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(ABC News)   From the Bad Headline Department: "Study Says Speed Humps Can Help Kids"   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
•       •       •

6595 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Mar 2004 at 10:16 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

74 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-03-30 07:41:00 PM  
Speed humps are tough to accomplish with those Slow Children!
2004-03-30 07:51:23 PM  
2004-03-30 09:52:57 PM  
From the Even Worse Subheadline Dept:
"Study Says Speed Humps That Force Motorists to Slow Down Can Cut Risk of Injury or Death to Children"
2004-03-30 10:45:36 PM  
I was made by a speed hump!
2004-03-30 10:46:56 PM  
This must be one of those dialect things. Out here in California, we say "speed bump." I've never even heard of a "speed hump."

Oh ... the story is set in California.

2004-03-30 10:47:23 PM  
Who the hell calls them "Speed Humps"?

Maybe its a Canadian thing, but i've always known them as "Speed Bumps..."
2004-03-30 10:47:29 PM  
Safe speed humping
2004-03-30 10:48:43 PM  
That's pretty damn funny
2004-03-30 10:50:26 PM  
It can help MAKE kids, that's for sure. Remember your rubbers, guys.
2004-03-30 10:51:47 PM  
Speed humps are longer, extended versions of speed bumps.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.
2004-03-30 10:51:55 PM  
In other news, Michael Jackson salivating like a Pavlovian dog.
2004-03-30 10:51:58 PM  
Yes, they speed bumps, humps are apparently different.
2004-03-30 10:53:03 PM  
In other news, an application has been received by one Michael Jackson for the speed hump job.
2004-03-30 10:53:43 PM  
/insert whitty line

got nothing
2004-03-30 10:54:07 PM  
We must be on the same pedophile wavelength there gopher.
2004-03-30 10:55:53 PM  
I was on speed bumps in my picture.
2004-03-30 10:56:05 PM  
I hate the frickin things. If everyone would just do what I do and honk as you cross each speed hump, they wouldn't exist.
2004-03-30 10:56:26 PM  
I want to be speed humped.
2004-03-30 10:57:38 PM  

Great minds think alike.
2004-03-30 10:58:23 PM  
"Speed bumps" are the standard term on the east coast too, maybe the author was British?
2004-03-30 11:00:32 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

yeah, what you guys think of this?
2004-03-30 11:00:36 PM  
We call them 'bumps' in Canada too. Pain in the arse, always spill my beer when I hit them.
2004-03-30 11:02:26 PM  

Who the hell calls them "Speed Humps"?

Maybe its a Canadian thing, but i've always known them as "Speed Bumps..."

...Its an Albany expression.

/You call them Steamed Hams, as they are obviously grilled
2004-03-30 11:03:41 PM  
I've heard Brits call them "sleeping policemen." Too funny.
2004-03-30 11:03:55 PM  
Speed humps have a more gradual slope than speed bumps...usually meaning you don't have to slow to a crawl before driving over the damn things.
2004-03-30 11:04:03 PM  
I want to be speed humped.

Um, hi. Do you have any pictures of yourself?

/Back off you guys! -- I said BACK OFF!!
2004-03-30 11:04:04 PM  
Speed Bumps here in Miami as well.

Still LMAO @ the headline.
2004-03-30 11:07:35 PM  
Was it a wet or dry speed hump?
2004-03-30 11:09:08 PM  
well, they've always helped me.
2004-03-30 11:12:12 PM  

we've got those tables in our neighborhood


i know they call them speed humps at western kentucky university.
i didn't read that website someone posted but i think the difference between a hump and a bump is that a hump is spread over a larger area than a bump, which is actually fairly obvious.
2004-03-30 11:17:17 PM  
We have speed humps in certain parts of Grand Rapids, and bumps in others. People who molest speed humps are sexual asphalters (I have pics).
2004-03-30 11:19:18 PM  
So is this what Childrens' Astroglide is good for.

/burning in hell
2004-03-30 11:20:17 PM  
30 minutes or its free?
2004-03-30 11:21:24 PM  
"Tonight at the Pit: Everybody gets speeeed hummmmped."
2004-03-30 11:22:40 PM  
My kids like it slow and tender.
2004-03-30 11:23:50 PM  
Still no cure for cancer? Does that still apply here?
2004-03-30 11:24:08 PM  
lol, Halfmast Trousers
2004-03-30 11:24:27 PM  
just ignore them, thats what the cars suspension is for.
2004-03-30 11:26:11 PM  
this needs an OBVIOUS tag. slowing down on residential roads prevents injuries. who woulda thought...

didnt RTFA, just headlines..
2004-03-30 11:29:26 PM  

Speed humps are longer, extended versions of speed bumps.

Now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

So I guess that those things all over our street (we live near an elementary school) are technically speed humps but all the signs around here say "bump" and "bump ahead."

I supposed "hump" and "hump ahead" would be grounds for too much snickering.

Although no where near the grounds for snickering that the "secure your load" stickers in the back of a neighbor's work truck are for me...

/mind of a 7th grade boy inside the body of a 27 year old mom
2004-03-30 11:36:04 PM  
I hit one the other day that wasn't marked or painted. Pissed me off. Probably took a year or two off the life of my suspension. Anybody have a jackhammer, bulldozer, or something I can borrow in case I ever go mental?
2004-03-30 11:39:59 PM  
When you're a kid, they're all speed humps.
2004-03-30 11:41:03 PM  

/clone high anybody?
2004-03-30 11:43:47 PM  

So I guess that those things all over our street (we live near an elementary school) are technically speed humps but all the signs around here say "bump" and "bump ahead."

We really should call the UN and force them to regulate the naming of these things. Someone could get hurt.

Note: My HTML abilities have been removed. You'll have to imagine the bold and italic fonts.
2004-03-30 11:44:09 PM  
When the Indians fall asleep in the middle of the road, we call them scream bumps.
2004-03-30 11:45:18 PM  
No wait, I'm a dumass. Carry on.
2004-03-30 11:47:36 PM  

You're a dumbass. :)
2004-03-30 11:50:02 PM  
In Mexico they are known as Dead Policemen.
2004-03-30 11:52:39 PM  
Here in San Diego, a lot of neighborhoods have them, and I can see their purpose. You have to slow down to about 10 or 15 at best otherwise you're speed humping yourself into bad alignment and worn out shocks. Of course I've heard that's what can happen if you speed hump too much.

The only downside is that the Fire Department and EMT rig drivers protested them because in a 911 call they gotta slow WAY WAY down because they don't want to bottom out the truck, thus, slowing down critical response time, and they don't like that. Neither do those who lay broken and bleeding or needing CPR in a house somewhere that's in a neighborhood that's all speed humpy. So on one hand you're protecting lives while on the other hand delaying a life possibly being saved...Tough call.

I can never drive over them in my car without hearing that scraping of the air scoop underneath. Like nails on a chalkboard.
2004-03-31 12:14:37 AM  
I think they mean that if mom & dad "speed hump" they run less risk of the kids walking in on them during the act and scaring them for life.

"What's all the noise? What are you doing to my mommy?!?"
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