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(Register Guard)   Judge determines unsolicited finger in anus is crude, but not criminal   ( divider line
    More: Strange, crimes, double jeopardy  
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30833 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2004 at 3:59 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

235 Comments     (+0 »)
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2004-03-12 04:40:28 PM  
I guess it's more interesting than a high-five.
2004-03-12 04:40:58 PM  

well he is obviously enjoying it. just look at his face.
2004-03-12 04:41:06 PM  
Akins assaulted both boys on the bus and one of the boys again in the locker room, she said.

"These kids were screaming in pain. They're fighting him off. They don't want this to happen," Herzog said in her closing argument.

Um.... how is this not a sexual assault again? And if sexual gratification is all we need to establish it was a rape, how does the judge know he didn't have a chubby doing this?

To bad the kid won't do time. I'm sure some big guy with the nick name "Rod" would like to be "crude" to him.
2004-03-12 04:41:40 PM  
And here I thought that high school students had their fingers up their own butts.
2004-03-12 04:41:44 PM  
After reading this thread I would like the quote the Farker *waitaminute...*

And that was when my brain crawled out my ear, leaving behind a note that said, "I can't take the abuse any more."
2004-03-12 04:41:50 PM  
Son of the Beach
Episode #36. You Only Come Once
guest star: Frank Sinatra Jr. (The Notorious Stink Finger)

Stinkfinger wants revenge on the people of the world because he didn't get workman's compensation because of an explosion that occured where he was working and he seeks revenge by trying to control the weather around the world. Notch's friend comes to help as Kimberlee, Porcelain, and Notch try to foil Stinkfinger's evil plan.
2004-03-12 04:42:09 PM  
I don't think it becomes a crime until you sniff it afterwards.
2004-03-12 04:42:51 PM  

brwells: If it had been an unsolicited male finger in a female vagina would it be "crude, sophomoric, immature" behavior or rape? What happened to equal protection?

It wasn't rape because he wasn't sexually stimulated by it. Because, you know, the exact same action becomes ten times more sinful when it's done for sexual gratification.

I thought the line was "rape isn't about sex, it's about power".
2004-03-12 04:45:10 PM  
How come stuff like this never happened in my highschool? Bunch of damn puritans.

This kid will get all the fingering he wants in juvenile hall.
2004-03-12 04:45:16 PM  
Hasn't this guy heard of Columbine. Those two kids won't take a bullies shiat(or let him take theirs) forever. They are going to rise up and bust some caps.

2004-03-12 04:45:33 PM  
Shoenut:People have been sent to jail for touching a woman's breast or butt on a bus.

Buses have butts?
2004-03-12 04:46:25 PM  
2004-03-12 04:46:26 PM  
Everyone seems to be leaving the name of the town alone "North Bend"... must be to easy...
2004-03-12 04:46:54 PM  
In answer to LadyLazaruss' question. I don't think this would be considered sexual assault mostly because the anus isn't a sexual organ, and he didn't use his own sexual organ to violate the guys.
2004-03-12 04:47:28 PM  
Welp, this is good news for me.

/routinely "checks the oil" of Mrs. NASAM, much to her chargrin.
2004-03-12 04:47:44 PM  
Buses have butts?

You haven't seen them? Come to LA.
2004-03-12 04:50:22 PM  
chagrin. me no spel two gud.
2004-03-12 04:50:35 PM  
Judge determines unsolicited anus around finger is crude, but not criminal

What if this dude was hitchhiking, mind his own business, and these kids jumped out and slammed their ani over his thumb?

whacked I tell you!
2004-03-12 04:50:58 PM  
If I had a kid in this school I would (uhh hu hu) pull them out immediately.
2004-03-12 04:51:19 PM  
I'm just a tad bit concerned about a JUDGE who does not see a problem with an unsolicited finger in the butt.
2004-03-12 04:52:01 PM  
farking jocks
2004-03-12 04:53:21 PM  
Am I the only one who found COOS COUNTY to be funny

I need to grow up
2004-03-12 04:53:58 PM  
Farking jocks. I wish they'd just strap this little idiot onto the gurney and administer the finger-of-death to him.
2004-03-12 04:55:49 PM  
micke can hear the wheels turning now in subdivisions all across the land:

"Hey, lets go toilet paper the Johnson's house, then soap all the windows at the school, and then to finish off the night, we'll go over and fingerfark Ol Man Thorson. Don't worry it's crude, but not criminal!"

micke is out
2004-03-12 04:55:59 PM  
I wonder how he feels about gay marriage.
2004-03-12 04:56:14 PM  

Judge determines unsolicited anus around finger is crude, but not criminal

What if this dude was hitchhiking, mind his own business, and these kids jumped out and slammed their ani over his thumb?

Nice pluralization. Funny as hell.
2004-03-12 04:56:14 PM  
I don't think this would be considered sexual assault mostly because the anus isn't a sexual organ, and he didn't use his own sexual organ to violate the guys.

a rimjob isn't sexual?
2004-03-12 04:56:14 PM  
I'm just a tad bit concerned about a JUDGE who does not see a problem with an unsolicited finger in the butt.

I agree. I'm guessing the judge was pounding his own gavel through the whole hearing. He's probably going to be caught hanging out in the boys locker room.
2004-03-12 04:56:44 PM  
""We can't underestimate the ability of juvenile boys to act in a crude, sophomoric, immature and even stupid manner," Barron said. "There's a difference between that and committing a crime."

He added, "I mean really, I'm a 57 years old man and I've got half my fist up my ass right now - I can't even imagine what I'd do if confronted with some young boy-ass in football pants. Given the circumstances, I believe the defendant displayed remarkable restraint..."
2004-03-12 04:57:34 PM  
Fiddle-dee-dee: I don't think this would be considered sexual assault mostly because the anus isn't a sexual organ

Oh. It's a sexual organ alright. I've seen it.
2004-03-12 04:57:40 PM  

I don't think so, it's just in bad taste. Hey-oooooo! Thank you I'll be here all week.
2004-03-12 04:58:49 PM  

I think gay men the world over would beg to differ.
2004-03-12 05:01:14 PM  
You're probably right about that LadyLazaruss, but then a lot of straight men would disagree.
2004-03-12 05:01:23 PM  
Ever wonder why foreigners think Americans are increasingly "soft" and weak-willed? Look at the advice received for this situation by...

My father's generation: Stand up for yourself and slug the kid--hard as you can. Don't take grave insults to your dignity and person. Let that prankster go home with a bloody nose so that he has to explain to his parents what stupid act he performed to receive it. If his folks have any decency, he'll get a second helping of punishment from them.

My generation: Ask the kid to stop. If he doesn't, then push his hand away. If he takes a swing at you, slug him--just hard enough to end his desire for further conflict. Explain to the principal why you did it and hope you don't get suspended for fighting.

Today's kids: Ask the kid to stop. Report him to the bus driver and principal. Do not initiate or return violence at any point. Otherwise you'll receive either automatic suspension or expulsion under "zero tolerance" rules and be open to assault and battery charges.

I'm looking to have kids within the decade. By the time they start school the norm will probably be even less confrontational. I'm not willing to make my kids dependent on others, such as school administration officials, to defend their dignity and person. So I'll teach them to avoid fights if they can and win them if they must. I'll take them on camping trips and museum trips during their time off from school.
2004-03-12 05:03:17 PM  
Incidently, this is why I had to quit football--if I'd stayed I'd be in a fight every week with one of the punks on my team who thought he could get away with it.
2004-03-12 05:07:39 PM  

I guess the only way to settle this is for you to get something (finger, broomstick, we'll let you pick)shoved into your ass by another guy and you can let us know if it feels like being raped or just "crudeness".

Any volunteers?
2004-03-12 05:07:50 PM  

Buck up little fella. Just remember if your kids the "finger man" he'll get off with only probation and a life time of embarrassment.
2004-03-12 05:08:53 PM  
First I've heard of a man protesting a finger up the ass.
2004-03-12 05:10:00 PM  

In a perfect world that would happen to me every day.
2004-03-12 05:10:05 PM  
I'm just kidding by the way.... please... nobody ass-rape Fiddle-dee-dee... I was just making a point...

/hands FDD some duct tape "watch out fer yer cornhole, bud"
2004-03-12 05:11:27 PM  
Do not do a GIS for finger! eewwwww
2004-03-12 05:11:31 PM  
Don't take me serious LadyLazaruss, I'm just bored and wasting time.
2004-03-12 05:14:57 PM  

Yet more evidence supporting the theory that those who indulge in full-contact sports are either latent or practising homosexuals.

Not that there's anything wrong with that, apparently.
2004-03-12 05:16:27 PM  

They're boys, not sexual repressed married men.
2004-03-12 05:17:17 PM  
The judge must think the kid's got a future at NASA.

According to the thread earlier today:
"Hard evidence to back it will only come from a probe to Uranus..."
2004-03-12 05:18:36 PM  
oh, and the obligatory lyrics, guess the song and band and you get a chocolate covered pretzel.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way

Frankie Goes to Hollywood - I can't remember the name of the song, though.
2004-03-12 05:19:52 PM  
Damn you, Arnold_Ziffel! Why did you have to tell everyone not to GIS for "finger" knowing full well that there's idiots like me out here that take such a warning as more of a command to do just that. And yeah, I did the advanced search to turn off filtering so I got an eye full of yuck!

/dry heaving...trying to think nice thoughts
2004-03-12 05:23:06 PM  
It would seem that the long-term ramifications of this incident favor the finger-er and not the finger-ee.

/he'll never live it down
2004-03-12 05:25:21 PM  

Not quite, try again
2004-03-12 05:25:42 PM  
probation violation

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