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(miamiherald)   Dave Barry, loyal Windows user, waxes eloquent about his OS of choice...and his wart.   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

5378 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Jan 2002 at 1:29 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

97 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-01-04 01:30:49 AM  
Sleepmode is tha squidod.
2002-01-04 01:30:51 AM  
font color="#FF0000" face="Arial">'VXUÓ UÓ!!!!
2002-01-04 01:31:28 AM  
In Bill Gates' wet dreams everyone will be like Dave Barry. Farkin SCARY!
2002-01-04 01:31:28 AM  
2002-01-04 01:36:23 AM  
Anyone who didn't figure out a long time ago that Windows9x were complete crap probably shouldn't be using a computer.
2002-01-04 01:37:38 AM  
It made me laugh nonethless.
2002-01-04 01:39:52 AM  
About the only thing I agree with in the entire article is that Windows XP rocks.

Been running to for over three months (rc) and no reboot or crash yet. Though Win 2000 was similar, processes crash, but they didn't bring down the entire OS. XP is like that, a process crashes, the OS keeps on. Windows is getting more *nix like everyday!
2002-01-04 01:40:51 AM  
That was supposed to say "Been running XP for over"....
2002-01-04 01:41:18 AM  
Amazing what people will put up with to play solitaire.
2002-01-04 01:41:42 AM  
Any nude pictures of Dave Barry in here???
2002-01-04 01:48:26 AM  
Heh, oh man. That's some memorable stuff. Starting out, I just scowled at the Barry's wretchedly unfunny ignorance, but somehow the article entirely redeemed itself as it went along. Nice.
2002-01-04 01:50:02 AM  
"Windows Does Dallas"

HA! Classic.
2002-01-04 01:51:09 AM  
I hate that fark dave berry.... he was never funny.
2002-01-04 01:51:54 AM  
Windows 3.14199999998899 seemed more appropriate, depending on what type of Pentium you're using.
2002-01-04 01:52:41 AM  
VERY funny! Dave Barry is a genius writer

MACs rule
2002-01-04 01:53:11 AM  
Because Linux is self-installing and will clean monitor glass and make your penis much larger than other males, ya know. Haw haw.

Then again, Windows just cuts it off...
2002-01-04 01:53:11 AM  
Have I ever mentioned to this crowd how un-fakring-funny Dave Barry's articles are? His books are quite a read, but his regular column really sucks.

Bigpeeler: Dave Barry nudes?!?! You perv....
2002-01-04 01:53:19 AM  
I'm tired of people whining and complaining about their computer not working for some 'unknown' reason. "I didn't do anything to it! I swear!" BS The problem is stupidity of the people running the computer. Granted, crappy software can cause problems but this guy claims that he just sits there minding his own business, twiddling his thumbs, and all of a sudden the computer crashes because it's having an 'emotional breakdown.' Fark that shiat! Quit whining and take some computer classes.

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2002-01-04 01:53:39 AM  
CIA Mole:

Yeah, '<INSERT NEW VERSION OF WINDOWS> ROCKS!' is what everyone says about new versions of windows. Especially the 'been running <NEW VERSION OF WINDOWS FOR LONG AMOUNT OF TIME> with no crashes or problems!'. Ya know, it was only a short while ago people said the exact same thing about windows 2000, and previous to that NT 3.51. Funny how that attitude never stays with the product...but, I think that was barry's point. You are right about one thing though, I forget who said the original quote 'those who do not learn unix are doomed to re-implement it...poorly'.
2002-01-04 01:54:18 AM  
i's gots win2k,... no ME or XP for me.. i's loves me some win2k... ive got more control over whats happening than in win9x, yet i didnt get all the mulitmedia program spam that comes with ME and XP.... from my experience.. win2k (profesional) is the only no-bullshiat OS package that microsoft has produced.... it does what i want it to... it made the "pain in the asses" easier (networking, connection sharing, ect)... and yet if and when it crashes,.... it tells me why, says its sorry, and gives me head as an apology.
2002-01-04 01:54:46 AM  
WOW! That didn't work like I thought it would, oh well, you get the point. I hate those annoying commercials. That's what I get for stealing someone's HTML code. Oh well. It's my first (well,, third post so be gentle) :-)
2002-01-04 01:59:44 AM  
01-04-02 01:58:51 AM

FARK has become a cesspool of banality.

Drew has become a little money grubbing capitalist prank monkey.

Take heed ere all is lost.

fark the filters. fark the mods.

We Will Be Heard.
2002-01-04 02:00:37 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2002-01-04 02:02:28 AM  
Fu<k off.
2002-01-04 02:03:07 AM  
Windows XP dumps on me when I try to watch quicktime videos, but only sometimes.

other than that it is THE BEST OS EVER! yea, right.
2002-01-04 02:03:17 AM  
Here's a true one about Dave.

The week after the 9/11 disaster, he wrote a column. It was very good. So I send him a quick e-mail, telling him I liked it and thanking him. Nothing special.

20 minutes later, I get a response from him thanking me for taking the time to write. He went on a bit how the whole attack had bothered him and was quite candid. I was floored. The guy's pretty straight up. Plus I think he's funny as heck.

Too bad you don't like him Augie.
2002-01-04 02:05:57 AM  

Good evening.
2002-01-04 02:13:41 AM  
You go |< 3 N

Your righteous rage will be heard.
2002-01-04 02:17:56 AM  
Welcome to the machine Tucci. I'm off to slumber. Night all.
2002-01-04 02:20:50 AM  
OS-X? You should read the THE REGISTER's latest article about how un-user friendly and patronizing and slow OS X is.

When a girl asked the computer professor at the college I go to "Why do these computers crash all the time, especially when I am doing something important?"
The man answered. "All computers do that. Thats just how they work."
I have never run linux or OS-X but I remember the days of MS-DOS and COCO-Basic on my TRS-80. Those were the days. Wait.. Microsoft DOS crashed all the time back then too!

I will install Linux.. Someday! I will have stability, security and power and it will not be from Microsoft.

Speaking of security: MS-Windows records every webpage you have ever been to and every Outlook express email you have ever seen or written on to a secret directory that you can not get to using explorer or a DOS Window! Only in pure DOS can you hack into it. Everything you do on MS is being recorded and hidden w/out you even knowing about it.

Linux is open-source. That big-brother crap MS does would sure be hard to pull off w/ Linux. Debian Linux is free! Unlike MS XP's $250 or so? Please.. someone give me some more reasons to switch. It is so hard to leave familiarity behind, even when its holding ya down.

2002-01-04 02:20:51 AM  
"I've been a loyal Windows man since the first version, which required you to write on the screen with crayons"

This is some funny shait, can't wait to read his next article
2002-01-04 02:27:43 AM  
When this happens, I have to turn my computer off and start it up again. When I do, my computer puts a snippy note on the screen informing me that it is scanning its disks for errors, because it was shut down improperly

I'm 43 and I just got my first computer a month ago. It has led me into a truly wondrous world filled with mysteries and aggravations. My little brother, who works in the field, has been helping me a lot (including turning me on to Fark, damn him). I make him laugh with my descriptions of things, such as the computer lecturing me when I do something wrong (as in the above excerpt). But it's a good-hearted laugh. He feels no superiority.

We all get here in different ways. For those of you that posted with self-important sneers earlier in this thread, carry on. My experiences with you will help me to laugh harder the next time I see a SNL skit with that obnoxious computer guy.
2002-01-04 02:37:04 AM  
Note that, at the top of the page, it says:

Published Sunday, January 6, 2002

Is the Miami Herald website operating out of some mystical time-warp, like that movie where the U.S.S. Nimitz goes back in time to prevent the attack on Pearl Harbor?
2002-01-04 02:42:49 AM  
Dllmn - Hmm, I never had any problems with MS-DOS crashing, I had some crappy programs crash, but MS-DOS was happy and reliable, it just didn't do very much.
2002-01-04 02:46:09 AM  
Tales of stupidity can be funny, but the headline on this could have been Moron can't use computer or stop picking at growth. And XP has this creepy Fisher-Price vibe to it. I now return you to the arts.
2002-01-04 03:09:44 AM  
Except for the whole reboot-your-computer-for-no-reason-every-twenty-minutes thing, XP Pro isnt all bad.

BTW, it is a control panel setting that does it. Disable it.
2002-01-04 03:10:53 AM  
Palm is for portability.
Mac OS is for productivity.
Linux for stability.
Microsoft for solitaire.
2002-01-04 03:27:35 AM  
You could turn this into a forum for the best fark-Barry quotes...


Fark Monsters: A great name for a rock band.

MistChras: The false sentimentality that accompanies a certain Christian holiday.


2002-01-04 03:52:04 AM  
Windows XP, which according to everybody is the ``most reliable Windows ever.'' To me, this is like saying that asparagus is ``the most articulate vegetable ever.'' But still, I am tempted. ``Maybe this will be the one,'' I say to Buddy, as the two of us wait for the disks to be scanned.

Classic, absolutely inspired.
2002-01-04 04:10:18 AM  
i wonder if he'll let me have his windows 2.0 install disks...those are probably worth a fortune.
2002-01-04 04:55:29 AM  
Isn't it about time we had a pro-Mac flame
2002-01-04 05:15:23 AM  
Just thought I'd let you all know I switched cold-turkey to Linux, and love it. No one is every going to get me back to that crap of an OS they call Windows.
2002-01-04 05:27:51 AM  
Sec: Would you be interested in my DOS 2.11 disks (5 1/4")?
2002-01-04 05:33:59 AM  
If you upgrade your system heavily, or format the hard drive and need to reinstall the operation system, you need to contact Microsoft by phone to reactivate the license.

Brilliant surveillance scam BILLY BOY
2002-01-04 05:49:57 AM  
woulda thought dave knew how to work a computer
2002-01-04 06:19:18 AM  
I thought that was well written and amused me. I agree with him, though I fail to understand people who get so stressed with computers that they need to write an article about it. I mean, it's only a machine, innit? You don't swear at a knife when it's blunt (although I have seen my sister swear to kill her car when it wouldn't start, once).
2002-01-04 06:48:00 AM  
Windows XP rocks!
2002-01-04 07:03:15 AM  
I thought that article was pretty cool. I myself have been running XP since late October and I totally love it. I've actually made it bluescreen once, but that was mostly NAV's fault. Sure, it's locked up on me - did it just today, but at least the biatch listens to me longer before pouring her drink on my head. I've tried using Linux but I just cant find comparable applications. M$ is not evil, they just want to help!
2002-01-04 07:04:58 AM  
Quite obvios that this "user" is using Win9x so its normal that he should biatch about that it doesnt work. But like everyone who has been in the computer industry knows that most errors are caused by the user. The reason his computer is fuct up is probably because he installed comet cursor or the IE background thingy or something equaly stupid.

He has never used Windows2000, or WindowsNT so he has never seen how good Windows is. Sure all the Win9x versions are crap, we can all agree on that but WinNT and everything from that is great.

This guy is one of those users who refused to go to Windows2000 because of some strange reasons like, people say some of my programs might not work on it, people say that my computer might not work with Win2k and so forth. He is one of those users who missed the Win2000 "experiance" and when he install WinXP he will come back and tell us that its the best thing since sliced bread. Ofcorse it is, when you go from a Trabant to a BMW things tend to change.

my rant is done
2002-01-04 07:11:16 AM  
Well as open source is part of an evil communist plot to undermine America and take over the world, I use Linux.
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