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(AOL)   A pastor and a geneticist team up to find Jesus' DNA, offering hope for those of us holding out for a new sequel to Jurassic Park   ( aol.com) divider line
    More: Unlikely, pastor Joe Basile, Shroud of Turin, Oxford University geneticist, Relic, latest DNA technology, Los Angeles pastor, scientist George Busy, combines religious history  
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3300 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Apr 2017 at 2:20 PM (30 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2017-04-17 12:44:47 PM  
Yea, good luck with that.
 
2017-04-17 12:48:10 PM  
img.fark.net

"That belongs in a museum!"
 
2017-04-17 12:57:26 PM  
So they're looking for a towel, a rag or perhaps a shroud?
 
2017-04-17 12:58:47 PM  
Jesurassic Park?
 
2017-04-17 01:01:47 PM  
"Here are the results ... 50% Jewish 50% Kenyan. Wow didn't see that coming"
 
2017-04-17 01:04:25 PM  
"Wow. Turns out the DNA says it's a syncretic myth of multiple messiah figures, ancient political propaganda, and appropriated pagan traditions. Hail Science!"
 
2017-04-17 01:08:45 PM  
They will fill in the gaps in the sequences using amphibian DNA:

img.fark.net
 
2017-04-17 01:10:38 PM  

PirateKing: "Wow. Turns out the DNA says it's a syncretic myth of multiple messiah figures, ancient political propaganda, and appropriated pagan traditions. Hail Science!"


img.fark.net

DNA DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!

 
2017-04-17 01:11:22 PM  

Sid Vicious' Corpse: They will fill in the gaps in the sequences using amphibian DNA:

[img.fark.net image 522x392]


Nativity finds a way.
 
2017-04-17 01:12:15 PM  
I've seen this episode of TNG.
 
2017-04-17 01:22:27 PM  
The urge to fill the gaps of knowledge is in all primates.
 
2017-04-17 01:36:36 PM  
Isn't there some sci-fi book series that starts out like this?
 
2017-04-17 01:39:09 PM  
It's actually not that hard to find Jesus' DNA in Amber.  You just have to check her whenever the pool boy comes over.
 
2017-04-17 01:44:16 PM  
A pastor and a geneticist team up to find Jesus' DNA...

That's a horrible idea for a buddy movie.
 
2017-04-17 01:45:41 PM  
They need the Spear of Destiny.
 
2017-04-17 02:17:52 PM  
Will the DNA splice with a pig?
 
2017-04-17 02:26:56 PM  
Just swab the teeth of Mary Magdelene's skeleton.
 
2017-04-17 02:31:03 PM  
The article says they hope it will help in identifying the descendants. Heu, guys, The Da Vinci Code was not a documentary.
 
2017-04-17 02:34:27 PM  
I can't wait to see the scene where Jesus bites off Jeff Goldblum's head.
 
2017-04-17 02:34:35 PM  
Science meets religion. Heads explode.
 
2017-04-17 02:35:23 PM  
"Jurassic Jesus: What didn't kill him made him stronger!"
 
2017-04-17 02:35:34 PM  
The Y chromosome would be especially interesting.  It should be the pure DNA of God, right?
 
2017-04-17 02:36:56 PM  

SirSigsegV: I've seen this episode of TNG.


First thing i thought of.  Second was trying to remember of it was TNG or DS9
 
2017-04-17 02:37:24 PM  
Do you want an army of real live wolverine xman who can run on water? because that's how you get an army of real live wolverine xmans who can run on water.

/Fun fact I googled jesus' "miracles" in chronological order, apparently sometime after raising from the dead and ascending to heaven he caught 153 fish.
 
2017-04-17 02:38:54 PM  
sometime inbetween*, rather.
 
2017-04-17 02:39:23 PM  

Circusdog320: So they're looking for a towel, a rag or perhaps a shroud?


Nah, just a blue dress.

whither_apophis: "Here are the results ... 50% Jewish 50% Kenyan. Wow didn't see that coming"


Exactly! I don't think they are really going to like the results. A whole lot of paintings and murals are going to have to be touched up... with brown.
 
2017-04-17 02:39:50 PM  

Diogenes: Sid Vicious' Corpse: They will fill in the gaps in the sequences using amphibian DNA:

[img.fark.net image 522x392]

Nativity..uh... finds a way.


Get you Goldblum's correct!
 
2017-04-17 02:40:25 PM  
Wait, why would you want this particular DNA?  It's shown itself to live to the ripe old age of 33 and not reproduce.
 
2017-04-17 02:40:42 PM  
There was a book made on this premise a while back.  Basically they injected some sort of criminal with Jesus's blood, under the premise that it would make him good (I forget the exact justification for this, but it had something to do with the DNA missing whatever normally transmits "original sin" to humans), but instead ended up creating some sort of Jekyll/Hyde effect.
 
2017-04-17 02:40:47 PM  

Percise1: Circusdog320: So they're looking for a towel, a rag or perhaps a shroud?

Nah, just a blue dress.

whither_apophis: "Here are the results ... 50% Jewish 50% Kenyan. Wow didn't see that coming"

Exactly! I don't think they are really going to like the results. A whole lot of paintings and murals are going to have to be touched up... with brown.


Well, that lady in Spain DID try to touch up a picture.....
 
2017-04-17 02:40:59 PM  
Breaking news: Sample from Shroud of Turin restored! We now have a gallon of old red paint.
 
2017-04-17 02:45:27 PM  
There was a short story a few decades back that used this premise. They pulled some of the DNA of whoever was wrapped in the Shroud of Turin and sequenced it. Unfortunately they found that whoever this man was, he had a genetic disorder that manifested itself as seizures, hallucinations and a messiah complex.
 
2017-04-17 02:48:39 PM  
They give out pieces of himself at every Catholic church every weekend.  I know I never say this, but don't swallow.

/just trying to get Jesus out of the dead pool
//maybe that's how he comes back and gets us (one way or ta'other)
 
2017-04-17 02:49:01 PM  
There is stupid, BS science done for TV ratings and then there is this.   The "see a man swallowed by a Snake" and "search for Megaladon  BS was more "sciency than this"

Unless it there is a little halo around the Base pair, how would yo determine something was Jesus' DNA as opposed to any OTHER 1st century Semitic male from Palestine?

There was a cool USe of DNa I saw once where they examined an Ossuary  from some Church in Greece or somewhere that claimed to be the bones of one of the Biblical sT. Johns (can't recall now if it was Evangelist or Baptist ATM) and while the Church only dated to the middle ages and the stone box the remains were in to the 4th Century, the actual bones inside were, in fact from a Semitic man, and analysis of the trace mineral in bones an teeth placed him in Palestine at the start of the 1st century.   Doesn't mean it WAS who they thought it was, but if it WASN'T they guy who faked up that holy "relic" either got AWFULLY lucky or was VERY good
 
2017-04-17 02:50:56 PM  

talkertopc: The article says they hope it will help in identifying the descendants. Heu, guys, The Da Vinci Code was not a documentary.


Neither was The Bible. Though it is a bit more readable.
 
2017-04-17 02:51:47 PM  
christianliving101.files.wordpress.com
h.mfcdn.net
 
2017-04-17 02:53:59 PM  
CSB:

This was the premise of a "big budget" movie I was supposed to be part of: Jesuit scientist/priest manages to retrieve DNA from the Shroud of Turin, creates clone and raises the boy who reveals himself as the returned Messiah. The feds are out to get neo-Jesus and there's some sort of firefight (I don't remember this part well), a building blows up, neo-Jesus teleports out and his best friend takes the blast. Doctors mistake the friend for n-J and reconstruct his face to be n-J and the friend becomes the Antichrist and ends the world.

I put "big budget" in quotes because it turned out absolutely nothing about this film was real except the script. The big producer/director, while not technically a con-man (nobody lost any money on this--just time) was a world-class fantasist.

Which was disappointing because I was cast to be the Jesuit priest/scientist and (being a nobody) they said I could do my own stunts and I was really looking forward to getting tranq-darted by the SWAT team.

Instead, my big claim to fame is five seconds of uncredited screen time for my hands pushing a cartload of books at the end of Gentlemen Broncos.

/CSB
 
2017-04-17 02:56:46 PM  
Examine 100 artifacts sold to relic hunters in the middle ages, and you will find 100 different DNA strains.
 
2017-04-17 02:57:46 PM  

spongeboob: Jesurassic Park?


Jewrassic Park.
 
2017-04-17 03:01:04 PM  
                     img.fark.net
 
2017-04-17 03:01:13 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-04-17 03:07:52 PM  
The men traveled with a crew from Spain to Italy to Israel looking at some of the world's most famous holy relics, including the shroud of Turin and the bones of Jesus' cousin, John the Baptist.

Oh look.  Jesus was a 14th century Italian.
 
2017-04-17 03:10:35 PM  

Circusdog320: So they're looking for a towel, a rag or perhaps a shroud?


Could just hit the Jesus Family Tomb.
 
2017-04-17 03:13:50 PM  
Oh FFS. Has his community run out of hungry people to feed? sick and prisoners to visit? homeless to clothe and house?

/dnrtfa.
 
2017-04-17 03:14:10 PM  

LewDux: [christianliving101.files.wordpress.com image 640x335]
[h.mfcdn.net image 200x314]


img.fark.net
Try this one weird trick to convert heathens. Richard Dawkins HATES it!
 
2017-04-17 03:16:39 PM  
They say don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer...

img.fark.net
 
2017-04-17 03:22:29 PM  

talkertopc: The article says they hope it will help in identifying the descendants. Heu, guys, The Da Vinci Code was not a documentary.


For a fun read google the term Desposyni  It was a group of people who claimed direct descent from Jesus and his family, and in an imitation of Jewish tradition, served as the priestly caste for Eastern Churches util the first "real Pope" Sylvester I, who wad appointed by Constantine dispossessed them with Imperial support.  Significantly Sylvester never denied they were who they claimed to be, he just basically said "well direct descent from Jesus and $5  will get you a cup of coffee at Starbucks, so, scram"
 
2017-04-17 03:25:31 PM  
And then what? They isolate the god genes and use them to give a team of fundamentalist super soldiers god-powers, and they rampage across the earth slaughtering the non believers, like Jesus intended?
 
2017-04-17 03:26:53 PM  
The results of the DNA test are in...God you are NOT the Father.
The Virgin Mary, do you have anything to say?
 
2017-04-17 03:28:22 PM  

edmo: They say don't ask the question if you can't stand the answer...

[img.fark.net image 300x289]


Well he just takes after his Dad s all.......

*ducks*
img.fark.net
Actually that's not the face of Jesus, that's the Face of Ceasare Borgia :
img.fark.net
if you believe some art historians
 
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