Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Reuters) NewsFlash Former chief of Worldcom Bernie Ebbers soon to be off to federal pound-you-in-the ass prison   ( divider line
    More: NewsFlash  
•       •       •

10854 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Mar 2004 at 7:16 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Want to get NewsFlash notifications in email?

137 Comments     (+0 »)

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

2004-03-02 07:18:52 AM  
Good. Pound him hard, boys.
2004-03-02 07:19:23 AM  
Former chief of Worldcom Bernie Ebbers is soon to off to federal pound you in the ass prison

News Flash: Farker who posted this article is soon to get ridiculed by grammar-nazis!
2004-03-02 07:20:20 AM  
I doubt he'll see prison. But one can dream....
2004-03-02 07:23:38 AM  
Grood for Ashcroft. He's now like Darth Vader, an unspeakable evil that is not without it's one redeeming quality.

Bernie Ebbers sounds like the name of an Brooklyn Dodger.
2004-03-02 07:26:11 AM  
*groan* - "My Story," by Bernie Ebbers
"Bernie Ebbers, the movie"

Sometimes I think capitalism is is a bad dream.
2004-03-02 07:26:30 AM  
I, for one, welcome Mr. Ebbers' new ass-pounding overlords.
2004-03-02 07:26:35 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Does that look like the face of someone that is concerned about the charges? I think not!

2004-03-02 07:27:20 AM  
"soon to off to federal pound you in the ass prison"?


Should this read:
"soon to be off to Federal 'pound-you-in-the-ass' Prison"?
2004-03-02 07:27:58 AM  
Kenny-boy's pardon is still in teh bag tho. It's good to be a FOB.
2004-03-02 07:29:04 AM  
Too bad he didn't get a chance to plead the fiz-if!
2004-03-02 07:29:41 AM  
Why is it considered funny, even encouraged, to make fun of male rape in prison? If we were going around making fun of female rape (or even female rape in prison), we'd all be lynched..

..just observing..
2004-03-02 07:32:28 AM  

You must be new here. These guys call fatal accidents Darwinism too, unless it's a cute chick. Not your target audience for realistic ideas here...
2004-03-02 07:35:10 AM  
If only we could make sure he and similar corporate miscreants went into the general prison population instead of Club Fed! There'd be a lot less white collar crime in this country if miscreants knew they would not end up playing squash in a minimum security prison but instead would be some murderer's biatch in Sing Sing. Close the minimum security prisons!
2004-03-02 07:38:21 AM  
Oh yea, like this rich guys is gonna go to jail. And if he does go, I'm sure it'll be more like a plush, halfway house, will pools and a tennis court. I'm sure money will buy him justice...

as in the words of Dave Chappelle... I'm sure he'll say "I plead the FIF! I plead the FIF! I, 2, 3, 4... FIF!!!"
2004-03-02 07:39:07 AM  

Kenny-boy's pardon is still in teh bag tho. It's good to be a FOB.

Good morning. Keeny Lay will be going down, Enron execs are being rounded up, they needed to get one of the guys to turn(Flatow) and he did. Now the others are being arrested and will be standing trial too. Most of those guys are in the process of forfeiting their assets as we speak. By the way, Kenny Boy is actually a better friend of the Kerry's than Bush. Kerry's wife and Ken Lay are actually very chumy, and serve on philanthropic boards together. He was also a better friend of Howard Dean, Bill Clinton, and Gray Davis. Learn a fact or two before you dump on Bush. Its no coincidence that it is during the Bush administration that all these guys are falling. For 8 years Reno's justice department investigated no one.
2004-03-02 07:39:31 AM  

I was thinking the same thing.
Stop prison rape.
2004-03-02 07:40:38 AM  
"hur, hur, female rape"

/aisle please
2004-03-02 07:41:42 AM  
Great reference, DaNightTripper.

Anything you say,

F i F!
2004-03-02 07:43:36 AM  
The name of his law firm is "Steptoe & Johnson".

It sounds like the name of a Minstrel act.
2004-03-02 07:44:06 AM  
Praise Jesus-a!
2004-03-02 07:44:33 AM  

I guess we're in the minority. I don't think prison rape is in the least bit funny. I know someone who is doing time for a few years for growing some pot plants. Not a big operation, just enough to keep him in stock and help his way through college. He got busted and he's been raped in prison. I won't go into how he shouldn't be there. I just don't find prison rape funny in the slightest. Especially when it happens to non-violent offenders whose only crime was growing some plants.

/ threadjack
2004-03-02 07:49:22 AM  
What a damn fine way to start. Now all they've got to do is get Kenny-Boy before election time....
2004-03-02 07:50:53 AM  
Clinton's "great" economy consisted of a fantasy + massive corporate crime. His foreign policy consisted of letting bin Laden bomb the shiat out of us.

And there are morons who want to return to that "peace and prosperity".
2004-03-02 07:53:23 AM  
I guess that Martha Stewart thing isn't working out as well as the govt. hoped, better get someone else they can make the victim - though this guy undoubtabledy deserves it.
2004-03-02 07:54:27 AM  
<b>Hey dpr</b>

I have had a great solution to this for years, but it will never see the light of day, nor will it pop into anyone's head who can actually do something about it. It's this wild, crazy, idiotic idea, but I thought I'd share anyways.


I'm such a moron!
2004-03-02 07:54:32 AM  
About farkin' time. Now, it's time to get the Enron clowns ... oh yeah, somebody find Bin Laden while you're at it.
2004-03-02 07:56:41 AM  
Oh great, I can hear the html comments now. Nevermind the point.

/grumbles for coffee
2004-03-02 07:59:23 AM  
I'd like to think we're just the silent majority.
Rape has never been an accepted from of punishment- government sanctioned or otherwise. Why should it be now?

OK, that's not true. A young woman in Pakistan was sentenced to rape a year and a half ago. Remember the public outrage?
2004-03-02 07:59:28 AM  
Oh HA HA! Sexual assult and destroyed lives, That's so funny!
2004-03-02 08:01:14 AM  
I was the submitter, and apologize for grammatical incorrectness. I was just so excited by the news I wanted to share as soon as possible.

I in no way condone prison rape, female rape or rape in any fashion whatsoever. I was just attempting to jump on the clich bandwagon to ensure approval.

/that is all
2004-03-02 08:02:54 AM  
Prisons would be very crowded if every company director who overstated profits was put inside. Mob justice is a wonderful thing don't you think?
2004-03-02 08:05:19 AM  
I was the submitter, and apologize for grammatical incorrectness. I was just so excited by the news I wanted to share as soon as possible.

I in no way condone prison rape, female rape or rape in any fashion whatsoever. I was just attempting to jump on the clich bandwagon to ensure approval.

/that is all

You're the type of guy that put the wind out of Jesus, buddy.
2004-03-02 08:06:19 AM  
I, for one, welcome our new anti-rape joke overlords.

/nice shoes, wanna fark?
2004-03-02 08:06:33 AM  
Ebbers and Sullivan suck ass. I know nothing will happen to them, but I hope nobody hires that Gym Coach, unlike the investment company that just Hired Grubman.
2004-03-02 08:06:57 AM  
For the record, Worldcom's bankruptcy was larger than Enron. And since it was headquartered in Northern VA, not far from DC, I knew a few people that worked there that were cut loose. Don't know why everyone thinks Ken Lay is so bad when this hardly got a whimper.
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2004-03-02 08:07:55 AM  
To celebrate indicting a man who wasted money the Justice Department is spending thousands of dollars so the Attorney General can fly out of town to have a press conference. Irony, anybody?
2004-03-02 08:09:03 AM  
I don't agree with prison rape dpr, but as for your nonviolent friend, that's the breaks. I don't particularly think that growing plants is a serious problem that warrants such extreme consequences, but that IS the way it is. It isn't like your friend didn't know what he was doing was illegal. You do something illegal, you take the chance of being caught and paying the consequences. Unfortunately, a part of those consequences is the chance that you may get ass-raped while in prison. I would think it would be an incentive not to commit crimes in the first place. I'm sorry for your friend. I too have a friend who went to jail for nearly the same thing. And he too got his ass whooped and raped. It sucks, but that's the way it is. Jail isn't supposed to be fun though, and I don't believe prisoners should have the same rights as other people anyhow. Once you've broken the law, you have given up your rights and should no longer be protected by the same system you obviously have no respect for. Break the law, go to jail. Maybe get ass-raped. If you don't like it, change the system. This is a democracy you know.
2004-03-02 08:10:44 AM  

I think giving appropriate sentences to begin with and cutting down on the assrape thing would be just a little more reasonable, don't you?
2004-03-02 08:12:04 AM  
Give'em one for me boys...

er... ah, ... something like that.
2004-03-02 08:14:07 AM  
[Don't know why everyone thinks Ken Lay is so bad when this hardly got a whimper.]

Hmmmm....lemme think....Ken Lay is from Texas.... George Bush is from Texas....

So far things are fitting together pretty well. There's just one more piece to this puzzle.

Oh yeah -- leftists are asshats.

There ya go, question answered. Next?
2004-03-02 08:16:05 AM  
cuzman I don't think there's any reason to apologize. You're on Fark, not speaking to the Red Cross, PTA or the Pope.
2004-03-02 08:17:12 AM  

The only reason no one makes fun of female rape is because farkers are too busy contemplating it out of desperation and the rest of the society doesn't feel like getting what is instinctually viewed as their property(read their wives, daughters, cars, etc) violated.

/window please.
2004-03-02 08:19:40 AM  
1 2 3 4 FIF

never gets old. ha ha ha ha
2004-03-02 08:20:52 AM  
Belt Buckle Bernie? In jail?

2004-03-02 08:21:11 AM  

No window seat for you, unless a realistic view of things is a sin. Sure rape is funny until the inevitable question enters the male mind:

"what if someone I cared about..."

Yeah, not so funny anymore is it?

What I do find funny is that your standard issue prison rapist still considers himself heterosexual. I can only imagine their first female contact after they get out.

"So then I farked him in the ass right then and there and... shiat am I hard now... hey where are you going?"
2004-03-02 08:21:57 AM  

with respect to this comment:

Once you've broken the law, you have given up your rights and should no longer be protected by the same system you obviously have no respect for. Break the law, go to jail.

you simply cannot make all crimes such a black and white issue. there are varing degrees of breaking the law. i dont accept the argument that a non-violent offender should be put in the same place as hardened murderers and gang-lords. this is, in effect, almost giving even first time offenders a harsher sentence. putting a non-violent offender into such a situation doesnt do much to solve the problem - they often come out and being comitting worse crimes than the one they went in for. dont you really think putting murderers and people who grow three pot plants in the same place is a bit counter-productive? i also know (well, not know well, but i know who he is) someone who killed two people because he drove drunk. did he go to prison? no. yet, he is a murderer and deserves to.

i think, at least, you and i can agree that the justice system is quite flawed.
2004-03-02 08:22:26 AM  
It used to be Hollywood's favourite cliche - hookers in the background in police buildings.

Now its muscly dudes in prison uniforms looking menacing.

How times change.
2004-03-02 08:23:47 AM  

You are a douche bag
2004-03-02 08:24:53 AM  
I was waiting for that.
2004-03-02 08:27:47 AM  
Hey Bernie - watch yer cornhole, man.
Displayed 50 of 137 comments

Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.

In Other Media
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.