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(The Sun)   Exotic animal owner killed by pet black widow, rest of animals rush in to feed on corpse. Creepshow 3 ensues   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
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38850 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Feb 2004 at 4:18 AM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

309 Comments     (+0 »)
2004-02-27 01:38:26 AM  
I pay $3000 a month for this germ proof apartment. Serves him right for just letting the damn pests in as pets!

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 02:06:48 AM  
Did the man keep NOTHING in cages. Sounds like they were just all wandering around waiting for a chance to pounce.

On a much sicker note - he was probably paralyzed for hours before he died. I wonder if he was alive when they started eating him.
2004-02-27 02:17:06 AM  
That was...disturbing.
2004-02-27 02:18:59 AM  
I'm going to have nightmares now.
2004-02-27 02:23:11 AM  
Someone please tell me that flesh eating termites only live in Germany. We dont have any of those kind here in the states......right? RIGHT??
2004-02-27 02:58:20 AM  
Ok, I'll say it:

2004-02-27 03:28:36 AM  
If they haven't done the autopsy, how do they know the black widow killed him?
2004-02-27 03:35:51 AM  
I have a turtle, red eared slider. This is a fairly hardy pet that spends its life in an aquarium. Unfortunately, this is too "exotic" for my current apartment complex, and I have to keep it with a friend. My landlord said it was because they were worried about the allergens reptiles would leave behind. Gah! Like a reptile leaves any more allergens than your typical furry animal. I got it specifically for its lack of fur.

If I am to die for any reason, I hope my pet turtle can make the best use of my body, and chomp on me for days until I start turning bloated, green, and fuzzy. Yummy.
2004-02-27 04:25:39 AM  
<i>She said: He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world. </i>

Neither of the spiders mentioned in the article (tarantulas, black widows) is aggressive like that. I am an entomologist and I have never heard of flesh-eating termites.
That said, I believe the other stuff with wide-eyed, grossed-out credibility.
2004-02-27 04:27:40 AM  
Granite... I heard that insects are evil and bad, and we as humans should work to stamp them out, then humans can, as nature intended rise to the throne.

/got his info from Starship Troopers
2004-02-27 04:30:04 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

Go easy, she just lost her husband.
2004-02-27 04:30:49 AM  

We're pretty set up on our throne, and they on theirs. If you don't mind digging an occasional maggot out of your apple, we can coexist peacefully indefinitely.

On the other hand, I was thinking we could domesticate some kind of insect that eats ruderal weeds, and then mash it up for hamburgers.

Would YOU eat BugBurgers if they tasted the same as Normal McTripe but were way cheaper?
2004-02-27 04:33:44 AM  
This happened a couple of years ago in Delaware when some guy was eaten by his monitor lizards. The lesson:
Please to follow the food chain.
2004-02-27 04:34:11 AM  
iollow, please RTFA.

It said the egg sacks exploded letting the spiders out.
2004-02-27 04:35:57 AM  
valdemiro...I was thinking the SAME thing!

All I can say is, ew.

Okay, I can say more, so, when they went in to clean up the mess, were they worried about getting bitten?

I got the full body shivers
2004-02-27 04:36:16 AM  
Johnny Socko

I'm embarrassed to say that I laughed my ass off at that.
2004-02-27 04:38:11 AM  
my GF has a red ear. She used to take him out and pet him and stuff, even give him little kisses. Turns out they all carry salmonella. Wash your hands. Real good.
2004-02-27 04:39:39 AM  
Johnny Socko

Took me a minute, then I chuckled. This was after I'd barfed at the article.
2004-02-27 04:44:27 AM  
2004-02-27 04:46:42 AM  
Being eaten by your own menagerie is no way to die. A parachute not opening - that's the way to die, getting caught in a combine, having your nuts bit off by a Laplander. That's the way I want to go.
2004-02-27 04:48:19 AM  
I call BS on the black widow theory. He probably died of a heart attack or something. The black widow's bite is very painful, but very rarely fatal. I've had friends that were bitten, and they recovered in a day or two. This guy would have had time to call an ambulance if he was bitten.
Maybe if it bit him right on the jugular vein he'd be in trouble, but he still should have able to call 911 (or whatever it is they have in England).
2004-02-27 04:49:06 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 04:50:17 AM  
I wouldn't mind another Creepshow. Or any short horror stories movies. Seems that genre died out in the mid-90s. Real shame.

Cat's Eye
Creepshow 2
Tales from the Darkside

I know there are more, but I'm not in a thinking mood.

Semi-off subject, the spiders in Resident Evil always freaked me out. I wonder if there will be any in Resident Evil: Apocalypse.
2004-02-27 04:51:01 AM  
wonder what his last words were
2004-02-27 04:51:15 AM  
Jay-Tea, where have I seen that picture before?
2004-02-27 04:52:35 AM  
Jay-Tea, You have the follow up tp that pic?
2004-02-27 04:53:21 AM  
Travis Biccule

That's the famous 10:39 Equity Quartz Demirachnid Clock
2004-02-27 04:54:43 AM  
My memory isn't so good. Refresh it, like I do this thread.
2004-02-27 04:55:17 AM  

"Miss Muffet was righhhhargh"
2004-02-27 04:56:11 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 04:57:32 AM  

I agree that a black widow bite is painful but rarely fatal, especially in someone who is not very young or very old. The article mentions the man was 30. I also find it odd that someone that young could die from a heart attack unless he had some pre-existing condition. Hmm, hope there's a follow up after the autoposy.
2004-02-27 04:58:27 AM  
Maybe he was allergic to living.
2004-02-27 05:00:21 AM  
The unidentified spider from Texas seen hiding behind a wall clock is likely a Giant Crab spider( Heteropoda venatoria (L.),).

About half way down the page
2004-02-27 05:00:49 AM  
Anyone else notice the creepy photo captions?
It's like a nightmarish "The Sound of Music:"

Killer ... a poisonous Black Widow spider
Spider's victim ... the body of tragic Voegel is taken away
Hungry ... termites ate body
Lair ... a cage is taken away
Danger ... he kept snakes
2004-02-27 05:00:57 AM  
Maybe it was just a novel way to commit suicide.
2004-02-27 05:01:07 AM  
What's up with the pic of the badger? ( we don't need no stinking badger) or is that a wolvereen or something?
2004-02-27 05:02:09 AM  
I think I recall where I saw that pic. Someone posted it at another forum, to unease a member who was afraid of spiders.

I have a crappy memory at times.
2004-02-27 05:03:17 AM  
Another pic of Jay-Teas spider:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 05:04:38 AM  
Jesus Christ, that spider website is going to give me nightmares for sho-sho.
2004-02-27 05:08:22 AM  
People who keep dangerous non-native species in a human residence often regard themselves as caretakers rather than as food.

They could be scientists, but are usually attention ho's claiming individuality through possession of the more dangerous critters of the world.

Unfortunate he became a meal.
2004-02-27 05:08:48 AM  
TBickle Check out "Tales from the Crypt" and "Vault of Horror", they're both pretty decently done takes on EC Comics tales. They kinda have an overall cheesy plot, but the stories are good. They came out in England in the late 70s(?).
2004-02-27 05:08:49 AM  
Those animals were probably plotting with each other for the past few years. He probably fed them scraps for years and they finally wanted a good feed. The lizards talked the widow into making the first move and it was all downhill from there.

And that spider page... was mildly.... disturbing.....

2004-02-27 05:14:29 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
And here, my prize, the Black Widow. Isn't she lovely?.. and so deadly. Her kiss is fifteen times as poisonous as that of the rattlesnake. You see her venom is highly neurotoxic, which is to say that it attacks the central nervous system causing intense pain, profuse sweating, difficulty in breathing, loss of consciousness, violent convulsions and, finally.. death. You know what I think I love the most about her is her inborn need to dominate, possess. In fact, immediately after the consummation of her marriage to the smaller and weaker male of the species she kills and eats him - *laugh* oh, she is delicious.. and I hope he was! Such power and dignity - unhampered by sentiment. If I may put forward a slice of personal philosophy, I feel that man has ruled this world as a stumbling dimented child-king long enough! And as his empire crumbles, my precious Black Widow shall rise as his most fitting successor!
2004-02-27 05:16:30 AM  
Jay-Tea - arg. arg. arg. I don't have the words to... ack. can't speak. *shudders*

I'm going to wrap myself in saran-wrap now. Then the giant spiders won't get me.
2004-02-27 05:19:16 AM  
JILtari, Tales from the Crypt is one I was trying to think of. Absolutely love it. In fact, it's my favorite of the ones I mentioned.

Haven't found Vault of Horror yet, though. Can't wait till I do.
2004-02-27 05:24:33 AM  
after reading the zeta tau guest book from ealrier this week, I could still finish my pancakes. after clicking on Jay-Tea's spider site, I am utterly utterly horrified. somehow it is so horrifically horrifying. i keep spinning around to see what's behind me. and spinning.
2004-02-27 05:25:08 AM  
etymxris: You might want to google: Turtles Salmonella
They wouldn't sell turtles for a very long time due to that. Still don't know if there any laws about turtles.
2004-02-27 05:25:28 AM  
Granite Eurypterid:

Here's how you do it:

<a href="​gallery. htm">SPIDERS!</a>

<a href=" ">link name</a> (closes tag)
2004-02-27 05:26:54 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 05:28:51 AM  
Its an ugly planet, a bug planet.

I'm from Beunos Aires and I say kill em all!
2004-02-27 05:30:43 AM  
2004-02-27 05:33:50 AM  
I have never seen a more appropriate use of the 'sick' tag..
2004-02-27 05:36:41 AM  
Thank you Dumle

Wonder why the link died.

2004-02-27 05:39:36 AM  
....if the 'sick' tag had been used, that is
2004-02-27 05:44:13 AM  
Old Indian: Once upon a time, a woman was picking up firewood. She came upon a poisonous snake frozen in the snow. She took the snake home and nursed it back to health. One day the snake bit her on the cheek. As she lay dying, she asked the snake, "Why have you done this to me?" And the snake answered, "Look, biatch, you knew I was a snake."
/Natural Born Killers
2004-02-27 05:55:30 AM  
Now I'm not gonna sleep all night. We don't get too many poisonous spiders here in Colorado, 'cept for black widows. Nonetheless, every inch of my skin has the creepy crawlies. ugh...
2004-02-27 06:01:15 AM  
Damnit, I keep looking at these spider pics and getting all freaked out...and yet I can't stop! Help!!
2004-02-27 06:16:46 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 06:17:16 AM  
Always add this little bit to the code so the link opens a new window. Courtesy and all.

<a href="" TARGET="_blank">Your Text Here</a>
2004-02-27 06:17:58 AM  

I seriously had to look behind me after that!
2004-02-27 06:19:33 AM  
Every time I close my eyes now, all I see are spiders from that damn page. Oh why did I click. Ack! Something brushed up against my leg!!

/Off to play some all night Natural Selection to get rid of the jibblies.
2004-02-27 06:29:40 AM  
Giant spiders, cockroaches, alligators, hurricanes... how can you people live in Florida? Sure, it goes to -30 and we get the odd day of 2.4 feet of snow (last thursday, in fact), but at least I don't have animals commonly seen battling Godzilla under my bath mat or hiding behind my clock...
2004-02-27 06:32:26 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 06:33:11 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

This should NOT be real. This has to be from a movie.

I have spoken. It is now true in my world.
2004-02-27 06:33:15 AM  
Well that was really farking creepy. *goes off to hide in corner with a can of insecticide*
2004-02-27 06:34:16 AM  

Hahaha, that's my reasoning too! I will never settle south of Virginia in the US or Austria in Europe. If you have to sleep under a net not to be eaten alive during the night, well that's just mother nature telling you to get the hell out. :)
2004-02-27 06:34:40 AM  
Why is it that I'm constantly fighting the urge to scream like a little girl since reading this article/thread?

...of course, it would be fun to scare the crap out of my roommate and neighbors with that sort of scream.
2004-02-27 06:37:59 AM  

You absolute bastard. Spiders are the only thing I am terrified of (that and the pub with no beer)
I couldn't watch starship troopers, I felt physically ill when the spider-thingys came along. AAAAAAArgh, i feel itchy and shivery all over. Ugh.

And yes, I am the type that screams like an ikkle girl if theres a spider, no matter how tiny, anywhere near me...
2004-02-27 06:44:49 AM  

Don't worry, it's just a real farking small clock.
2004-02-27 06:45:05 AM  
I agree with Mortong, that picture looks like it's out of a horror movie. I can even explain why: it's a common horror movie technique to reveal just a small bit of the enemy, leaving the rest hidden -- it allows the viewer the "opportunity" to imagine the horrifying meat for himself. This real life example is so effective in stirring my imagination, it puts many of the most popular (not necessarily best) horror movie directors to shame.

Also, the almost perfect symmetry of the legs, how they are spread out so particularly and exactly, seems like a rubber toy you might actually clamp on the side of your clock to scare people. But I looked at the site, and I know that's not true.

Heaven's to Betsy, that's just creepy.
2004-02-27 06:45:22 AM  

The whole thing is BS. Termites don't eat people. They don't even eat wood. They eat a fungus that grows on the wood.

Most lizards of the size you could keep in a house like that eat fruit. I don't know what kind this guy kept, but if he fed them anything larger than crickets (or termites), they'd be larger than was described.

And don't get me started on the spiders... for cryin' out loud, their picture of the widow was displayed upside-down! Latrodectus species (widows and redbacks) rest hanging, with their dorsal side up. And their toxin is not anywhere nearly dangerous enough to kill a person in such a short amount of time. Not even Wandering Spiders from S. America (very toxic) can kill a full grown man that fast.

Here's another surprise for you; spiders are cannibals. They'd feed on each other much more quickly than they would on the deceased. And on the termites. Hell, the bird-eaters would attack the lizards and small snakes.

In short, there was nothing described in this article that would feed on a human corpse. Kill, maybe, if sufficient toxic bites were administered, but it would take a long time to die from that, and he'd have had plenty of time to put Bettina The Biter back in her hole, and dial an ambulance. This article was written by a person more in tune with horror movies than reality.
2004-02-27 06:47:42 AM  
Please don't say that clock pic is real.....


*I cant hear you la la la la la la la*

*hides under desk and cries*
2004-02-27 06:49:44 AM  
Thank you Jebus for letting me be born in a place that does not have giant atomic spiders that will crawl on me in my sleep and eat my face. I'm going to go huddle in the corner with my blankie and a can of Raid now...
2004-02-27 06:50:45 AM  

[image from too old to be available]
These words he he speaks are true!
We're all humanary stew!
If we don't pledge allegiance to

The horror that he brings,
The horror of his sting,
The unholiest of kings,
The Black Widow.

Our minds will be his toy,
And every girl and boy
Will learn to be employed by
The Black Widow.

He sits upon this throne and picks
At all the bones of his husbands
And his wives he's devoured.
He stares with a gleam,
With a laugh so obscene at the virgins
And the children he's deflowered.

2004-02-27 06:51:23 AM  
Oh, almost forgot... they described a nest in the corner of the ceiling, made by a bird-eater.

Those spiders are burrowers. They would not have climbed to the ceiling to build a nest, they'd have found some place close to the ground and dark. The article is nonsense.
2004-02-27 06:54:09 AM  

And I don't know why this got the [image from too old to be available] tag. I think it should have gotten the [image from too old to be available] tag!

It's not every day you get to read about some German arsehole getting devoured by spiders and snakes in his living room!

2004-02-27 06:54:38 AM  
All you people afraid of spiders... do any of you eat crab? Cause really, crabs are just really big aquatic spiders.

[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]

Who ate who?
Who ate you?
Who ate who?
Ain't nobody told you?
2004-02-27 07:02:22 AM  
big aquatic spiders.

Great, now I can't go in the sea either.....anything with more then 4 legs freaks me out. I think its a very common human reaction, insects and aracnids are so damn alien looking to us that the brain freaks out....its an incredibly common phobia. So much so that the only time in my life i became hysterical with fear was when i woke up one morning, maybe 5/6 years ago to find scattered broken remains of a maybe 2 1/2 inch spider on the pillow..bits of legs etc. I swear I lost all rationale, and hid crying and cowering in the wardrobe, and had to take a shower about 5 times that day. completely irrational, and uncontrolable, the loss of the power of rational thought was almost more frightening then the actual phobia of spiders itself.
2004-02-27 07:07:57 AM  

"Humans eating eight spiders a year in our sleep without knowing it."

Having a late snack? :)

/evil... no really, I am, I know it...
2004-02-27 07:11:37 AM  

You wouldn't like my parents house then. I had to move in with them for a couple of months last year whilst I was between flats. They live out in the country. In the first two weeks I was finding an average of two to three spiders a day, usually in or around my bed. They weren't very big, but had that evil-freak look. After a week you get used to them, but thank fark I live in town again.
2004-02-27 07:12:49 AM  
I've read that, but it gives me the shiats so much that i blocked it out.

I'm sure they're chock full of protein, though.

2004-02-27 07:13:07 AM  
Tarantulas may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know, 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfarkers.
2004-02-27 07:15:28 AM  
Feh. Spiders I cam usually deal with (mostly cuz they are polite and stay outside). Over here though in addition to spiders I get crickets trying to invade the house. Course I didnt know they were crickets at first...

[image from too old to be available]

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 07:20:13 AM  
binnster getting used to...I'd just move or something or NEVER SLEEP.
Or vaccum and clean like a lunatic. I've not seen one spider here actually, thankfully, as there's no door on the wardrobe so I couldn't lock my self in. Mosquitos yes...spiders no...
2004-02-27 07:20:38 AM  
I can even understand people keeping spiders as pets, they'd be fun to watch, maybe take down a mouse or two in the cage... but why would anyone want...

[image from too old to be available]

I saw one of these for sale at my local pet store, wasnted US$70 for the thing.... why?
2004-02-27 07:21:37 AM  
Wippit: Cause really, crabs are just really big aquatic spiders

Well, really, they aren't. They're more like shrimps who decided moving sideways was the way forward.
2004-02-27 07:23:15 AM  
It's pictures like that giant clock spider that make me thankful I live in Canada where our cleansing winters keep the creepy crawlies away.

Incidentally, I saw a pic once of a giant Austrialian mutant spider. This couple was vacationing in Australia, and they took a picture of an impossibly large spider that was on their cabin wall. It was so big, the camera flash was reflected off its eyes - it made that clock spider look like a little lady bug. That image still disturbes me too this day.

Oh thank you Jack Frost.
2004-02-27 07:26:51 AM  
"They're more like shrimps who decided moving sideways was the way forward."

ROFL! But yah, that is much more accurate. Here comes the sci... nah. Never mind. Anyone that cares will look it up.
2004-02-27 07:29:48 AM  
Ok, I have to go to ratemykitten now and look at pretty fluffy things with only 4 legs, as I'm starting to feel some palpations and my breathing is getting caught. I really am that freaked out by spiders.

I'd not heard of giant mutant spiders before, but now I have....i wish I hadn't.

2004-02-27 07:30:06 AM  
This is the kind of thing that really freaks me out:

[image from too old to be available]


[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 07:39:48 AM  
[image from too old to be available] Farker dies of heart attack after reading article of man eaten by spiders. Your tarantula wants AB+
2004-02-27 07:41:05 AM  
This is what I want to see........its cute, its fluffy, its got only four legs:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 07:43:15 AM  
I smell possible shenanigans here. I LIVE in Dortmund, and I haven't heard a single thing about this. Let me check the German news sites (WAZ, Ruhr Nachrichten, and Westfälische Rundschau) and get back to you.
2004-02-27 07:52:42 AM  
Anyone know WHY most of us normal-type people hate spiders so much? Are they just naturally disgusting and if so, why?

My daughter keeps stick-insects and I can cope with them when they are only little, the big ones freak me out.

I know some of these horrible pets [eg giant African land snails] are kept by people with allergies to fur/feathers but surely you can't form any kind of relationship with something that has far too many legs for its own good?
2004-02-27 07:53:10 AM  
For a truly scary spider you need to have an encounter with a camel spider from the Middle East (although technically they are solifugids, a cross between spiders and scorpions). I used to live in Abu Dhabi, and although I never saw on myself, I heard a few stories. They can grow bigger than your hand and typical diet includes other spiders, scorpions, lizards, mice and some small birds which they eat until they can no longer move. Which is just as well 'cause they are one of the fastest running arthropods. Bug spray dosen't kill them, it just makes them mad. Here's a video of a camel spider eating a scorpion:

2004-02-27 08:01:27 AM  
Does anyone remember hearing about plans for a third Creepshow a few years back? I believe it was supposed to be animated and include the unproduced segment from the second movie.
2004-02-27 08:06:20 AM  
No, This makes me gag:

[image from too old to be available]

Huntsman Spider with nematode parasite

huntsman spiders

up to 15 cm across the legs....that's 6 inches of arachnid goodness
2004-02-27 08:09:18 AM  
"He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world."

Since when aren't dogs animals? Wouldn't pitbulls be the pitbulls of the animal world?

My pitbull is a big sissy.
2004-02-27 08:15:51 AM  

"Anyone know WHY most of us normal-type people hate spiders so much?"

Because they look icky?
Most people fear things because they don't understand them. Spiders, though, have been given such a bad rap throughout history, especially in the media, and have been blamed for everything from plague to epilepsy, that people just assume the worst when they see them. They don't know that the spider is dangerous, but why take a chance? This is safe thinking, and a prudent response to the unknown.

Besides: it may be true that the spider bite is pretty harmless, but painful, but then again, why get bit if you don't need to? I hate mosquito bites, but they won't kill me either.
2004-02-27 08:18:51 AM  

Well, technically crabs are decapods. ;)


I had the impression the termites were there as spider food? You can't expect a journalist to know everything, they get facts wrong but it doesn't mean the whole story is BS. It's not a scientific paper you're reading..
2004-02-27 08:19:52 AM  
Anyone know WHY most of us normal-type people hate spiders so much?

I think its because they look so alien, that they awake in us some primal fear...insects in general and aracnids in particular. And, very simply, they are "ugly" and humans seem preprogrammed from infancy to like 'pretty' or 'beautiful' things.
2004-02-27 08:23:20 AM  
2004-02-27 08:24:06 AM  
It's not a scientific paper you're reading..

It's not news true, it's The Sun.
2004-02-27 08:24:18 AM  
Well, Jesus Mary and Joseph. Pass the whiskey.

Spiders never bothered me, but snakes always have. F-in hate the shifty little bastards. Although now my spider paranoia is elevated...even if it wasn't a true story, it's a disgusting enough idea, let alone mental picture, to disturb me for quite a while. The beauty of Fark being, when you read it early in the morning before you've had your coffee, you don't pay close enough attention to the headlines, and then, well, you pay for that.

/kicks self repeatedly
2004-02-27 08:26:26 AM  
I think my New Year's resolution was to not look at spider threads. I wish I would have stuck to my guns.
2004-02-27 08:31:28 AM  
1) dude, wtf is wrong with german people.
2) i. hate. spiders.
2004-02-27 08:33:03 AM  
That's some farked up shiat, but he had it coming.
2004-02-27 08:34:29 AM  
Ok, now I know what that thing I can say those big clock/hunter/crab spiders do show up in Texas. The thing scared my terrier who normally nabs anything that crawls inside. It ran along the floor until I walked up to it then stopped. I stared at this thing for a few minutes thinking "You can't be real." It moved toward me and I stepped back still thinking--"NO WAY" Finally the denial wore off and I sprayed huge quanities of RAID on the thing until it died. I know, I know, it was harmless, but it was too big. Something that big should never enter an apartment uninvited and not expect a fight.
2004-02-27 08:35:00 AM  
I was about to image source this pic, but decided to hold off freaking everyone out.
I don't mind spiders as long as they aren't too big and stay outside. I really hate their webs. I'm always waving my walking stick whenever on a hike in the woods.
2004-02-27 08:37:37 AM  
2004-02-27 04:51:01 AM borg

wonder what his last words were

2004-02-27 08:38:39 AM  
I have a bearded dragon, and have had other lizards and turtles in the past (rescued some of them), and I make sure they are secured, for their own safety. I give him the best environment possible, with natural sand, wood, rocks, plants, the best fresh foods, a variety of insects, the best proper lighting, etc. He's more like a small scaly kid than a pet.

I can only assume the dead guy kept the animals in less-than-ideal conditions, and from the sounds of it most of them shouldn't have been there anyways.

One more point; how did the investigators know the names of the pets? Are they going to prosecute Bettina the black widow for the murder?
2004-02-27 08:39:08 AM  
Anyone remember this one?

She said, "I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
You fool, you fool
I don't like spiders and snakes
And that ain't what it takes to love me
Like I want to be loved by you"

Personally, much as I detest spiders, I do quite like snakes...
2004-02-27 08:39:44 AM  
Got bit by a black widow just last week on my left leg. Hurt a lot then, itches a lot now, but not fatal.

No I don't keep them, the thing was in my pants. Yeah, it could have been much, much worse.

The black widow was in my closet due to recent rains and the fact my apartment has more holes in it than swiss cheese. The bugs come in during the wet season. Cat loves them. I actually like spiders but not for pets, they do their job, make their webs, leave me alone and catch flying bugs, good roomates -- except the black widow beetches that like my pants. Why is that indicative of my love life? She gets in my pants and then poisons me. Arachnometaphore?
2004-02-27 08:41:05 AM  
Now I can't get the song "Cicle of Life" out of my head.
2004-02-27 08:44:01 AM  
Darn it! People beat me to the Alice Cooper reference, twice in the past two days!

/never intends on leaving her computer ever again... ok maybe not.
2004-02-27 08:45:37 AM  
I have a reoccuring dream where I'm forced to watch a video of myself sleeping while a spider crawls all over my face.

I mean, think about it. At more than one point in your life, a spider has probably crawled all over you while you have your head nuzzled in your pillow.

Doesn't it freak you out thinking about having to watch it?
2004-02-27 08:49:56 AM  
"He had SPIDERS so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world."

Since when aren't dogs animals? Wouldn't pitbulls be the pitbulls of the animal world?

huh? aggressive spider, the equivelent in the insect world that a pit bull is in the animal world...presumably
2004-02-27 08:51:23 AM  
Mommy, make it go away.

/curls up in a fetal position
2004-02-27 08:56:40 AM  
Ugh, I think I may see my breakfast again. I'm going to be feeling like there's something crawling on me all day.
2004-02-27 08:56:59 AM  
Machtyn---Thank you for not posting that here.

/prefers the CHOICE of clicking to get the heebie-jeebies
2004-02-27 08:58:27 AM  
Ok, that camel spider thing terrified me. That terrified me more then the horse video. Spiders are icky. I saw a huge (size of a small plate) grey fuzzy spider where I worked. I almost decorated my shorts. I think he knew the horror he inflicted on me, he'd show up every once in awhile to terrify me.

/resumes her fetal position, glad that her cat taunts and kills spiders.
2004-02-27 08:59:40 AM  
I was going to say "She said: He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world. DUMBEST QUOTE EVER!

Oh and Rogue_Spidor - there are a lot of meat eating lizards that people can keep in their homes. I know several people with savanah monitor lizards here in Pittsburgh...
2004-02-27 09:00:36 AM  
It's a relief to find so many other adult spider-a-phobes in here. As a kid I used to love spiders. I used to collect them in glass jars and then dip my hand in and let them run around on my forearm.

Something changed though. As an adult I can't stand the evil little bastards. I didn't have a bad experience though. Never kill them however and won't let anyone else either.
2004-02-27 09:02:39 AM  
Interesting to note that the only three news services (as checked by Google News) to carry this so far are all British tabloids...
2004-02-27 09:03:03 AM  
They have cane spiders in Hawaii. They're huge, crab-like creatures. Had one on the ceiling after a recent cane cat sat on the floor looking up at it, and sounded like she was having an orgasm. She wanted it baaaaad. I think it would have had her instead.
2004-02-27 09:05:17 AM  
Spiders didn't really bother me until I woke up one night with one crawling across my face. Granted, it was only a garden spider, but it was about four inches across. They kind of creep me out now.
2004-02-27 09:07:54 AM  
I'm glad we don't have anything poisonous in this country. Teehee. :)
2004-02-27 09:07:57 AM  
Granite Eurypterid

Neither of the spiders mentioned in the article (tarantulas, black widows) is aggressive like that.
2004-02-27 09:10:42 AM  
I once woke up to see a hubcap full of huge crushed spiders on my bed next to my face. I nearly screamed and jumped out of bed and switched the lights on. Of course there was nothing there. I calmed down after I realised I couldn't have seen anything next to my head as it was pitch black in my room before I flipped the lights. I must have still been dreaming as I woke up. Freaked me out though.
2004-02-27 09:12:36 AM  
I suggest this article and thread, with lovely pics, for dieters...but NOT for boozers: I'm gonna start drinking.
2004-02-27 09:15:04 AM  
You think that itch in your ear is natural?
2004-02-27 09:16:26 AM  

I can attest to the scariness of sopulgids, I've seen a few since I moved to Arizona. Sometimes they're called Wind Scorpions because they are supposed to run really fast, but I haven't seen one that I couldn't catch (and smash) yet... Here's a pic of one:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 09:16:36 AM  
Many years ago, when I was nursing a new baby, I needed to drink lots of liquids. I would keep a glass of water with a straw in it, by my bed at night and take a drink when I needed it. One night, I took a drink and noticed that there was something other than water in my mouth. I spit it into the glass, turned on the light and found a nice banana spider in the glass. I don't know if that's the proper name for it, but that's what we call it around my house. That was the end of drinking in the dark for me.

I have teenage sons who won't go near spiders. My 13 year old daughter is the one I go to when I find a spider in the house. She just gets a tissue and picks them up and puts them outside. Been doing it for years. No fear.
2004-02-27 09:19:45 AM  

You actual pictures please...eeeeee.
Ok, maybe I need to stop my morbid fascination with looking at this thread despite being terified.

Humans are strange indeed.
2004-02-27 09:20:04 AM  
I, for one, welcome our poisonous, insectoid, German-eating overlords.

2004-02-27 09:21:05 AM  
Almost totally off the subject, but did anyone notice that the picture of the fireman carrying the plexiglass tank in the article? The dude is a dead ringer for Jeff Tweedy from the band Wilco.

/alt-country geek
2004-02-27 09:27:16 AM  

The spiders aren't that huge, the roaches don't bother anyone, alligators are cool, and you only have to worry about hurricanes that are Category 4 and 5. I was in a house right near the beach during a 3 and I was fine.

I don't understand how people can live in South America. Now THEMS some big spiders!
2004-02-27 09:29:35 AM  
Most spiders provide a wonderful service... They kill all the other bugs. I had to get a new washing machine and when I moved the old one I saw 3 webs behind it with captured water bugs and crickets. I left it alone. Keep up the good work fellas!

My girlfriend has a bat house in her backyards. They don't bother me either. She'll tell you that the only thing I am afraid of is commitment.

*Curls up in ball and rocks back and forth*
2004-02-27 09:31:48 AM  
black widows can and have killed. I just want to know since he had many different spiders and insects, how could they pin it on the widow ?
2004-02-27 09:32:20 AM  
'Can't sleep, clown'll eat me.... can't sleep, clown'll eat me...'
2004-02-27 09:33:20 AM  
I wonder if he had a Brown Recluse somewhere and it just hid from investigators.
2004-02-27 09:34:15 AM  
Jay-Tea: I had a moth fly into my ear once. It was a horrible experience. I could feel the farker fluttering around in my ear all the way to the ER. They drowned it with lidocaine and tried to suck it out. They ended up irrigating my ear with a huge turkey baster looking thing. The force the doc used to flush the sucker was so great, I had water coming out of my eye! I slept with a blanket over my head for 6 months. If I see a moth, I break out in a cold sweat.
2004-02-27 09:35:12 AM  
"Well, technically crabs are decapods. ;)"

I had heard that shrimp were in the same family as cockroaches. Whether its true or not, I still tell everyone during dinner at seafood restaurants that they are eating cockroaches of the sea.
2004-02-27 09:35:22 AM  

I've heard a lot of scary stuff about them, like the time a guy from work was in Libya and found one in his shoe. Apparently people have died just from the shock of being bitten by one.
2004-02-27 09:35:30 AM  
What that should've said:

"Can't sleep, clown spider'll eat me...

[image from too old to be available]

... can't sleep, clown spider'll eat me..."
2004-02-27 09:36:21 AM  
Did he have any whitetail spiders? I saw some of those when I visited Australia. Dangerous little f'ers. They don't inject poison -- they inject flesh-eating bacteria. People seldom die from the bite, but they nearly always lose a limb. The thought freaks me out.
2004-02-27 09:36:23 AM  
Holy shiate..those things are nasty. I used to have to fend them off of me while doing cable installs. I believe they are called "camel crickets"
2004-02-27 09:36:56 AM  
Thanks for reminding me:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 09:37:34 AM  
Beep beep, LaughingGremlin :)
2004-02-27 09:39:01 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
People please!
2004-02-27 09:39:19 AM  
'Vinagaroons', there bite releases toxins that fark up your taste buds, everything you eat, drink, swallow, tastes like vinagar
2004-02-27 09:48:41 AM  
wakamole : Jay Farrar says that is tweedys new job!

/uncle tupelo rocks!
2004-02-27 09:50:16 AM  
GraphicAddiction: Always add this little bit to the code so the link opens a new window. Courtesy and all.
<a href="" TARGET="_blank">Your Text Here</a>

Thanks for the tip. Am I supposed to actually use the word "_blank", or does that mean that I should leave that area blank?
2004-02-27 09:50:53 AM  
ya know. I once caught a camel spider and jarred it with a scorpion, next morning I couldn't believe the scorpion was dead.
2004-02-27 09:53:56 AM  
yeah sounds like crap to me (former arachnologist).
we had black widows in our lab as amusements (that and people who didn't know what they were, and who brought them to us to identify, didn't want them back). they're not particularly aggressive, in fact they only got aggressive to crickets who were actually tangled in their web, otherwise they're scaredy-cats.
i have tarantulas as pets, and my general rule on handling them, is to be entertained/amused with them as they were fish: you don't pick them up do you?
the ones i have are aggressive bird-eaters, but i can't believe it happened as they surmised...if anything the tarantulas would have taken out the lizards or each other (cannibalism is fun!) before they ate human flesh...they're not particularly well-sighted, they're designed to hunt by vibration and chance...hence a dead, inanimate corpse won't exactly attract their attention.
flesh-eating termites? BULLFARK!
2004-02-27 09:56:35 AM  

I own spider number 8 on that list. And yes...she's farking insane! ;)
2004-02-27 09:58:39 AM  
Aggresive lil bastards...I don't think that have any toxins....but they are the Mike Tyson of the spider world.

/Camel Spider for teh Win!
2004-02-27 10:00:22 AM  

Jay-Tea: I had a moth fly into my ear once. It was a horrible experience. I could feel the farker fluttering around in my ear all the way to the ER. They drowned it with lidocaine and tried to suck it out. They ended up irrigating my ear with a huge turkey baster looking thing. The force the doc used to flush the sucker was so great, I had water coming out of my eye! I slept with a blanket over my head for 6 months. If I see a moth, I break out in a cold sweat.

Nothing like wearing glasses and having a wasp fly in under them.

I hope no one witnessed a grown man wailing like a kid with a scratched knee flailing around and throwing his glasses into the distance and running around like his clothes were on fire.
2004-02-27 10:03:10 AM  

Thank you, my first lol of the day...nice visual.
2004-02-27 10:03:47 AM  
"several thousand termites had gorged on his body"

Guy must have died with one serious woody.
2004-02-27 10:07:23 AM  
Comment from a coworker whom I forwarded the article too:

"Well, if you're going to die in your house, alone, you might as well have the ecosystem to back you up."
2004-02-27 10:09:31 AM  
A year ago my company built their new location in what used to be woods. When summer came around all these creepy-crawlies didn't have anywhere to go, so they came inside. I should have put the hero tag next to my cubicle for all the eight legged victims that were crushed by my steel toed size 12's.

However, one did creep me out. I stepped on it and it literally exploded into baby spiders. Tons of them. I was busy for quite some time but for some reason I kept hearing the soundtrack to DOOM II in my mind.
2004-02-27 10:10:53 AM  

I was driving my car, bleary eyed with a hangover one morning, and noticed a wasp crawling along the inside of my windscreen. I went from that hangover-automatic pilot condition you get, into panic mode within a fraction of a second. The next fraction of a second had my car on the pavement and me sprinting through a field on the other side of the road. The girl I was giving a lift home to at the time claimed I over-reacted. I didn't think so!
2004-02-27 10:11:14 AM  
Wippit: that last spider pic you posted was of a salticid (jumping spider) notice the large eyes? some have been shown to be as smart or smarter than mammals (maze-ability, memory, etc) the thing about salticids is their eyesight is on par with much more evolutionary advanced verterbrates, to the point where when you see one, you can watch it follow you, and decide that yes, you are too big to eat. :)

a salticid the size of a cat would scare the "jebus" out of me indeed...the tiny ones less than an inch long can take down prey sometimes 3-4 times their size, bumblebees, large moths, etc. its a fear that does keep me up sometimes...

Big Friggin' Eyes! (but cute)
2004-02-27 10:13:47 AM  
OH fark, OH fark.
That is disgusting and now I have the "things crawling on skin, possibly to eat me" heebie jeebies.
I will now go throw up my breakfast Hostess Cupcake.
2004-02-27 10:15:27 AM  
that said, anyone know a grad school that would accept someone with shiatty grades, but with years of research experience and several publications?

specialty: invertebrate zoology

I'm looking to get out of the research technician phase of my life...3 years has been enough.
2004-02-27 10:16:05 AM  
little miss:
Someone please tell me that flesh eating termites only live in Germany. We dont have any of those kind here in the states......right? RIGHT??

Like many insects, they won't eat living flesh, but they will eat dead, rotting flesh.
2004-02-27 10:16:43 AM  
King Diamond not available for comment...

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 10:17:59 AM  
Between this spider story and a call at work from a demented ex-girlfriend.. I'll just go ahead and jump out of a window. Happy farking Friday.
2004-02-27 10:20:13 AM  
Helluo, thanks for the info, even though you were talkin to Wippit. I wanted to know what the hell that was, having kept a couple of tarantulas in the past myself.

I like the coloration, for one.

*sad, fond memories of his Cobalt Blue and Blonde Hair [tarantulas]*
2004-02-27 10:21:08 AM  
Let this be a lesson to everyone out there:

"Don't name your kid Loner."

2004-02-27 10:23:01 AM  
several thousand termites had gorged on his body

Police have released this picture of the victim:

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 10:24:02 AM  
I feel icky now. Thanks you freaks.
2004-02-27 10:25:15 AM  

I want my Daddy!
2004-02-27 10:30:03 AM  
Ugh, that's just nasty.

As for those aggressive spiders in that link from vejita1975 ... holy farking crap! 12" spiders that are very agressive?? ugh

And then finally, to give you all some more ...
2004-02-27 10:33:55 AM  

"The only good bug is a dead bug!"
[image from too old to be available]

2004-02-27 10:36:51 AM  
Ok, this has probably already been asked, but how the hell did they know all the names of the pets? Were the spiders wearing tags?

And what will happen to them? Like, would you adopt one of these things?

"Hi, my name is Helmut. I ate my owner. Please adopt me!"
2004-02-27 10:39:54 AM  
Jay-Tea, that was great, but you owe me a monitor cleaning. The boyfriend is sick on the recliner staring at me as I sat here and laughed.
2004-02-27 10:43:12 AM  
Spider expert and animal cruelty officer Gabi Bayer said he kept creatures that should never be allowed in a private home.

She said: He had spiders so aggressive they are the equivalent of a pit-bull in the animal world.

I have problems with this statement. Pitbulls are sweet sweet dogs. I've never known a mean one. People teach them to be aggressive. This statement suggests that pitbulls should not be allowed in public homes. Ugh.
2004-02-27 10:44:42 AM  
666death - You own one of these?
Sounds like a fun one /sarcasm
2004-02-27 10:46:04 AM  
Ok, this has probably already been asked, but how the hell did they know all the names of the pets? Were the spiders wearing tags?

Maybe he was one of those evil pet owners who buys/makes cute little outfits for all his pets.

"Helmut, aren't you just adorable in your little sweater with your name embroidered on it! Yes you are! You are just the cutest itty bitty widdle gecko that ever was!"

It was at that point that Helmut understood. Mark Voegel must die.
2004-02-27 10:48:47 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 10:51:11 AM  
I think the clock spider is a joke. I've seen prank clocks that look average but have those legs sticking out before. thankfull.. they didn't move ^^
2004-02-27 10:51:21 AM  
Because we've had about two weeks of non-stop rain and I live in the country where many spiders roam, I'm now on a caffeine and No Doze diet. Spiders creep me out!!!!!!
2004-02-27 10:51:24 AM  
Wonder how long it'll be before this one turns up on CSI.

Grissom would have a field day with all those creepy-crawlies.

2004-02-27 10:51:31 AM  
Problem easily solved.

Anytime you see a spider, go out of your way to kill it. Same goes for snakes, bugs and birds.

If we all do this then the world will be a better place.
2004-02-27 10:51:32 AM  
I'm glad I got to work to read this, because often when I suffer from insomnia I go to Fark and entertain myself thoroughly.

If I'd seen this last night before I went to bed, you can bet your ass I'd be up all night, barricaded in my room with about every can of bug spray, shoe and fly swatter known to man.

Strike that: a lighter and can of WD-40...homemade flame thrower!!

Course now I'm at work and getting all freaked out...dammit!
2004-02-27 10:54:15 AM  
I lived in the jungles of Ecuador for 1 month in college doing research. They have those 12" spiders there that catch birds for dinner. I, fortunately, didn't see one or I would have shiat my pants. It was bad enough seeing farking tarantulas everywhere- yes, EVERYWHERE! I HATE spiders! I also almost sat on a 6in scorpion which was hanging out on the outhouse toilet seat, and there were cockroaches there as big as my hand.
2004-02-27 10:56:38 AM  
American_Draka - I was wondering if anyone was gonna get the Alice Cooper ref. You get a cookie!

GirTheGecko - A consolation cookie for you for being first runner up. ;p

Son of Thunder - Sorry, that is a little confusing, isn't it? You should type the code in bold exactly as it is shown. You want a new blank window to pop up for your link to load into.
2004-02-27 10:58:23 AM  
The best part of Eight Legged Freaks:

The itsy bitsy spider
crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain
and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
and dried up all the rain.
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.

The itsy bitsy spider
crawled in from the sun.
Crept into the crib,
found a baby bun.
Baby kept a-cryin'
'till mommas' work was done.
And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled back out in the sun.

The itsy bitsy spider
crawled into momma's bed.
Crawled up on her hubby
and bit him in the head.
Momma lay there sleepin'
while hubby lay there dead.
And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled outta momma's bed.

The itsy bitsy spider
crawled into momma's shoe.
Momma was forlorn
and didn't know what to do.
She tried to go for help
But her foot was turnin' blue.
And the itsy bitsy spider
crawled outta momma's shoe.

So the itsy bitsy spider
crawled up the water spout.
Down came the rain
and washed the spider out.
Out came the sun
and dried up all the rain.
And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again.
2004-02-27 11:00:11 AM  
It's funny because it's true...
2004-02-27 11:01:24 AM  
You should type the code in bold exactly as it is shown. You want a new blank window to pop up for your link to load into.

Let's see if I understand.

GIS for "giant spider"

Got it, thanks!
2004-02-27 11:03:09 AM  
Christ spiders freak me out, even if I know the ones I'll meet here in Sweden are harmless. I'm surprised, has noone mentioned the Australian funnel web spider? Have a friend who live in Ozzieland, said the bastards would run like hell and make noise (NOISE!), hissing like cats. BRRR
2004-02-27 11:06:48 AM  

augh! I hates the centipedes. nasty wiggling snake-spider hybrid mofos that need to be exterminated from the face of God's good Earth!

/goes off to shiver in corner
2004-02-27 11:06:57 AM  
your lymph nodes must be the size of cats!
2004-02-27 11:08:26 AM  
I love spiders and I'm also a devout worshipper of Lolth.

Praise be to Lolth, the queen of spiders!
2004-02-27 11:10:18 AM  
Too bad the guy wasn't keeping radioactive spiders.
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 11:12:57 AM  
I used to want to visit Australia someday. But from all the unholy-freaking-spider mentions it's getting- I think I'll revise that travel plan.
2004-02-27 11:14:08 AM  

I also own a curly hair tarantula (Brachypelma albopilosum). They both rule!
2004-02-27 11:17:23 AM  
Dear God, this thread has made me physically sick.

Can't. Sleep. Spiders. Will. Eat. Me.
2004-02-27 11:18:51 AM  

dude, what if that black widow spider had bit your nads or your schlong?! doesn't their venom dissolve a half inch of flesh or something? consider yourself lucky. you could be a one-nutted impotent sack right now.
2004-02-27 11:21:57 AM  
cuprous2 -

You're thinking of the Brown Recluse spider, I believe.
2004-02-27 11:23:56 AM  
Well, this was a delightful story to read right after I had myself an early lunch. Thank goodness I didn't have crab salad like I did yesterday ...

I think the folks who had to clean up that mess are probably going to need a good deal of therapy now ... just can't imagine even being able to look into that horrible scene, let alone having to clear it out. Yuck.
2004-02-27 11:26:36 AM  
Dammit! GraphicAddiction beat me to it!
2004-02-27 11:29:28 AM  
OMG! So scared... so scared...


And clowns. To the point of phobia.
God help me today... fingers trembling.
Kiz [BareFark]
2004-02-27 11:41:41 AM  
That salmonella article wasn't very impressive. The big thing is cleanliness; since it's primarily found in the animal's feces (in almost any critter's feces, really) the nastier the animal's conditions the more likely you are to contract it.

But I think bird-related salmonella still outpaces reptile-related... it's just that most of that comes from chickens raised for food.

Of course, my wife raises various arthropods and reptiles for a living, so I haven't really got any fear of spiders, insects, snakes, etc. anymore.

Oh, and the story was fictional- on the rare occasion that somebody does croak and get gnawed on by a pet (usually after they croak and nobody feeds it for awhile), it generally makes the national news, not just "The Sun".
2004-02-27 11:42:53 AM  
2004-02-27 11:44:25 AM  
I can handle spiders no problem..but mice and rats...I just shake and run even if its dead and across the street. God damn I hate them, I hate them so very much.

/Big Tough Pussy.
2004-02-27 11:44:51 AM  
Has anyone mentioned the giant south american spiders? You know, the ones that grow to be a foot long with inch long fangs that inject dissolving venom? If not I just did. Thank you.

</NOT making this up>
Kiz [BareFark]
2004-02-27 11:44:55 AM  
Oh, and for all your big hairy spider needs:
2004-02-27 11:45:51 AM  
just duh
2004-02-27 11:46:26 AM  
King Diamond not available for comment...

Yeah!! \m/ King Diamond is awesome. Although that album was definitely not his best. Abigail all the way!

By the way, that clock spider picture was taken in Australia as far as I know. It's a huntsman's spider. I saw that picture a few months ago, someone posted them on a message board. I don't know if the pics had been around before that, though. But the clock pic is real, and definitely freaky. And no, it's not a tiny tiny clock, it's an average-sized clock, which makes the spider pretty farking huge. I'm not sure which picture is worse, that one or the one where you see the spider in full. Eeek.

As for the story, I smell lots of bullshiat too. It probably happened, but the facts were all skewed by the stupid tabloid. I also wondered how they knew the name of the pets, but I thought maybe there was some label with the name on it on the spider's cage, or maybe they found some booklet belonging to the owner which catalogued (hah!) all his bugs, or something. Still kind of fishy, though.
2004-02-27 11:46:48 AM  
I'll take just about any species of snake over a spider any day. Spiders are so alien, they almost seem like they shouldn't really be alive... no wonder they scare the jeebers out of most people. There is nothing that makes me want to scream and run like a sally more than a big furry spider. Not to mention a guy I know just died from being bitten by a brown recluse that was behind some bananas... he was only in his 50's. Inspect your bananas, kids, you never know what fanged terror may be hiding behind your fruit, waiting to strike.
2004-02-27 11:50:42 AM  
Cleaning the apartment out... thad'd be easy, going with with an exterminator suit and such.

But... think about it... this guy liked in an apartment... can you just imagine what your next door neightbor might be housing?

/watches the apartment dwellers squirm
2004-02-27 11:51:02 AM  
When I went to college way back in the dark ages, I had the misfortune to move into an apartment that (unknown to me) was formerly inhabited by an entomology major. Never do this. Ever. He didn't kill bugs, he controlled them by breeding these big things called (as best I remember) Banana spiders - and letting them run loose all over the apartment.

These are "harmless" spiders that eat other bugs. However, they are also freakin' huge! Their bodies aren't that big, but their legs spread out until they are about 6-8 inches acoss. And they run about as fast as a cheetah with its ass on fire. I'm getting the creeps just thinking about it.

The best way to kill them is with a shotgun.
2004-02-27 11:54:10 AM  
Ok, that settles it, I'm never sleeping again. EVER.
2004-02-27 11:54:40 AM  
I'm not too afraid of spiders, I'm kind of creeped by them, but fascinated at the same time, it's kind of weird... Then again, I live in safe ol' Canada, where the biggest natural catastrophe in semi-recent history was probably the ice storm in 1998 and the scariest bugs are several thousands of kilometres away, or in safe glass pet shop cages with no venom sack. (Which reminds me - where the fark did that guy get those venimous bugs?? You can't buy venomous bugs in pet-shops can you? They might sell scorpions and black widows, but they always take off the poison off first. Unless German people are freaks... or maybe he imported it from South America in a large crate with a corpse inside... ho-hum)

Anyway, I have no problems killing the spiders (my boyfriend and his friends seem more freaked out than me, hah!), sometimes I like to watch them scuttle around, it's fascinating. But I could never, ever touch them directly. I always take a kleenex. I get totally creeped out if any kind of bug (except maybe ladybugs or ants... and only if I let them on me myself) walks over me. Once a spider weaved a web between the stairs of our balcony and I walked right in it, and some spider fell on me, I didn't shriek exactly but I did yelp out - freaked me out.
2004-02-27 11:54:48 AM  
At least he died doing what he loved...
2004-02-27 11:55:20 AM  
For all you spider phobes out there, think about this: a spider is in your ear right now laying eggs...

2004-02-27 11:55:30 AM  
For crying out loud CrazyTalk, put a link! Doesn't that fall under NSFW?!
2004-02-27 11:56:33 AM  
Definitely falls under NSF Gag Reflex...
2004-02-27 11:57:20 AM  
Didn't read the whole (200 Post) thread, but I'm pretty sure one bite from a black widow won't kill you. MAYBE several would. Nor would a bite from a Tarantula. Brown recluse - that's another story.

"I don't like spiders & snkaes, and that ain't what it takes to love me ..."

/Roger Miller (I think?)
2004-02-27 12:04:52 PM  
I found this story to be terroriblly amusing.
2004-02-27 12:05:20 PM  
Sounds like someone murdered him and then let his animals loose. An animal handler would know how to deal with spiders like that--they're not THAT aggressive.

And this is Germany: their police force is the equivalent of a bunch of boy scouts on ritalin.
2004-02-27 12:10:11 PM  
Not very scary, considering that the average Farker/Farkette does not keep a menagerie of insects, reptiles and other assorted nasty beasts in their apartment, and therefore has no chance of this happening to them.

Did he just let those termites roam free? Landlord must have had a few ceilings fall in by now.
2004-02-27 12:11:37 PM  
Spiders wouldn't be my issue with Aussieland... I don't know if it's truye or not, but they say lizard run around like squirrels do up here... that'd take some getting used to.
2004-02-27 12:14:55 PM  
Whoops...didn't finish reading article.

The reptiles were allowed to roam free in the flat.

The heating elements on two tanks containing spiders and their termite snacks had exploded and dislodged the metal tops allowing them to escape.
2004-02-27 12:17:16 PM  
Just great...boss came up behind me & lightly tapped me on the shoulder while I was reading this thread. Only jumped about 3 feet out of my seat!
>All< spiders must be destroyed!
2004-02-27 12:17:49 PM  
Let me preface this by saying that I despise spiders. Nothing scares me, not even death's own hand, except spiders.

Went on a camping trip when I was bout 12 or so in St. Augustine, FL. It's humid there. It's wet there. Guess what was in the woods there? Lot's of these:

[image from too old to be available]

That's the aforementioned "banana spider." I can vouch for anyone who's seen them that they can get very big (5" - 6"). Had a friend in our camp get one stuck in his hair while walking through a trail. I'll never forget that; it was like someone set his head on fire and he begin punching himself in the face numerous times while running in circles.
2004-02-27 12:21:20 PM  
Anything with more than six legs...or NO legs...must die. *shiver*
2004-02-27 12:22:11 PM  
2004-02-27 11:51:02 AM too2ez
The best way to kill them is with a shotgun.


Amen, bruddah. Cut 'em in half with a blast from both barrels. (Do they make a "Spider-Shot" shells?)
2004-02-27 12:24:09 PM  
wasn't there an article not too long ago that stated it is quite common for spiders and other creepy crawlies to crawl in and out of your nose andor mouth as you sleep.

no, not you - you!
2004-02-27 12:24:18 PM  
BTW, the most fun way to kill roaches & spiders is to coat them with hairspray, then watch them *stiffen* up.

/the hold lasts all day, even in the rain.
2004-02-27 12:26:22 PM  
Look, he's crawling up my wall
Black and hairy, very small
Now he's up above my head
Hanging by a little thread

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

Now he's dropped on to the floor
Heading for the bedroom door
Maybe he's as scared as me
Where's he gone now, I can't see

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

Creepy, crawly, creepy, crawly
Creepy creepy, crawly crawly, creepy creepy, crawly crawly
Creepy creepy, crawly crawly, creepy creepy, crawly crawly

There he is wrapped in a ball
Doesn't seem to move at all
Perhaps he's dead, I'll just make sure
Pick this book up off the floor

Boris the spider
Boris the spider

Creepy, crawly, creepy, crawly
Creepy creepy, crawly crawly, creepy creepy, crawly crawly
Creepy creepy, crawly crawly, creepy creepy, crawly crawly

He's come to a sticky end
Don't think he will ever mend
Never more will he crawl 'round
He's embedded in the ground

Boris the spider
Boris the spider
2004-02-27 12:27:37 PM  
Living in Georgia we get plenty of wacky bugs. I was bitten by a Brown Recluse TWO YEARS ago and still have a scar where the poison took a chunk out of my arm. Its not big, kinda looks about the size of a cigerette burn. I knew what it was as soon as it bit me and went straight to the doctor. Very scary stuff! That is the LAST time I volunteer to go get the fire wood out of the back yard!
2004-02-27 12:28:23 PM  
Good tip MooseBayou. I will try that the next time I get a spider in the house. I have been trying to turn over a new leaf and make my husband put them outside instead of killing them. I am supposed to be a biologist after all. I just farking hate spiders!
2004-02-27 12:29:02 PM  
When we used to hunt psilocybin 'shrooms in Addick's Dam Reservoir in SW Houston, we would run across these guys who stretched their webs 'tween two trees. (Web size approx 8' x 8'). You couldn't always see them, and the spiders were as big as your head. They hung out at about face-level on those webs. I almost kissed a couple by accident, just walking thru, and invariably screamed like a little girl. I wasn't the only one.

2004-02-27 12:29:13 PM  
The scene before they entered the house:

We are goin in with first wave.
Means more bugs for us to kill.
When you get on the ground you smash the entire area; you kill anything that has more than two legs, you get me?


/more Starship Troopers for the masses. Best B movie EVER.
2004-02-27 12:31:22 PM  
What the hell is wrong with people? Get a farking dog for christ's sake!
2004-02-27 12:31:57 PM  
I used to live in N. Arizona and those "vinageroon" spiders were everywhere. They are very, very fast. Everybody would tell me they were harmless, but I didn't believe them. One time I tried to kill one and it started ripping out pieces of the carpet in its angry fit. I found one on my pillow a few weeks later when I was getting into bed.

We also had some nasty flesh-colored things that people referred to as "child of the earth." They would hang out under the evaporative cooler in the dry summers. The back of their head looked like a baby face. When I was a kid I put one in a jar and sealed it, and it turned black by the end of the day. I don't know what these things were and I would only see one or two a year, but that was always one or two too many.
2004-02-27 12:33:41 PM  
Didn't read the above comments, but:
"the body of tragic Voegel is taken away"?

I thought his name was Mark?
2004-02-27 12:36:59 PM  
Just remember everyone, it's BAD LUCK to kill a spider. Look what happened to Huck Finn & Jim.
2004-02-27 12:37:34 PM  
For all you people living in spider-rich enviroments I suggest something like this:
[image from too old to be available]
They make you feel much better.
2004-02-27 12:40:18 PM  
Benigni's performance in "Pinnochio" was so wooden that termites feasted on his body.
2004-02-27 12:40:51 PM  
Fark you, you farking motherfarkers. Now I'm going to be checking under my pillows and sheets all night, curling up with my protective can of Raid...
Seriously though, I don't mind little spiders. They serve their purposes (keeping my place bug free), and they don't bother anybody. As for the Shelob wannabes like that Texas crab spider behind the clock or that banana spider, they serve but one purpose - freaking me the fark out.
2004-02-27 12:41:26 PM  
What the hell is wrong with people? Get a farking dog for christ's sake!
hahahaha! Good one!
2004-02-27 12:41:54 PM  
FARK you all did NOT have to post those spider pictures.

Christ, I think I'm about to have a stroke here.

/Deathly afraid of spiders
2004-02-27 12:42:29 PM  
Le Chat Noir
They told you this was HARMLESS??!! WTF??
(sorry, no html skillz)
2004-02-27 12:44:46 PM  
I just loved being the only girl in the dorm who could handle bugs.
However, my first thought on finding a 7" common house centipede was "Wow. Aliens are real and they're in my house." And then the 6 other girls in the room started screaming.
And don't tell me they don't get that big. They do. I'm the one who had to kill it.
PS. I'm glad to gripe about these things with fellow Farkers. I motion that Farkistan have no spiders larger than a nickle. And not poisonous and don't have huge webs. Thank you.
2004-02-27 12:47:35 PM  
Down here Banana spiders are called Grove Spiders because of all of the citrus groves and they like to hang out in the trees. Through experience, I will say that they have the toughest spider webs of any that I have run into. Snagging one is like snagging a mass of thin wire!

Supposedly, they're harmless but they're big and I avoid or squash them.

Well, the guy is a candidate for the Darwin Awards. Nothing like keeping a bunch of deadly pets to ensure enrollment. Keeping Tigers would have been safer.

I can imagine his neighbors are feeling real creepy right now and buying up lots of bug spray.

After the basic clean up, they'll probably have to tent and fumigate the house to make sure they got everything.
2004-02-27 12:52:39 PM  
IIRC the world record for the biggest spider was for a home-bred Goliath Bird Eater (a kind of tarantula), which had a 13 inch leg-span.

I remember seeing its photo printed in Fortean Times, at a 1:1 scale... it took the whole page and its legs were NOT extended.

It looked so big, one could have walked that thing on a leash!
2004-02-27 12:54:21 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 12:56:16 PM  
My wife's boss got bit on the head by a Widow a few months ago. The called in an exterminator and found a dozen different nests of the things. They moved...
2004-02-27 01:00:20 PM  
Spiders don't bother me a bit. I had several tarantuals, and also kept Emperor scorpions.
True story about black widows:
A pal of mine in New Mexico, not the smartest guy, mind you, decided to bug bomb his garage before converting it into a home brewery. Idiot he was, fired off two of those canistrs in the closed garage, got overcome by the fumes, and managed to crawl to the garge door before passing out. Lucky for him, the door was cracked open slightly - he didn't die. Now the fun part. Myself and another friend went by to bring him some beers and help clean up, we opened the garge door, found him there (still breathing) -- the garage floor filled with literally dozens of dead black widows. Ecccchhh. Also a few scorpions, some windscorpions and two dead bats.
2004-02-27 01:03:51 PM  
"When men see cobwebs, they think the house is haunted. When women see cobwebs, they think the house needs cleaning."

--- Vincent Price
2004-02-27 01:12:42 PM  
Why, why, why do I click on the links that will freak the hell out of me?! Why?
2004-02-27 01:12:49 PM  
I HATE spiders. We moved from a house built in 1994 to one built in 1981 this year and I can't believe how much tighter houses must have gotten in a little over a decade. As soon as my husband left on a month long business trip in the fall they came out of the woodwork. Dropping on me, running across the floor, one even in a file folder on my desk, six in a two hour span. I thought there weren't any poisonous spiders where I live, but it turns out the ones running across the floor were hobos whose poison does that nifty skin eating thing. GAH!

I'm very allergic to insect sprays so I have to put on hubby's hiking boots and stomp them. While screaming. I can only do it while screaming. >

My brother, a Marine Corps Sergeant, is also deathly afraid of spiders. Last summer I stopped him from walking into a web with a huge nasty-ass spider in the woods and he screamed like a girl - a little girl. His wife has to kill them in their house.

I don't care how many bugs they eat. DEATH TO ALL SPIDERS!
2004-02-27 01:17:52 PM  
Here's the update from family members who saw a report on Germany's WDR television:

They DID find a dead guy in the apartment, but they have NOT determined the cause of death. While the body was decomposing (estimates say he had been dead 8-10 days), there was no mention at all about the guy being eaten. Apparently, the Sun did a bit of embellishing.
2004-02-27 01:23:46 PM  

Do you suppose they knew that your husband was gone? Clever sinister creatures.
2004-02-27 01:25:27 PM  
I am sure they did. It was a plot. He has seen ONE spider since we lived here.
2004-02-27 01:28:36 PM  
For all you spider phobes out there, think about this: a spider is in your ear right now laying eggs...


Take out the farker, that's what I'd like to do!! May you burn in hell, Cache-22. Burn baby burn. You are a bad man.
2004-02-27 01:30:39 PM  
My brother, a Marine Corps Sergeant, is also deathly afraid of spiders. Last summer I stopped him from walking into a web with a huge nasty-ass spider in the woods and he screamed like a girl - a little girl. His wife has to kill them in their house.

That's hilarious.

When I saw Arachnophobia in the theatre, there was a group of big, burly frat boys sitting in the row in front of us. During one of the especially spider-ific scenes one guy did the my-hand-is-a-crawly-spider thing on his buddy's shoulder and the guy completely lost it, screaming hysterically and throwing his drink and popcorn into the air, which in turn scared the shiat out of everyone else in the theatre. Then everyone calmed down and laughed nervously, but we were all on edge for the rest of the film.
2004-02-27 01:35:01 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
"Hey Norm, have you ever been in a room with a jumping spider? It's eyes follow wherever you go. It's a rush."
2004-02-27 01:36:06 PM  
OK, as a budding systematist I feel it's necessary, even this late in the thread, to clarify some basic taxonomy.

Spiders, scorpions, camel spiders, ticks, mites, daddy longlegs, and vinegarroons are all ARACHNIDS. They have Eight limbs and two pairs of mouthparts. Shrimp, crabs, and lobsters are DECAPOD CRUSTACEANS. They have two pairs of antennae and branched (gilled) limbs running all the way to their ass. Shrimp are as closely related to cockroaches as people are to sea squirts.

/Systematics Nazi
2004-02-27 01:38:14 PM  
turkeyhead Did you know that those jumping spiders have rotating retinas inside their eyes?

Tripped out shiznit. Nice pic.
2004-02-27 01:40:02 PM  
Hey Granite Eurypterid, your name wouldn't have anything to do with the prehistoric aquatic scorpions, would it?

/Took zoology
2004-02-27 01:44:15 PM  
Cheese_Hour, "Shelob-wannabes"

2004-02-27 01:49:43 PM  
MooseBayou - Any chance you saw those spiders as big as your head AFTER you found the mushrooms?

/just sayin'
2004-02-27 01:51:04 PM  
thanks everyone for the major case of the heebie-jeebies. creepiest thread ever.
2004-02-27 02:05:07 PM  
Spiders are cute.
2004-02-27 02:06:04 PM  
I was bitten by a brown recluse three or four years ago. I was in the shower at the time, and the son of a biatch was on my shower head. He was thrown onto my sholder from the force of the spray, bit me, slid down my body, and got caught in the drain. I jumped though the shower curtain clear to the other side of the room. I dried myself, collected the evil bastard from the bottom of the screen, and drove to the hospital.

The bite felt like a cougar, but I had almost no reaction to it. I take cold showers generally, and the doctor incinuated that the cold was a pretty big factor in the bite's lack of severity. It was Feburary in Atlanta, so the weather was pretty frosty too. He gave me an anti-itch shot, and a couple of weeks later there was no trace of the bite.
2004-02-27 02:10:18 PM  
This arachnophobe didn't enjoy the article, and will NOT be clicking on any links on this page!
2004-02-27 02:10:27 PM  
Average # of Time I got the willies while reading:

All other threads 00.02
This thread 23.00
2004-02-27 02:31:17 PM  
I got bit by a brown recluse in late November of last year, sleeping in my basement. Made a quarter sized inflamed area on my skin, which burst and then sank in. Whole thing healed fairly well though, but now I still have a puple "birthmark" looking thing about the size of the fingernail on my pinky that hasn't shrunk at all since the depression healed.

Damn spiders.
2004-02-27 02:31:51 PM  
Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth."

Well, that does it. Anybody wanna talk around 2, 3 this morning?

Because I sure as fark won't be sleeping.
2004-02-27 02:35:43 PM  
what the hell is a nematode parasite. that looks creepier than the spider. Damn! It even likes coffee.
2004-02-27 02:46:04 PM  
Inquiring minds want to know...

Aracnophobia is the Number 1 phobia in the US. I'd always heard that, now I believe it after reading Farkers' comments.

Gotta axe: that major raw hole in the guy's leg above, is that from a recluse spider?

I scrunched my eyes shut, cruised on by when I came upon all the pix above.
2004-02-27 02:50:53 PM  
I don't know whether to laugh or pity all you spider-phobes. Seems like such a waste of energy to fear something like that so much. I think because my parents were into understanding nature and explaining it all to me rationally is why I've never been afraid of creepies.
My poor hubby is afraid of anything not mammalian. Big strong aviator that squealed like a wee lass when he accidentally came eye to eye with a slug that had climbed the wall outside. I, on the otherhand, love my big green gecko, Gus, and am fascinated with all things leggy.
On a cutesy bug sidenote, the house we moved into apparantly had lady bugs hibernating in it because now that spring is springing the living room is filled with the little red buggers.
2004-02-27 02:56:26 PM  
Megatitawitz Anybody wanna talk around 2, 3 this morning? Because I sure as fark won't be sleeping.

I laughed out loud. This is why I like FARK, for the excellent sense of humor. I vote for your entry.
2004-02-27 02:56:32 PM  
Why, why, why do I click on the links that will freak the hell out of me?! Why?

I don't know, but you're not alone. What the fark is wrong with me??
I will never forget being at work and watching a spider descend onto a coworker's head. I didn't have time to say anything to her before it got to her hair and all I could do was gasp and scream. She freaked out, I freaked out...much freakatude going on all over.
/where's my saran wrap and duct tape and I'm NEVER moving to Texas
2004-02-27 03:25:37 PM  
The worst was driving through the Amazon with jumping spiders hurling themselves at the van. Good job the VW has spiderproof skin. Ugh.

/Skin still crawling
2004-02-27 03:29:01 PM  
PETER: Oh, come on, there's worse things in life than rain, like, like spiders!


(Peter and Lois are trying to watch a movie, but a LOUD, OBNOXIOUS SPIDER smoking a cigarette keeps making noise on the seat next to them)


LOIS: Peter, he's bothering everyone. Saying something.

PETER: Say something? I'll kick his ass. Someone ought to kick his ass.


LOIS: Peter!

PETER: Alright, gimme a Kleenex.

2004-02-27 03:48:07 PM  
the man was actually available for comment - yaaaaaaarg - BUUUUUUUGS!

[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 04:06:08 PM  

Nice Phiddippus audax! They're cute :) Those green marks on their chelicerae are actually scales...really neat.
2004-02-27 04:14:47 PM  
Phew, didn't get back to this thread for some time. Yes, I am very aware that turtles carry salmonella. I always wash my hands after holding him, just like I do when I poop. That hardly makes it dangerous. As long as I don't let it crawl around in my mouth, or walk all over my food, I am fine. Had it for several years now, got sick maybe a few times when I first got it, though can't be sure to blame the turtle on that, could have been coincidence. Anyway, since I learned about how to properly treat the thing, I haven't had any problems.
2004-02-27 04:21:44 PM  
What's worse than Arachnophobia? Coulrophobia, the fear of clowns ... combine the two and you would probably have a stroke at seeing a clown spider:

[image from too old to be available]

At least they don't have big red noses and floppy shoes ...
2004-02-27 04:52:02 PM  

Yup. That's pretty much all I have to say.

2004-02-27 04:52:04 PM  
I owned a cobalt blue and blonde haired tarantula, and just to clear things up

NO tarantulas are harmful to humans, no more than a bee. So therefore a lot of tarantulas, or being allergic to it's venom [NOT toxic to us], could hurt you. but otherwise.....sissies

however yes, that brown recluse will FARK you up

i love the clown spider pics you guys, and Turkeyhead's one of a jumper is beautiful.


2004-02-27 04:54:35 PM  
pictures like the one you just posted mike_bolten make me sick and make me never want to visit fark again, don't turn this into a stileproject/ grotesuqe fetish site plz k thx
2004-02-27 04:59:16 PM  
Uh-oh. I think I hear it. Yup.
2004-02-27 05:26:02 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

I prefer these guys..the Hawaiian Happy Face spider

(no, I didn't Photoshop...these guys really exist ..look here)

2004-02-27 05:28:48 PM  

I'm doing MY part.

2004-02-27 05:48:40 PM  
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!*sigh* Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
2004-02-27 05:50:02 PM  
I should follow that up by stating for the record that I have nothing against most insects/arachnids/arthropods-in-general. Spiders are farking /cool/. Setting aside the atavistic loathing response most people seem to have to them, remember they're animals just like us and our cute pets. Your cat Fluffy can be a ruthless killing and eating machine when she gets out in the yard... but it has to be said that at least her bite won't generally rot half of your leg off. Then again, our footwear and rolled-up newspapers are far more devastating to spiders than their venom is to us, I'd have to say. I'm also a big fan of snakes, lizards, crocodiles and their kin... I dig many of the animals that creep the living shiat out of most people, understanding that it's all relative.

Except big cockroaches. I know EXACTLY where you people who got the jibblies from this thread are coming from when it comes to my response to big, black/brown/red scuttling cockroaches. The ones that sound like a small bird when they fly. Oh god, big flying cockroaches. */SHUDDERS/*

Time to reassure myself by looking at these spider pics and thinking of the ones that eat big roaches. Get 'em, fellas!
2004-02-27 05:53:29 PM  

The "child of the earth" bug that you found:

(from: .... its nearly at the bottom of the page)

"The Child-of-the-Earth is more correctly called a Jerusalem cricket. Although quite common, they are shy and nocturnal in their habits so they are rarely seen. It has a striking appearance with its round, bald head with markings that form, with a little imagination, a smiling face.

The Navajo Indians call it Woh-seh-tsinni, meaning Old Man Bald Head.

Many people are afraid of Jerusalem crickets and even think they are poisonous. They are not venomous and they are completely harmless, although a large one can deliver a painful nip if you pick them up"

We get them down here in Phoenix sometimes too.. and they do hurt when they bite.
2004-02-27 06:37:13 PM  
For helpdeskdragon
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 06:51:40 PM  
Thanks, Turkeyhead. Applying a shotgun to the issue makes me feel much better.

/Pull! *BLAM!*
2004-02-27 06:52:46 PM  
Wyndfire, I'm glad I never had to experience the "painful nip."

Heather-Mae - That wasn't the critter I was talking about, thankfully. The AZ ones are actually sun spiders, and the folks where I lived called then vinegaroons, although they are nothing like the vinegaroons in your link. I don't remember ever smelling vinegar after smashing one.

Here's some info. Damn their beady little eyes.

Basic Information
Detailed Pictures
2004-02-27 07:05:17 PM  
For wippit and Gildas_Badonicus:
[image from too old to be available]
2004-02-27 07:54:43 PM  
Aw, that's nothing. Hell, even a friendly little brown-eyed dachshund will do away with you if he's hungry enough:

Marie Provost (Nick Lowe, from _Jesus of Cool_)

Mary Provost did not look her best
The day the cops bust into her loneiy nest
In the cheap hotel up on Hollywood West,
July 29

She'd been lyin' there for two or three weeks
The neighbors said they never heard a squeak
For hungry eyes that could not speak
Said even little doggies have got to eat

She was winner
The became the doggie's dinner
She never meant that much to me
(But now I see) Oh poor Mary

Mary Provost was a movie queen
Mysterious angel of the silent screen
And run like the wind the nation's young men steam
When Mary crossed the silent screen

Oh she came out west from New York
But when the talkies came Mary just couldn't cope
Her public said Mary take a walk
All the way back to New York


Those twin balms didn't help her sleep
As her nights grew long and her days grew bleak
It's all downhill once you've passed your peak
Mary got ready for that last big sleep

The cops came in and they looked around
Throwing up everywhere over what they found
The handywork of Mary's little dachshund
That hungry little dachshund


Poor Mary, poor Mary, poor poor Mary
Poor Mary
2004-02-27 08:28:13 PM  
Nice work, Turkeyhead! :-)

I can already hear the circus music playing ...
2004-02-27 09:18:06 PM  
Once there was a rather large huntsman (wolf?) spider on the ceiling of my room when i walked in. It was pretty big, probably 4-5 inches, of course it got real small after i sucked it into the vacuum cleaner.
2004-02-27 10:20:31 PM  
I am going to frickin' vomit.
2004-02-27 10:30:08 PM  
"If spiders were the size of small dogs, the human race would be extinct."

Interesting comment from my toxicology prof.
2004-02-27 11:01:32 PM  
bdbthinker Yep that's what they're called alright. First time one wandered into my house I didn't know what the fark it was. Thought maybe it was some kinda spider/roach combo critter. They don't show up to oftern, and now that I know they are crickets I just shovel 'em out the door.

If I ever find another one of these monsters in the house however...
2004-02-27 11:03:12 PM  
Feh, unfetchable link.

Bewarned, nothing about it is cute.
2004-02-27 11:15:54 PM  
Okay, the wee tiny jumping spiders you find all over the place: cute. The small (.25-.5 inch) black things that invaded our house last year: creepy unless you remind yourself *constantly* that they can't hurt you and they eat other bugs. That thing behind the clock picture: WTF!!???

I want to go take a nice hot shower, but Merrikat's nice little story has discouraged that idea. Ugh. Really, I'm more afraid of wasps & worms than spiders. But there is a huge garden spider living in a web right outside my porch door, a few feet from my computer. Eek.

/Actually, a few months ago I saw a large 7-legged spider spinning around and around, building its web in a fence gate, with several smaller spiders building around nearby. It was quite cool.
2004-02-28 02:51:51 AM  
I think i like the happy face spider pic the best :).
Furthermore, i like ChrissMari's line..."please to follow the food chain". Hilarious.
2004-02-29 12:34:50 AM  
When I was in Japan one day I was sitting in my bedroom reading a manga(comic) and something caught my eye. I looked up and this large ass yellow spider ran across the ground faster than my eyes could keep up with. I jumped up on my couch and started to yell for my host father to come in and kill it. He came in the room tore the whole place up, never found it. Than he looked at me and asked,
"Anata, Onanoko desu ka?" translation: Are you a girl?

I am 100% boy and 100% scared to death of those things. I spent the next 2 nights sleeping in the living room on a futon. Three weeks later after I forgot about it he found the damn thing dead in the bathroom. Japan has it's share of creepy things. Lots of roaches in the poorer houses. Not to mention my first host family had a garden the size of a forest around their house. Little boys there collect beetles that look like they were made for an anime. They fricken collect these!! WHY?!

I think scorpions are cute though. . .
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