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(Chicago Sun-Times)   Sizing up fellow plane passengers and declaring "You're too fat to be an air marshal" turns out to be a great way to have actual marshals meet you at the airport   ( divider line
    More: Dumbass  
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18050 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Mar 2004 at 3:18 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

122 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-03-10 12:45:19 PM  
At least he is self-aware. "Asshole" is an accurate description.
2004-03-10 01:23:38 PM  
You're too fat to be a naked Scarlett Johansson!
2004-03-10 01:26:46 PM  
I like your method better, leitmotive! From now on, I'm going to divide everyone I meet into one of two groups - people who ARE a naked Scarlett Johansson, and people who AREN'T a naked Scarlett Johansson.
2004-03-10 01:39:51 PM  
I love this guy.
2004-03-10 02:01:53 PM  
Hurrah for air marshals!
2004-03-10 02:28:20 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Asked why he did it, he allegedly told the FBI, "I'm just an asshole. What can I tell you? I behaved badly and I am sorry if I caused any trouble."

2004-03-10 02:35:54 PM  
How does he walk with balls that big?
2004-03-10 03:21:37 PM  
People are so touchy these days.
2004-03-10 03:22:28 PM  
I want to know how he walks with an extra chromosome.
2004-03-10 03:22:37 PM  

You're too touchy to be an air marshall.
2004-03-10 03:22:52 PM  
Silverman allegedly admitted his behavior and denied he was drunk

He claimed that he needed the drinks because he was just a caveman who was frightened by the magical flying machine.
2004-03-10 03:24:04 PM  
at least he is honest
2004-03-10 03:24:06 PM  
This guy is too cool.
2004-03-10 03:24:36 PM  
allegedly it never really happened.
2004-03-10 03:25:04 PM  
I drive really slow,
In the ultra fast lane,
while people, behind me, are going insane.

I'm an arsehole
(he's an arsehole, what an arsehole)
I'm an arsehole
(he's an arsehole, such an arsehole)

I use public toilets,
And I piss on the seats,
I walk around in the summer time,
Sayin' "How about this heat?"

I'm an arsehole
(he's an arsehole, what an arsehole)
I'm an arsehole
(he's the worlds biggest arsehole)
2004-03-10 03:25:07 PM  
arrested for expressing unpopular opinions.

where? ronald reagan airport, of course.
2004-03-10 03:26:08 PM  
"You're too stupid to fly in First Class!"

2004-03-10 03:26:35 PM  
"You're too stupid to have a good time", or to be an air marshall!

//Road House
//Nothing either.
2004-03-10 03:27:16 PM  
He looks just like Dennis Leary. Uncanny.

/only buys meat from cows who smoke
2004-03-10 03:27:16 PM  
So it was this guy?

[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-10 03:27:59 PM  
Reminds me of the time in high school when me and a coupla buddies were at the movies. Three girls walked in and sat down a few rows in front of us. One of said buddies proceeds to get up, walk down to the row in front of the girls, give 'em a good looking over, then yell back to us "Nah don't bother."
That was the closest I ever saw a dude come to getting his arse kicked by a group of angry women.
/slight threadjack
2004-03-10 03:28:00 PM  
This is the kinda jackass who jumps up during a magican's show and cries out 'THE CARD IS UP HIS SLEEVE!" and then gets all baffled whene everyone looks at him like he's an asshole.
2004-03-10 03:28:09 PM  
"Bomb, Bomb, Bomb, Bomb Buh Bah Bomb"
2004-03-10 03:28:13 PM  
Hurrah for someone who doesn't blame their actions on their parents or McDonalds!
2004-03-10 03:28:33 PM  
What's with the Scarlett Johannson reference? She's a total babe.
2004-03-10 03:30:44 PM  
I could never be an air marshal. After a week of the bags of peanut molecules and plastic chicken molds, I'd be blasting holes in the fuselage.
2004-03-10 03:30:57 PM  
"You're too handicapped to be an Air Marshall. And stop stop making those faces while you're at it."
[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-10 03:31:13 PM  
On the plus side, at least he'll have some good stories to tell his country club pals about being somebody's biatch in jail.
2004-03-10 03:31:39 PM  
You're too sexy for your shirt. Too sexy for...oh never mind.

Bleh.../where's my helmet?
2004-03-10 03:31:52 PM  
2004-03-10 03:32:01 PM  
i like the guy and scarlett johannson too. grrrr
2004-03-10 03:32:03 PM  
What's cool about being an ass again?
2004-03-10 03:32:41 PM  
2004-03-10 03:33:41 PM  
This is not the USA I grew up in.

*sad, older farker
2004-03-10 03:33:55 PM  
"Oh, that submarine looks so fake . . . arrgh, an Octopus!"

This guy dsesrves a hero tag for: "I'm just an a------. What can I tell you? I behaved badly and I am sorry if I caused any trouble.''

Now if only W. would come out ans say the same thing.
2004-03-10 03:34:13 PM  
You're too stupid to be an airline passenger.
-- FBI
2004-03-10 03:34:47 PM  
Political flameware in 3, 2, 1...
2004-03-10 03:35:29 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Some people say i'm eeevil, they may be right, they may be right
2004-03-10 03:35:41 PM  
Defendant: "What can I say? I'm an a-hole."

Judge: "Yes, that certaibly seems to explain your behaviour. Doesn't excuse it, though. 30 days, biatch-bait."

Flight-attandant/ air marshall: "Let's grab a beer."

/And the world keeps on turning...
2004-03-10 03:36:01 PM  
Farkenstein, Robo...

I think he wanted Scarlett Johannson to meet him at the airport....
2004-03-10 03:36:47 PM  
Certaibly = certainly.

/must be too much fapping. Damn my eyes...
2004-03-10 03:37:44 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Not an air marshal.
2004-03-10 03:37:49 PM  
I think its delta that has a snack mix they give on the plane.. Its actually really good.
2004-03-10 03:37:50 PM  
Seriously, how can anyone think its cool to be such an asshole?

I mean at least he admitted it, sure, but he's still a putz.
2004-03-10 03:40:33 PM  
This actually happened to fnorgby, he told me so.
2004-03-10 03:41:00 PM  
If he were drunk, at least he'd have an excuse for being an a-hole.
2004-03-10 03:41:03 PM  
What country did you grow up in, Grandpa? Even in the pre 9/11 days people couldn't engage in advanced assholery on a plane inflight and not expect to be greeted by the authorities upon toughdown.
2004-03-10 03:41:52 PM  
Well, clearly he's an asshole.

But, uh, what exactly the crime?

When did being annoying become a crime?

The First Amendment doesn't mean much if it only protects the decorous, the unsurprising, and the un-provocative speech of the complacent majority.
2004-03-10 03:42:27 PM  
If some asshat did this on a flight I was on, there better be an air marshal on board. It could mean the difference between my charge of assult vs. a charge for manslaughter.

Don't be an ass - you're just a traveller, not a cruesader for human rights. There is plenty of time to make statements when you're on the ground and I can leave.
2004-03-10 03:42:34 PM  
um, "touch down."
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