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(Jesus)   I Hate Having My Birthday On Christmas by Jesus   ( divider line
    More: Satire  
•       •       •

4826 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Dec 2001 at 6:24 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

132 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-12-23 06:28:50 PM  
Yeah, funny. Ha. Ha. Ha.

I know, why don't you take the piss out of Muslims instead of Christians all the time on Fark? Or are you all farking scared?
2001-12-23 06:31:44 PM  
Farkanoid needs their medication upped.
2001-12-23 06:32:35 PM  
How does this stuff make it up on the posts? I demand to speak to the moderator.
2001-12-23 06:34:14 PM  
Shut the fark up. I can't stand to hear you, of all people, whining. Go get drunk and tell it to the snowman.
Jesus farking Christ!
2001-12-23 06:35:39 PM  
Christians, not to ridicule you or anything, but:

Prove it. Prove any of what Jesus did was true and I will believe you. And don't gimme dat 'faith' crapioli!

Actually, any organized religions have serious flaws and
internal conflicts. ANY. 'cept maybe cults, but i wouldn't know.
2001-12-23 06:36:41 PM  
i had my birthday on friday...

birthday/xmas combo gifts SUCK DICK!
2001-12-23 06:37:20 PM  
Farkanoid: Isn't whining one of the mortal sins? If not, please make it so. Thank you.
2001-12-23 06:38:29 PM  
God Bless America
2001-12-23 06:41:58 PM  
This was lame.
2001-12-23 06:42:10 PM  
barely interesting link. it'd be nice to be able to call typical christians out on their relative lack of a sense of humor, but this link's just kind of "blah". this link sucks for reasons other than blasphemy.
2001-12-23 06:42:23 PM  
My brother was due to born on Xmas, but my mom had labor induced on the 15th specifically so his birthday wouldn't be diminished.
That woman was a saint, I tell ya.
My brother, on the other hand.....
2001-12-23 06:44:29 PM  
My birthday is on Christmas but I have no problem with that.
2001-12-23 06:48:23 PM  
My birthday is a couple days after xmas. It sucks, but whatever, people give me free shiat, I wont complain. Damn complainers
2001-12-23 06:49:34 PM  
My parents were married on Christmas day. My mom's birthday is on Christmas. KA-CHING! Can you say one gift for the price of one? ;)
2001-12-23 06:52:27 PM  
what is there to joke about with Buddhists or Hindus?

Vishnu: "I hate being one of 5,000 gods"
2001-12-23 06:52:40 PM  
Preach on Jesus!
2001-12-23 06:53:18 PM  
(Dad's really hard to shop for anyway. Talk about the Guy who literally has EVERYTHING).
2001-12-23 07:03:26 PM  
Did anyone see the Christmas ep of Family Guy?

Peter: Christmas is the time when we celebrate Jesus when he rises from the grave to feed on the flesh of the living.

Some Guy: Thats Blasphemy!!!

Guy next to Some Guy: There's nothing you can do about it...

Some Guy: Oh well I guess I'll have to develop a sense of humor...
2001-12-23 07:07:12 PM  
If nobody can come up with funny Muslim jokes in this thread, then the terrorists have already won
2001-12-23 07:08:00 PM  
Jesus can feed on my flesh anytime he wants. He'd just better be willing to swallow.
2001-12-23 07:16:39 PM  
Q: How many Muslims does it take to stoke the fires of Hell?
A: All of them.
2001-12-23 07:20:35 PM  
Total Waste of Bandwidth!!!
Not amusing, not interesting.
Very offensive.
Please, be so kind and step up to the plate and put a name to the author of this dribble. Voodoo will follow you.
2001-12-23 07:21:23 PM  
How bout a Catholic one:

A drunken man staggers in to a Catholic church and sits down in a confession box and says nothing. The bewildered priest coughs to attract his attention, but still the man says nothing.
The priest then knocks on the wall three times in a final attempt to get the man to speak. Finally, the drunk replies, "No use knockin' mate, there's no paper in this one either."
2001-12-23 07:22:07 PM  
Did you hear the one about the Muslim that got some anti-perspirant for Christmas?
He gave it back, claiming that he didn't observe the holiday.
2001-12-23 07:23:04 PM  
Very offensive? Looks like someone needs to check out goatse_cx to get his priorities straight.
2001-12-23 07:26:42 PM  
I finally found Jesus.
He was behind the sofa the whole time.
2001-12-23 07:28:30 PM  
In today's net standards, goatse_cx is damn tame.
2001-12-23 07:34:30 PM  
Those who refuse to acknowledge Jesus as Lord , usually change their mind when Calamity overcomes them.In times of peril , we all know who to call on.When all the engines quit on an airplane , when the house is on fire , when a tornado , or hurricane ,earthquake , or flood strikes -- Most people may not admit it --- but they will cry out to Jesus for Divine help.Every Knee shall bow , and every tongue confess that JESUS CHRIST IS LORD --- Willingly -- OR Not.
2001-12-23 07:35:18 PM  
We need some Photoshopping
2001-12-23 07:37:25 PM  
My, my. Aren't we all just the young sophisticates.
2001-12-23 07:40:28 PM  
You are seriously farked up. Did you just crawl out of Jerry Falwell's ass? Where did you come from? Can you please go back there?
2001-12-23 07:41:15 PM  
No doubt! I'll get on my knees before Jesus and confess with my tongue that he is Lord. He'd just better be willing to switch roles after he gets his nut!
2001-12-23 07:41:45 PM  
Sure, that site was about as funny as a piece of cardboard, but I wasn't offended by it. I think religion needs to be made fun of every once in awhile.
2001-12-23 07:51:55 PM  
As someone who has a birthday at this time of year, I can say that we get a raw deal on presents. "Combination gifts" are especially lame. My brother always got better gifts on his birthday in February. But if you ever actually say anything about it, you come across as an ungrateful brat. But am I bitter? Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... (chuckle)
2001-12-23 07:54:55 PM  
i have my b-day on 27th man --- we born on christmass always get deprived of presents. people think "oh, this dude's b-day is near Jesus'... lets combine presents, it saves money!"

\yeah? well, i had enough! I WANT DOUBLE THE PRESENTS!

it isnt fair to all those born on leap years because they only get presents once every four years.

stand up and fight!

lets get our presents!

p.s.- Santa, if your really out there ... what i really want for christmass is a piece of ass ...

2001-12-23 07:55:22 PM  
By the way, there is no God. Now let me get back to waiting for Santa to come.
2001-12-23 07:56:42 PM  
"God" is Pure Energy
Hey...that makes me...
"When all the engines quit on an airplane , when the house is on fire , when a tornado , or hurricane ,earthquake , or flood strikes -- Most people may not admit it --- but they will cry out to"...ME
It's OK, I forgive you.
2001-12-23 08:00:50 PM  

Probably the only "proof" that you will accept will come after your death. Until then ... "eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we ..."
2001-12-23 08:02:39 PM  
Anawnamos1 : When Calamity overcomes us, do we then get to cum over Calamity??
2001-12-23 08:06:10 PM  
Better have a condom on hand, just in case.
2001-12-23 08:15:21 PM  

Speak for yourself. People typically look for a higher power when life spins out of their control. The opinion that Jesus is the be all end all is a result of Christian propaganda, NOT SOME INSTINCTIVE KNOWLEDGE.

Modern Christianity is a capitalist compromise, and a sham. Don't get sanctimonious with it, because to do so is against Christ.

Oh, and what're you getting for Christmas? (Christ was likely born in September, closer to 5 or 7 B.C., and Christmas, like Easter and Halloween, was stolen from pagans).

All is not as you think it is.
2001-12-23 08:19:29 PM  
My late mother-in-law, Emmanuella Agius, was born on Christmas Day and was the sweetest mother-in-law in the whole world.
She loved the Catholic Church and she loved Jesus and the Mother Mary and All the Saints.
She died 8 months after my late father-in-law who was the father I never had.
He came to this country with only a few dollars in his pocket and became a welder at GM in Detroit. He made something of himself in this country. He also loved the Church.
They raised 5 children who all attended Catholic School in Malta and Detroit.
I was with my Mother-in-law when she died and she had such an expression of joy on her face to meet her Master, real or imagined. It was a joyous death.

Happy Birthday, Nana and Merry Christmas to you and Nano, I will always love you and think of you at Christmas and on your Birthday.
2001-12-23 08:21:31 PM  

You shouldn't have written that cos' I'm gonna start crying when people start making fun of you.
2001-12-23 08:27:25 PM  
A somewhat-less-offensive article ran in the Onion on the brink of Jesus' 1,999th birthday.

JERUSALEM-Jesus Christ, son of God and savior of humanity, confided Monday that He is not looking forward to His 2,000th birthday next year, saying that He is 'really dreading turning the big two-oh-oh-oh.'
2001-12-23 08:27:49 PM  
December 25 was the birthday of the Sol Invictus, Mithra, the sun god. Blame it on a Roman Emperor for attaching it to Christ. Christ would not be honored by it. Read Jeremiah 10 -5 and DEUTERONOMY 12: 29-31 for what God (YHWH)thinks.
2001-12-23 08:30:09 PM  
Affinity: That was sweet. Though I'm tempted, I'll show no disrespect.
LordWatson: You make me laugh. Please continue.
2001-12-23 08:32:15 PM  
Since when are the books of the Bible a good place to look for what God thinks?
2001-12-23 08:39:35 PM  
Happy B day nano
2001-12-23 08:49:28 PM  
If I were God, I think I'd be pretty annoyed by all the bullshiat, arrogance, and hatred that gets thrown around in my name.
2001-12-23 08:50:23 PM  
and your source is? I'm talking about YHWH, the God of Abraham Isaac and Jacob as well as Jesus. Not the universal god that is enspoused by those in the ecumenical movement by
hindus, buddists, and some christians and other such folk who believe they worship the same god.
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