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(Idaho Statesman)   If elected, John Kerry will appoint a "salmon czar." Your salmon wants kvass   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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3856 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2004 at 3:00 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

57 Comments     (+0 »)

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2004-02-22 12:01:45 PM  
Nobody want kvass.
2004-02-22 12:04:52 PM  
I'm going to go ahead and send my resume in since I am an expert on salmon. Well, ok that's not really true. I've cooked and eaten salmon before, so that should be close enough. This sounds like one of those ultra-cushy government jobs where you actually do nothing.
2004-02-22 01:20:45 PM  
Salmon... WTF?!

This guy will say anything for a vote.
2004-02-22 02:51:33 PM  
Roger Singer, Idaho director of the Sierra Club, a national environmental group, said either candidate would do more for salmon than President Bush. Singer said he hopes they will keep an open mind on the dams.

Sure. He'll keep a dam open mind.

/had to be said..
2004-02-22 03:04:36 PM  
I want a chicken fuhrer
2004-02-22 03:04:41 PM  
I sense a flame war...

amazing what salmon can do
2004-02-22 03:04:52 PM  
I want a Cod Count. One, One cod. Two, two cod. Three, Three Cod...
2004-02-22 03:05:00 PM  

I'm an ABB guy.. but if this isn't pandering to the smallest special interest ever I'd be interested to hear what was....

Bueller... Bueller?
2004-02-22 03:08:06 PM  
i would make a great salmon czar, since i am known as the Tuna king of denver.
2004-02-22 03:08:53 PM  
Although Kerry thinks this is a good idea, he could not offer any specific plan. Top secret. Man this guy really will dig deep.
2004-02-22 03:13:10 PM  
He's just going after the salmon vote, the whore.
2004-02-22 03:14:05 PM  
Gotta have plenty of czars.
2004-02-22 03:14:30 PM  
I went to the Nader rally in 2000 in Portland, back before I came to my senses (hint: BEFORE the election), and Nader said almost exactly this:

"A lot of people have asked me what I think about the rivers here in the Northwest. Well, I'm not as well informed about this issue as I plan to be in the future, and I will be looking into it more, but I am sure of this: Sometime you might have to breach some dams to save some salmon!"

(Deafening cheers)

If even Ralph Nader can't be bothered to look into the question, I don't think John Kerry's going to be losing much sleep over it.
2004-02-22 03:19:59 PM  
Oh, I should have known it was filtered - that's why no one uses that line anymore.

2004-02-22 03:20:47 PM  
Yes, of course, there's room for a lot of autocratic despots in the U.S. government.
2004-02-22 03:23:16 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

(Sixth paragraph)

If the Salmon supports Kerry, Bush is dead in the water. I stayed up all night thinking of that, knowing this link was gonna be posted...
2004-02-22 03:24:19 PM  

You know this isn't exactly unprecedented, right?

Richard Nixon named the first U.S. government czar in 1973: energy czar William Simon, who officially headed the Federal Energy Office, which later became the Energy Department.
2004-02-22 03:25:18 PM  
Yes, I'm well aware of that. I think the title is rather ironic, though.
2004-02-22 03:26:08 PM  
The salmon czar will answer directly to the President? That's a good use of his time.

"Yeh, enough of that stuff for now, General, it's spawning season, and I wanna be on top of the situation... Wink-wink, nudge-nudge."

/your Democrat wants attention.
2004-02-22 03:30:24 PM  
next Kerry will announce that he will personally oversee the Whitehouse Tennis Court Schedule

Or was that a different Democrat President?

2004-02-22 03:30:54 PM  
No stupider than a drug czar.

/voting libertarian
2004-02-22 03:32:45 PM  
"Salmon Czar" doesn't sound like a great line on your resume. I'd rather be the Chicken Kaiser!
2004-02-22 03:36:09 PM  
Isn't Kvas a soda made out of bread? It tastes like ass.
2004-02-22 03:36:15 PM  
No Worries now that Nader is going to run this year. Once again the Dems will shoot themselves in the foot with the split vote.
2004-02-22 03:42:19 PM  
We need Perch Prince or a Crapie King before a Salmon Tsar.

Since we are on the topic of getting things under control...

my heating bill was almost double what it was last year and my usage was about the same. Am I the only one who had this happen to them? Dick Chaney's energy policy is destroying the country. We need an Energy Tsar.
2004-02-22 03:47:22 PM  
The irony is that when John Kerry gets defeated in November, that is precisly the position George Bush is going to nominate Kerry for.
2004-02-22 03:47:28 PM  
I submitted this (naturally the Neocon Mods at fark didn't post it).

"The problem is awfully serious," says Matthew Simmons, head of Simmons & Co. in Houston, an investment bank specializing in the energy industry. "It's shaping up for an unmitigated disaster."

I thought Chaney had an energy policy that would protect us from this type of thing? This administration is a failure.
2004-02-22 03:48:02 PM  
But seriously folks... Sen. True story, I am not making this up, it actually happened. John Kerry would appoint a salmon czar who would answer directly to him and his vice president if hes elected president. Now, I am not homophobic, but I noticed something about gays...
So, I just broke up with my girlfriend... But neither he nor his chief opponent for the Democratic presidential nomination, Sen. Whats up with that? John Edwards, are willing to support studies of breaching four dams on the Snake River to aid the fish. I love ya, but you all white folks be motherfarking craaazzzy.

So, I just broke up with my girlfriend... Their positions came in response to questions asked of the candidates by The Idaho Statesman. Tell me I am not the only one who notices this whacky stuff.

Stop me if you have heard this one before... Kerry also offered a comprehensive plan for reviving the nations technology center and aiding companies like Boises Micron Technology. Now, I am not a racist, but I noticed something about black people... Edwards, from North Carolina, proposes giving companies that create jobs that stay at home a 10 percent tax cut. Ever wonder what it would be like if Arnold Schwarznegger was gay?

Whats up with that?
2004-02-22 03:51:59 PM  
bigbaddevil , tell the voices to only type one at a time under different user names.
2004-02-22 03:54:33 PM  
I think this is a good idea. There could be lots of piscatorial czars - the Salmon Czar, the Cod Czar, the Haddock Czar, etc.

And the guy in charge of them all would be called the Czar Dean.
2004-02-22 03:57:06 PM  
Holy hades, that's funny, Tillmaster.
2004-02-22 03:57:56 PM  
Who keeps posting all these Idaho newspaper links?
2004-02-22 04:06:20 PM  
This had all the makings of an Onion article but then I remembered it was about that vote whore Kerry and it all made sense.

put a fork in kerry. he's done.
2004-02-22 04:13:06 PM  
While we're talking about breaching dams, can we please get rid of Glen Canyon Dam?
2004-02-22 04:19:18 PM  
This is no surprise. He constantly takes both sides of an issue and calls himself a centrist.
2004-02-22 04:21:22 PM  

The "your [blank] wants [blank]" cliche is not funny, clever or entertaining. Stop using it.

Ackbar is still funny though.
2004-02-22 04:23:38 PM  
2004-02-22 04:39:42 PM  
I call "Boob Inspector"!

2004-02-22 04:41:03 PM  
rwellor I can assure you that this is not the smallest special interest ever. A pol's position on the "salmon vs. electricity" issue is a big deal in the PNW. Fishing-related jobs will be lost if the salmon population dwindles sufficiently, but electricity rates will increase (and therefore manufacturing jobs will be lost) if the dams are breached. This isn't just a "look at the pretty fishies" issue; it's a substantial portion of the economies of at least two states and has implications on our trade relations with Canada. Kerry is wise to admit that he doesn't know enough yet to support either side, I think. Coming down squarely in favor of either would only lose him votes.
2004-02-22 04:46:56 PM  
bigbaddevil, enjoyed the hack comedian filter on asshat roadside memorial comedian website, did we?
2004-02-22 05:17:40 PM  
Salmon here is a big thing, people are radical about their fish and the evil dams which destroy their habitat and way up-stream to spawn.

It's a tactic Kerry is using to sway the state of Idaho, which is extremely Republican...I think we have voted Republican ever since the 1950s.
2004-02-22 05:36:04 PM  
Scatcat wants non-farmraised salmon.

Go Kerry GO!
2004-02-22 05:40:00 PM  
does anyone else think Kerry looks like Stonewall Jackson?
2004-02-22 05:42:44 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

So juicy sweeeeet!
2004-02-22 05:42:45 PM  
Way to waste my tax dollars, John!
2004-02-22 06:02:39 PM  
I second the request for a chicken fuhrer.
2004-02-22 06:14:04 PM  
It's just beginning, and Kerry's already making a fool of himself.

I thank God the democrats are a bunch of sheeple that are too stupid to nominate Edwards.

George Bush thanks you.
2004-02-22 06:22:08 PM  
My god! I thought I was the only person who knew about (let alone enjoyed) Kvass. Great headline!
2004-02-22 07:36:14 PM  
Tillmaster - I second bltpdx - I needed a good giggle today, and thanks to you, I got it.

And great headline to whomever posted...
2004-02-22 07:59:52 PM  
Wow 4 hrs and still no flames....Impressive green one!!
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