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(Weekly World News)   North Korean tyrant Kim Jong Il has offered to shut down his nuclear arms program if he's given a sneak preview of Star Wars Episode III   ( divider line
    More: Amusing  
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9406 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Mar 2004 at 9:04 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

46 Comments     (+0 »)
2004-03-14 09:08:21 AM  
Why do they even post these things
2004-03-14 09:08:30 AM  
Hahaha.. Anakin is Darth Vader
2004-03-14 09:08:30 AM  
Must be true. It's in Weekly World News.
2004-03-14 09:08:52 AM  
Someone needs to tell NK that star wars sucks.
2004-03-14 09:11:20 AM  
I got yer sneak preview, Kim Jong.

Against the backdrop of the clone wars, Anakin becomes Vader and virtually wipes out the Jedi.

Yoda goes into hiding.

Amidala has twins, a son and a daughter.
2004-03-14 09:13:56 AM  
Oh those silly tabloids. Everyone knows he is going to camp in front of Mann's Chinese Theater for a week just like every other geek. Betcha he is even going to dress up like a Jedi this time. The Darth Maul stick-on horns pulled out his hair plugs after Episode II.
2004-03-14 09:14:16 AM  
I will root for Vader if he will just kill Jar Jar.

Freaking ass muppet
2004-03-14 09:16:07 AM  
Whatever you do, DO NOT look at this week's "Page 5 Girl."

Oh, the horror.
2004-03-14 09:17:51 AM  
This is confusing. Is it Kim Jong the Second? What happened to Kim Jong the First? Was he a nicer guy than his son? And admit it guys, wouldn't you guys be kinda pissed off at the world if you had to go around all the time with a girl's name? World leaders, supposedly your equals, constantly getting you mixed up with your secretary?
2004-03-14 09:18:02 AM  
Kim Jong looks more like Nien Nunb than Vader.

/le dorque
2004-03-14 09:18:50 AM  
Stunt Cock

I guess she goes with this week's theme of "Freaks, Geeks, and Weirdos".
2004-03-14 09:21:21 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
"It's a trap!"

The only reason he hasn't nuked the US is because he's waiting for George to finish the movie. Once he's seen it, the bombs start dropping.
2004-03-14 09:23:09 AM  
I think that's every week with WWN. And the New York Times.

Sad = I know a guy that used to read Weekly World News religiously, and he pretended that it was just for that giant crossword puzzle.

/Batboy to Star in new Spielberg movie
2004-03-14 09:29:48 AM  
Stunt Cock

I use to read it too, until it became too right-wing for my taste. It's one thing to be a tabloid, it's another thing to put a political slant on stories that are completely made up.
2004-03-14 09:39:04 AM  
I'll start a nuclear arms program if they force me to watch it.
2004-03-14 09:42:22 AM  
Hah. I know people get tired of WWN stuff, but articles like this one really make me think they share a writing staff with The Onion. That's generally a good thing.
2004-03-14 09:58:21 AM  
"wouldn't you guys be kinda pissed off at the world if you had to go around all the time with a girl's name? World leaders, supposedly your equals, constantly getting you mixed up with your secretary?"

My name's Whitney.

Who wants some!?!?
2004-03-14 09:59:42 AM  

Let me know if you need an evil sidekick.

/goes back to watching the original trilogy
2004-03-14 10:01:59 AM  
Hey now, the "Home Stomach Stapling kit" (only $69.95!) under SCI/TECH news could come in handy for the next "McDonald's makes us fat" thread. And the "Don't Eat Bats!" article has some important health info.
2004-03-14 10:16:04 AM  

Easy buddy! Nobody want's any trouble. We all like you as a matter of fact, speaking for myself...


I am so very sorry I tried and tried not to do that.

How's about a hug?
2004-03-14 10:26:13 AM  
Like a fool I didn't heed the warning and went to the page 5 "girl" ARRRGHGHGHGH!!!!!! WHAT A BEAST!

2004-03-14 10:34:25 AM  
So THAT'S what this is all about! You see what happens when rabid sci-fi fans are left to rule their nations unchecked?
2004-03-14 10:50:03 AM  
Nothing But Net:
"This is confusing. Is it Kim Jong the Second? What happened to Kim Jong the First? Was he a nicer guy than his son? And admit it guys, wouldn't you guys be kinda pissed off at the world if you had to go around all the time with a girl's name? World leaders, supposedly your equals, constantly getting you mixed up with your secretary?"

his name is Kim Jong IL (I:icecream L:lemon) - not 2
his fathers name was Kim Il Sung

Kim has been used as a name in that region longer than it has in any western country.

His father was determined to unify the country and did so with reluctant soviet support - but not with soviet encoragement as the American government said so at the time and for a long time after..

the son - Kim Jong Il - does like action movies and aparently watchs many western blockbusters while they are not available for public consumption in north korea - but the storys obviously bullsh*t
2004-03-14 10:50:34 AM  
"It's almost unfathomable that this dangerous rogue nation that's held the world in the grip of fear with its nuclear threats for the past year is being governed by a sci-fi nerd obsessed with light sabers and the Force.""

I am hurt.
2004-03-14 10:51:23 AM  
This is nothing compared with the ruckus his father threw while waiting for the conclusion of "Best of Both Worlds" in 1990.
2004-03-14 10:59:32 AM  
the weekly world news makes the main page? how low have we stooped?
2004-03-14 11:01:30 AM  
IrishEmperor, let me introduce you to a few new words: satire, sarcasm, irony.

Learn them, and their meanings. They will serve you well as a Fark poster.
2004-03-14 11:28:12 AM  
I dunno--I know someone through my mom that works for the govement and they have to negotiate where the meetings will take place, what color carpet, drapes, shape of table...other minor stuff used to play for time maybe...Seattle was a nighmare acording to her(WTO).
2004-03-14 11:29:40 AM  
Wold Trade Ogernization
2004-03-14 11:42:39 AM  
May the Farce be with you!
2004-03-14 11:46:56 AM  
I know it's WWN, but really, if a more respectible paper announced this, would we really doubt it?

Kim Jong-Il is just batfark crazy. That's one reason I have hope for North Korea, actually. Once he dies, there's simply no way they could get someone WORSE.
2004-03-14 11:57:48 AM  
Why is Kim Jong Il'in?
2004-03-14 12:09:58 PM  
I'm sorry that's UNACCEPTABLE. Does he know what the penalty for having a movie in his possession before it has been released is? I think Congress is trying to make it a FELONY!! No, we just simply won't negotiate with this madman.
2004-03-14 12:20:58 PM  
the united states does not negotiate with terrorists
2004-03-14 12:23:42 PM  
WWN = better than the Onion.
2004-03-14 12:35:09 PM  
frmiller, so true, so true:







Friggin hilarious.
2004-03-14 12:52:08 PM  
III spoilers, fit for a tyrant:

2004-03-14 12:57:16 PM  
Pretty dumb, actually, johnnyrocket. Makes me think of every circulating forward that people have evrer e-mailed to me, causing me to block their address.
2004-03-14 01:51:45 PM  
I checked out that site, Brown Couch . Could Lucas possibly come up with more generic names for the villains? Immediately when you hear someone's name you can tell whether they'll end up a bad guy.

Councillor Egregious, Admiral Loathe, Senator Noxius, Fin McBadguy
2004-03-14 02:50:25 PM  
Isn't this a repeat? I've read this before. I flipped through conversation logs and saw that I sent this link to people months ago. It could have only come from fark.
2004-03-14 02:51:22 PM  
Star Wars Episodes I & II make baby Jebus cry.

Still, you know some loser is going to camp out to be the first in line to see Episode III.
2004-03-14 03:03:09 PM  
How bout this? I'll nuke North Korea if I can see the movie early. Yes. I am the loser who will be camped out to be first in line to see Episode III. I figure, after the pile that was Episode II, it couldn't get any worse.
2004-03-14 03:51:32 PM  
anyone who thinks his name is kim jong 2 is a farking idiot.
2004-03-14 09:06:18 PM  
What's worse is that this article is a rip-off of an episode of Kid Notorious. Not that I watch it or anything.
2004-03-14 09:39:15 PM  
Nice explanation. If anyone else is interested, though...

Kim is actually his last name - Koreans put their family name first. Also, the last names Kim, Park, and Lee make up twenty percent of Korean names. Go figure.

Kim Jong Il's my idol - anyone who kidnaps a foreign actress and director for the good of his nation's film industry is well worth admiring.

/just in case you were wondering
2004-03-15 02:26:57 AM  
Yep, after Kim Jong Il or whatever watches episode 3, all us Yankees are farked. He'll launch his two nukes, one hitting Nebraska, and the other hitting Alaska. So basically he'll wipe out our wheat and our Eskimoes. We then shall demand that he sends all of his Korean babes here, and that they must fark every American male in sight.

/sucker for Asian girls...
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