s/get's/gets/

The suspect was charged with armed carjacking and battery of a person over 65, a felony in Florida.

A stupid law but one that is to be expected from a retirement home like Florida.

Jay-Z would have shot him.

Excessive misuse of an apostrophe.

Penalty, five yards.

I think anyone who tries to pick a fight with a senior citizen ought to go to federal ass-pound prison.

i just hope when i'm 91 i'll be able to beat the shiat out of some guy who pulls a knife on me

hulk smash punctuation rules!

Interesting that the headline doesn't mention that it was Beyonce's band that gave the second ass-kicking.

This was all swell and good, but where was Beyonce?!

Probably the first comparison of John Wayne and Beyonce ever. And hopefully the last...

/has a bullet ready for the first person who describes me as part of the "Beyonce generation."

PWNED!

(only since it hadn't been said yet. sorry.)

Misleading use of passive voice -- I thought the 91-year-old was doing the beating.

Penatly, ten yards.

Dre woulda put a cap in his ass...

But the correction contained a typo.

Penalties offset.

Misleading use of passive voice -- I thought the 91-year-old was doing the beating.

According to the article, the 91 year-old was responsible for the first beating.

Ok, RTFA more closely, and it turns out the codger did do some of the ass-kicking.

I'm just going to shut up now.

Stop saying Beyonce.

WHO THE FARK IS THIS BEYONCE!?!

I bet the guy was really the kid of some poor produce vendor who was to be mowed down in mere hours by the geezer. The kid would have perfected time travel and gone back in time to save his father, of course.

/obvious

I like how Beyonce is mentioned throughout the article and and her image was used on the page, yet she wasn't involved at all.

I'm disappointed that the old dude wasn't the one kicking ass. Very disappointed.

Tries to get away in old man's car, get's crap beaten out of him

Headline writer uses inproper punctuation, gets crap beaten out of him

2004-03-04 10:13:25 PM JeffF
Headline writer uses inproper punctuation, gets crap beaten out of him

JeffF uses improper spelling, beats crap out of himself

2004-03-04 10:08:18 PM Another_Angry_Goth


WHO THE FARK IS THIS BEYONCE!?!

I asked that very question tonight. I honestly don't know. Some commmerical for "Entertainment Tonight" mentioned her.

2004-03-04 09:59:28 PM Jaegermeister_Mann


Second that. Ha Ha

Of course they couldn't just give a good story without having to plug a tour or merchandise.

Good thing it was Beyonce's bandmembers who chased the perp down, and not Beyonce herself. We'd have an outbreak of R&B fans mugging 91-yr-old guys in hopes of a close physical encounter with Knowles.

(No, I don't mean Harry Knowles. You don't need to mug anyone to get a close encounter with old Ain't It Cool Harry. You just have to share his zipcode.)

Funny because i just got held up at work tonight because of some dumbass stealing an old lady's purse.

some guy after stealing a lady's purse and being chased, yelled "BACK OFF I HAVE A GUN! I'LL SHOOT! I'LL SHOOT!", pretty intense, because there were around 100 people in his general area including me. People were all grabbing their kids and bolting to the opposite side of the store, everyone ducked behind the cash registers etc....but honestly, and bless their brave souls....5 random male customers all abandoned their checkout lines and clotheslined/tackled the asswipe. Pinned him down and kept him from reaching in his pockets untill the cops got there a few minutes later. Turns out he had nothing but some gum wrappers and this lady's wallet in his pockets, but you can bet he farked himself pretty bad with charges though. Apparently he directly told 3-4 people during the chase he was going to shoot them if they didnt retreat. So yeah that was my night.

man's car --- correct
get's crap --- waaaa?

Man attempts to steal 91 year old man's wallet, gets the crap beaten out of him. Tries to get away in old man's car, get's crap beaten out of him.

Man goes to prison for trying to rob an old man and steal his car. Gets the crap pushed higher up in him several times per day. Squeal like a pig, boy!

gtv42,

most improper use of /obvious ever.

Penalty, 5 yards.

(If I have to re-read it 10 times to understand what you're saying, it can't be that obvious. Perhaps substitute "attempted mugging suspect" for "guy" and I would have figured it out more quickly. More substitute my brain for that of a more intelligent person, and I would have figured it out more quickly..)

After the carjacker started fleeing on foot, the old man got into the car and gave chase:

knocking the suspect's knife out of his hands and kicking him several times as the pair wrestled to the ground.

You think I am old and feeble do you? Well, face my Flying Windmill Kick, @sshole!

reminds me of when robin ventura was a rookie and he charged the mound on a 3,000 year old nolan ryan, who promptly beat the crap out him. ahhhhh...

Man attempts to steal 91 year old man's wallet, gets the crap eaten out of him. Tries to get away in old man's car, get's crap eaten out of him

welcome to my reality

It's about time the average citizen stood up. Heros indeed.

Wussies complaining about people's right to defend themselves soon to appeal.

That criminal is lucky. Florida has conceal and carry. Old geezer could blown his ass to hell....

Beyonce Knowles is a pop singer, currently popular.

What does "clotheslined" mean?

"Clotheslined": The act of being hit in the chest with a horizontal forearm strike directly opposing your forward momentum, causing your body to pivot around said forearm, legs flying high and landing flat on your back, forcefully expelling all air from your lungs. And other products from other orifices.

See: Professional wrestling

Clotheslined - imagine running full speed across someones lawn and failing to notice the clothesline directly in front of you. Now imagine running full speed into that clothesline and having it impact directly at your chest and/or neck. Wheeeeee!
FYI a clothesline is a midsized piece of cotton rope tied between two points in order to hang freshly washed and still wet clothing for the purpose of outdoor / solar powered drying. It's what was done before the clothes dryer appliance was invented. It's also used by the poor and the ecology minded. It also does a damn fine job and is 100% free. Try it yourself sometime. But take it down when not in use, fleeing felons will thank you.

1lessthanusual

congratulations Gary-son, you beat me to it

since when did beyonce have a band?

I like it how its her band that does th work yet she gets the pic, plug etc. even though she had nthing to do with it

I managed to clothesline myself one New Year's Eve when I was young. I was running full tilt across the yard with a sparkler and hit our antenna guy wire. Got a red line across my neck, all the wind knocked out of me, set my coat on fire, and burned my hand trying to get the splarkler off me.

Sparklers hot!!

don't touch for ANY reason.

Gotta love old people.

wait a second, what's a 91yr old still driving for?