FARK.com: (870723) Lonely Russian makes love to a padlock. Hilarity ensues

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(Some Guy)		Lonely Russian makes love to a padlock. Hilarity ensues (anorak.co.uk)		98
		More: Strange

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17521 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2004 at 9:48 PM | Favorite | share:

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Zippy_da_Midget		2004-03-12 09:51:21 PM

That's a small salami.

hrnghl		2004-03-12 09:51:44 PM

True love is hard to find.

My Dixie Wrecked		2004-03-12 09:52:38 PM

You gotta do, what you gotta do.

sirbongalot		2004-03-12 09:53:04 PM

confucious say man who makes love to padlock need key to crooked vagina.
/nothin

Lord_Marquis		2004-03-12 09:53:08 PM

Or a large lock... either way, Men all over the world wince in sympathy upon reading this story...

/who hasn't tried to poke their thing somewhere it didn't belong? i haven't... but that's besides the point...

holierthanthou		2004-03-12 09:53:19 PM

Now I have an excuse for the ladies as to why I lean hard to starboard.

RockIsDead		2004-03-12 09:53:36 PM

Was it a Master... oh nevermind.

Zippy_da_Midget		2004-03-12 09:53:44 PM

Okay, RTFA...

"His penis will be bent to one side but it will still function."

but this is normal, isn't it? ISN'T IT!?!?!!

Cthulus_Toaster		2004-03-12 09:53:57 PM

Is this like the adult version of that movie with the kid who wanted a bb gun???

VinegarJones		2004-03-12 09:54:16 PM

Say man!Have you been having sex around corners?

Lord_Marquis		2004-03-12 09:54:58 PM

Also: which part of the lock did he stick it in??? The keyhole? Then it is really a tiny tool...

Or if he jammed it in the lock, he should have had they key / combination on hand to remove the damn thing in case of "accident"...

vzleon		2004-03-12 09:55:23 PM

"Moscow firemen freed the 20-year-old using cold water, grease and bolt cutters after a sex game went wrong."

he let them get near his wang with bolt cutters? christ

MrNeutron		2004-03-12 09:55:57 PM

He bent his wookie

Anti_Freak_Machine		2004-03-12 09:56:25 PM

It's pretty safe to say it sucks to be him.

scubatuck		2004-03-12 09:56:45 PM

i call bullshiat

Wake 'n Bake		2004-03-12 09:57:21 PM

Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?

Or am I just special?

ms.sin		2004-03-12 09:57:26 PM

Schlocking!

WhoreofBabylon		2004-03-12 09:58:14 PM

If it's too bent for intercourse, then maybe this is Darwin awards material...

scubatuck		2004-03-12 09:58:50 PM

Cold water makes metal contract....and wongs also, but i dont think they could get bolt cutters neer my pole.

TwistedTenacity		2004-03-12 09:59:55 PM

Oh baby, how can you not fark that?

Vaeric		2004-03-12 10:00:36 PM

vzleon
exactly what I was thinking. As soon as they pulled out the bolt cutters I would have just said fark that, I'll just tell people it's a prince albert.

TwistedTenacity		2004-03-12 10:00:38 PM

Oh sorry, the above image might be NSFW.

scubatuck		2004-03-12 10:00:39 PM

I think my erection would subside before the rescue team got there...but thats just me.

gururich		2004-03-12 10:02:42 PM

ouch!

Breakwall		2004-03-12 10:03:48 PM

Did that say "Sex game"?

I wonder if he won?

nemoxnine		2004-03-12 10:06:50 PM

2004-03-12 10:03:48 PM Breakwall
Did that say "Sex game"?

I wonder if he won?

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say no.

Cthulus_Toaster		2004-03-12 10:08:40 PM

I am guessing this guy gave up sanity for Lent...

mrmustard11		2004-03-12 10:09:41 PM

These things need warning labels...

CappyGoat		2004-03-12 10:11:03 PM

Heh - "Ili khui popolam..."

From a Russian expression that literally means "Either a broken prick..."

Cthulus_Toaster		2004-03-12 10:11:39 PM

Due to roadblocks of cockblocks
he instead farked a lockbox.

pimpslap		2004-03-12 10:13:17 PM

He want almost too far?

I wonder what "too far" is in Russia...

D B Cooper		2004-03-12 10:13:18 PM

I wonder, was it a combo or a key lock. If a key lock, was he trying to... nevermind.

scubatuck		2004-03-12 10:13:20 PM

The link for Marzipan's Answering Machine 10 wasnt accepted, and I dont know how to tell people, so here it is.

http://www.homestarrunner.com/answer10.html

/not a thread jack
//used to have HTML skilz

Brewski_OR		2004-03-12 10:13:24 PM

Male version of the chastity belt?

VitaminH		2004-03-12 10:14:11 PM

what???? HOW????

Scrotar		2004-03-12 10:14:21 PM

Lock loving is pretty fun, even rewarding... but nothing beats the purr of a well-screwed, 9 horsepower outboard motor.

VideoVader		2004-03-12 10:15:57 PM

Wake 'n Bake
Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?

Depends on the iron content in the subject's blood, and his position with respect to the earth's magnetic poles.

i_drank_what		2004-03-12 10:16:58 PM

Hmmmm, slanty..........

/Homer

buntz		2004-03-12 10:17:52 PM

1) not all are crooked. I've seen some pr0n with crooked ones and, no offense guys, it's weird looking

2) just watched CSI last night so I only have bad images of a padlock

3) I think it's all bunk

hack4good		2004-03-12 10:18:08 PM

"Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?"

I think that's just a common repetitive stress injury.

*ahem*

scubatuck		2004-03-12 10:19:23 PM

hack4good
Right handers bend to the right, left handers bend to the left, switch hitter have straight cacks.

Donald_McRonald		2004-03-12 10:19:48 PM

^
|
|
|
|
In pre-democratic* Russia

*ie, Soviet

mrmustard11		2004-03-12 10:19:53 PM

"Don't most guys dicks' bend slightly to one side?"

I think that's just a common repetitive stress injury.

*ahem*

I thought rug burn was the common reptitive stress injury?

miss_enthropic_biatch		2004-03-12 10:20:19 PM

ACUTALLY, its not a matter of letting things get soft. The lock would act like a cockring, cutting off the flow of blood so even though the guy wasn't in the mood anymore, he'd still be "up" for action.

On another note: how would one cockblock a lock?

M.E.B.

hack4good		2004-03-12 10:20:34 PM

Rug burn?

I think you're doing it wrong...

TwistedTenacity		2004-03-12 10:23:12 PM

M.E.B.: It's positively disturbing that you could reach that conclusion.

P.S. Greetings to an old time crankizen.

mrmustard11		2004-03-12 10:23:31 PM

Rug burn?

I think you're doing it wrong...

Oh shiat!!
you mean I don't need that shag carpeting after all???

Phango		2004-03-12 10:24:24 PM

I busted this one wide open. Anybody care for sloppy seconds?

No?

StokeyBob		2004-03-12 10:26:25 PM

Really, he has only one option left. That is to get it stuck once more to kink it back the other way.

miss_enthropic_biatch		2004-03-12 10:27:54 PM

TT! Long time no read! <G>

Good to see you're still alive & kicking >:)

M.E.B.

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