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(Davezilla.com)   Davezilla's "Winter driving tips for southern drivers"   (davezilla.com) divider line 70
    More: Amusing  
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6296 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jan 2002 at 4:55 PM (13 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



70 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2002-01-03 04:58:42 PM  
Just LEARN TO DRIVE
 
2002-01-03 04:58:55 PM  
i can't drive very well anyway, i hit too much shiat
 
2002-01-03 04:59:19 PM  
Yeah, the main tip should be "Don't drive in the first place"
 
2002-01-03 04:59:23 PM  
Apparently (at least here in Charlotte), the only advice drivers have for this stuff is "excessive speed, and be sure to lay on the brakes whenever possible".
 
2002-01-03 05:00:25 PM  
When it snows in the South, we have an excuse. You Yanks however can't drive no matter the weather.
 
2002-01-03 05:00:44 PM  
1. Stay the fark home till springtime, redneck.
2. See number 1.
 
2002-01-03 05:02:05 PM  
I remember growing up in southern Arkansas, then in eastern North Carolina. Snow every other year, maybe. However, if someone heard someone else talking about the possibility of snow somewhere in the area sometime within the next 2 weeks, they shut down everything. Snow + Southerners = plenty of clips for the evening news.
 
2002-01-03 05:03:06 PM  
I have driven cross-country many times and have lived in several different cities...
Therefore, in my opinion:

Worst drivers: Arizona.
Best drivers: Tie between New mexico and Iowa.
 
2002-01-03 05:03:43 PM  
As a Southerner who now lives in New England, I can attest to the fact that most Yankees, in fact, also have no clue about how to drive in the white stuff.

Apparently all those rules are based on personal experiences of driving up here. You want tips on winter driving? Two words- common sense. Something apparently in short supply in many places.
 
2002-01-03 05:04:03 PM  
In Wisconsin, when the temp gets above 30 degrees we're all driving into trees and shiat.

Guess it depends on where you're from.
 
2002-01-03 05:04:39 PM  
blah blah blah...you guys in the north blow nuts...i will grant that a lot of these idiots here in hotlanta dunno how to drive in snow, but I have lived in some northern areas where people exhibit the same behavior, notably DC and philly...and you know the big problem down here? not really the drivers as much as the fact that if they do get 6 inches of snow, they have no snowshovels and like one salt truck for 100 square miles...

yah, so we got that going for us...which is nice...

sess
 
2002-01-03 05:05:20 PM  
Really, though, the southerners shouldn't feel so bad about this. I lived in LA for a few years, and let me tell you - out there they can't drive in the farking rain. That's just pathetic.
 
462
2002-01-03 05:08:46 PM  
St.Alfonzo: no shiat. i learned to drive in TX, and moved to orange county, and its like the've never seen rain before, it is farking amazing.
 
2002-01-03 05:08:52 PM  
While I love it here in MN, you'd think people who live in a snowy state half the year would be better drivers! The funny thing is, they seem to drive better in the snow than in normal conditions. And I'm sorry, but myself included, Minnesotans cannot master driving in the rain!

Stupidest drivers: Minnesota
Rudest drivers: Oregon
Slowest drivers: Montana (lots of crashes, especially rear-ends at intersections. luckily, all at 5mph.)
 
2002-01-03 05:10:10 PM  
Did anyone think this was funny?
 
2002-01-03 05:10:28 PM  
All-wheel drive does help- for example, when the parking lot hasn't been plowed yet and it has 5" of snow. Also, its really fun to jackrabbit 2WD sportscars at stop lights.
 
2002-01-03 05:11:15 PM  
For me it is just a matter of never hitting the brakes, ever.
A motorcycle does fine on snow and ice until one of the wheels stop, then it pretty well falls over. A lot of experimentation several years back (2 or 3 inches of ice every where) convinced me that it doesn't really matter which wheel stops. I dropped that bike 7 times in one week and in the spring time I retired it.
Ever so often one of my neighbors will ask what is wrong with my other bike, it's bent, I tell them.
 
2002-01-03 05:11:34 PM  
I should add that Montanans are GODS OF THE ROAD in the country. I once followed a driver past at least 50 deer, all over the road. He maneuvered us through the herd.
 
2002-01-03 05:12:20 PM  
Mmmm... flames... this is what it's all about.
 
2002-01-03 05:14:03 PM  
First, take the cinder blocks out from under the house, then put air into the flat tires.
Put on 'John Deere' cap with green plastic netting. 'Mack Truck' hat will also do.
Tell your wife/sister to stop drinking that tumbler of vodka and get some clothes on the children.
Hit the gas, and you're on your way!
 
2002-01-03 05:17:00 PM  
I live in Ohio, but I went to school in Arkansas. One winter while I was in school there was an ice storm there. So, instead of salt trucks like I was used to, there are these guys in county trucks driving around shoveling dirt onto the icy roads. Instead of clearing away the ice, the dirt created the worst muddy sludge I've ever seen, which made for some really interesting driving conditions, which were just about as bad as the ice.
 
2002-01-03 05:19:43 PM  
Firstmattinspace: "Worst drivers: Arizona. Best drivers: Tie between New mexico and Iowa."

Damn zonies.
 
2002-01-03 05:24:28 PM  
Xprawl: You made the point that everyone seems to be missing: this was not the least bit funny. In fact, it was almost painful to read. Good premise though. I am sure Letterman will do a better list soon.
 
2002-01-03 05:25:50 PM  
Freckledick: AAAAAAAAAAAAA-hahahahahahaha
 
2002-01-03 05:27:09 PM  
Living in Arizona for a year, I discovered there seemed to be only two types of drivers in the major cities (Tucson and Phoenix): Stoned college kids and senior citizens.

Not a good combination. Especially when you get the occasional rain shower.
 
2002-01-03 05:27:17 PM  
I would like to add the DC area to those states referred to under the Mason-Dixon line...

last year there was a 127 car pileup after 1 INCH of snow.

I kid you not.
 
2002-01-03 05:27:38 PM  
We Oregoonians are only rude because we expect people to know what signals are and how to use them. And no matter what YOU think, the left lane is not for your exclusive personal use. If someone is on your ass in the left lane, get out of the way! On the other hand, we have no clue on how to drive on a dry road... ;-P
 
2002-01-03 05:27:54 PM  
I prefer to take my dogsled to work in the winter. Saves on anti-freeze. Given my latest trip down south I suppose those of you who live in the south and have problems driving could ride your women to work. They certainly seem big enough to handle it.


ok-I must admit that here in Wyoming the women are fatter than most and certainly uglier. I take back the above comment. although I think it's funny.
 
462
2002-01-03 05:28:33 PM  
Walkman: it seems oregoonian drivers are only rude when they notice the CA liscense plates
 
2002-01-03 05:30:44 PM  
We usually get ice/sleet in NC, it's funny to see dumb azz suv drivers think they can drive on it. I work at a school so we usually close, thanks for the white stuff and another day off. \_/ <--- keeping warm with tequila
 
2002-01-03 05:32:48 PM  
Alienmagik,
TOO funny. I witnessed the same thing about 6 or 7 years ago while living in Lexington, KY. People FREAKED about 7 inches, and they created the same mess.
 
2002-01-03 05:35:29 PM  
WTFark is snow and why would one want to drive in it?
BTW, it is 70 today in LA.
 
2002-01-03 05:36:18 PM  
I think it's clear that everyone drives bad. Except me of course :)
 
2002-01-03 05:37:32 PM  
Walkman: You are wrong. Fortunately for you, you are also 2000 miles from where I drive.

If someone is riding your ass, regardless of lane, slow down to 10 under the limit, or the posted minimum. I'll happily get out of people's way, if they'll give me time to do it, but I have no tolerance for tailgaters. "The left lane is not for your exclusive personal use."
 
2002-01-03 05:38:32 PM  
There are bad drivers everywhere, lack of experience or otherwise.

Its just funny to laugh at people from other areas. Thats how its always been. Its just really funny to see drivers in types of driving conditions foriegn to them.

Can we all agree to that?

At least it make for a humorous late news highlight reel.

~Erik
 
2002-01-03 05:41:22 PM  
I lived in NC for 5 years and I got more snow days for nothing living there then when I lived in PA and we got major snow storms

Rudest drivers: Oregon

Those are only the transplant Californians

and Walkman dude I totally came up with that quote on your profile. That and about 5 variations. Quote theif! :P
 
2002-01-03 05:42:08 PM  
Oh yeah, that article was so funny. The author is so clever. You can probably ask him, and he'll tell you so. What's even funnier is to watch all of the videos of Northerners sliding on sheet ice, into each other and off the road , while it's 70 degrees here.
 
2002-01-03 05:44:43 PM  
Death to the South!
Death to the Rebels!
 
2002-01-03 05:45:09 PM  
The all wheel drive does not help comment in the article is a huge lie. I own an Audi 80 Quattro (the manly precursor to the girly A4), and my awd keeps me in control almost all of the time. Especially when I lock the rear differential I get a lot more traction, and with it, control than 2wd drivers do. What people need to realize about awd is that it does not help if you aren't using the throttle... you hafta steer out of slides if you're dumb enough to get in them. Fact is, AWD rocks in the snow, especially as you pass floundered SUVs with their yuppie drivers shaking their heads that their behemoths died.

Vil
 
2002-01-03 05:59:09 PM  
Damn yankees. The problem is, we don't tend to get much snow in the South, we do however get smooth ice which is about 10 times as slippery.
 
2002-01-03 06:19:53 PM  
Smooth ice?
 
2002-01-03 06:23:34 PM  
We Bostonians are clearly the most advanced drivers on the planet. Street signs, turn signals ... a Boston driver needs not these things.
 
2002-01-03 06:50:47 PM  
Dale: And don't forget the 'Giant Hole of the Week'TM in Boston of late.

God Bless the Big Dig.
 
2002-01-03 06:51:58 PM  
Damn you fark comment cgi!

That was supposed to be a superscript trademark symbol.

Oh well
 
2002-01-03 07:11:41 PM  
I'll tell you what, I would rather be stuck behind a slow, cautious driver in the snow rather than some fruit in a monster truck tailgating me.
 
2002-01-03 07:22:41 PM  
All hail Vilinx! All bow to his superior snow driving ability! All hail the mighty Audi 80 Queero! Its got AWD! So all you SUV people should no longer feel ashamed for not taking your SUV into the mud because some yuppies get AWD on their cars and don't take them into the mud either.
 
2002-01-03 07:23:57 PM  
GRUB
that black ice is naaaasty, i used to live in MO where it was fairly common, dont know how many times i slid off the road as a teen trying to go to fast. :o
 
2002-01-03 07:42:39 PM  
I remember when I was going to MSU (Montana) and people who were from the southern parts of the country were completely mystified about how to drive in snow and ice. Can't count the times I saw someone just slam on the breaks instead of slowing down before the stop sign. Lets face it, watching anyone drive in something they haven't before is worth a laugh.

CaseyPie is right, Montana drivers are the gods of the roads, at least the smart ones.
 
2002-01-03 08:02:17 PM  
yeah, i'm in southern arkansas now, and its more about the farking ice storms than snow. noones car is equipped to drive on completely iced out roads, so everything shuts down. us southerners dont exactly budget much for anti-snow/ice measures. salting trucks, thats about it.
 
2002-01-03 08:03:43 PM  
Okay, first off, 95% of this article wasn't even funny, and I live in Minnesota. I have seen way too many cars from California sliding around on the highway and coming within inches of hitting other vehicles. And even though Vilinx is a stuck up little rich boy, I do agree with him, AWD works very well if you know how to properly use it.

Oh, and to all you city dwellers that have no real reason to own a SUV except to make yourself feel better, suck it. I'd like to see if someone from South Carolina with an SUV could beat my little Grand Am in a spin out...but whatever. Stupid hicks, learn how to drive.
 
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