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(The Verge)   Apple has developed fake human sweat. Don't you idiots know that's the only way we could spot first generation terminators?   ( theverge.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Vice News, biggest technology company, fake sweat, nasty skin rash, technologies Rob Guzzo, real-world environmental testing, English-language films, sweat engineer  
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2417 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Apr 2017 at 2:20 PM (26 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



41 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-04-21 01:49:50 PM  
Considering how many collar clip Nanos I sweated to destruction, they should've started sooner.
 
2017-04-21 02:01:02 PM  
They invented sweat. Nobody else perspired before they came along.
 
2017-04-21 02:25:20 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-04-21 02:25:47 PM  
iSweat ™
 
2017-04-21 02:26:07 PM  

JAGUART: iSweat ™


Me too.
 
2017-04-21 02:29:02 PM  
I'll be back.

To bang the maid, get her pregnant, run for Governor, screw that up too, and let her raise my love child next to my wife.

ITS NOT A TOOOMAHHHH!!!!!!
 
2017-04-21 02:29:13 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-04-21 02:31:20 PM  
Hate to be the guy who makes fluids to test on the keyboards.
 
2017-04-21 02:37:26 PM  
I'm getting sick and tired of the mainstream pores and their fake sweat.
 
2017-04-21 02:38:17 PM  
quotespictures.com
 
2017-04-21 02:39:18 PM  
Who is entitled to that sweat?
 
2017-04-21 02:42:21 PM  
They now have to make fake semen to test the stain resistance of their screens. Or is it sticky keyboards?
 
2017-04-21 02:42:45 PM  
If they're synthesizing fluids to test their devices, wouldn't semen be more realistic?
 
2017-04-21 02:43:31 PM  
Finally, something that will cost more per liter than printer ink
 
2017-04-21 02:44:29 PM  

MadMonk: Who is entitled to that sweat?


Would you kindly pick up that golf club.
 
2017-04-21 02:47:45 PM  
Already comes as a spray

Wrist bands that monitor heart rate are bunk anyway when your truly active though the ads suggest otherwise:
https://www.cnet.com/news/how-accurate-are-wristband-heart-rate-monit​o​rs/
 
2017-04-21 02:49:04 PM  
It's some big fat guy they make sit in a sauna until he gets really bad swamp ass, then he wipes every iWatch from the factory on his taint before it gets packaged.

/you're welcome
//No, they still haven't figured out what's wrong with me
///3
 
TWX
2017-04-21 02:49:58 PM  
Well MicrosoftBill Gates was already trying to develop fake human poo, where it could be produced in prodigious amounts, so this isn't exactly a new thing.
 
2017-04-21 02:51:41 PM  

Carn: It's some big fat guy they make sit in a sauna until he gets really bad swamp ass, then he wipes every iWatch from the factory on his taint before it gets packaged.

/you're welcome
//No, they still haven't figured out what's wrong with me
///3


img.fark.net
 
2017-04-21 02:53:45 PM  
I'm still waiting for iTearsofsmallchildren to really sell me on the whole Apple brand.
 
2017-04-21 02:53:47 PM  
Wouldn't it be cheaper to purchase sweat from one of their sweatshops?

/ba-dum tsssh
 
2017-04-21 02:55:14 PM  
would't it be easier to just collect if off their child labor slave workers?  That and their tears.
 
2017-04-21 02:55:51 PM  
damn you cyberspacedout.
 
2017-04-21 02:56:11 PM  
These guys will just hog it all for themselves...
i1079.photobucket.com
 
2017-04-21 03:00:07 PM  
Because, of course, Apple engineers couldn't be arsed to sweat.

/nor can I
//that's why I has an engineering degree
 
2017-04-21 03:03:27 PM  
So apples stock owners can pretend that they worked for all that free capital growth, not the communist chinese sweatshops.
 
2017-04-21 03:04:29 PM  

ScrimBoy: Already comes as a spray

Wrist bands that monitor heart rate are bunk anyway when your truly active though the ads suggest otherwise:
https://www.cnet.com/news/how-accurate-are-wristband-heart-rate-monito​rs/


Even if the accuracy is off for the heart rate or step counting, it's still helpful as a motivational tool. For most people, it doesn't matter if you REALLY walked 8000 or 8500 steps, what matters is that seeing that you are only at 2000 steps will get you off your lazy ass and make you want to go outside for a walk to get yiu up near 10000. It matters that you got 2000 steps than you did last weekend, of you got you heart rate up to the aerobic exercise range for a longer time during your workout, not that the sensor was 10-20 beats off of what is medically accurate. Even if they are off, they still tell you that you did better or worse at your activity level than the day or week before, which is useful if you are tying to be more healthy or lose weight.
 
2017-04-21 03:17:08 PM  

Danger Mouse: damn you cyberspacedout.


To be fair, you're probably thinking of Nike.
Apple have the 12-hour-shift zombie prison factory where they actually have nets around the building to catch the jumpers.

/or something like that
 
2017-04-21 03:18:25 PM  
I am gonna see if I can get a hold of some.

Gotta couple of Farkers who probably pay some good money to cover themselves in it.
 
2017-04-21 03:18:53 PM  
Oh, and apple have created the fake sweat to make the iPhones even more slippery.

/number of screens changed for me and my family up to date is ridiculous.
 
2017-04-21 03:19:42 PM  
" Don't you idiots know that's the only way we could spot first generation terminators? "

It's pretty obvious what this means.

Apple is in the final phase of developing second generation terminators.
 
2017-04-21 03:20:57 PM  
... and they all look like Steve Jobs
 
2017-04-21 03:26:13 PM  

Don't you idiots know that's the only way we could spot first generation terminators?


No - the sweat didn't come along until the later generation.

Reece said "The 600 series had rubber skin. We spotted them easy."

The sweat, bad breath, etc. didn't show up until (IIRC) the T-800s.
 
2017-04-21 04:09:53 PM  

jbezorg: ... and they all look like Steve Jobs


I hope they don't smell like him. That might be a bit ripe by now.
 
2017-04-21 04:17:34 PM  
So Apples just ripping off the Invention Exchange, now?
vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net
MMM...Flavored sweat!
 
2017-04-21 04:19:17 PM  
Wonderful. I am going to be first in line for sweat with rounded corners.
 
2017-04-21 04:21:03 PM  

jbezorg: " Don't you idiots know that's the only way we could spot first generation terminators? "

It's pretty obvious what this means.

Apple is in the final phase of developing second generation terminators.


I always wondered...In a nuclear wasteland full of half-starved, irradiated, unwashed humans, shouldn't "perfect physical specimen" already be a dead giveaway?
 
2017-04-21 04:25:06 PM  
Why make it when you just need some drains in the floor at Foxconn?
 
2017-04-21 04:38:22 PM  

wildcardjack: Considering how many collar clip Nanos I sweated to destruction, they should've started sooner.


Did nobody tell you not to sweat the small stuff?
 
2017-04-21 04:52:08 PM  

Highroller48: jbezorg: " Don't you idiots know that's the only way we could spot first generation terminators? "

It's pretty obvious what this means.

Apple is in the final phase of developing second generation terminators.

I always wondered...In a nuclear wasteland full of half-starved, irradiated, unwashed humans, shouldn't "perfect physical specimen" already be a dead giveaway?


If they made Terminators to look like me, humanity would be doomed.

It would be like 'Hey, that fat guy's walking up to us.... really fast..' Then boom, my tubby sunglassed ass punches your heads down the street while I make a snarky remark about Duke Nukem, and how he'll be back.
 
2017-04-21 07:12:24 PM  
img.fark.net
Listen, and understand! That Apple FanBoi is out there! It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop... ever, until it has the newest Apple iSweat!
 
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