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(CNN)   Dogs are now more popular than children   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

9888 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Mar 2004 at 3:51 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

125 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-03-04 11:19:31 PM  
Kids are out; dogs are in.

Well at least CNN doesnt claim to be fair and balanced. CNN tells you what you SHOULD think. Yes reproduce homosexually, and stop them damn kids!! Hmmm where will humanity be in 200 years from now on that track? DEAD!
2004-03-04 11:21:22 PM  
Ooops did I just flame CNN? Oh well! How many flame wars have I seen over Fox news articles? More than CNN that is for sure... about time I would say.
2004-03-04 11:34:00 PM  

Talking to yourself really isn't a good habit. I believe that you need a dog of your own to help relieve the stress of everyday life.
jbc [TotalFark]
2004-03-04 11:39:27 PM  
Yeah, but Children still won the Electoral College and their asshat AG thinks it's some sort of mandate to undermine the Bill of Rights.

Vote Dog in November!

/there's your flamewar
2004-03-04 11:49:17 PM  
Thank jebus.....I am sick of all the stupid kids outside screaming. When I first moved to this 'hood, I ran outside every 20 mins because I thought someone was setting the little brats on fire. I realize now that they just like to screech bloody murder for the fun of it. Really, you cant imagine the noise (its almost 9pm on a school night here in Vegas), its like they are getting dismembered right on the corner. I would much rather hear dogs bark for the rest of my life.
jbc [TotalFark]
2004-03-05 12:12:51 AM  
HollandRivers: It's the same everywhere. At my last apartment, there was a flock of snotmonsters that lived across the parking lot that made nonstop noise outside. One time, while sitting in my living room, I actually heard one of them say, and I quote, "Let's have a screaming contest."

They did.

I moved.
2004-03-05 12:37:29 AM  
An Open Letter to ALL Pets

Dear Pets,

When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in the way.

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a pawprint in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating meto the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help, because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king size bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue to sleep on the couch or adjust my sleeping positions to ensure your comfort. Look at videos of dogs and cats sleeping, they can actually curl up in a ball. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular toeach other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space used is nothing but sarcasm and will not be tolerated.

My compact discs are not miniature Frisbees.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob, or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. When I exit this room, I will come out the same door I entered. In addition,I have been using bathrooms for years. Canine, feline, etc., attendance has never been necessary.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dogs', cats etc.butt. I cannot stress this enough. It would be such a simple change for you.

In return for your following these simple rules, I have posted the following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. I like my pet a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for moneyall the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink,don't worry about buying the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and if they get pregnant, you can sell the results.
2004-03-05 01:20:11 AM  
i konow why dogs are more popular than kids. it's really simple: when they get to be teenagers...they die!
2004-03-05 01:23:38 AM  
You know the scream! I think I made that noise ONE time. My Ma came out, grabbed me by the shirt and told me that someone had *best* be trying to kill me. No one was, so a butt whoopin' ensued. I guess that is just too much to ask from the babymomma who live up the street. It might damage thier self esteem or something.
/go dogs
2004-03-05 01:33:25 AM  

You and I must have the same mom. If I ever started acting up as a kid, I was given "the look." That was my signal to to knock it off because if I didn't, a slap on the bottom was next.

I wish MORE people would choose dogs over kids. We have enough asshats in this world. At least dogs learn tricks.
2004-03-05 01:46:43 AM  
Agreed Snood
Its like the kids who cried kidnappers over here. Dog forbid the parents should try and curb this screeching. You know, for the whole streets sake. If something did happen to them, not one of us would even look out the window....we just hear it every 10 seconds.
2004-03-05 01:57:38 AM  
That's because a lot of people are getting married at 35 instead of 20, and a little smarter about birth control.
2004-03-05 03:33:53 AM  
I can't think of a better example of this than the "Butch, the dog being put to sleep..." photoshop, from yesterday. There was pretty much, the mutual disamament of all Farkers involved. Nobody even blamed it on Bush.
2004-03-05 03:34:46 AM  
I spell like moran
2004-03-05 03:40:45 AM  
Oh, heavens to betsy! Whatever shall we do without more little miracles in the world! Why, its a glorious thing to have a whole passel of six or seven of the little wonders. Each one is more a miracle than the last! Truly there is only one thing that's free in this world and takes no skill or wisdom to make, and that's a baby! These poor, misguided souls and their dogs, how selfish they are in not giving us as many little wonders as they can, for the world's bounty is endless and its just wrong not to take advantage of it all.
/going to feed my cat
2004-03-05 03:41:41 AM  
I WISH the "morans" like EattheWorld lived in my place. They would stop screaming HOMOS and start praying for good birth control. IMHO, if you have enough time to be worrying about what and who people are f'ing or marrying, you have enough time to come on over to my hood and make the babymommas (who should be sainted if you are against culling the herd like that) sober up and get control of thier horrible little spawn.
2004-03-05 03:56:32 AM  
At least my cat doesn't call disrespect the tens of thousands of dollars you put into it over its life like my sister does to my parents, bah.
2004-03-05 03:56:53 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-05 03:57:05 AM  
I blame P.e.t.a
2004-03-05 03:58:36 AM  
Thank god whitebread people are going the pet route other than the child route.

For awhile there, I thought people in all nations wouldn't end up like us lucky non-whites in south africa, haiti, and south america.

Thank god traditional european values are on thier way out...
2004-03-05 04:01:47 AM  
Of course dogs are more popular, you will never have to put a dog through college.
2004-03-05 04:04:43 AM  

I hate dogs and children.

/ [image from too old to be available]

2004-03-05 04:04:50 AM  
Especially among the clergy, since dogs can't file police reports.
2004-03-05 04:07:11 AM  
Yeah, but I once had a pig squeel on me once.
2004-03-05 04:09:51 AM  
You can't tie a child to a post while you do the shopping.
2004-03-05 04:16:47 AM  
Also, you can take the dog to church without worrying about it getting boned in the ass.
2004-03-05 04:22:53 AM  
That was a remarkable amount of jokes featuring Catholic anal sex in what, under ten posts?
2004-03-05 04:26:02 AM  
Can we start feeding children to dogs now?

/your dog wants child pie
2004-03-05 04:27:46 AM  
I will never breed. I don't want any larvae. The argument "but if everyone doesn't have kids, where will humanity be in 200 years?" is stupid, because there will still be plenty of mindless breeders out there to make up for people like me who choose not to.
2004-03-05 04:33:25 AM  
I prefer Cats myself, but dogs are cute too. And they won't be bumming money for "college books" from you when they are 22. (yesssh, been there, done that, drank the "college books")

And they are happy to sleep in a basket in the hallway/wherever, and won't demand a designer feckin bedroom or something.
Ungrateful little bastards that kids are today. (And I'm not even 30 yet and I feel like HollandRivers and jbc above)...little gits of today, my mother would beat my arse from here to Galway for even 100th of the shiate they do today.

2004-03-05 04:34:14 AM  
fark dogs, the neighbours around here with noisy, messy dogs are just as annoying as the neighbours with noisy, messy kids. And for some reason they're even more blind to the fact that their little monsters are causing so much of a disruption. At least the parents are vaguely aware that their little darlings aren't perfect.

/owner of a very well-behaved cat.
2004-03-05 04:36:21 AM  
Robert Miles surrenders?

/no one is going to get this, are they?
2004-03-05 04:37:54 AM  
I will take my Bosco dog over a stinkin' kid any day of the week.

[image from too old to be available]
2004-03-05 04:38:53 AM  
oh, and also:

May we live long and die out.
2004-03-05 04:39:45 AM  
unfetchable my ass. is the url, though it seems to be down at the moment.
2004-03-05 04:41:50 AM  
Dire: I will never breed. I don't want any larvae. The argument "but if everyone doesn't have kids, where will humanity be in 200 years?" is stupid, because there will still be plenty of mindless breeders out there to make up for people like me who choose not to.

And even if they don't make up for you, who cares? :)

It's not like the world needs its population to grow, anyway. The only benefit (heh) therein is that you get to see more people, and I've come to realize that the more people I see, the more often I feel like going outside really isn't as pleasant as it once was.
2004-03-05 04:42:38 AM  
It's funny... an article appears to the day John Lennon said that The Beatles were more popular than Jesus Christ....
2004-03-05 04:44:49 AM  

this is Fark..nothing is too obscure. 'Children' was a big fact I still hear remixes of the sodding thing on the radio.
2004-03-05 04:47:18 AM  
LaughingGremlin: where you're from maybe, but it was still a somewhat underground novelty that made a minor blip on the charts at some indeterminate point in the mid 90s here in the Americas.

Yeah, our cultural developement is stubborn like that.
2004-03-05 04:54:14 AM  
Hmmm. Well, now that I think of it, 'Born slippy' was being raved about in the US in 1996 when I was there for the summer. (or Raved 'at' if you prefer) It was a mere 3 or 4 years old to me by then he he. And Trainspotting, with resplendant americanised subtitles was just released as well. The subs were hilarious.....

Still a banging choon, though, that Underworld.
2004-03-05 04:55:04 AM  
To dog loving women who say their pet is their child:
If a dog is your child, what does that make YOU?
2004-03-05 05:00:18 AM  
My parents made a mistake and named it (my name). I didn't ask to be born but I at least want a fighting chance at a life with a college education and a decent computer for far...i mean studying. They biatch about paying now but I tell them they shoulda used better birth control if they didn't want to love me my entire life. I also tell them that if they're not nice I'll put them into a nursing home with a very mean staff.

And puppies, I want lots! No kids, ever. It wouldn't not rest right on my soul spawning a little me-demon into this already farked-up world.

/grateful but demanding 19 yr. old wants puppies & education, no kids
2004-03-05 05:01:03 AM  

Still a banging choon, though, that Underworld.

Born Slippy was way overplayed though. I prefered almost any song off Dubnobasswithmyheadman.
2004-03-05 05:06:07 AM  

At the time, yes, I suppose you are right. I love to hear it now though, which is very seldom actually.

I have beaucoup fish, and I enjoyed it...haven't listened in a while though. born Slippy seems to stand for a particualr time in my memory though.

I can recommend seeing the subtitles (I mean the whole film subtitled) version of trainspotting. It was very funny.....just doesn't work with americanised swearing. Or maybe i'm just easily amused. Thats probably it.
2004-03-05 05:09:23 AM  
And that's about par for the course when it comes to electronic music in America: it can't be enjoyed by itself. In order to sell, it's got to be attached to something...a movie, a sports game, a farking car commercial, can't succeed on its own merit, there needs to be piggybacked on some otherworldly commercial venture in order to appeal over here.
2004-03-05 05:10:48 AM  

That other Underworld tune in Trainspotting, 'Dark Train' was a winner too. Were subtitles absolutely necessary though? How hard is it for yanks to understand Scots?
2004-03-05 05:18:06 AM  

It's getting much the same over here, as tunes that you've been listening to for ages suddenly get big due to an advert giving the artist a surge of popularity leading them to be played so many times a day by Radio 1 that you end up hating what was once a good thing.

/long sentence
2004-03-05 05:18:12 AM  
Kids suck dingleberries. Doggies rule!
2004-03-05 05:18:44 AM  

2004-03-05 05:19:51 AM  

I got the Robert Miles reference. I just think his music sucks.
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