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(The News Wheel)   Couple stuck in keyless car for 13 hours, can't figure out how to open door handle, nearly wins Darwin Award   ( thenewswheel.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Mr Smith  
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18364 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Dec 2014 at 10:46 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



184 Comments     (+0 »)
 
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2014-12-15 08:13:00 AM  
So no fob in the car, but they had the jack with them?  Shenanigans I say. Maybe.
 
2014-12-15 08:13:40 AM  
And fireworks until dawn - this is a real party town.
 
2014-12-15 08:23:10 AM  
It wouldn't have been so bad if the roof wasn't down.
 
2014-12-15 08:26:54 AM  
I can't decide if this is poorly written satire for the hell of it or badly written ad copy for Mazda.
 
2014-12-15 08:40:58 AM  
The Smiths blamed much of it on their confusion about how keyless entry worked

Idiots.
READ THE MANUAL!
 
2014-12-15 08:41:00 AM  
farm5.static.flickr.comView Full Size


I gave my love an auto, that had no key.
I gave my love a cherry that had no stone.
I gave my love a ring that has no end.
I gave my love my love a chicken that had no bones.
I gave my love a ring that has no end
I gave my love a baby with no crying.

An auto when it's keyless
is an IQ test
A stoneless cherry
a pie lyric, found on Warrant's best
A chicken when it's boneless
has really floppy breasts.
The endless ring is annoying
answer the got damned phone.
A baby doesn't cry
when it's contemplating something out of its sphere of experience and is confused i.e. said previously mentioned chicken without a bone.
 
2014-12-15 09:35:49 AM  
brap:

24.media.tumblr.comView Full Size

static.tumblr.comView Full Size

/sorry...
 
2014-12-15 09:53:43 AM  
Mrs. Smith, on the other hand, has reacted much differently, "going public" with her plight to raise awareness about keyless vehicle dangers, receiving support from multiple elderly folk


I don't want to hate on anyone, but the entire planet's average IQ could very well jump 3 points without her.
 
2014-12-15 10:01:35 AM  

R.A.Danny: Mrs. Smith, on the other hand, has reacted much differently, "going public" with her plight to raise awareness about keyless vehicle dangers, receiving support from multiple elderly folk


I don't want to hate on anyone, but the entire planet's average IQ could very well jump 3 points without her.


Yeah... I'm not entirely sure why anybody would want to raise awareness that they are dumb as a box of rocks.
 
2014-12-15 10:18:02 AM  
Humans are pretty easily trained.
 
2014-12-15 10:23:43 AM  
Doesn't this joke end "and the worst part is when it started raining I couldn't roll up the windows?"
 
2014-12-15 10:42:24 AM  
gifbin.comView Full Size
 
2014-12-15 10:45:00 AM  
Oh.  I see TFA already did that.  Well, now I just feel silly.

*slinks off*
 
2014-12-15 10:51:29 AM  
HOW BLOND WERE THEY?!?!?!?

They were so blond they gave Powder a run for his money.
 
2014-12-15 10:52:15 AM  
This is why we can't have nice things.
 
2014-12-15 10:52:28 AM  
Should've called BlondeStar.
 
2014-12-15 10:53:29 AM  
I don't get how she would be unconscious. Cars aren't sealed in the slightest.
 
2014-12-15 10:54:15 AM  
Create story.
Call media.
Get attention.
 
2014-12-15 10:54:36 AM  

zamboni: R.A.Danny: Mrs. Smith, on the other hand, has reacted much differently, "going public" with her plight to raise awareness about keyless vehicle dangers, receiving support from multiple elderly folk


I don't want to hate on anyone, but the entire planet's average IQ could very well jump 3 points without her.

Yeah... I'm not entirely sure why anybody would want to raise awareness that they are dumb as a box of rocks.


Well stupid awareness is crippling the country!!! We need ribbons and magnets for the car!

Last week on the radio they played a 911 call where a woman was stuck in her car. The electronics went out and she couldnt get the lock to unlock. The operator asked her if it had a handle and to lift it. You could tell the operatoor was holding back the laughter and urge to say moron.
 
2014-12-15 10:55:01 AM  
ts1.mm.bing.netView Full Size
 
2014-12-15 10:55:16 AM  
I think they really didn't want to go out for the night.
 
2014-12-15 10:56:47 AM  

Russ1642: I don't get how she would be unconscious. Cars aren't sealed in the slightest.


My thoughts exactly. I mean, if the car was *on* (perhaps they were being carbon monoxide poisoned?) just drive the car out of your garage, door be damned. But to be "an hour away from death" in a non-running car, in ones own garage, seems pretty sketchy.
 
2014-12-15 10:57:08 AM  
I really hope that they don't plan on driving their new car if they are so mentally feeble as to be unable to figure out how to get out of a locked car and so physically feeble so as to be unable to break a window.   Farmers markets in the area should be on high alert.
 
2014-12-15 10:58:27 AM  
Wow - there on the upper left, that overly complicated door lock.  How does it work?

img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2014-12-15 10:59:27 AM  
They voted for Obama, didn't they?.
I thought I recognized the intelligence level.
/yes I am trolling
//self reported
 
2014-12-15 11:00:05 AM  
FTFA:  It wouldn't be a humorous story had the couple not lived to tell about it

I'll be the judge of what I find humorous, thank you very much.
 
2014-12-15 11:02:57 AM  

Riallin: Russ1642: I don't get how she would be unconscious. Cars aren't sealed in the slightest.

My thoughts exactly. I mean, if the car was *on* (perhaps they were being carbon monoxide poisoned?) just drive the car out of your garage, door be damned. But to be "an hour away from death" in a non-running car, in ones own garage, seems pretty sketchy.


Thanfully they never made it out of the garage. Can you imagine people this stupid actually driving, on a public road? Double digit body count for sure.
 
2014-12-15 11:03:32 AM  

chozo13: FTFA:  It wouldn't be a humorous story had the couple not lived to tell about it

I'll be the judge of what I find humorous, thank you very much.


You've got to be pulling my leg.
 
2014-12-15 11:04:05 AM  
Just wondering: does anybody who has been inside a mazda3 know if the driver-side door opens regardless of it being locked? I know my mazda6 does, as do practically all other cars I've driven in recent memory...
 
2014-12-15 11:04:09 AM  

ChipNASA: chozo13: FTFA:  It wouldn't be a humorous story had the couple not lived to tell about it

I'll be the judge of what I find humorous, thank you very much.

You've got to be pulling my leg.


Or twisting my arm..
 
2014-12-15 11:05:13 AM  
I don't know how it would lead to one being trapped inside necessarily, but to any idiot's credit that I allow to pilot it, my MazdaSpeed3 does have a somewhat tricky key release mechanism.

Also, an old girlfriend of mine back in college had a Miata that I barely fit inside and in order to turn the ignition to the engine on, the left turn signal had to be engaged. I guess this is a thing with Mazdas.

The GT trim line for the MazdaSpeed3 has all the bells and whistles like keyless ignition, heated seats and built-in navigation.

I was a little disappoint that I didn't have the push-button rocket ignition in my base model but the 2.3L turbo 4-banger is standard equipment so I got over it.

Especially with all the Stage II performance modifications already installed on it : )
 
2014-12-15 11:07:08 AM  

ChipNASA: chozo13: FTFA:  It wouldn't be a humorous story had the couple not lived to tell about it

I'll be the judge of what I find humorous, thank you very much.

You've got to be pulling my leg.


Poe's law shows no mercy. there should be an emote or something.
 
2014-12-15 11:07:48 AM  

Wrath of Heaven: in order to turn the ignition to the engine on, the left turn signal had to be engaged. I guess this is a thing with Mazdas.


Sounds like the dealership-added security system that she paid extra for. KARR alarm systems, I believe... Not exactly "standard" on any car.
 
2014-12-15 11:08:08 AM  

ChipNASA: ChipNASA: chozo13: FTFA:  It wouldn't be a humorous story had the couple not lived to tell about it

I'll be the judge of what I find humorous, thank you very much.

You've got to be pulling my leg.

Or twisting my arm..


I saw what you did there.
 
2014-12-15 11:08:43 AM  

JohnCarter: Wow - there on the upper left, that overly complicated door lock.  How does it work?


img.fark.netView Full Size


Considering the steering wheel is on the wrong side, the car must be evil and trying to kill them on Guy Fawkes Day. You know who else got killed on Guy Fawkes Day?
 
2014-12-15 11:08:49 AM  
 
2014-12-15 11:09:12 AM  
I don't understand how one goes from "I think I'm locked in" to "I'll try to break a window" without the step in between of "let me mess around with all these buttons on the door first".
 
2014-12-15 11:10:04 AM  

Relatively Obscure: Oh.  I see TFA already did that.  Well, now I just feel silly.

*slinks off*


My work filter blocked the bit that was embedded in TFA, so your post actually helped me out.

Thanks!
 
2014-12-15 11:12:49 AM  
Before clicking, I assumed this was the good ol' USA and figured "somebody looking for a quick payday via lawsuit".  Then I read the story.  Yet another great reason why old people should be banned from driving.
 
2014-12-15 11:12:59 AM  

Larva Lump: Should've called BlondeStar.


Nice!
 
2014-12-15 11:13:23 AM  
 My father who is suffering from dementia can no longer figure out how to unlock a car door from inside the car.  We haven't allowed him to drive now for some time.  Dementia is a hell of thing.
 
2014-12-15 11:13:34 AM  
They needed "blondestar."
 
2014-12-15 11:14:37 AM  
Ha, losers, this is why I ride a bike. I'd tell you the name but you've probably never heard of it and I doubt you could pronounce it anyway.
 
2014-12-15 11:15:02 AM  
I'm surprise they didn't start a signal fire in the car, hoping that someone would see the smoke and send help.
 
2014-12-15 11:15:21 AM  
img.fark.netView Full Size
 
2014-12-15 11:16:10 AM  

Primitive Screwhead: brap:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 500x271]
[static.tumblr.com image 500x270]
/sorry...


Thank you.
 
2014-12-15 11:17:08 AM  
my wife just got a new BMW w/keyless fob and she did not want the car to automatically lock after it started moving.
"How would I get out?"

/true story
//she's mine fellas
/// also- we're old
 
2014-12-15 11:18:18 AM  

Riallin: Just wondering: does anybody who has been inside a mazda3 know if the driver-side door opens regardless of it being locked? I know my mazda6 does, as do practically all other cars I've driven in recent memory...


It does- if you pull on the door handle from inside, it physically disengages the locked door.
 
2014-12-15 11:18:28 AM  

abhorrent1: Blondestar


Oh my god, you know what................
 
2014-12-15 11:20:05 AM  
I had an aunt that drove a land yacht (Buick, I think) that shorted out once in a storm,  It died right in the middle of the street, she called AAA, and when they got there, she could not get out of the car.  The locks fried, and all the pulling on the handles, both inside and out, did nothing.  Windows were locked, could not be pushed down, so AAA told their road crew to break the window.  Her son sold that car, and put her in some type of SUV, and only after he made sure she was able to escape in the event the same damn thing ever happened.  He also told her to only drive on sunny days, just in case.
 
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