FARK.com: (940355) I wasn't speeding, I was testing the accuracy of my speedometer at high speeds

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		I wasn't speeding, I was testing the accuracy of my speedometer at high speeds (news.com.au)		85
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13692 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 May 2004 at 8:13 AM | Favorite | share:

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TheeDez		2004-05-03 09:57:44 PM

"I had a drink-driver who said it was Anzac Day and I shouldn't be booking anyone," he said.

You had a drink? Yes, it seems you have.

/grammar whore

ChewbaccaJones		2004-05-04 01:22:32 AM

"I'm sorry officer...I didn't know I couldn't do that"

-- Chappelle

wigglestheclown		2004-05-04 08:17:12 AM

The Motorist who didn't realize the tank was owned by the U.S. Military...

wayward2		2004-05-04 08:21:51 AM

No, officer, I don't know how fast I was going back there.

My speedometer only goes up to 85.

Holy Hand Grenade		2004-05-04 08:23:56 AM

"A DRIVER who insisted he didn't know what traffic light colours stood for after running a red one."

He must be Italian.

GooberMcFly		2004-05-04 08:24:26 AM

So what you're saying is Australia is full of criminals.

Who woulda thunk it?

Boomslang		2004-05-04 08:25:02 AM

You're not going to check the trunk, are you?

archangel_gabriel		2004-05-04 08:28:55 AM

Please press hard sir, you're making 5 copies.

cmraman		2004-05-04 08:29:38 AM

I got out of a speeding ticket in Wash. D.C. once. I was 19 and clocked at 71 in a 35. The officer approached and I tossed my license and registration at him and told him to hurry because I had left my naked girlfriend (Now wife of 21 years) in bed only half-farked because the company I ran deliveries for paged me and insisted that I get some package to some overpaid VP in the USA Today building in Rosslyn by 5 and they didn't call me until 4 and I was supposed to be off at 3:30 but was on call. He looked at me, tossed my docs back and said "Well slow down a little."

The worst part is that when I delivered the package (That absolutely had to be delivered by 5 PM) I found out that the VP was in the Bahamas and wouldn't be back until the following Monday.

cmunic8r99		2004-05-04 08:29:46 AM

"A DRIVER who wanted to test the accuracy of his speedometer at various high speeds."

I actually used this and got away with a warning.

C.

sos		2004-05-04 08:30:52 AM

A WOMAN who didn't want to apply the brake while her cat was on her lap.

This one gets me whenever I see it... Take the damn dog/cat off your lap when you are driving. Put it in a cage or elsewhere in the car. What happens when you need to perform an emergency stop or turn to avoid an accident? Right, the dog/cat gets in the way.

On a related note, stop bringing you damn dog to the store. There is no reason (unless it is an assistant dog) to have it in Home Depot for instance. I was glad when HD finally put up a sign saying "No pets allowed." I can't believe they actually had to put up the sign to prevent people from bringing them in. It's always just been one of the things I knew.

jedikinkoid		2004-05-04 08:34:14 AM

"I wanted to get home before the drinks I just had hit my system."

"I've got this thing for men in uniform, and I thought you were so cute I wanted you to pull me over."

(brother just recently retired from police force)

HotWingConspiracy		2004-05-04 08:34:45 AM

I like to induce vomiting when pulled over. "I'm trying to get to my doctor quick officer...bluuuagh"

Sometimes you can they offer an escort to your ficticious doctor.

Pindooca		2004-05-04 08:34:46 AM

Zoom zoom.

HotWingConspiracy		2004-05-04 08:36:34 AM

Whoa, I need to take advantage of the preview function. Or perhaps stop trying to post when speaking with clients.

SSNPguerrilla		2004-05-04 08:39:21 AM

When will the Po Po just leave us speeders alone and let us get on with our lives. If I was president (or senator, or mayor, whatever) I'd remove the speed limit from the far left lane on the highway. Now me and my friends can drive like we're racing while you old farts are hunched over your stearing wheel because you suck at driving. Take that old people.

NoVmad		2004-05-04 08:39:40 AM

How would the driver know if his speedometer was accurate or not? wait for the cop to tell him?

Either he was lying or abusing police resources.

/obvious

Spamzilla		2004-05-04 08:41:00 AM

and then there's me:
hey officer. niiiice car...my grandma has a Crown Vic, too. What, no leather?

perisoft		2004-05-04 08:41:01 AM

Yes, you can they preview certainly preview function, HotWingConspiracy.

Rockchild		2004-05-04 08:41:17 AM

One time I was speeding so fast wit my bike dat I could nut stop so I went frew a red light an almost got hit wit a car butt I made it frew ok and hit alot of people crossing the street which was safer.

After dat I had to speed home so I wood nut be late for lunch so I was speeding eggan an lost control dat I hit a police car really hard dat I hert my head really bad dat I fought I was ded butt Im alife.

Anyways there was no police guys in the car because they was eatin donuts in a bakory cross the street so I got hungry an went to the bakory an buy myself a donut and told dem sorry.

onid70		2004-05-04 08:43:05 AM

Speaking of speeding: I was once clocked going 75 in a 45 mph zone and the officer just walked up and asked me,"How in the fark did you get this car to go that fast?!?" I was driving a 1977 Ford Maverick...it was 1988. There was nothing wrong with the engine. I was afraid to scrape off the rust though because I imagined that there would be no car left.

The officer did give me a ticket for speeding and another for my car being somehow unsafe(?).

laxr15		2004-05-04 08:43:32 AM

i had a buddy get pulled over and his speedometer was actually broken. they made him produce a repair statement from a mechanic saying that the speedometer was actually broken and had been fixed before they waived the ticket.

my favorite was when i saw a woman on the DC beltway driving while on her cell phone, with a cup of coffee between her legs, AND she was reaching into her briefcase in the passenger seat. honestly, if you have that much crap going on at the moment, maybe you shouldn't be driving... not to mention rush hour on the beltway is no picnic, she probably got in an accident, burned herself with the coffee and made millions in a lawsuit against starbucks.

Skream		2004-05-04 08:43:59 AM

I've been let go with a warning because I told the officer I had to take a wicked shiat and was about to explode.

NoVmad		2004-05-04 08:44:03 AM

why would someone write like that and then bother to hold down the shift key when saying 'i'?

laxr15		2004-05-04 08:45:59 AM

onid70
i knew someone who got pulled over doing 115 in a 55 in pennsylvania. he said the cop just walked up and screamed, "115 MPH!" over and over in disbelief for like a minute. fortunately, all he got was a huge fine, but a lot of states would have tossed him in jail for a night.

sos		2004-05-04 08:47:05 AM

Spamzilla hey officer. niiiice car...my grandma has a Crown Vic, too. What, no leather?

I bet your grandma doesn't have a Police Interceptor Crown Vic. Having a more powerful engine, better suspension, calibrated speedo, etc is better than leather seats.

jwa007		2004-05-04 08:50:11 AM

Sir, may I see your driver's license? No! I don't want a cold one and I don't think you need another one either.

Mr. Foxworthy do you know why I pulled you over?

Well, sir, it concerns that boat your towing.

No sir, it is not against the law in the state of Georgia to tow a boat. We do, however, require that you use a trailer. Would you ask your friends to get out of the boat please?

I don't give a damn if the fish are biting tell your friends to get out of the boat. Now!

You lost your skier about a mile back. Did you know that?

I got nothing, obviously, but love the old Jeff Foxworthy routine.

sos		2004-05-04 08:51:17 AM

laxr15 i had a buddy get pulled over and his speedometer was actually broken. they made him produce a repair statement from a mechanic saying that the speedometer was actually broken and had been fixed before they waived the ticket.

That's common. I don't know about other places, but in MA it's considered "defective equipment." It's there to prevent people from claiming "oh, my speedometer is broken" or "my brakes don't work right, that's why I didn't come to a complete stop." In most places around here, you can get the ticket waived for things like burned out light bulbs if you prove you repaired it (a receipt for a new bulb is proof enough)

BetterThanSex		2004-05-04 08:53:03 AM

JesusJr		2004-05-04 08:53:29 AM

"Great, I get the only straight cop in Rhode Island."

jedikinkoid		2004-05-04 08:53:32 AM

sos

a calibrated speedo?

Holy Hand Grenade		2004-05-04 08:55:32 AM

Cop - "Pull over!"
Harry - "No, it's a sweater but thanks for noticing."

laxr15		2004-05-04 08:55:54 AM

BetterThanSex
you should save that one for the bush-kerry, liberal-conservative flamewars that erupt daily

mylow		2004-05-04 08:56:05 AM

honest,mister Oxsniffer

MrStench		2004-05-04 09:00:29 AM

And then there was this reaction by a motorist nabbed by a speed camera: "Was this photo taken by a camera?"

That's awesome.

TheeDez
"I had a drink-driver who said it was Anzac Day and I shouldn't be booking anyone," he said.

You had a drink? Yes, it seems you have.

/grammar whore

I think they call it drink-driving over there.

CrystalToe		2004-05-04 09:01:08 AM

"Izznot My fault Ossifer - The light looked green through da' Heineken bottle."

padraig		2004-05-04 09:01:15 AM

laxr15
i had a buddy get pulled over and his speedometer was actually broken. they made him produce a repair statement from a mechanic saying that the speedometer was actually broken and had been fixed before they waived the ticket.

Well, one of the guy from Car Talk tried to pull that one off, once. The officer then just smiled, and said: "well, then, it'll be one ticket for speeding, and one for the faulty equipment."

wayward2		2004-05-04 09:03:38 AM

I bet your grandma doesn't have a Police Interceptor Crown Vic. Having a more powerful engine, better suspension, calibrated speedo, etc is better than leather seats.

IIRC, the Mercury Marauder is mechanically pretty close to the Crown Vic Police Package.

However, both are a significant upgrade to your grandmother's Crown Vic.

However, an 8 year old Caprice LT1 Police Package would be a considerably upgrade to both of them.

sos		2004-05-04 09:07:52 AM

jedikinkoid Yes, and I'm not referring to the bathing suit kind of Speedo. Police speedometers are calibrated to be extremely accurate. The speedometer in your car is nowhere near as accurate.

wayward2		2004-05-04 09:08:25 AM

I got pulled for doing 68 in a 45 while test driving a car.

I explained to the officer that I was test driving the car and I wanted to see how well the car could accelerate to highway speed. Since this was a four lane road with little traffic, I figured it wouldn't be too unsafe to do it there.

He told me not to do that in town ever again. But he gave me a warning.

General-Disarray		2004-05-04 09:09:32 AM

So what's worse - being pulled over by a female cop for speeding and getting a ticket or a male one?

I got pulled over by a female cop for speeding. Tried to pull a story out on her and she stopped me mid sentence and told me to save it for someone else. It was like, talk to the hand biatch, and she walked back to her car. I was ready to produce tears and everything to get out of that ticket and she shut me down.

Dimensiation		2004-05-04 09:10:47 AM

on Top Gear, they did a test to find out how fast you have to go to beat a camera speed trap(the kind that take 2 pics to determine the disatnce and speed). they eventually found that at 170mph the camera doesnt even notice the car going by. so the answer is drive really really fast by those but watch out for cops.

Raider_dad		2004-05-04 09:11:20 AM

Saaaay.......
That's a nice bike.

spelunking_defenestrator		2004-05-04 09:18:42 AM

General Disarray:

agreed.

women

A) hear BS stories from guys trying to pick them up when they're single
B) hear BS stories from their boyfriends/husbands when they're going out/married
C) hear BS stories from their kids whenever the little chooches are in trouble

women, i've noticed, tend to be a little more skeptical than men. cops tend to be a lot more skeptical than the average person. put it all together and you got someone who won't take a leak on you if you're on fire. Game Over.

jedikinkoid		2004-05-04 09:19:10 AM

sos

Understood already, I was just amused by the thought of some poor tailor having to do THAT fitting. Makes regular retail a lot more bearable. ;-)

"And this gentleman will be needing a size 2 narrow, with a medium scrotum."

"WHAT! You must have measured it wrong, do it again!"