FARK.com: (954332) Army may draft gamers

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		Army may draft gamers (news.com.com)		153
		More: Obvious

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21435 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 May 2004 at 3:55 PM | Favorite | share:

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Blackneto		2004-05-14 11:13:27 AM

But I only play Solitare.

NyQuiLlama		2004-05-14 11:21:58 AM

I knew all that minesweeper would come in handy.

Spin_Doc		2004-05-14 11:23:00 AM

Blackneto they'll put you down for 'Prison Guard'. You'll be good at arranging the prisoners on top of one another.

DerechoSCK		2004-05-14 11:23:27 AM

yeah... them terrorists will get OWNED!!!

/sigh

ChewbaccaJones		2004-05-14 11:28:21 AM

Aside from the obvious godlike gaming physique I am
sure the Army is interested in getting gamers since we
can sit in a single position in the dark, staked out for
days on end. And since we have probably had limited contact
with women anyway, that wouldn't be an issue.

One drawback:

If I'm sniping from a hidden position and clock some
poor bastard in the head I think it would be a little
too tempting for me to give away my position by saying
"Headshot" in a really deep voice then dancing
around going:

"Can you feel that?! Who's your daddy?! I'm your daddy
'cause I did this (pelvic thrust) to your momma!!"

snizwilk		2004-05-14 11:29:33 AM

Full Spectrum Warrior is actually a dumbed down urban combat simulator for the army. I totally suck at Unreal Tournament so I don't need to worry unless they want to draft someone who can be killed 200 times in 10 minutes.

DerechoSCK		2004-05-14 11:29:58 AM

Gotta watch out for those team killers though.

NyQuiLlama		2004-05-14 11:30:42 AM

Imagine what will happen when they try to rocket-jump.

dletter		2004-05-14 11:32:01 AM

Going an extra step, the Army should basically just do what the aliens did in "The Last Starfighter"... put up realistic video games that simulate their equipment and situations, and recruit the people who score the highest. Seems reasonable.

NyQuiLlama		2004-05-14 11:32:08 AM

I think there would be a lot more vocal complaints about n00bs running around spamming their grenades than in the past.

CatchrNdRy		2004-05-14 11:35:08 AM

I can't wait till they hit up text MUDs.

R.A.Danny		2004-05-14 11:39:37 AM

I feel safer already.

mykie		2004-05-14 11:41:15 AM

The moral of the story is, if you register your software, you could get drafted.

/goes back to cracking Windows activation.

Darkbladedancer		2004-05-14 11:45:13 AM

Maybe there going to ask us to go play games with some kid named Andrew.

Big Merl		2004-05-14 11:48:41 AM

I forsee a brawl in the mess hall when an infantry soldier meets a sniper. Something about the words camper and n00b being used.

curlinggod		2004-05-14 11:57:08 AM

Greetings Starfighter! You have been recruited by the Star League to defend the Frontier against Zur and the Kho-dan Armada! Prepare to do battle!

snizwilk		2004-05-14 12:01:45 PM

If the army needs help stacking different shapes falling from the sky then goddamnit I'm their man!

Frotteur		2004-05-14 12:03:04 PM

Just wait until the gamers find out that LT doesn't mean 733t.

Obdicut		2004-05-14 12:05:21 PM

The main downside I see of gamer/soldiers is that the engineers, instead of building camps and bridges, will be hop-skipping towards enemy tanks, attempting to frisbee mines under their treads.

Dr. Rosenrosen		2004-05-14 12:19:18 PM

They just want to figure out how to telefrag the enemy.

dletter		2004-05-14 12:41:59 PM

Just thinking about other uses of video game "testing":

* Can I become a real bartender if I get to level 10 on "Tapper"?

* I know I've read stuff about the army using the old game "Battlezone" in the early 80s for tank training.

* And obviously, you are ready to fight Mike Tyson if you defeated him in Punch-out.

CatPorn		2004-05-14 12:42:23 PM

hmm, some how the typical gamer doesn't strike me as the picture of good health and physical ability that you'd look for in a soldier..

Obdicut		2004-05-14 12:44:30 PM

Catporn

However, we are in perfect shape to sit in a chair in a bunker and pilot a missile up your ass.

Smookyfufu		2004-05-14 12:52:43 PM

If they need an RPG gamer, i'm there.

/loads up Ultima

Superrad		2004-05-14 12:59:00 PM

Since I'm better at RTS games does that mean I get to be an officer?

Guy Incognito		2004-05-14 01:09:02 PM

if the game is Robotron 2084 i'll be a colonel.

TommyymmoT		2004-05-14 01:16:37 PM

I tell ya, if I had to fight a war, I would much rather do it from the comfort of an easy chair in Idaho, than in some jungle or desert with bullets flying at my head. If I could do my part by playing a video game, I would make sure I got VERY good at it.

When we were dropping bombs and/or food in Afghanistan, the planes were leaving from the midwestern US. The pilots would go over, drop their payloads, and then go home afterwards. Just another day at the office.

Eventually, they'll make a reality show out of it, and viewers will be able to call in and vote someone off the planet.

Snow Monkey		2004-05-14 02:42:20 PM

I used to play AA all the time, until the SF patch came out and I couldnt play on my system anymore.

I was a good sniper, scary good at times. I could play either side and easily wind up with 5+ kills per match. Only when a great 'nader came along did I ever get killed on a regular basis.

(1VB)Wolfhound98(if I recall correctly) was the best i've ever played against and he could clock whole teams with an M16.

Teekno		2004-05-14 03:03:05 PM

Headline writer didn't RTFA, I guess.

Either that, or he thinks that "conscription" is something you get filled at the pharmacy.

pocket_aces		2004-05-14 03:57:15 PM

Can we please get rid of that Fark Personals guy? Creepy.

Hello_Kthullu		2004-05-14 03:58:10 PM

I can't wait until all those kids try to bunny hop to avoid Enemy fire.

The Big Ern		2004-05-14 03:58:29 PM

Ender wanted for questioning.

MorePeasPlease		2004-05-14 03:58:37 PM

Uhh, "recruit" is the word I think the submitter may have meant.

EyeballKid		2004-05-14 03:58:58 PM

"But dude, you can't take me prisoner, you were just farkin' CAMPING there, man!!! That shiat is weak!"

Chariset		2004-05-14 03:59:13 PM

Orson Scott Card surrenders....

zymurgist		2004-05-14 03:59:14 PM

Won't they be in for a shock when they find out that they don't respawn after being killed...

Gray_Calx		2004-05-14 03:59:31 PM

Who wants to by all my consoles and a few pcs?

Pablo_Roo		2004-05-14 03:59:35 PM

Will they allow gay gamers?

zzzeek		2004-05-14 03:59:51 PM

"We conform to the rules of engagement," he said. "If you shoot someone on your side, if you harm a civilian noncombatant, you end up in prison."

really.

Dustin_00		2004-05-14 04:00:37 PM

They haven't noticed that most of them will suddenly ignore their teammates and start running for armor and medics when they reach 50% health.

Jsimmons38040		2004-05-14 04:00:45 PM

"How were the documents stolen!?!!" "They used wallhacks sir."

Wizzin		2004-05-14 04:00:56 PM

Just tell me where those head chopping bastards are and I will gladly point my cursor in their direction.

skinink		2004-05-14 04:01:17 PM

Cheat to open up Iraqi prison so that your character can fark the NPC Lynndie English: CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, CIRCLE, SQUARE, SQUARE, SQUARE, SQUARE, BARF BARF BARF.

Son of Thunder		2004-05-14 04:01:44 PM

Won't they be in for a shock when they find out that they don't respawn after being killed...

Nice headquarters. Um... Where's your Altar of Heros? What? Well how do you revive your fallen warriors? Oh. Maybe I shouldn't be here.

/warcraft III

NutznGum		2004-05-14 04:01:53 PM

As a gamer, let me just say that I'm probably the last farkin' person they should out in the Military.

Webgrunt		2004-05-14 04:02:50 PM

Wizzin

Didn't you watch the video? It was slicing. There was no chopping.

star_topology		2004-05-14 04:03:30 PM

Is this a good time to be a "camper?"

StomachMonkey		2004-05-14 04:03:37 PM

I can see it now:

KILLING SPREE!!!!

Did you check out the graphics on that guy I just blew up? MOST. REALISTIC. PARTICLE EFFETS. EVAR!! This game pwnz. Where's the God mode? oh crap! I've been shot! I'm dying! I gotta respawn. brb n00bs!

Wahre		2004-05-14 04:04:18 PM

c@n 1337 HaCk3R5 L1k3 mE j0iN thE ArMy??? I'Ll pWn THem TerRoRistS w/ ThE AWP in ThE face AnD be lik3 .."u got pwnd"
and then i'll play america's army and be like "Wtf" and then ill go play some minesweeper and be like "how the hell do i play this shiate"