My god! I hope the newscasters make sure to interview
everybody on the beach to get their opinion.

Be sure to go to So Cal and to Florida beaches to ask them
their opinion on the quickly approaching "Summer of the
Shark." or Dog Days of Death or some other lame
logo-friendly title.

I hope they ask all of the important questions. Questions
hand-crafted and thoughtfully prepared in order to serve
the public's best interest; questions like:

Are you scared to go in the water?
What will you do if you see a shark?
Say, does this rash of shark attack(s) scare you?
Boo Booo! Boo! I'm a shark! Boo!

Note to headline writer : shark attacks happen all year long out here, its just rare that somebody dies from one, and there is no season for it. They can eat all the floridians they want as far as i'm concerned, where there is a shark attack season, because millions of people stand in the water and piss.

1) Sharks eat seals.
2) Surfboards look like seals.

Nope. I think I'll stay right here on land, thanks. Stick to skiing, probably. 26 years, ain't never seen a mountain shark yet. Nosireebob.

Won't be answering any candygrams though.

Mike_Bolton - That is so true.

CheekyMunky - (knock, knock) "Candygram"

"Shark-- ah, plumber."

I don't believe you. Go 'way.

As long as it isn't a bear holding a shark...
(their teeth makes them nature's best friends)

wow, a h*r and a space ghost c2c reference in one swipe...

no, really, it's the plumber

/hasn't seen that sketch in ages

I'm only a dolphin, ma'am.

Flashback to 2001!

Didn't sound like panic to me...it's Hawaii for crap's sake, you think they really panic about anything out there?

Yeah, sharks attack. Tomorrow, I'm actually going to surf one of the sharkier spots in NorCal, in the pupil of the red triangle. It's scary as shiat to see a fin, but what can you do.

Surfing's worth it.

hmm

This is reporting that someone died. It seems like fark is the one making a big deal out of this.

Way to go "media"

Sharks are just mad because their brains and sexual organs are made of M-80s.

I don't mind the sharks, because I can't count on much else to cull the obnoxious-tourist population.

How many people go to beaches every day? How many of them get bit by sharks? Yeah. I like those odds. I think I'll walk home from work, too.

Mind the sharks...I'll be sure to enjoy my weekend while I'm chilling on the coast this weekend...damn those crafty sharks and they're 21st century attack.

By the way, I proudly attacked a sharck 3 years ago that was in my current girl's wave at the time. I was on pure adrenaline and I ended up poking its eye out. By the way, my instincts are dumb; carry on.

TheWalrusKing, do you remember the name of the shark in that episode? Old Kentucky Shark?

/ah, the second part of my PBS documentary...

By the way, add a FL tag to my horrible spelling and my inappropriate thread jack to a misc. shark attack.

Yep, it shore was Old Kentucky. Named after the failed liquor store chain of course. He's a good friend of Willie Nelson's, I hear.

That may be my favorite SG episode.

Busted ass shark? Again, I didn't want to stop farking this girl...and I was young enough to carry and toss the chick to shallow water before the shark rode itself in. It happens a lot in Daytona, and no, I didn't drink the water.

I was raised to believe that sharks are lovable goofs that play the drums and in personality bear a strange resemblance to Curly from the Three Stooges. No idea where I got that idea...

just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

/SHARK FEAR!

OMG SHARKS!
/dives into panic room

Do NOT do a GIS for shark attack.


Yuck.

Did I hear someone call me?

/kind, sorta, justa little scared

I still think a flying shark can beat a flying crocodile.

Unexceptionally

Did you go to bed? I'm waiting for your next installment!

I used to live in Kahana....and in 2001, an off-duty lifeguard saw an approx. 16' tiger shark about 100 yards off of Kahana Beach. He jumped on a jetski to go check it out. hardcore dude. That beach can be bad about sharks...
He was probably surfing at S-turns...

"Shark still looks fake."

-- Marty McFly, "Back To The Future, Part II."

Its just linear w. the population growth.
[img]http://www.flmnh.ufl.edu/fish/Sharks/Statistics/Graphs/flpop2.jpg[/img]

I call for a headline re-write:

"1. Farker attempts to write hilarious headline. 2. Farker tries to use old and busted media shark frenzy cliche as a tag. 3. ??? 4. Fails"

Beanlet
Did you go to bed? I'm waiting for your next installment!

Unfortunately, no...This chick is the type to allow a feel after tragic events...especially if you're 17 as well (5 years ago)...however, I managed to take off her top, GGW franchise style, in the middle of the atlantic.

Some how, boobies made my averted shark attack quite alright.

Noah's are everywhere, most of the time you are at the beach, theres one just a few hundred meters away

"More details to come"

...and in other news, A. Shark has just given a deposition to Honolulu PD regarding the incident. His lawyer claims that he is the victim in this and the deceased kneed him in the mouth....

A few years ago, while vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, my entire extended family (brother, mother, uncle, aunts, and cousins) decides that it would be a wonderful idea to go swimming on a remote beach at midnight. I, and I alone sat on the beach watching them splash around in horror muttering "didn't any of you farkers see Jaws?" No attack, but the memory still freaks me out to this day.

This really shouldn't be made fun of. Sure, make fun of your local news for alarmist shark-attack reporting, but don't belittle the surfer's death.

Thank heavens things are back to normal.

Sharks. Feh. Wake me when it's Archetuchus attack season.

people are always blaming sharks for these attacks, but do we ever consider the possibility that some mahi-mahi w/attitude or a tuna gone bad might be responsible? I think not! And let's not discount the ex-wife in scuba gear with a samuri sword theory...

I've noticed that when this happens in Florida, the local newscasters refrain from using the term "shark attack". Instead, they say "shark bite"... Sounds less threatening, I guess.

Crunch61, "shark bite" is probably more accurate. The sharks don't have hands; they check stuff out by biting it and seeing what it does. An attack by a large shark is nearly always fatal.

The sharks don't have hands
Thanks for clarifying that for me! Really though, I agree with you but you'll notice national news coverage will use the more inflammatory "attack" (obviously to hype up their report)while local news uses "bite"... Just an observation! IIRC, only about 10% of shark attacks are fatal.

He should have watched Nemo. Dumbass.
Obvious pic: shark

humans are the only creatures that will repeatedly put themselves in dangerous situations intentionally.

we laugh at the simple minds of animals, but hey, if a dog walks across the electric fence and gets a shock, it stops crossing to avoid the pain. a person would probably stubbornly keep trying to cross, then blaming their pain on someone else not protecting them from the electric fence.

ok, i'm going out to join PETA... nah, not crazy enough

that is one frickin scary pic.

yeaaaah, i used to surf but i quit.

"It's all psychological, anyway.yell 'Barracuda' and everyone says'huh'. You yell 'Shark' and we've
got a panic on our hands. I think
we all agree we don't need a panic
this close to the 4th of July."

This is so 9/10.