Am I the only one that got a slight boner from reading this?

Errm, no.

eh, I can do that myself.

hmmm... my original offensive headline for this article got decimated but I still got credit for submission.

Should I be happy or annoyed?

I for one am appalled at the numbers of fellow farkers who are willing to part with this time-honored tradition. Like Ms. Happyhand said in the article, you can't play baseball without second base. The reason that many men are better at it than women is we spend countless hours practicing, perfecting it. Sore arm? That's the sign of a quitter.

And to any woman who thinks that a properly-applied hand isn't enough, please explain why else so many men would sit though half of a horrible massage from a bony Asian woman with buck teeth. It's for the happy ending.

Handjobs...

me like...

You cannot receive oral sex...from yourself.

Speak for yourself.

and for the record, i originally gave this a SAD tag. I never would think the decline of hand jobs is spiffy.

in other news, iollow has the right idea. They're great for covert operations... like when you're visiting home witht the gf and you're in the 'rents hottub in clear view of the house.

Good times, good times.

It was something to the effect of:

You slutty college girl article of the day discusses the decline of the handjob.

Fairly lame and not completely vile but enough of a combo to get edited I guess.

I, for one, am willing to do my part to fight the decline of the handjob. I promise to give myself one tonight, or in the morning.

It's funny, sitting around thinking about handjobs is kind of getting me aroused, but actually getting one is usually pretty boring. With notable exceptions.

Maybe if some girls learned how to do it right.

Facts all women should know about them:

1)Grab at the base and pull up. Anything else is going to rub it raw.

2) You, not being a member of the Rumanian Women's Powerlifting Team, are not going to break it.

3) Did I mention "grab at the base"?

4) The "popcorn" trick is an an oldie but a goodie. Respect the past.

SockMonkeyHolocaust, how on Earth could you have mentioned all that and not discussed proper lubrication?!

Unfreakable
That was what the popcorn butter is for...um, yeah.

5) You catch more bees with honey and it feels better with lubrication. The handjob, not catching bees. That you can do on your own time. The catching of the bees. Right.

6) Don't talk about those beasts from the diametrically opposed fraternity on campus. It will only infuriate him and leave you with a tired wrist.

Miss Jessica Pivik can insult my monkey any time.
/oh baby.

I bet you if she really wanted to, she could bring it back single handedly.