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(The Wire)   How not to totally piss everyone else off on your flight and get your ass tackled by an air marshal   (thewire.com) divider line 188
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13475 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2014 at 6:01 PM (17 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-26 04:05:37 PM  
I don't do any of this.  But I do try to fart as much as possible then give an accusatory stare at the other people in my row.
 
2014-08-26 04:13:27 PM  
They should have this article on a card like the emergency landing ones.

However, missing from article:  Don't fly with small children unless you absolutely, positively cannot avoid it any other way.  And, if you do have to fly with small children, dose them with Benadryl.
 
2014-08-26 04:19:14 PM  
Odd that the article referred to the woman who go upset when the man behind her locked her seat into place so she couldn't recline and the ensuing situation as being her fault.  Never mind that those locks are not permitted on US airlines and that the flight attendant asked him to remove them and he still refused.
 
2014-08-26 04:24:11 PM  
You are an American. exercise your religious freedom. Dress in Bible garb. Speak in tongues. Warn others of the end times being near, soon. Loudly.
Demand a Gideon's bible.  Demand everyone get one. Dot his mid-flight so you are physically closer to God.
 
2014-08-26 06:04:02 PM  

vudukungfu: You are an American. exercise your religious freedom. Dress in Bible garb. Speak in tongues. Warn others of the end times being near, soon. Loudly.
Demand a Gideon's bible.  Demand everyone get one. Dot his mid-flight so you are physically closer to God.


whichbudget.com
 
2014-08-26 06:04:29 PM  

brigid_fitch: They should have this article on a card like the emergency landing ones.

However, missing from article:  Don't fly with small children unless you absolutely, positively cannot avoid it any other way.  And, if you do have to fly with small children, dose them with Benadryl.


I had three of them behind me, the flight attendant could not move me. This is why I have Bose head phones.
 
2014-08-26 06:06:22 PM  
Both middle armrests belong to the middle seat. FFS, it's all they have, don't take it from them.
 
2014-08-26 06:07:16 PM  
I quit flying a decade ago, and I don't miss it one bit. Fark 'em.
 
2014-08-26 06:07:38 PM  
Dont fight over leg room.
 
2014-08-26 06:08:09 PM  
Ugh, this thread again on the same damned day?
 
2014-08-26 06:09:36 PM  

UberDave: I don't do any of this.  But I do try to fart as much as possible then give an accusatory stare at the other people in my row.


I do this on elevators...  I'd laugh and tell my father about this; he'd roll his eyes.  When he got really sick and had to run him to Columbus repeatedly, for treatments... he found out how serious I was.
"Good LORD, boy.."   "Yeah, I was saving that one up.... oh, started back in Lancaster."

knee defender... prohibited device
 If it was, then how the hell did it get on the plane?
Sue security! Sue ticket agent!  Sue bathroom attend - no bathroom attendant?? Sue for one, then sue him as soon as he starts working there! Shifty little shiat anyhow.

And no assault charges on the woman, simply because she's a woman?  If a banana PEEL is a lethal weapon, by police standards, how can a cup of water not be? Poor bastard could have drowned!!! Hell, he still might dry drown within next day or two and be counted as murder!

/Next... on Perry Mason...
 
2014-08-26 06:09:39 PM  
Hold that fart.
 
2014-08-26 06:10:01 PM  
My secret is just take 8-9 shots at the bar before boarding, you get the exciting take off and then black out, the flight is over like super quick and usually there's no hand cuffs waiting for you at the other side.
 
2014-08-26 06:12:08 PM  
I don't expect the person seated in front of me to ask if they can recline their seat. It's their right to do it if they want. They don't need my permission. The seats were built to be reclined.
 
2014-08-26 06:14:33 PM  
The joys of  an airplane seat wrestling competition between a over six foot male and a 5'5" young woman who wants to recline because she very rarely gets told no.

\And why was the woman not arrested for assault for throwing water at the guy?
 
2014-08-26 06:17:20 PM  
If you have a baby/toddler drug them before the flight. I don't need to hear their banshee-like shrieks in my ears for 5 hours.
 
2014-08-26 06:17:54 PM  

syrynxx: Hold that fart.


no way. i love to share, it's what i'm all about.
 
2014-08-26 06:18:16 PM  
The fun thing about those stupid seat locks is that you can lean your weight back against them and listen to some good music on your headphones, nodding and bouncing in your seat for hours on end, while the twit who has their laptop sitting on the table gets a free headache from trying to read the bouncing screen.
 
2014-08-26 06:19:42 PM  
I picked a bad week to stop sniffing glue.
 
2014-08-26 06:22:41 PM  
I won't comment on this incident, there are enough already.

however to sum up the article : don't be a richard !

/haven't flown in years, don't plan to any time soon
//being polite to those you're stuck with in an aluminum tube going 500mph at 30,000 feet (all figure come from the POMY dept) just makes sense
/// being polite/considerate makes life so much less stressful.:
 
2014-08-26 06:22:45 PM  

brigid_fitch: They should have this article on a card like the emergency landing ones.

However, missing from article:  Don't fly with small children unless you absolutely, positively cannot avoid it any other way.  And, if you do have to fly with small children, dose them with Benadryl.


Small children should be dosed with sedatives, dressed in dog costumes, packed in a pet crate, and checked as luggage.
 
2014-08-26 06:23:09 PM  

some_beer_drinker: syrynxx: Hold that fart.

no way. i love to share, it's what i'm all about.


Right?  What's the point of being able to fart if you can't do it in a sealed tube filled with 300 people?
 
2014-08-26 06:23:26 PM  

BumpInTheNight: My secret is just take 8-9 shots at the bar before boarding, you get the exciting take off and then black out, the flight is over like super quick and usually there's no hand cuffs waiting for you at the other side.


"Usually"?
 
2014-08-26 06:24:32 PM  
They forgot the most important step of all.

Quit lining up like cattle to give airlines your money. You know they're only going to treat you like shiat, but you're going to take all your pent-up anger on all the rest of the angry travelers around you. Stop playing their game.

And if you *have* to give them your money, kindly forfeit your right to biatch about it. They're giving you precisely what you've asked them for.
 
2014-08-26 06:24:39 PM  

Duke_leto_Atredes: brigid_fitch: They should have this article on a card like the emergency landing ones.

However, missing from article:  Don't fly with small children unless you absolutely, positively cannot avoid it any other way.  And, if you do have to fly with small children, dose them with Benadryl.

I had three of them behind me, the flight attendant could not move me. This is why I have Bose head phones.


Buy Other Stereo Equipment
 
2014-08-26 06:24:53 PM  

patrick767: brigid_fitch: They should have this article on a card like the emergency landing ones.

However, missing from article:  Don't fly with small children unless you absolutely, positively cannot avoid it any other way.  And, if you do have to fly with small children, dose them with Benadryl.

Small children should be dosed with sedatives, dressed in dog costumes, packed in a pet crate, and checked as luggage.


img.4plebs.org
 
2014-08-26 06:25:29 PM  

KrustyKitten: Odd that the article referred to the woman who go upset when the man behind her locked her seat into place so she couldn't recline and the ensuing situation as being her fault.  Never mind that those locks are not permitted on US airlines and that the flight attendant asked him to remove them and he still refused.


Strange, in the article I read, they were both kicked off that flight.
 
2014-08-26 06:26:35 PM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: some_beer_drinker: syrynxx: Hold that fart.

no way. i love to share, it's what i'm all about.

Right?  What's the point of being able to fart if you can't do it in a sealed tube filled with 300 people?


Finally... someone who gets it.
 
2014-08-26 06:26:50 PM  

Raoul Eaton: BumpInTheNight: My secret is just take 8-9 shots at the bar before boarding, you get the exciting take off and then black out, the flight is over like super quick and usually there's no hand cuffs waiting for you at the other side.

"Usually"?


Ya know, like, "most of the time".  I'd say like, %60 of the time it always works out like that.
 
2014-08-26 06:28:53 PM  

TheMega: UberDave: I don't do any of this.  But I do try to fart as much as possible then give an accusatory stare at the other people in my row.

I do this on elevators...


The best is when you are only one of two people on the elevator. The look on the other person's face when you accuse them is priceless.
 
2014-08-26 06:29:48 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: KrustyKitten: Odd that the article referred to the woman who go upset when the man behind her locked her seat into place so she couldn't recline and the ensuing situation as being her fault.  Never mind that those locks are not permitted on US airlines and that the flight attendant asked him to remove them and he still refused.

Strange, in the article I read, they were both kicked off that flight.


she threw a drink at the guy instead of just letting the cabin crew handle it
 
2014-08-26 06:30:38 PM  

Atomic Spunk: I don't expect the person seated in front of me to ask if they can recline their seat. It's their right to do it if they want. They don't need my permission. The seats were built to be reclined.


Good luck if you sit in front me. 6'4" my knees move for no one. My knees are recline blockers
 
2014-08-26 06:30:41 PM  

BigNumber12: Both middle armrests belong to the middle seat. FFS, it's all they have, don't take it from them.


This. Jesus Christ, why would anyone think otherwise?
 
2014-08-26 06:34:12 PM  
if the person in front of me has reclined, I will then recline (if necessary).

If the person in front of me has not reclined and I feel i need (or want) to (not in economy plus or something), I will check if the person behind me is reclining, if they are I go for it...if not, I dont.

Ideally, the airline would upgrade me to first class where i belong, not back with the unwashed heathens.
 
2014-08-26 06:34:24 PM  
Feet on the armrests of the passengers in front of you?! Have you no shame?

If you do this to me I will cut you.
 
2014-08-26 06:34:46 PM  

UberDave: I don't do any of this.  But I do try to fart as much as possible then give an accusatory stare at the other people in my row.


I wouldn't mind sitting next to you.

I have no sense of smell.
 
2014-08-26 06:37:27 PM  

BigNumber12: Both middle armrests belong to the middle seat. FFS, it's all they have, don't take it from them.


Armrests belong to the strong.
 
2014-08-26 06:39:46 PM  

KrustyKitten: Odd that the article referred to the woman who go upset when the man behind her locked her seat into place so she couldn't recline and the ensuing situation as being her fault.  Never mind that those locks are not permitted on US airlines and that the flight attendant asked him to remove them and he still refused.


Know how we know you don't fly much?
 
2014-08-26 06:42:27 PM  
Oh, and if you weigh over 400 pounds, please buy two seats.  I don't need you spilling over into mine.
 
2014-08-26 06:43:15 PM  
Even though this is on an airplane, I'm guessing some of Chris Rock's advice still applies...
 
2014-08-26 06:43:45 PM  
Folks, it's not a Knee Defender issue, it's an asshole issue.  We don't need a zillion laws against Knee Defenders, texting while walking, etc.  We just need one law mandating the "bogging" of people who are stupid jerks who don't know how to act civilized in public.  BTW, "bogging" means "tying said jerk to a large boulder and throwing them in the nearest bog".  On airplanes, simply make the stupid jerk step outside, with or without a parachute.

Most, about 90%, of the people I meet are either decent or tolerable.  It's the 10% who are shiatheads who don't know how to act like decent people who need to be beaten constantly with a Louisville Slugger.

The one thing I find that makes flying tolerable is to eat a lot of maryjane-and-olive-oil before taking the bus to the airport.  The pot doesn't kick in until I pass the TSA folks, and it makes flying a lot easier.  The stewards should carry a large mallet for bonking the stupid jerks in the noggin because that would make flights easier...
 
2014-08-26 06:43:59 PM  
I guess the first thread wasn't flamy enough.
 
2014-08-26 06:44:20 PM  
I get the priority seating so I get on board first then I recline the seat right away so the person who gets to sit behind me has no illusions about whats coming up for the next 5 hours.
 
2014-08-26 06:45:13 PM  
What is it about flying that makes me have to fart? Is it the partial pressurization?
 
2014-08-26 06:51:33 PM  
This guy would never have pulled this stunt if it were a guy. Because I think most guys would have just reminded him that the plane is gonna land and you are both going to be at the same place where discussing the incident is going to have a different vibe.
 
2014-08-26 06:51:52 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: KrustyKitten: Odd that the article referred to the woman who go upset when the man behind her locked her seat into place so she couldn't recline and the ensuing situation as being her fault.  Never mind that those locks are not permitted on US airlines and that the flight attendant asked him to remove them and he still refused.

Strange, in the article I read, they were both kicked off that flight.



That's what the article I read said, too.  It also said: In the scenario described by the Associated Press, the woman who wanted to recline her seat is obviously at fault.

Which is what I took issue with.
 
2014-08-26 06:52:58 PM  

Kanemano: I get the priority seating so I get on board first then I recline the seat right away so the person who gets to sit behind me has no illusions about whats coming up for the next 5 hours.


I'm usually in the fifth boarding class so I can wander free around the airport for about 10 extra minutes instead of being cramped in an airplane seat.  Priority seating is stupid.  Then when I board, I cram my tiny carry-on bag in just about everywhere, then if I sit behind some idiot who's reclined the seat, I start kicking the back of it, so the idiot knows what's coming up for the next 5 hours.
 
2014-08-26 06:53:42 PM  
Ask before reclining your seat

Stopped reading right there. Sorry, everyone can do that, I don't need permission to use the seat I paid for. Neither do you. Do it slowly and you are fine. The only time I'd give the heads up is during beverage service.

Author is a douche that doesn't fly.

/frequent flyer
 
2014-08-26 06:54:22 PM  

Caffeine Induced Diarrhea: Atomic Spunk: I don't expect the person seated in front of me to ask if they can recline their seat. It's their right to do it if they want. They don't need my permission. The seats were built to be reclined.

Good luck if you sit in front me. 6'4" my knees move for no one. My knees are recline blockers


You must be all legs.  I'm 6'4" as well and have never had a problem with the person in front of me reclining.
 
2014-08-26 06:54:56 PM  

captainstudd: What is it about flying that makes me have to fart? Is it the partial pressurization?


Yep, your intestines are used to normal pressure, then you quickly drop it. That gas wants to move to equilibrium, and you get farty.
 
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