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(C|Net)   Army may draft gamers   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

21455 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2004 at 3:55 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

154 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-05-14 04:28:20 PM  
The special forces will be very disappointed when they find out that the l337 Counter-Strike players are actually worthless without aimbots and wall hacks.
2004-05-14 04:28:37 PM  
no Zerg rush?

Just wait until we go to war with China...
2004-05-14 04:28:53 PM  
Looking at the recent prisoner abuse scandal, I think what the Military needs is more under-sexed oddballs.
2004-05-14 04:29:51 PM  
Sidi - LOL!
2004-05-14 04:30:57 PM  
Am I the only one concerned by this line?

"Another mission reinforces proper driving technique for a new style of military vehicle prone to rollovers."

"prone to rollovers?" like a Suzuki Sidekick? Chibas, that's not going to get our guys killed or anything.
2004-05-14 04:32:10 PM  
Based on the serious gamers I know now, I have a vision of
a platoon of overweight couchwonks wheezing their way up
a hill...
2004-05-14 04:32:59 PM  
"Get out of there, it's going to blow!"
2004-05-14 04:34:21 PM  
Stow the bellyaching soldier. Remember, you're a leatherneck.
2004-05-14 04:37:27 PM  
WTF, is the Charles Rangel re-election campaign running this website now?
2004-05-14 04:39:12 PM  
Another mission reinforces proper driving technique for a new style of military vehicle prone to rollovers.

Heh, the Stryker training is going to be fun!
2004-05-14 04:39:19 PM  
my boys (13-15) are downright deadly on BFV and ArmyOps.

On BFV we fly in formation and when someone tries to get us..2 or 3 will break off and dogfight. I generally finish the bomb run because they are way efficient with a joystick and a crosshair. They would be quite capable right now with those snazzy little robot planes carrying hellfire missles.
2004-05-14 04:39:31 PM  
I would so pwn teh terrorists. gg, iwin, kthx, bye.
2004-05-14 04:41:17 PM  
An army of headshot snipers. We'll camp the middle east spawn points until they give in.
2004-05-14 04:41:44 PM  
/cheatmode on
/give all

ok, ready to go.
2004-05-14 04:42:29 PM  
You have a natural tendency
To squeeze off a shot
You're good fun at parties
You wear the right masks
You're old but you still
Like a laugh in the locker room
You can't abide change
You're at home an the range
You opened your suitcase
Behind the old workings
To show off the magnum
You deafened the canyon
A comfort a friend
Only upstaged in the end
By the Uzi machine gun
Does the recoil remind you
Remind you of sex
Old man what the hell you gonna kill next
Old timer who you gonna kill next
I looked over Jordan and what did I see
Saw a U.S. Marine in a pile of debris
I swam in your pools
And lay under your palm trees
I looked in the eyes of the Indian
Who lay on the Federal Building steps
And through the range finder over the hill
I saw the frontline boys popping their pills
Sick of the mess they find
On their desert stage
And the bravery of being out of range
Yeah the question is vexed
Old man what the hell you gonna kill next
Old timer who you gonna kill next
Hey bartender over here
Two more shots
And two more beers
Sir turn up the TV sound
The war has started on the ground
Just love those laser guided bombs
They're really great
For righting wrongs
You hit the target
And win the game
From bars 3,000 miles away
3,000 miles away
We play the game
With the bravery of being out of range
We zap and maim
With the bravery of being out of range
We strafe the train
With the bravery of being out of range
We gained terrain
With the bravery of being out of range
With the bravery of being out of range
We play the game
With the bravery of being out of range

ROGER WATERS - "The Bravery Of Being Out Of Range" lyrics
2004-05-14 04:44:32 PM  
I bet you'll see the kid go "Pwned, biatch!" after killing an enemy.

Or maybe I can distract my enemies by throwing cans, then as the exclamation mark appears above their head and they go investigate, I shall hurry and sulk in the shadows until they resume their everyday life and...
2004-05-14 04:46:19 PM  
The modern military is different from the army of the past. No longer is it "Take one for your country and save that bucket of grenades" Now, the value is human life, and technology can be spared.

I predict a time when the army begins to build remote control ground droids and the top AA gamers wake up to find themselves in an air conditioned trailer 20 miles inside of a safe zone. "What, you mean I'm piloting these things for way in hel...Unlimited free bawls and pizza, OWNAGE"
2004-05-14 04:51:16 PM  
Cool! I get to dig tunnels and blow up dragons and wierd goggle-guys with a tire pump!

/old school ;)
2004-05-14 04:52:04 PM  
The Army launched "America's Army," a series of PC games depicting realistic modern combat situations, two years ago to overwhelming interest. The game now has 3.3 million registered players, putting it far beyond similar commercial games.

Well, DUH! It's a state of the art videogame played online, it's FREE (that's a big selling point), and it's well-maintained. Who wouldn't want to download it?

FWIW, I watched my son play it for awhile. It lives up to its billing.
2004-05-14 04:54:55 PM  
Whoever posted the headline shouldn't use the word draft....becuase its not drafting its recruiting, and there's a difference.

Not to be anal, but drafting sparks a very different reaction than recruiting.
2004-05-14 04:55:46 PM  
The moral of the story is, if you register your software, you could get drafted.

/goes back to cracking Windows activation.

For some reason I read that as "goes back to cracking Windows Aviation", which just puts a totally different slant on it.
2004-05-14 04:57:01 PM  
Well, DUH! It's a state of the art videogame played online, it's FREE (that's a big selling point), and it's well-maintained. Who wouldn't want to download it?

well-maintained my hairy white ass... I've tried installing that on 4 different machines, and I can't get passed the training cause it won't talk to their server for some damn reason.


2004-05-14 04:58:21 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Drop and give me 20, Maggot
End of line
2004-05-14 05:05:07 PM  
I can just see me in the Army:

(holding flamethrower)

"Charmander! GO! Fire Blast attack!"

(burns some guy to death)

"It's super effective!"
2004-05-14 05:05:43 PM  
crap.. you farkers already made respawn and camp jokes.
2004-05-14 05:08:06 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Bush Cites The Last Starfighter As Inspiration For Entering Politics - I love the Onion
2004-05-14 05:16:50 PM  
Maybe they'll have us wear actual screen names and clan tags on the uniforms to identify us.

"oh sh*t! it's that [Er337]Cpt A$$k!ckR guy again! Fire in the hole!"
2004-05-14 05:21:41 PM  
what better person is there to draft then someone who thinks they are scoring points when they frag a terrorist.
2004-05-14 05:21:44 PM  
I play a lot of Ragnarok Online, so if they decide they need someone to pilot "Precious Moments" robots into enemy territory, I'm their guy.

(France: We, for one welcome our new Adorably Lethal Masters.)
2004-05-14 05:24:28 PM  
Is this based on the same software the Army used to wargame Iraq and lost every time, even when they used used cheatcodes?

And how many of their 3.3 million 'players' are actually Iraqi resistance and other foriegn strategists seeing what there is to see about US tatics?
2004-05-14 05:28:04 PM  
the game gives nonsoldiering types a realistic view of Army life

Does that include getting blowjobs from Iraqi women in the middle of the street at gunpoint?
2004-05-14 05:28:40 PM  
if the Iraqis are spying on our tactics through AA, i suggest that the US troops NOT pull a grenade before opening a door or the Iraqis are just going to "door fark" them.

and remember, always jump when you throw your nades... it makes em go further.
2004-05-14 05:47:57 PM  
We all know what happens when gamers and the Army get together...

[image from too old to be available]

How about a nice game of Chess?


Nah, let's play Global Thermo Nookular War..
2004-05-14 05:52:15 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-05-14 06:00:28 PM  
And yeah, if you played against me on the Bridge SE map, I kicked your ass, repeatedly.

As a matter of fact, I probably took out half your team too. Wuss.

/Slinkin back to my hiding grounds
2004-05-14 06:07:39 PM  
... yes, but will they let you play high?

/ Asking for a friend... yea, that's it.
2004-05-14 06:21:28 PM  

In Ender's Game the protagonist was trained in game skills and killed in ignorance.
The U.S. Army would train in ignorance and kill with game skills.
2004-05-14 06:26:46 PM  
Oh, just put me in a sim pod attached to an F-15....... OWNAGE.

Sniper rifle........... HEADSHOT and yes, i'd prolly end up giving my position away from my victory dance too.
2004-05-14 06:36:28 PM  
I haven't read the article, but I have to assume that after 22 years, they finally decoded my initials on "BattleZone".

I'll pack my stuff.
2004-05-14 07:13:54 PM  
2004-05-14 04:28:20 PM daveuf

The special forces will be very disappointed when they find out that the l337 Counter-Strike players are actually worthless without aimbots and wall hacks.

You're just bitter that you get your ass owned every three seconds by someone with a shiattier computer than you.
2004-05-14 07:59:17 PM  
counter-strike? pshaw...Day of Defeat is where it's at.
2004-05-14 08:51:06 PM  
Heh, Counter-Stikers might be a liability; they'd keep giving away their positions when they spraypaint the walls after a kill.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-05-14 08:57:59 PM  
I'll play AA but for no damn reason would I EVER join those bastarads....
2004-05-14 08:58:44 PM  
wouldn't they have to be able to actually lift a rifle??
2004-05-14 09:00:13 PM  
I dunno, this seems to make sense. Years of playing Everquest have me conditioned for a life of mind-numbing tedium and rare moments of panic.
2004-05-14 10:44:01 PM  

That's deep, man.
2004-05-14 10:47:37 PM  
I prefer strategy to simply attacking. I've been noticing many flaws in the strategies of our soldiers. I've yet to see any of them carry 99 healing potions. Besides, constantly trying to avoid being hit does not work. Sometimes you have to let them do some damage, so you can counter with your super-move.


What are the elemental weaknesses of the average Terrorist?
2004-05-14 11:36:00 PM  
"But I only play Solitare."

Good. Your skills will be needed during the next civil war.
2004-05-15 12:43:12 AM  
I'm level 43 in America's Army right now, but I remember the first time I played it and tried to use Counter Strike tactics I got my farking head blown off with the quickness.

AA's a kickass game but you better have a good machine so u can set all the details on high. It's incredible that a game of that quality can be downloaded for free. Lots of fun to play too.

/too bad they'll know who to enlist when the shiznit hits the fan! eek!
2004-05-15 01:15:49 AM  
Sidi I see a US/China war as resembling a PvZ game. We just need to stop them from expanding and we aught to be ok. Templar and Carriers should be the way to go.

/phear the American Cheese
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