2017-05-18 05:25:40 PM  
I don't know when I became an adult, but I reverted back to childhood when I joined Fark.
 
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