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(Cracked)   The seven most irritating characters from otherwise great movies."The Kids" win every time   (cracked.com) divider line 250
    More: Silly, Chris Tucker, Jar Jar Binks, War of the Worlds, Dakota Fanning, child actors, Milla Jovovich, Jurassic Park, plot points  
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10620 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Sep 2014 at 11:57 AM (52 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



250 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-09-03 08:56:43 AM  
Ya had me until #4. Then it was game over, man.
 
2014-09-03 09:15:44 AM  
When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?
 
2014-09-03 09:32:28 AM  
Sep 2010

timely find, subby
 
2014-09-03 09:41:55 AM  
Good list. EXCEPT SHORT ROUND. He's awesome.
 
2014-09-03 09:44:46 AM  

scottydoesntknow: Ya had me until #4. Then it was game over, man.


Exactly.  Though the others were not *that* bothersome, I can see their point but Hudson?!  Are they insane.

TFA: "Hudson remains in that state for the rest of his life."

No he doesn't.  The shiat comes down and he goes out fighting like a mad SOB.  Did they even watch the movie?  And much of that ranting was exasperation at the fact he was getting out of the service soon and had the bad luck of getting in a situation they probably wouldn't live through.
 
2014-09-03 10:33:10 AM  
Oh bullshiat you did not go after Private Hudson.
 
2014-09-03 10:38:25 AM  

UberDave: scottydoesntknow: Ya had me until #4. Then it was game over, man.

Exactly.  Though the others were not *that* bothersome, I can see their point but Hudson?!  Are they insane.

TFA: "Hudson remains in that state for the rest of his life."

No he doesn't.  The shiat comes down and he goes out fighting like a mad SOB.  Did they even watch the movie?  And much of that ranting was exasperation at the fact he was getting out of the service soon and had the bad luck of getting in a situation they probably wouldn't live through.



Actually, Hudson comes full circle:  He starts out as a cocky asshole, like any short-timer would be, then in the face of adversity he becomes simpering asshole, and finally at the end, he's a cocky asshole again, and goes down fighting.
 
2014-09-03 10:40:35 AM  

Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?


It isn't a slideshow.
 
2014-09-03 11:01:11 AM  
Awful list
 
2014-09-03 11:13:32 AM  

thamike: Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?

It isn't a slideshow.


When you have seven points in an article and every one of them is on its own separate page, that's a slideshow.
 
2014-09-03 11:19:42 AM  

Delta1212: thamike: Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?

It isn't a slideshow.

When you have seven points in an article and every one of them is on its own separate page, that's a slideshow.


Umm... not sure what you're talking about, but the link I pull up is 7 points in 2 pages.  That's been the standard for Cracked lists as long as I've seen them.  Actually, it's a little better since it's usually 5/2.
 
2014-09-03 11:21:24 AM  

Mentat: Oh bullshiat you did not go after Private Hudson.


I have watched that movie with actual marines and they HATE Hudson because he's a screeching coward when the actual fighting starts.


Basically any kid in a horror movie can be classified as cute screaming Macguffin.
 
2014-09-03 11:21:42 AM  
I approve of this list

/I wanted Dakota Fanning death-rayed five minutes into the movie
 
2014-09-03 11:22:45 AM  
I loved Ruby Rhod.
 
2014-09-03 11:26:53 AM  

Hoban Washburne: Delta1212: thamike: Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?

It isn't a slideshow.

When you have seven points in an article and every one of them is on its own separate page, that's a slideshow.

Umm... not sure what you're talking about, but the link I pull up is 7 points in 2 pages.  That's been the standard for Cracked lists as long as I've seen them.  Actually, it's a little better since it's usually 5/2.


Ah, so it's just mobile that sucks now. That's good to know.
 
2014-09-03 11:32:55 AM  

Delta1212: Hoban Washburne: Delta1212: thamike: Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?

It isn't a slideshow.

When you have seven points in an article and every one of them is on its own separate page, that's a slideshow.

Umm... not sure what you're talking about, but the link I pull up is 7 points in 2 pages.  That's been the standard for Cracked lists as long as I've seen them.  Actually, it's a little better since it's usually 5/2.

Ah, so it's just mobile that sucks now. That's good to know.


No, it doesn't. The shiattiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.
 
2014-09-03 11:45:39 AM  

One Bad Apple: Mentat: Oh bullshiat you did not go after Private Hudson.

I have watched that movie with actual marines and they HATE Hudson because he's a screeching coward when the actual fighting starts.


I tend to give Hudson a pass as they are dealing with a completely unknown enemy. I'm pretty sure if Al Qaeda insurgents started climbing on walls, bleeding acid, and impregnating marines with chestbursters, a lot of them would react the same way Hudson did.
 
2014-09-03 11:48:03 AM  
Pretty much every Spielberg film that isn't about Nazis has an annoying kid in them.

I would disagree about Hudson and Willie, both were fairly realistic, IMO. Most people, even a Marine would lose their shiat if they saw an acid bleeding alien that wants to kill them. Most lounge singers would be a pain in the ass if you dragged them into a hellish temple in India.

Some asshole in the comments said Leo Goetz from Lethal Weapon. Fark that noise. Even though LW 3 and 4 kind of sucked.
 
2014-09-03 11:53:24 AM  

Mugato: Pretty much every Spielberg film that isn't about Nazis has an annoying kid in them.


savingprivateryan.weebly.com

Though there are exceptions.
 
2014-09-03 12:00:38 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.


Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.
 
2014-09-03 12:02:38 PM  
Cracked is blocked at work, huh? Sucks.
 
2014-09-03 12:04:38 PM  
Hell I thought Rachel's brother was more annoying.

and Newt over Hudson
 
2014-09-03 12:08:23 PM  

thamike: Delta1212: Hoban Washburne: Delta1212: thamike: Delta1212: When did Cracked articles turn into slideshows?

It isn't a slideshow.

When you have seven points in an article and every one of them is on its own separate page, that's a slideshow.

Umm... not sure what you're talking about, but the link I pull up is 7 points in 2 pages.  That's been the standard for Cracked lists as long as I've seen them.  Actually, it's a little better since it's usually 5/2.

Ah, so it's just mobile that sucks now. That's good to know.

No, it doesn't. The shiattiest cellphone in the world is a miracle. Your life sucks. Around the phone.


www.campcomet.com
 
2014-09-03 12:09:25 PM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Hell I thought Rachel's brother was more annoying.

and Newt over Hudson


The only reason there's debate over Hudson is Paxton's awesomeness.  The character serves absolutely no purpose.  At least Newt--air-escaping-a-balloon-scream notwithstanding--is a character development device for Ripley.
 
2014-09-03 12:11:49 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: I approve of this list

/I wanted Dakota Fanning death-rayed five minutes into the movie


I wanted both his kids in the movie to die. Its teh end of the flipping world and you still gotta be a spoiled shiat? I was hoping when his son ran off to join the fight he would have gotten killed. Tom Cruises character might not have been father of the year but he did a decent job of trying to keep them together.
 
2014-09-03 12:12:14 PM  
Wasn't Willie written precisely to be a foil for Marion (as well as proving that Dr Jones knows no type other than "has boobs and probably a vagina")?

I can conceive of no other reason for the two female leads to be diametric opposites, other than showing us the two sides of women. Unless Spielberg was a feminist in the late 70s and became a traditionalist in a decade (which I guess is possible - he did earn roughly twenty gazillion dollars over that decade), or one character or the other was meant specifically to caricature women of the age (which doesn't really seem as likely).
 
2014-09-03 12:14:12 PM  

Champion of the Sun: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.


Agreed.  By far, Tuckers' best work.
 
2014-09-03 12:15:58 PM  

schemy: Champion of the Sun: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.

Agreed.  By far, Tuckers' best work.


Yes, including Friday.
 
2014-09-03 12:16:00 PM  
not all 7 of those are "otherwise -great" movies, annoying characters  or not.
 
2014-09-03 12:16:51 PM  

schemy: Champion of the Sun: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.

Agreed.  By far, Tuckers' best work.


Tucker's best work was in Dead Presidents.  It was also Terence Howard's best work.
 
2014-09-03 12:19:24 PM  

groppet: MaudlinMutantMollusk: I approve of this list

/I wanted Dakota Fanning death-rayed five minutes into the movie

I wanted both his kids in the movie to die. Its teh end of the flipping world and you still gotta be a spoiled shiat? I was hoping when his son ran off to join the fight he would have gotten killed. Tom Cruises character might not have been father of the year but he did a decent job of trying to keep them together.


That was one of the biggest cop-outs that I can remember. I expected his son to die, then you have him walking up to them at the end?! Fark that mess.

The only good thing about seeing that movie in the theaters was the sound effects from the alien ships. That was really cool. Otherwise it was a waste.
 
2014-09-03 12:19:32 PM  

ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.


Yeah, Cracked(Once again) has no idea what they're talking about. It's supposed to be a more or less manic movie throughout, and that feeling crescendos with Ruby. Any other movie, that character would suck in, but it's absolutely awesome in 5th Element.
 
2014-09-03 12:19:52 PM  
*checks for Ruby Rhod*

Could have been the whole list.
 
2014-09-03 12:22:44 PM  

Mikey1969: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Yeah, Cracked(Once again) has no idea what they're talking about. It's supposed to be a more or less manic movie throughout, and that feeling crescendos with Ruby. Any other movie, that character would suck in, but it's absolutely awesome in 5th Element.


I thought he wore out his welcome after Fhloston.
 
2014-09-03 12:23:21 PM  

Dr Dreidel: Wasn't Willie written precisely to be a foil for Marion (as well as proving that Dr Jones knows no type other than "has boobs and probably a vagina")?

I can conceive of no other reason for the two female leads to be diametric opposites, other than showing us the two sides of women. Unless Spielberg was a feminist in the late 70s and became a traditionalist in a decade (which I guess is possible - he did earn roughly twenty gazillion dollars over that decade), or one character or the other was meant specifically to caricature women of the age (which doesn't really seem as likely).


or maybe willie was the straw that broke the camel's back of Indy's quasi-guilt; note the massive character evolution between Dr Jones as he segues from ToD to RotLA
 
2014-09-03 12:23:43 PM  

thamike: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Hell I thought Rachel's brother was more annoying.

and Newt over Hudson

The only reason there's debate over Hudson is Paxton's awesomeness.  The character serves absolutely no purpose.  At least Newt--air-escaping-a-balloon-scream notwithstanding--is a character development device for Ripley.


Hudson is the voice of the audience's fear. We've seen Alien. Hudson was busy chasing Arcturian poontang.
 
2014-09-03 12:24:26 PM  

Mentat: Oh bullshiat you did not go after Private Hudson.


You can count me out!
 
2014-09-03 12:24:33 PM  
uploads.neatorama.com
 
2014-09-03 12:25:49 PM  

thamike: The only reason there's debate over Hudson is Paxton's awesomeness.  The character serves absolutely no purpose.


He was there to make the leads look better. Like how in Star Trek, especially the movies, everyone in Starfleet who isn't part of the Enterprise crew is an idiot or a criminal. Or in Die Hard, every cop/FBI guy besides Sgt Powell is a moron.

Dr Dreidel: Wasn't Willie written precisely to be a foil for Marion (as well as proving that Dr Jones knows no type other than "has boobs and probably a vagina")?

I can conceive of no other reason for the two female leads to be diametric opposites


They sort of fit the characters though. Marion is a girl on her own running a bar in Nepal, of course she's going to be tough. Willie is a spoiled lounge singer, of course she's going to whine a lot when dragged to the temple of doom. Or maybe Spielberg got a divorce around that time. Lucas got divorced and he created a giant vagina monster with teeth and put Leia in a slave bondage outfit.
 
2014-09-03 12:25:49 PM  

ragekage: Cracked is blocked at work, huh? Sucks.


No, that should actually be considered a job benefit.
 
2014-09-03 12:28:30 PM  

justadadX3: [uploads.neatorama.com image 500x465]


wow, finally someone who thinks TPM is a "great movie"
 
2014-09-03 12:30:13 PM  

Mikey1969: ragekage: Cracked is blocked at work, huh? Sucks.

No, that should actually be considered a job benefit.


Yes, that was the gist of my comment, the sardonicism is lost in translation, I'm afraid.
 
2014-09-03 12:31:04 PM  

justadadX3: [uploads.neatorama.com image 500x465]


No, it's about the most irritating characters in otherwise great movies, not the most irritating characters in crappy movies.
 
2014-09-03 12:32:36 PM  

justadadX3: [uploads.neatorama.com image 500x465]


Except they specified 'otherwise good movies'.

The only good thing about that movie was Darth Maul.
 
2014-09-03 12:33:08 PM  
To each their own, I liked all those characters. The kids in Jurassic Park were the whole point of the movie, it was a theme park for families, without kids the whole movie would have been pointless.
 
2014-09-03 12:33:22 PM  

Champion of the Sun: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.


He's annoying as shiat, but yeah, he does actually contribute to making the movie good.
 
2014-09-03 12:39:27 PM  

thamike: SirDigbyChickenCaesar: Hell I thought Rachel's brother was more annoying.

and Newt over Hudson

The only reason there's debate over Hudson is Paxton's awesomeness.  The character serves absolutely no purpose.  At least Newt--air-escaping-a-balloon-scream notwithstanding--is a character development device for Ripley.


Actually, he does serve a purpose, largely to contrast with the quiet heroism of Hicks.

Think about it:  Hicks is understated throughout the entire film.  He's not flashy, he's not cocky.  He's brave, but not full of bravado.  Hudson is the opposite, and the film actually *TELEGRAPHS* that the two are meant to contrast:

Gorman: Morning, Marines. I'm sorry we didn't have time to brief you people before we left Gateway, but...
Hudson: Sir?
Gorman: What is it, Hicks?
Hudson: Hudson, sir.
[points]
Hudson: He's Hicks.


Of course, when he's got no choice, Hudson goes down swinging, full of the bravado we thought was false because of his reaction to getting their asses kicked.
 
2014-09-03 12:39:50 PM  

cgraves67: Champion of the Sun: ecmoRandomNumbers: I loved Ruby Rhod.

Me too, I always thought it worked great with the spirit of the movie.  Have never understood the hate.

He's annoying as shiat, but yeah, he does actually contribute to making the movie good.


The thing about his character and the movie in general, when I went in I thought it was Star Wars only somewhat gayer. If I knew going in that it was a screwball comedy I would have appreciated it more.
 
2014-09-03 12:40:09 PM  

scottydoesntknow: justadadX3: [uploads.neatorama.com image 500x465]

Except they specified 'otherwise good movies'.

The only good thing about that movie was Darth Maul.


I know it's nitpicky, but I never liked how his skin looks obviously painted on.
 
2014-09-03 12:42:26 PM  
@ Leader O'Cola ;   dittybopper  & scottydoesntknow

OK - TPM was not a great movie by any stretch - however - the annoying factor of JJB is so high - it should be in there somewhere.
 
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