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(Huffington Post)   RUSSIAN SOLDIER: "No, seriously, this is all just a big mistake. I totally meant to go left at Albuquerque"   (huffingtonpost.com ) divider line
    More: Followup, Ukraine, Russians, Ukrainian military, video release, russian defense ministry, Security Service of Ukraine, war of aggression, Luhansk  
•       •       •

6162 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Aug 2014 at 3:27 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



47 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-26 12:34:54 PM  
What a maroon
 
2014-08-26 12:37:25 PM  
Oh, no, he's not getting that pearl I found. It's mine. Mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine mine! I'm rich! I'm financially independent!
 
2014-08-26 01:14:58 PM  
As always, should you or any of your Ukraine force be caught or killed, the Secretary will disavow any knowledge of your actions.
 
2014-08-26 01:15:47 PM  
An easy mistake to make...
i176.photobucket.com
 
2014-08-26 01:20:28 PM  
Хасан отбивная!
 
2014-08-26 03:29:04 PM  
Beheadings on video in 3.....2......1....
 
2014-08-26 03:29:34 PM  
Remember when we captured that one hot Russian spy?
 
2014-08-26 03:32:32 PM  
"Hello, comrade.  We are on work retreat from office, and during team-building exercise, have lost our way..."
"U2 ?"
 
2014-08-26 03:33:23 PM  

texdent: Remember when we captured that one hot Russian spy?


upload.wikimedia.org
Even the wikipedia image is pretty nice.  Anna Chapman  everybody!
 
2014-08-26 03:33:37 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-26 03:37:29 PM  
Zangief is gonna be pissed.
 
2014-08-26 03:38:05 PM  

Abuse Liability: texdent: Remember when we captured that one hot Russian spy?

[upload.wikimedia.org image 200x258]
Even the wikipedia image is pretty nice.  Anna Chapman  everybody!


She has naked pictures floating about :)
 
2014-08-26 03:45:03 PM  
If you meant to turn left at Albuquerque, why didn't you let Bugs Bunny help you?  (Because he
missed that turn himself, ending up who-knows-where....maybe he should have taken out a membership
in AAA instead of relying on Chuck Jones and Friz Freleng.)
 
2014-08-26 03:53:18 PM  
Moscow's response is hilarious. These are paratroopers, troops designed to know the lay of the land and operate behind enemy lines for days or even weeks. Even during D-Day, with paratroopers dropped wherever, individual troopers rallied, learned their positions, and took on their targets. (Often attacking targets meant for an entire company with squad-strength) So if Moscow says the paratroopers got lost--Either it means 1-Moscow is lying and is openly waging war against the Ukraine, or 2-The Russian army is incredibly inept at it's job and won't last a month against NATO.

Considering the events of MH-17, I am saying it's 60% choice 1, and 40% choice 2.
 
2014-08-26 03:57:48 PM  
"Followup" my backside. Those statements are on the air for at least 2 full days already. Couldn't someone find a translator a bit faster?

But generally it seems that Russia is continuing to pour soldiers into Ukraine, slowly and by small numbers, not as an outright invasion, but a slow, creeping pressure on Ukrainian government.

Ukrainian hryvna is (again) in freefall, losing 10% of its value in the last couple of days, may be more. Ukrainian government is under pressure. The talks in Minsk apparently have changed absolutely nothing.
 
2014-08-26 03:58:58 PM  
www.demotivationalposters.org
/the only correct turn to take in Albuquerque is to Ride the Box
 
2014-08-26 04:05:41 PM  
bullshiat.
 
2014-08-26 04:05:59 PM  

Wessoman: These are paratroopers, troops designed to know the lay of the land and operate behind enemy lines for days or even weeks.


Listen, Russian "desantnik" is paratrooper, yes, but not just paratrooper. It's training is mostly that of assault trooper: they are trained in fast deploy (NOT just from planes, from anything, ships, infantry machines, etc), attack and capture of cities and defensive positions. They are trained and can be used for paradrops, but that's most certainly not their main usage.

Knowing a bunch of Russian desantniks, I can say that they are selected for being 1) physically fit and trained 2) mean, brutal and nasty 3) DUMB enough to follow the order to attack some very defended position. It's actually a pretty strong force as long as they are guided by good officers, but by themselves they aren't particularly bright bulbs.

So I could believe that soldiers had no idea whatsoever what's going on and where they are. Easy. But not their officers, or those who ordered them to paint the identification numbers on their machines.
 
b3x
2014-08-26 04:07:43 PM  
They were on their way to the Coachella Valley for the big carrot festival.
 
2014-08-26 04:16:19 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-26 04:16:35 PM  
"This isn't whaere I parked my car"
 
2014-08-26 04:17:19 PM  
"said the servicemen had strayed into Ukrainian territory by mistake during border patrol."

That's amazing, because so did that convoy of armored vehicles. Pretty soon the Russians are going to start accidentally sending tanks, bombers, and a few ICBMs.

"We are sorry comrades, we sent those missiles to the border on a routine border patrol. They must have gotten lost and wound up annihilating Kiev."
 
2014-08-26 04:20:32 PM  

texdent: Remember when we captured that one hot Russian spy?


Yes. And there was a support group for her former lovers. Anna Chapman but her real name was Anna Kamzokava or somethingm whatever it's not important.

What is important was her shoit for the russian version of Maxim and her uncensored nudes.
 
2014-08-26 04:22:10 PM  
"we had a few beers got a little drunk next think you know we had invaded Poland"


/RIP Robin Williams
 
2014-08-26 04:23:41 PM  
How could they miss them.
www.fz09.org
 
2014-08-26 04:52:08 PM  
Those sanctions have made the Rooskies back down.  If there were no sanctions, they would be moving brigades across the border.  Because of the sanctions, they can only send battalions.
 
2014-08-26 05:19:08 PM  
One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."
Getting a kick.
/"The Russians are coming! the Russians are coming!"
//Whitaker Walt Whitaker
///3 slashskis
 
2014-08-26 05:20:19 PM  
I love government lies. Doesn't matter which government.
 
2014-08-26 05:51:47 PM  
Russia should just face the fact that Ukraine's establishment of gay marriage is going to lure more and more soldiers across the border. Ukraine should really just post the wedding certificates. Fraternization was always been a problem in the Red Army.
 
2014-08-26 06:50:29 PM  
Of course you realise this means war
 
2014-08-26 06:53:50 PM  
If we are going to put our troops in harm's way why are they not in the Ukraine? Afghanistan will just turn back into a crap hole when we leave. Oh yeah oil, and Muslims
 
2014-08-26 10:34:07 PM  

Betep: One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."


Sounds like my old company commander.

Every few months, we'd have to go play Army and do something out of the Common Task manual apparently to remind us that we were actual soldiers and not just highly skilled drunks getting paid to sit on our asses underneath a pineapple field in Hawaii and listen to the radio.

One time, we had to do a compass course out somewhere out in the hinterlands of Schofield Barracks.   They had staked out a few stations and you had to hit them in order by following a bearing for a certain distance after each station.

Our company commander got completely lost.  Well, that's not entirely fair:  She was still on the course, but ended up getting turned around or something and couldn't find any of the stakes.  She was the last one, and I think they tactfully told her that it didn't look good for her to be on the course like that in front of everyone else who had finished it.

It's a damn good thing that her position was basically just an administrative post and that she didn't actually have to lead us, because A. We wouldn't have followed her, and B. she would have just gotten lost anyway.

And English was her second language, literally.  At our first "Commander's Call", which is basically an assembly where the new company commander speaks to you as a group, she went through her spiel in heavily accented English and then at the end of her question and answer period she says "OK, do I have any more questions for you?".

She had intended to say "OK, do you have any more questions for me?".

Needless to say, we weren't enamored of her ability to lead.  And as a captain she had been promoted twice, and had been enlisted in the PR National Guard before that.

I suspect that all military organizations have leaders like that, and soldiers like the passively insubordinate shiat-head that I was.
 
2014-08-26 10:35:22 PM  
Hoboken?!?!? OOOhhhhhhhh, I'm *DYIN'*!!!!!
 
2014-08-26 10:37:23 PM  
And I, Boris, will dive 500 feet into a block of cement, on my head, yet!
 
2014-08-26 10:57:08 PM  

Wessoman: Moscow's response is hilarious. These are paratroopers, troops designed to know the lay of the land and operate behind enemy lines for days or even weeks. Even during D-Day, with paratroopers dropped wherever, individual troopers rallied, learned their positions, and took on their targets. (Often attacking targets meant for an entire company with squad-strength) So if Moscow says the paratroopers got lost--Either it means 1-Moscow is lying and is openly waging war against the Ukraine, or 2-The Russian army is incredibly inept at it's job and won't last a month against NATO.

Considering the events of MH-17, I am saying it's 60% choice 1, and 40% choice 2.


Could be both. They are slowly invading, but sucking at it.
 
2014-08-26 11:16:21 PM  
img.fark.net

Medvedev: So, how did the meetingnato?
Putin: What?! Did you just say NATO?
Medvedev: Heck no! Why would I say that? You really nato get some rest Vlad.
Putin: You,, I,, You,,
 
TWX
2014-08-27 12:18:53 AM  

Wessoman: Moscow's response is hilarious. These are paratroopers, troops designed to know the lay of the land and operate behind enemy lines for days or even weeks. Even during D-Day, with paratroopers dropped wherever, individual troopers rallied, learned their positions, and took on their targets. (Often attacking targets meant for an entire company with squad-strength) So if Moscow says the paratroopers got lost--Either it means 1-Moscow is lying and is openly waging war against the Ukraine, or 2-The Russian army is incredibly inept at it's job and won't last a month against NATO.

Considering the events of MH-17, I am saying it's 60% choice 1, and 40% choice 2.


I have a feeling that if Russia didn't have nukes, we would have already found out that it's both.

Of course I could be wrong.  Russia has fought in Chechnya and Georgia recently enough that they have experienced veterans, if they managed to keep them in their military past their required conscription periods.  That's been Russia's biggest weakness, conscripts that really, really don't want to be there.
 
2014-08-27 01:11:21 AM  
Maybe he was looking for Pismo Beach and all the clams he can eat?
 
2014-08-27 11:02:19 AM  
dittybopper:
Every few months, we'd have to go play Army and do something out of the Common Task manual apparently to remind us that we were actual soldiers and not just highly skilled drunks getting paid to sit on our asses underneath a pineapple field in Hawaii and listen to the radio.

Kunia Tunnel huh?  Were you there 2006-2007 timeframe?  Hawaii cut off Del Monte's tax-free status and Del Monte decided it was cheaper to let the pineapples rot in the fields than to harvest and sell them.  It smelled sweet/rotten for 18 months and the roaches were insane. All our cars were totally infested.
 
2014-08-27 12:12:21 PM  

dittybopper: Betep: One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."

Sounds like my old company commander.
Blah, blah, blah....
I suspect that all military organizations have leaders like that, and soldiers like the passively insubordinate shiat-head ...


I was given a bad map and compass in Ryazan, Russia. Not a bad area, Dacha. I snuck some cash and a useless credit card. I found my way "home".

Here is the funny:
My friend took a holiday. Cat to Dacha. Cat escaped (thanks MOM).
Most of the Dacha are former Red Army Officers.
They were all looking for the cat.
Former Soviet Officers in the woods : "Here kitty, kitty, kitty"

I actually posted it on Caturday.
 
2014-08-27 01:01:18 PM  

stevenrushing: dittybopper:
Every few months, we'd have to go play Army and do something out of the Common Task manual apparently to remind us that we were actual soldiers and not just highly skilled drunks getting paid to sit on our asses underneath a pineapple field in Hawaii and listen to the radio.

Kunia Tunnel huh?  Were you there 2006-2007 timeframe?  Hawaii cut off Del Monte's tax-free status and Del Monte decided it was cheaper to let the pineapples rot in the fields than to harvest and sell them.  It smelled sweet/rotten for 18 months and the roaches were insane. All our cars were totally infested.


Old school.  1986-1989.
 
2014-08-27 01:02:29 PM  

Betep: dittybopper: Betep: One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."

Sounds like my old company commander.
Blah, blah, blah....
I suspect that all military organizations have leaders like that, and soldiers like the passively insubordinate shiat-head ...

I was given a bad map and compass in Ryazan, Russia. Not a bad area, Dacha. I snuck some cash and a useless credit card. I found my way "home".

Here is the funny:
My friend took a holiday. Cat to Dacha. Cat escaped (thanks MOM).
Most of the Dacha are former Red Army Officers.
They were all looking for the cat.
Former Soviet Officers in the woods : "Here kitty, kitty, kitty"

I actually posted it on Caturday.


I can't tell veter or not that's a true story.
 
2014-08-27 02:01:27 PM  

dittybopper: Betep: dittybopper: Betep: One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."

Sounds like my old company commander.
Blah, blah, blah....
I suspect that all military organizations have leaders like that, and soldiers like the passively insubordinate shiat-head ...

I was given a bad map and compass in Ryazan, Russia. Not a bad area, Dacha. I snuck some cash and a useless credit card. I found my way "home".

Here is the funny:
My friend took a holiday. Cat to Dacha. Cat escaped (thanks MOM).
Most of the Dacha are former Red Army Officers.
They were all looking for the cat.
Former Soviet Officers in the woods : "Here kitty, kitty, kitty"

I actually posted it on Caturday.

I can't tell veter or not that's a true story.


Scout's Honor

Here is the cat:

i38.servimg.com

Meteop.

Meteor in English.
 
2014-08-27 02:17:18 PM  

Betep: dittybopper: Betep: dittybopper: Betep: One of my Russian friend's father used to teach Land Navigation to the Red Army's Airborne Artillery.
"Some were good soldiers. Some can't find way out of box."

Sounds like my old company commander.
Blah, blah, blah....
I suspect that all military organizations have leaders like that, and soldiers like the passively insubordinate shiat-head ...

I was given a bad map and compass in Ryazan, Russia. Not a bad area, Dacha. I snuck some cash and a useless credit card. I found my way "home".

Here is the funny:
My friend took a holiday. Cat to Dacha. Cat escaped (thanks MOM).
Most of the Dacha are former Red Army Officers.
They were all looking for the cat.
Former Soviet Officers in the woods : "Here kitty, kitty, kitty"

I actually posted it on Caturday.

I can't tell veter or not that's a true story.

Scout's Honor

Here is the cat:

[i38.servimg.com image 578x348]

Meteop.

Meteor in English.


I know your name is supposed to be Ветер and you just typed it out in the Latin lookalikes, but now I'm curious if fark will accept a cyrillic username. I never actually tried it.
 
2014-08-27 02:42:56 PM  

ArkAngel: What a maroon


That this was boobies proves there is still good in the world.
 
2014-08-27 02:45:23 PM  
Scout's Honor

Here is the cat:

[i38.servimg.com image 578x348]

Meteop.

Meteor in English.

I know your name is supposed to be Ветер and you just typed it out in the Latin lookalikes, but now I'm curious if fark will accept a cyrillic username. I never actually tried it.


I'm happy I can remember 1 password. (I know the function).
Vyeter. I'll buy you a beer next time you are on Cape Cod and honest about the Wind Factory.
 
2014-08-27 03:11:40 PM  

Betep: Scout's Honor

Here is the cat:

[i38.servimg.com image 578x348]

Meteop.

Meteor in English.

I know your name is supposed to be Ветер and you just typed it out in the Latin lookalikes, but now I'm curious if fark will accept a cyrillic username. I never actually tried it.

I'm happy I can remember 1 password. (I know the function).
Vyeter. I'll buy you a beer next time you are on Cape Cod and honest about the Wind Factory.


My computer died this year while I was in Russia, so I got one with printed cyrillic keyboard now. I'm slow as all hell with it because I'm used to the phonetic layout.  And you're in Cape Cod? One of my best friends from my time in Russia is from there. He works for GE in Moscow now
 
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