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(Register Guard)   Judge determines unsolicited finger in anus is crude, but not criminal   (thefreelibrary.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, crimes, double jeopardy  
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30573 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Mar 2004 at 3:59 PM (12 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



235 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2004-03-12 04:13:48 PM  
zabadu
If someone ran up and stuck their finger up my wazoo, I wouldn't be the one that was hurt.

I prefer a dinner and a movie first.


i'd only be hurt if he didn't call the next day.
 
2004-03-12 04:13:55 PM  
Several students testified that Akins' behavior was a common practice at the high school.
Those crazy Oregonians.
 
2004-03-12 04:14:00 PM  
Was he caught brown-handed?
 
2004-03-12 04:14:04 PM  
Ok, for all you folks who biatch about articles never giving enough pertinent information, I hope youre farking happy. Jesus this is more than anyone needs to know...
Raymond Nolan, who said it was "highly unlikely" that Akins would have been able to penetrate his classmates through the thick shorts and underwear they had on - especially if the boys were resisting. If Akins had been successful, the pain would have lingered the following day - which wasn't the case, according to the testimony of both of the boys. They also reported no bruising or bleeding.
 
2004-03-12 04:15:01 PM  
Damn, not even a reach-around?
 
2004-03-12 04:15:23 PM  
That reminds me to bring extra lube to the hotel this weekend.

/don't knock it till you try it
 
2004-03-12 04:15:51 PM  
Tresser wins. I thought for sure it would take longer than that.
 
2004-03-12 04:15:52 PM  
I don't know what this means here.
[image from mindspring.com too old to be available]
 
2004-03-12 04:16:20 PM  
A pro soccer player got into trouble for this recently. He was doing it to intimidate other players. I'm surprised they didn't beat his ass.

When ass-fingering is outlawed, only outlaws will finger asses.
 
2004-03-12 04:16:24 PM  
"So it now legal for me to run around sticking my finger into people's ears, mouth, and belly buttons?"

minoridiot: Uhhh, no. However, it's open season on the anus!. And I, for one, welcome our anal-fingering overlords.

/finally succumbs to Fark cliches
 
2004-03-12 04:16:28 PM  
"Usin the whole fist there doc?! Mooooonnn River!"
 
2004-03-12 04:17:02 PM  
Oregon
Where they put the ASS in Assault
Or the finger in the Ass in. . .
 
2004-03-12 04:17:05 PM  
elfstar
Am I the only one who RTFA? The real reason he got off is because the victims still had their shorts and underwear on. The judge didn't believe a finger could be inserted through two layers of protection.

i only read the beginning. what sort of shorts are these?
i can attest that it is very easy to get a finger past two layers of clothing. if any sexy ladies would like a demonstration i would be happy to ablidge(sp?).
 
2004-03-12 04:17:49 PM  
Traffocgiu2000

FLETCH - Best. Chevy. Chase. Movie. Ever.
 
2004-03-12 04:18:12 PM  
I dunno -- penis, tongue or finger, it's all rape to me.

Give him the chair!

/fascist
 
2004-03-12 04:18:40 PM  
"Of course now you have a hand that smells like shiat!"
"Small price to pay for the smiting of ones enemies"
or something like that...
 
2004-03-12 04:18:56 PM  
This is the exact reason why I never leave home without a mouse trap tucked into my rectum....
 
2004-03-12 04:20:16 PM  
Mr_Crink
This is the exact reason why I never leave home without a mouse trap tucked into my rectum
***********************************
Now THAT is farkin funny!
 
2004-03-12 04:20:51 PM  
that's gross, i guess high school football players like sticking fingers in teenage boys greacy assholes...that is sickening, and should very well be a crime for sickness..
 
2004-03-12 04:22:08 PM  
oh, and the obligatory lyrics, guess the song and band and you get a chocolate covered pretzel.

Finger deep within the borderline.
Show me that you love me and that we belong together.
Relax, turn around and take my hand.

I can help you change
Tired moments into pleasure.
Say the word and we'll be
Well upon our way.

Blend and balance
Pain and comfort
Deep within you
Till you will not want me any other way
 
2004-03-12 04:22:15 PM  
I don't know nor do I want to know what goes on in boys locker rooms. I was scarred enough in the girls locker room when I first realized that the girl I was sharing a locker with had flap-jack boobies at 17.

On a related note.

When I was 16 or so I had a little crush on this guy I worked with, eventually we went on a date. While walking around before the concert we were to see was to start out of no where he said to me, " You know Meg, a thumb up the butt at the right time is great."

That was the last date I ever had with that boy.
 
2004-03-12 04:22:37 PM  
The judge said he found it hard to believe that Akins would have sought some kind of sexual gratification from incidents that at least a half-dozen other boys could see.

Guess the judge didn't see "The Accused" or hear about the Central Park jogger. Dumbass.

As for the justification, I doubt a finger would cause bleeding so lack of blood is irrelevant. I still think it was assault since it was uninvited. People have been sent to jail for touching a woman's breast or butt on a bus.
 
2004-03-12 04:22:47 PM  
cheapimmitation -

the operative word is "through". there were many witnesses - he didn't go around the shorts... if you're actually claiming you could get your finger through two layers of clothing and into an uncooperative ass then you have got to be one sick puppy...
 
2004-03-12 04:23:24 PM  
I think the hockey player that pees on kids and this asshat need to make a smut movie together. I wonder what a good name for the flick would be?
 
2004-03-12 04:23:33 PM  
scavenger, you are going to get me in trouble. My office door is open, and I'm forced to sit here with my hand clapped over my mouth to keeping from laughing out loud.
 
2004-03-12 04:24:52 PM  
perhaps he's a Mason and the was part of some arcane...oh, forget it!
 
2004-03-12 04:25:31 PM  
A finger in the anus is just common courtesy. It should be replacing the handshake as a greeting by 2005.
 
2004-03-12 04:25:33 PM  
This judge needs someone to ram their finger up his asshole, and we'll see if he keeps that opinion.

0ok
 
2004-03-12 04:26:11 PM  
if you're actually claiming you could get your finger through two layers of clothing and into an uncooperative ass then you have got to be one sick puppy...

Or one strong finger.
 
2004-03-12 04:26:17 PM  
Jebus, that turned me on. Butt then again, I'm a big 'mo.
 
2004-03-12 04:26:57 PM  
I think if someone had turned the judge into a finger-puppet he might have ruled otherwise. It's a theory.
 
2004-03-12 04:27:17 PM  
There's nothing funny about flapjack boobies
 
2004-03-12 04:27:21 PM  
Judges suck!
Down with Whitey!
Stick it to (or apparently in) the Man!
 
2004-03-12 04:27:55 PM  
See what happens when you don't let them get married.
 
2004-03-12 04:28:02 PM  
"It's more than just this crime," Herzog said. "A lot of testimony we heard is that there's some type of behavior going on at the high school that's not OK."

And I think we've just identified that behavior.
 
2004-03-12 04:28:20 PM  
"'if you're actually claiming you could get your finger through two layers of clothing and into an uncooperative ass then you have got to be one sick puppy...'

Or one strong finger."

Or one large asshole.
 
2004-03-12 04:28:41 PM  
That was the last date I ever had with that boy.

Ah, it's nice to be remembered though.

;-)
 
2004-03-12 04:29:30 PM  
elfstar

i'm not a big football player, so uncooperative, maybe not. and this wasn't what i was originally refering too, but yes, i feel that depending on the thickneses of the shorts and underwear (don't they wear jock straps?) I could get something up someones ass.

but still, jesus christ, why the hell is that not sexual assult? or at the very least sexual harassment. and the judge is pretty much saying that this is acceptable behavior?!?!

where are the sexy ladies that want me to finger them? i need to relax.
 
2004-03-12 04:29:47 PM  
It was an astronomy project.
 
2004-03-12 04:31:18 PM  
Hee hee, glad this happened at North Bend (maybe they should make it South bend or add the word "over")

Never would have happened at Marshfield HS ---located in the adjoining town of Coos Bay, or at least we didn't waste time using merely a finger....

-the shop teacher
 
2004-03-12 04:31:45 PM  
I cannot read this thread here at work, it slays me too much
 
2004-03-12 04:32:24 PM  
I just wanted to say...this entire thread has savagely violated my funny bone. I'm farkin' dying here.
 
2004-03-12 04:34:00 PM  
Uhh...

[image from img.fark.com too old to be available] ??
 
2004-03-12 04:34:05 PM  
What the FARK is wrong with these people? This is at least the third article about some sort of disgusting violation by jocks on Fark in a week.

And what the FARK is wrong with this judge too?
The judge said he found it hard to believe that Akins would have sought some kind of sexual gratification from incidents that at least a half-dozen other boys could see.
Ummm, it's pretty well known that rape isn't about sexual gratification, it's about a power trip. Anally invading younger kids to show your power over them sure qualifies as rape in my book.
 
2004-03-12 04:35:18 PM  
Tungsten Chef: Ummm, it's pretty well known that rape isn't about sexual gratification, it's about a power trip. Anally invading younger kids to show your power over them sure qualifies as rape in my book.

Oh lighten up. And bend over.
 
2004-03-12 04:37:03 PM  
I think the judge ruled the way he did to avoid having to give the kid a severe sentence. I was on the high school wrestling team (which I imagine is about as macho) and I can't imagine behavior like this... but there were all kinds of teasing and I figure the judge didn't want to give the kid hard time for what was pretty silly -- compared to real sexual assault.

On a side note, the kid's behavior is about the most unhygenic thing I can think of...lets stick my finger ... I'm not even going to say it. Gross.
 
2004-03-12 04:37:10 PM  
One more case of football players getting off easy
BECAUSE THEY SLAM INTO OTHER MEN DURING THE TIMES OF
SHORT DAYS ON A WEEKLY BASIS.
 
2004-03-12 04:38:26 PM  
[image from wesclark.com too old to be available]
This guy got 12 weeks!
 
2004-03-12 04:40:17 PM  
From article:
...He had faced 15 years in prison on the felony charges, which included sexual assault, conspiracy to commit sexual assault...

Though you may die, la resistance lives on!
 
2004-03-12 04:40:18 PM  
I stuck my finger in a giant wheel of cheese at one of those spcialty cheese store things.
I swear my finger smelled like that goddamn cheese for weeks.

I had to stick it up that kids ass to get the cheese smell off.

That, my friend, is why I would be a damn good defense lawyer.
 
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