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(Daily Mail)   Glasgow police mocked after releasing 'useless' CCTV stills of a man they want to speak to that are so blurred they look like impressionist paintings: "'We have clearer pics of the surface of Mars"   ( dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Fail, Scott Campbell, Siege of Fort William, Scottish clans, EST, Mailonline  
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12200 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Feb 2017 at 8:20 AM (22 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



65 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2017-02-17 07:52:18 AM  
"Freeze and Enhance"

 
2017-02-17 08:10:03 AM  
Holy shiat, it's Gary!

/I need to go make a call
 
2017-02-17 08:25:06 AM  
Check Japanese porn production companies.


Some kind of international, pixelated crime ring.

Involving squids.
 
2017-02-17 08:28:01 AM  
To be fair, we have AWESOME pics of the surface of mars.
 
2017-02-17 08:28:52 AM  
Maybe the poor guy is just blurry in real life.
 
2017-02-17 08:29:12 AM  
Officers refused to give further details of the incident but said it happened between 8pm and 8.35pm on Thursday February 2nd in a lane near Central Station on Glasgow's Gordon Street.

If the cops ever want my help, they're going to have to do better than, "because".
 
2017-02-17 08:30:50 AM  
Better call the Serious Chimes Squad.

img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 08:32:29 AM  
Looks like Spud from Trainspotting.
 
OOF
2017-02-17 08:34:30 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 08:38:47 AM  
Pro tip: Don't use the Lock Ness Monster camera
 
OOF
2017-02-17 08:41:56 AM  

Cheron: Pro tip: Don't use the Lock Ness Monster camera


img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 08:42:34 AM  
Well they are kinda better than nothing. You can see the blurry shape of the color of his clothes. Maybe someone saw him being a jerk in those clothes and will come forward.

They were some ugly looking blurred clothes.
 
2017-02-17 08:42:39 AM  

Cheron: Pro tip: Don't use the Lock Ness Monster camera


I think it was a normal camera but they had the filter set to "bigfoot".
 
2017-02-17 08:46:18 AM  
So, are they gonna put up a pane of glass and spray water at it for people to finger suspects in a lineup, or just ensure everybody's had a few pints first?
 
2017-02-17 08:50:52 AM  

starsrift: So, are they gonna put up a pane of glass and spray water at it for people to finger suspects in a lineup, or just ensure everybody's had a few pints first?


It's Glasgow. My money's on the pints.
 
2017-02-17 08:51:48 AM  
Amanda Dickson wrote on Facebook: 'There's nothing to see in these photos !? Who decides the technology for these "security" camera's they're a joke.'

The lowest bidder. And the government official and the person who handles the bidding process (usually a relative of the official) split the remaining 90% of the allocated money between themselves.
 
2017-02-17 08:57:57 AM  
img.fark.net


Nah! sorry, I can't do these magic eye picture thingys, they just give me a migraine.

Is it an evil rabbit peeking over a desk at a Microsoft surface studio? either that or something lake based.

I give up.
 
2017-02-17 09:03:08 AM  

baronbloodbath: starsrift: So, are they gonna put up a pane of glass and spray water at it for people to finger suspects in a lineup, or just ensure everybody's had a few pints first?

It's Glasgow. My money's on the pints.


It's Glasgow, so it'll be Buckfast.
 
2017-02-17 09:04:00 AM  
img.fark.net

Caught him. Who's laughing now?
 
2017-02-17 09:04:28 AM  
2.bp.blogspot.com

also seen in area.
 
2017-02-17 09:07:06 AM  

jjorsett: Officers refused to give further details of the incident but said it happened between 8pm and 8.35pm on Thursday February 2nd in a lane near Central Station on Glasgow's Gordon Street.

If the cops ever want my help, they're going to have to do better than, "because".


Wow, no kidding.

Even if I knew exactly who the guy was, I wouldn't tell the cops with that kind of attitude from them.
 
2017-02-17 09:07:43 AM  

NutWrench: Amanda Dickson wrote on Facebook: 'There's nothing to see in these photos !? Who decides the technology for these "security" camera's they're a joke.'

The lowest bidder. And the government official and the person who handles the bidding process (usually a relative of the official) split the remaining 90% of the allocated money between themselves.


It absolutely comes down to cost. Most cheap CCTV systems use plastic camera lenses and internals. Add a pitiful resolution & analog signal and you have a near unusable image.
 
2017-02-17 09:08:37 AM  

Giant Clown Shoe: [2.bp.blogspot.com image 449x337]

also seen in area.


I'm a get my backhoe. I want that gold!
 
2017-02-17 09:10:53 AM  

baronbloodbath: starsrift: So, are they gonna put up a pane of glass and spray water at it for people to finger suspects in a lineup, or just ensure everybody's had a few pints first?

It's Glasgow. My money's on the pints heroine.


FTFY
 
2017-02-17 09:18:03 AM  
Found him

metvnetwork.s3.amazonaws.com
 
2017-02-17 09:23:01 AM  
What an impressionist painting might look like, totally unrecognizable people, unless you know their names.

img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 09:26:15 AM  
What strikes me as a bit ironic (considering the reputation they have for camera city in Brit and related areas) is that if they'd just released actual video they might have gotten somewhere, blurry as the image is.  People have been at least tenatively ID'd before just by the way they walk, act, move, gesture, whatever.  'Course you can't base a conviction off that kind of thing, but it can lead to pointing you at the right suspect - and further investigation and evidence can take it from there.  Now if it's actually one of those seriously antiquated "I take a still pic every 3 seconds" camera or something - then yeah that footage is pretty much useless beyond portraying some idea of how the crime generally progressed.
 
2017-02-17 09:28:01 AM  
img.fark.net
    Wanted for kidnapping and murder
 
2017-02-17 09:29:53 AM  

Almost-ready: [img.fark.net image 425x317]
    Wanted for kidnapping and murder


Photo from the crime scene:
img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 09:31:16 AM  
When all CCTV fails you, go old skool:
i.dailymail.co.uk

/real
 
2017-02-17 09:32:43 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: What strikes me as a bit ironic (considering the reputation they have for camera city in Brit and related areas) is that if they'd just released actual video they might have gotten somewhere, blurry as the image is.  People have been at least tenatively ID'd before just by the way they walk, act, move, gesture, whatever.  'Course you can't base a conviction off that kind of thing, but it can lead to pointing you at the right suspect - and further investigation and evidence can take it from there.  Now if it's actually one of those seriously antiquated "I take a still pic every 3 seconds" camera or something - then yeah that footage is pretty much useless beyond portraying some idea of how the crime generally progressed.


Of course, England has the Ministry of Silly Walks.  Just go down to the MoSW, and see who registered that particular walk.
 
2017-02-17 09:43:07 AM  
Clearly this person is related to bigfoot.  No one else photographs so blurry.
 
2017-02-17 09:43:33 AM  
That second pic appears to be some strange reptilian creature sticking out its tongue.
 
2017-02-17 09:55:33 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 09:56:58 AM  
Looks like photos from Penthouse back in the 70's.
 
2017-02-17 09:58:33 AM  
More evidence that the Daily Mail is essentially a whinging right wing tabloid.

Those pictures may be fuzzy, but they are not UFO-photo fuzzy. They contain a good deal of information that could very well find the man the police are looking for.

From them you can get a good hint as to the man's:

* age
* sex
* hair colour
* build
* height
* weight
* taste in clothing
* basic facial configuration.

A much more detailed photo or police artist drawing might be misleading by its very (false) detail.

The police did the right thing. They gave the public what they have to work with and there are no doubt many people who might match the fuzzy photo, but there would be nearly as many to match a better photo, and possibly  a lot more irrelevant men to match even the best of police identikit pictures.

The Daily Mule is run by, owned by and written, edited and published by asses. They just want to sell papers. Their cirticisms are feeble and misleading. They have been put on a list of unreliable sources--not quite fake news in the proper definition of the word, but literred with partisan crap and untrustworthy "facts". Hee-haw!

"What use is 80%?" as the scientist once exclaimed of a colleague's insignificant results in exasperation.

And that is my final  answer on torture, on profiling, and all other faulty reasoning and crap evidence.

A journalist should, like a good scientist or artist, have a horror of à peu près. It is not good enough to be half-wise, half-witted, half-sane or half-reliable. You must shoot for something of real value. In science and medicine the cut-off is generally 95%, which is worlds away from 80%.

An article that is 20% tripe is not a great nor even a good article. If it is 20% lies, it is way, way worse. One tiny line or fib in an encyclopedia of truth can be deadly. It is like a false premise in a syllogism, but the poison needle is hidden in a large haystack composed of needles waiting for the careless stubby vulgarian fingers of a fool or a scoundrel.
 
2017-02-17 10:01:08 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2017-02-17 10:07:49 AM  
Have you ever seen the optical effect where a very small, pixelated picture of Abraham Lincoln looks astonishingly detailed and accurate from a greater distance? Your brain fills in most of the details, the pixelated image only hints at it.

That is what police work is. All of fiction and entertainment media misrepresents how real forensics work. They take out the science and insert mythology and fantasy in their place. Legitimate in an escapist literature or entertainment form. Fatal in the real world.

Lawyers are trained to produce this effect from the paucity of facts and a mountain of speculation and story-telling. Many of the professions do nothing less or more. Smart lawyers do not lie. They induce lies in the judge or jury or public's minds in much the same way an electric field or flow induces magnetism or vice-versa.

I have to stand by the police. They are doing their jobs. They know the picture is fuzzy, but the question is, is the picture fuzzy enough to be an accurate represention of the knowable facts or should it be even fuzzier? Ask yourself and then look at the photos from various distances and see what you can say and what you should not say about the man depicted.

Note: if the photo is a clip from a film clip, there is a lot of information about stance, movement, and the physical condition of the man in question that does not appear in the "enlargened" photos as published.

If the man has a limp, that would be enough for Sherlock Holmes (the fantasy detective) to tell you his life story but a real detective might luck out and meet a man with a limp who is just enough like the photo to be questioned.

The Devil is in the details they say. But Truth is in the details as well. The Devil only goes into the details to steal and hide the truth. Fools and scoundrels content themselves with close enough. There is only a tenth of second between Olympic Gold and Olympic also-rans. Close enough is never close enough unless you win the race.
 
2017-02-17 10:12:05 AM  
blogs.scientificamerican.com
 
2017-02-17 10:15:07 AM  
If they have video, why the hell are they only providing still images?
 
2017-02-17 10:27:43 AM  
img.fark.net

/where do I collect my reward?
 
2017-02-17 10:50:15 AM  
That's slender man... hide the kiddies!
 
2017-02-17 10:52:18 AM  
Good luck, they all look the same over there anyway.
 
2017-02-17 11:33:39 AM  

brantgoose: [blogs.scientificamerican.com image 208x283]


Abraham Lincoln.  What do i win?
 
2017-02-17 11:59:06 AM  

brantgoose: [blogs.scientificamerican.com image 208x283]


"You are Abraham Lincoln, and I claim my five pounds."
 
2017-02-17 12:09:12 PM  

brantgoose: More evidence that the Daily Mail is essentially a whinging right wing tabloid.

Those pictures may be fuzzy, but they are not UFO-photo fuzzy. They contain a good deal of information that could very well find the man the police are looking for.

From them you can get a good hint as to the man's:

* age
* sex
* hair colour
* build
* height
* weight
* taste in clothing
* basic facial configuration.

A much more detailed photo or police artist drawing might be misleading by its very (false) detail.

The police did the right thing. They gave the public what they have to work with and there are no doubt many people who might match the fuzzy photo, but there would be nearly as many to match a better photo, and possibly  a lot more irrelevant men to match even the best of police identikit pictures.

The Daily Mule is run by, owned by and written, edited and published by asses. They just want to sell papers. Their cirticisms are feeble and misleading. They have been put on a list of unreliable sources--not quite fake news in the proper definition of the word, but literred with partisan crap and untrustworthy "facts". Hee-haw!

"What use is 80%?" as the scientist once exclaimed of a colleague's insignificant results in exasperation.

And that is my final  answer on torture, on profiling, and all other faulty reasoning and crap evidence.

A journalist should, like a good scientist or artist, have a horror of à peu près. It is not good enough to be half-wise, half-witted, half-sane or half-reliable. You must shoot for something of real value. In science and medicine the cut-off is generally 95%, which is worlds away from 80%.

An article that is 20% tripe is not a great nor even a good article. If it is 20% lies, it is way, way worse. One tiny line or fib in an encyclopedia of truth can be deadly. It is like a false premise in a syllogism, but the poison needle is hidden in a large haystack composed of needles waiting for the careless stubby vulgarian fingers of a fool or a scoundrel.


Yup. Plus I can't imagine how many people are running around in a StarTrek the Next Generation uniform.
 
2017-02-17 12:21:39 PM  
Aren't we supposed to have better technology than that by now?

img.fark.net

/sorry the "enhance" gif was over 4mb
 
2017-02-17 01:03:11 PM  
He's escaped from Minecraft
 
2017-02-17 01:17:35 PM  

WhiskeySticks: Good luck, they all look the same over there anyway.


His tracksuit bottoms appear tucked into his socks. That should narrow it down!!
 
2017-02-17 01:43:47 PM  
Looks like one of these two but which one ?

img.fark.net
 
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