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(ESPN FC)   Looks like the Dortmund bomb attack may have been less "True Lies" and more "Trading Places"   ( espnfc.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Borussia Dortmund, Federal Prosecutor, Criminal law, Borussia Dortmund team, Dortmund team bus, Germany, Prosecutor, United States  
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5900 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Apr 2017 at 2:17 AM (26 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2017-04-21 02:17:36 AM  
More details from Der Spiegel: apparently this guy took out a consumer loan and bought 15,000 put options on BVB Dortmund shares. He hoped to make millions after killing and maiming as many Dortmund players as possible, sending the stock nosediving.

It's almost trite, but Christ, what an asshole.

/not subby
 
2017-04-21 02:21:39 AM  
Thanks, subby - I now have this vision of a footballer throttling Eddie Murphy, as he keeps repeating "Es... war... die... Dukes! Es... war... die... Dukes!"
 
2017-04-21 02:23:09 AM  
Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?
 
2017-04-21 02:28:40 AM  

cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?


One thing is for sure: It will have Jamie Lee Curtis.
 
2017-04-21 02:29:40 AM  

fusillade762: cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?

One thing is for sure: It will have Jamie Lee Curtis.


But will she have a penis? Sources point to 'Yes'.
 
2017-04-21 02:35:02 AM  
c1.staticflickr.com
 
2017-04-21 02:54:26 AM  
Did he bet a dollar with his friend on if it would work or not?
 
2017-04-21 03:17:16 AM  
What an amateur.  He should have hired the Russians.
Spetsnaz - Magic Stick vs Bus
Youtube elJwuD7pfmc
 
2017-04-21 03:43:57 AM  
Peppermint Schnaps?

pbs.twimg.com
 
2017-04-21 03:47:54 AM  
Phase 1: BOOM!!
Phase 2: ????
Phase 3: Profit
 
2017-04-21 04:20:19 AM  
That's like taking out a life insurance policy on an acquaintance just before murdering them. Criminals are dumb.
 
2017-04-21 04:41:20 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: fusillade762: cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?

One thing is for sure: It will have Jamie Lee Curtis.

But will she have a penis? Sources point to 'Yes'.


That urban legend is dumber than RIchard Gere's gerbil.
 
2017-04-21 05:07:58 AM  
I guess "terrorists" are white people's new "unidentified black guy" that they blame for every crime - including their own.
"He was shouting "Allah Ackbar!, I swear he was!".
"Okay, Cletus, we believe you - we're just trying to figure out why an Islamic terrorist would rob five cases of Bud Lite from the Piggly Wiggly".
 
2017-04-21 07:13:33 AM  

cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?


A bit of a twist, they sold high (short - they didn't own the options), then bought low to cover their options they had sold.

/Mortimer, your brother is very ill...
 
2017-04-21 07:38:20 AM  
Meanwhile, Adam Johnson has gone on to show just how classy he is. From Eurosport:

In footage obtained by The Sun on Friday he is seen sitting in what appears to be a laundry room of Moorland Prison, South Yorkshire, when he is asked by someone: "It's not like you --ing raped her or owt like that?"
Laughing, he replies: "No, I wish I --ing did for six years."
 
2017-04-21 07:46:03 AM  
He deserves a job at Goldman Sachs.
 
2017-04-21 08:01:34 AM  
This is a metaphor for how Wall Street views the rest of the country.
 
2017-04-21 08:46:51 AM  
Someone had to do it...

True Lies
img.fark.net

Trading Places
img.fark.net
 
2017-04-21 09:03:19 AM  

dill doze: What an amateur.  He should have hired the Russians.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/elJwuD7pfmc - 480x270]


Holy Carp. The thrower of the magic stick must have negative farks in his account.
 
2017-04-21 09:32:30 AM  

Two Dogs Farking: More details from Der Spiegel: apparently this guy took out a consumer loan and bought 15,000 put options on BVB Dortmund shares. He hoped to make millions after killing and maiming as many Dortmund players as possible, sending the stock nosediving.

It's almost trite, but Christ, what an asshole.

/not subby


When will moderate capitalists decry this consequence of their ideology?
 
2017-04-21 09:37:18 AM  

DanInKansas: dill doze: What an amateur.  He should have hired the Russians.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/elJwuD7pfmc - 480x270]

Holy Carp. The thrower of the magic stick must have negative farks in his account.


Or been on someone's shiatlist
 
2017-04-21 11:08:26 AM  

jso2897: I guess "terrorists" are white people's new "unidentified black guy" that they blame for every crime - including their own.
"He was shouting "Allah Ackbar!, I swear he was!".
"Okay, Cletus, we believe you - we're just trying to figure out why an Islamic terrorist would rob five cases of Bud Lite from the Piggly Wiggly".


The only connection this had to terrorism was the guy trying to make it look like a terrorist attack. Killing people for money isn't terrorism and no one is saying that it is.
 
2017-04-21 11:17:49 AM  

cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?


It was pretty straightforward:

1) They convinced the Dukes that there was going to be a crappy crop so the Dukes bought up as much frozen concentrated orange juice they could. Other traders noticed this and because the Dukes were well known as conniving, evil, cheating bastards others thought they had inside information.
2) Everyone else started buying up every call option on FCOJ they could. Price for it went sky-high since everyone was buying.
3) Once it got to a really high price, the protagonists started selling options on FCOJ. Now, they didn't actually own it yet - but they knew they had until the end of the day to buy it to settle accounts. They were the only ones willing so everyone who thought that was an under-valued price just went ape-shiat over it.
4) The orange crop came out, it was a bumper crop, and everyone who just bought up the options panicked and tried to sell them to make back SOME of their money. The protagonists, knowing that they needed to buy up orange juice to settle up with the people they sold it to earlier, waited for the panic to set in and then bought up as much as they could at super low prices (and they could be a LOT) to make sure they could cover what they earlier sold.
5) At the end of the day, the bought a ton of OJ at super low prices and sold it at super high prices and got to keep the difference.
6) They escaped insider trading rules since the Dukes were the ones everyone suspected of having insider information and all they appeared to do was watch panic and decide to take advantage of it.
7) They retired to an exotic island location.
 
2017-04-21 11:39:05 AM  
Soccer is like weed. Dangerously Euro-socialist
 
2017-04-21 12:21:48 PM  

Two Dogs Farking: More details from Der Spiegel: apparently this guy took out a consumer loan and bought 15,000 put options on BVB Dortmund shares. He hoped to make millions after killing and maiming as many Dortmund players as possible, sending the stock nosediving.

It's almost trite, but Christ, what an asshole.

/not subby


Wow, what a farking demonic human being.  Fark him; a quick death's too good for a prick like that.
 
2017-04-21 12:24:07 PM  
Also, he should thank the politicians behind Germany's privacy law.  There's about 100,000 or more Dortmund supporters that would love to visit this guy...and they wouldn't be bringing cake either.
 
2017-04-21 12:50:12 PM  

jso2897: I guess "terrorists" are white people's new "unidentified black guy" that they blame for every crime - including their own.
"He was shouting "Allah Ackbar!, I swear he was!".
"Okay, Cletus, we believe you - we're just trying to figure out why an Islamic terrorist would rob five cases of Bud Lite from the Piggly Wiggly".


Those poor terrorists, being accused of terrorism that they wish the could have committed but didn't.
 
2017-04-21 01:14:20 PM  

DrewCurtisJr: jso2897: I guess "terrorists" are white people's new "unidentified black guy" that they blame for every crime - including their own.
"He was shouting "Allah Ackbar!, I swear he was!".
"Okay, Cletus, we believe you - we're just trying to figure out why an Islamic terrorist would rob five cases of Bud Lite from the Piggly Wiggly".

Those poor terrorists, being accused of terrorism that they wish the could have committed but didn't.


Considering random dude in Fresno can kill more people than a "real" terrorist in Paris, yeah, they should feel shame. Get your shiat together, terrorists. Some guy in FRESNO is better at this than you are.
 
2017-04-21 01:42:10 PM  
Kudos to the investigators for even looking beyond the usual jihadist or right wing terrorist leads.
 
2017-04-21 04:59:44 PM  
i2.wp.com

Unavailable for comment.
 
2017-04-21 05:17:15 PM  

dill doze: What an amateur.  He should have hired the Russians.
[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/elJwuD7pfmc - 480x270]


The guy was actually Russian. The timing was just seconds off.
 
2017-04-21 06:21:31 PM  
And my dad just pointed out, this is actually more like the first act of Casino Royale, when Bond has to stop the guy from bombing an airplane. Mads Mikklesen shorted the airline, Bond failed his ploy to tank the stock, and he had to enter in the Baccarat poker tournament to make back the money he lost.
 
2017-04-21 06:44:14 PM  

meanmutton: cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?

It was pretty straightforward:

1) They convinced the Dukes that there was going to be a crappy crop so the Dukes bought up as much frozen concentrated orange juice they could. Other traders noticed this and because the Dukes were well known as conniving, evil, cheating bastards others thought they had inside information.
2) Everyone else started buying up every call option on FCOJ they could. Price for it went sky-high since everyone was buying.
3) Once it got to a really high price, the protagonists started selling options on FCOJ. Now, they didn't actually own it yet - but they knew they had until the end of the day to buy it to settle accounts. They were the only ones willing so everyone who thought that was an under-valued price just went ape-shiat over it.
4) The orange crop came out, it was a bumper crop, and everyone who just bought up the options panicked and tried to sell them to make back SOME of their money. The protagonists, knowing that they needed to buy up orange juice to settle up with the people they sold it to earlier, waited for the panic to set in and then bought up as much as they could at super low prices (and they could be a LOT) to make sure they could cover what they earlier sold.
5) At the end of the day, the bought a ton of OJ at super low prices and sold it at super high prices and got to keep the difference.
6) They escaped insider trading rules since the Dukes were the ones everyone suspected of having insider information and all they appeared to do was watch panic and decide to take advantage of it.
7) They retired to an exotic island location.


That had no extradition treaty with the U.S.
 
2017-04-21 09:28:38 PM  

Lord Jubjub: meanmutton: cman: Does this mean its gonna have a really confusing ending that no one is certain about?

<snip>

That had no extradition treaty with the U.S.


So I was looking this up the other day, because go fark yourself, that's why and I noticed that while a whole lot  of countries do not have an extradition treaty with Trumpistan Trumpistan the World's Policeman, the boys in Foggy Bottom pretty much got every country with a swimmable beach covered.

Mexico? Si, mi amigo!

Gonna flee to the Caribbean? Bet you Caribbe-can't.

You won't be sunning yourself in South Africa, nor will you be getting to Greece, jackin' it in Japan, or banging it in Bollywood.

So if you're making plans and "plan B" happens to involve "fleeing the US with cash," you might want to get to know Somalia! Or check out the up and coming resorts of Western Sahara. You could try Beirut, the city of spies.

There IS Croatia and Bosnia, but I suspect that window will close shortly.
 
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