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(eBay)   Genuine Soviet ICBM launch keys now being sold   (cgi.ebay.com) divider line 136
    More: Scary  
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33409 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Mar 2004 at 10:06 PM (10 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



136 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2004-03-18 06:03:13 PM  
Damn, I don't know why, but that would be frickin' cool to have. Maybe it's because I grew up during the 80s at the height of the Cold War.
 
2004-03-18 06:15:55 PM  
If they cut that price in half, they'll be in my den.
 
2004-03-18 06:22:59 PM  
Um, I had some of these when I was a kid. They came with the handcuffs I bought off of a street vendor in D.C.

Seriously, this is like people buying half-eaten celebrity food.

Suckers.
 
2004-03-18 06:37:18 PM  
True SchlingFo, there's no way I'd pay $405 US for that. But it would be damn cool.
 
2004-03-18 06:50:09 PM  
?
NOTE: These are no longer in use - NO CHANCE that they will fall in the wrong hands and launch something.
 
2004-03-18 06:58:41 PM  
Genuine huh? Prove it.

opps.
 
2004-03-18 07:20:12 PM  
At last! I can quit pushing my Soviet ICBM down the driveway to threaten my asshat neighbor.
 
2004-03-18 10:06:33 PM  
Idiots! If someone acquires these and then uses a time machine... the consequences are too much!
 
2004-03-18 10:11:44 PM  
John Titor!
 
2004-03-18 10:12:02 PM  
Now all I need to do is build a Soviet ICBM and I'll be able to bring the world to its knees.
 
2004-03-18 10:13:53 PM  
They look like doohickeys you would find in someone's toolbox. Pffft
 
2004-03-18 10:15:18 PM  
I agree with jasjas. Born in 78. I have such a morbid facination with all things nuclear... I'd love to have those. Well...not for $400+. *cough*
 
2004-03-18 10:15:53 PM  
Somehow, I thought ICBM missile launch keys would look a bit more complex then, say, a gym locker key.
 
2004-03-18 10:16:23 PM  
Those don't really look like the lock was hard to pick. I mean, one tumbler? That's all that kept us from that twilight zone episode from becoming real? That's worthy of a "scary" tag.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2004-03-18 10:16:46 PM  
For that price they should be radioactive and come with a Russian mail-order bride.
 
vjp
2004-03-18 10:18:37 PM  
Oh yeah, if it came from some guy in Russia, it HAS to be legit...

/snork!
 
2004-03-18 10:19:17 PM  
Idiots! If someone acquires these and then uses a time machine... the consequences are too much!

doesn't matter to me. the SALT treaty was signed 4 years before i was born. someone using these keys in the past would have to travel back to that time or before in order to use them. so when Armageddon comes, instead of being alive to witness it, i'll just have never existed. i'm all set. =P
 
2004-03-18 10:20:24 PM  
I had a bud that worked in one of the missile silos. He told me some interesting things:

Everyone who had access to a key had a combination lock and everytime you started your shift, the guy you were replacing would take off his lock and you'd put on yours. Only the person that owned the lock new the combination. Three people needed to turn their keys to launch the missiles.

The guy took his lock with him when he left. He used it to lock his luggage. The combination was Jean Valjean's prisoner number.
 
2004-03-18 10:20:46 PM  
the 80s at the height of the Cold War.

Errrr....While I'd definately say the 80s were a high point of the Cold War, I really would not call it the height of the Cold War. But that's just me. Sorry for trolling.
 
2004-03-18 10:22:06 PM  
The Soviet Union was never a threat to the United States. The warmongering Americans, and Reagan in particular, were the only threats to peace. Reagan's inexcusable decision to place nuclear missiles in Germany despite absolutely HUGE public protests to the contrary ensures him a place in the hall of infamy forever.
 
2004-03-18 10:22:50 PM  
They do not appear to be as ominous as I expected. I thought that that would be big, double headed, with a vampire skull of something as the head... but no, they look like something I'd use to lock up my bike... not unleash death on the world on a scale unseen since the big one that killed the dinosaurs...
 
2004-03-18 10:26:49 PM  
You are all so very young. Enjoy it. As someone who was instructed that hiding under my school desk would protect me from Soviet A-bombs.......

We who are about to geeze salute you!
 
2004-03-18 10:28:00 PM  
If I could travel back in time, I'd make a FORTUNE selling these babies on the black market!!!
 
2004-03-18 10:28:26 PM  
They do not appear to be as ominous as I expected. I thought that that would be big, double headed, with a vampire skull of something as the head... but no, they look like something I'd use to lock up my bike...

SOVIET. Picture unattractive, efficient tractors and featureless rectangular apartment complexes. That said, how the hell are we supposed to believe these are genuine? I could have made them in grade 11 machine shop.
 
2004-03-18 10:30:30 PM  
Time left: 3 days 22 hours

History: 27 bids


why do people insist on bidding early and often such as mistdancer0 is doing? makes no sense to me.

i can understand it if you're not going to be around when the auction ends, but the early/often bidding happens too often for that to always be the case.
 
2004-03-18 10:30:33 PM  
Bart: Dad, can you bring me a torpedo?
Homer: No
Bart: But Ned Flanders got his kids torpedoes
Homer: Oh they did did they. Then I will bring you back weapons of unsurmountable power.

/just saw the episode again
 
2004-03-18 10:31:00 PM  
If I could travel back in time, I'd make a FORTUNE selling these babies on the black market!!!

If I could travel back in time, screw the black market, I'd devote my life to helping my past self get laid in high school.
 
2004-03-18 10:34:06 PM  
gromky
The Soviet Union was never a threat to the United States. The warmongering Americans, and Reagan in particular, were the only threats to peace. Reagan's inexcusable decision to place nuclear missiles in Germany despite absolutely HUGE public protests to the contrary ensures him a place in the hall of infamy forever.
NOOOO, NOOOO, NOOO this is not turning into a flame war else I will crush you all
/or get a bag of popcorn, I love cold war flame wars(heehee somethings funny about that phrase but I'm not sure what)
//cold war russian stuff is so cool
 
2004-03-18 10:37:37 PM  
2wolves

See thats why the 80's were so much more fun. By the time I was a teenager then we had given up on the whole Bomb Drill thing and just accepted that if the bombs started falling grab the nearest girl, whether she was willing or not, and go out in a blazing orgasm of glory cause your ass was grass.

Hell most of us teens kinda wanted the bombs to be released so we could "get some"
 
2004-03-18 10:38:20 PM  
Gromky

Inexcusable? C'mon, Reagan, along with other leaders, figured that Russia was on the verge of collapsing inward upon itself if it tried to keep up with the US in the arms race. And it's not like Germany and the rest of western Europe weren't targets to begin with, as any NATO base would have been hit in the highly unlikely event that the Soviets used their nuclear capability.

Lastly, I hope that you don't think that the Soviet system was a good one. I run into a lot of people (both in the United States and elsewhere) that like to overlook just how bad the Soviet regime could be for the people of the USSR.
 
2004-03-18 10:39:28 PM  
ToStupidTooCare

Time left: 3 days 22 hours

History: 27 bids

why do people insist on bidding early and often such as mistdancer0 is doing? makes no sense to me.

i can understand it if you're not going to be around when the auction ends, but the early/often bidding happens too often for that to always be the case.


Ummm is it irony that yor username is also the answer to your question?
 
2004-03-18 10:40:59 PM  
Hey SCA put away the troll food. He looks hungry.
 
2004-03-18 10:41:31 PM  
The Soviet Union was never a threat to the United States

Wrong. They weren't much of a threat in the 80's, but they definately were in the early 60's.
 
2004-03-18 10:41:32 PM  
For what it's worth, I stood in front of the Russian ICBM & US Minuteman II nuclear missiles on exhibit in the Smithosonian Air & Space Museum and let me tell ya - I've NEVER had chills like that before. It brings the absolute crushing reality of the Cuban missile crisis, nuclear winter, & the rest of the cold war fears home.
 
2004-03-18 10:41:58 PM  
I want those... for about 1/4th the price.
 
2004-03-18 10:42:56 PM  
2004-03-18 10:39:28 PM Digitalstrange

best...comment...ever
 
2004-03-18 10:48:55 PM  
Nuclear Launched Detected.
 
Ike [TotalFark]
2004-03-18 10:50:44 PM  
For someone so concerned about their "professional rep" as these jokers claim to be, they could at least not disenchant their potential customers with lame crap like "We believe that these are Titanium, but we do not know for sure and have not had them tested." First of all, for chrissake, use the English language properly and don't capitalize elemental names for emphasis, and second of all, the photos combined with some common sense make it plain that these are in all likelihood just pieces of _steel_. Very cool pieces of steel to have now, mind you, but I'm betting steel. Why would keys be made of titanium? Especially keys that, for obvious reasons, would be themselves under lock and key and guard at all times. Why would the Soviet government, which was locked in a blind but apparent downward spiral mainly due to stupid military expenditure, think that these launch keys needed to be nonmagnetic or especially resistant to acids? Keys are harder to lose if they're made of denser metals, and titanium, especially the purer sort, is more difficult to cold-machine (especially with the precision one would require for a very special key) in the ways that keys need to be by proxy? The pictures scream stainless steel. There's no bluish patina or the "fog" that tends to develop on highly-polished Ti surfaces such as that of the keygrips (which is really farking cool, but still). THIS IS HYPE! It's an insult to my intellingence to try to resort to the circa-1998 "titanium is the fad wonder metal" crap to sell something that needs no hype at all. Soviet ICBM launch keys! Say no more! Do I care if the tires on "my new" Dodge Tomahawk are made by Dunlop? Of course not! Argh... The lengths that people will go to, the length of neck they're winning to lay on the block, the sheer irony implicit in some dolt's attempt to further his "cred" by effectively destroying it, it just irks me. Sorry for the rant, but this deserved it. Must play Vietcong...
 
2004-03-18 10:50:49 PM  
I bet they make a pretty sound when you blow through them.
 
YMW
2004-03-18 10:57:26 PM  
THAT IS SO farkING COOL
 
2004-03-18 10:57:26 PM  
NOTE: These are no longer in use - NO CHANCE that they will fall in the wrong hands and launch something.

Dandy! These will go along great with those Soviet ICBMs I bought that were no longer in use...


-Raptor
 
YMW
2004-03-18 10:58:04 PM  
haha. filter lowercased my ass.
 
2004-03-18 10:58:05 PM  
Anyone know why the comments for the 3 articles above this are requiring a totalfark login?
 
2004-03-18 10:58:17 PM  
Um...is it just me, or did like four headlines disappear?
 
2004-03-18 10:58:39 PM  
comment boxes are from now on "totalfark" exclusive (or for some articles)? how lame. :-/
 
2004-03-18 10:59:20 PM  
Weird, what happened to the RIck James soundboard?

http://postcrap.entensity.net/031604/flash.php?flash=rickjames.swf
 
2004-03-18 10:59:22 PM  
Fark does the time warp again
 
2004-03-18 10:59:40 PM  
You know, I have the feeling that I could make those in a metal shop in about 5 minutes for about 50 cents...
 
2004-03-18 11:00:23 PM  
Glitch in the matrix?
 
2004-03-18 11:00:37 PM  
we all went back in time *wavey screen like a flashback*
 
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