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(Canoe)   Catholic church calls Santa a big fat drunk   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
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3353 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Dec 2001 at 3:09 AM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

55 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-12-13 03:12:29 AM  
Why, as an Irish Catholic, I can say the Church definitely speaks with authority on the fat drunk issue.
2001-12-13 03:14:31 AM  
Remember, this is the Archdiocese of Guadalajara, where they actually still give a damn (no pun intended) about the religion. I can assure you, the clergy stateside is still following the pagan traditions like good Norse.
2001-12-13 03:17:15 AM  
Santa Claus "brings gifts to the (American) kids, but for us it is the Christ Child who gives us gifts," Samuel said.

I hate to be the one to bust your balls, kid, but it's neither one. It's your parents.
2001-12-13 03:20:11 AM  
Good ol school catholics....Pedophiles railing on someone that doesnt even exist.
2001-12-13 03:36:44 AM  
The archdiocese newspaper made a bold social statement endorsed by a 10 year old pottery vendor.

Irony alert.
2001-12-13 03:47:28 AM  
I'm sure right after that statement, Nordo, the child was thrown to his knees by a nun to confess his sins...

The Chruch calls Santa a big, fat, drunk that doesn't embody the real meaning of Christmas. Oh how [image from too old to be available]! Heck, if I don't go to Chruch, I'll burn in hell right? Oh wait... for $19.95/month I'm sure I can subscribe to the Indulgance Network... nm :-)
2001-12-13 03:48:04 AM  
Unbrchain, thanks for the first ignorant, insulting, Catholic-bashing comment of the thread!

Bonobo62, thanks for making the Weeners that made me laugh out loud!

Now before the intellectuals and liberals show up and start bashing and insulting my religeon again I just wanted to say they have a point. St. Nicholas was a bishop, and bishops don't wear red suits. Its sad the way a very solemn and religeous ceremony has been so commercialized and changed into something it shouldn't be. But hey, i like our interpretations of Christmas and St Nick, they're fun, and since we aren't an overly religeous society its really all relative. But don't forget the man has a point in what he says.
2001-12-13 03:48:56 AM  
Not only [image from too old to be available], but also very [image from too old to be available] to boot.
2001-12-13 03:50:43 AM  
DAMMIT i forgot about the Weeners actually saying Weeners when its submitted! Bonobo62, thanks for making teh first funney, and the weeners too.
2001-12-13 04:04:51 AM  
You all are going to hell.
2001-12-13 04:25:41 AM  
see you there!
2001-12-13 04:32:15 AM  
But don't forget the man has a point in what he says.

If you're catholic. If you're not, then what he says is utterly meaningless. Thinking for yourself is one of the perks of not caring about any organized religion.
2001-12-13 04:36:33 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2001-12-13 04:36:56 AM  
Hey EnemyFrank I'll bring the beer, you wanna grab the ice?
2001-12-13 04:38:38 AM  
BSCavalier: Indeed, red is not the color you'd expect a Catholic bishop to wear. That would be purple.

Yet, St.Nick is represented usually in red... (and I'm talking about representation of the saint, not santa...)

Any idea why that is?
2001-12-13 04:44:23 AM  
An example (st.nick saving girls)
[image from too old to be available]
2001-12-13 04:46:16 AM  
An anglican representation:
[image from too old to be available]
2001-12-13 04:54:42 AM  
Wedge: "Thinking for yourself is one of the perks of not caring about any organized religion."

Post of the day, Wedge, and it's barely 5am.
2001-12-13 05:05:41 AM  
something is deliciously evil in that picture dido.
2001-12-13 05:59:02 AM  
One little-known fact about Santa is that he so happened to moonlight as a pirate. Actually, his full piratical pseudonym was Santa "I've Got Scurvy!" Claus, and his seaside screams of "Yo Ho Ho!" were, over time, transformed into the less murderously-inclined version that we have all come to know.

Also, he ate babies.
2001-12-13 06:19:31 AM  
"I think it's bad that Santa Claus wants to take the place of the Christ child."
[image from too old to be available]
Who? Me?
2001-12-13 06:21:00 AM  
Hang on, isn't the pope a big fat drunk?
2001-12-13 06:27:02 AM  
i read about 10 lines before the article started to go off the rails. or was that me?
2001-12-13 06:44:19 AM  
No, Cormee, I got much the same effect.
2001-12-13 06:55:38 AM  
..And God is black! ... yes she is!
2001-12-13 07:13:22 AM  
God is a chiuahau called "Fridge", actually
2001-12-13 07:15:35 AM  
2001-12-13 07:36:22 AM  
And I call the Catholic church nothing more than a child molester factory.

fark Christians. They are just as worthless as Muslims and Jews.
2001-12-13 07:38:20 AM  
Mmmmmmmmm. Beer.
2001-12-13 08:13:25 AM  
"I just wanted to say they have a point. St. Nicholas was a bishop, and bishops don't wear red suits."

Santa used to wear green, until Coca-Cola got their grubby hands on him. Bishops wear green suits, or is green also an ungodly colour?
2001-12-13 08:23:32 AM  
SINNER! Green is the colour of Mamon, and Mamon colours your dollars!
2001-12-13 08:31:46 AM  
Drunk and wealthy. Hohoho.

Goatman, I've got you down for beer. Right?
2001-12-13 08:33:11 AM  
"The newspaper lamented the fact that now many children don't direct their letters to the Christ child, but to Santa Claus."

The catholic church. What a bunch of brainwashed morons. The funny thing about this statement is that both fictional characters have about the same foundation in reality; none. Why don't they start worshipping Santa or the tooth fairy? There's more credibility and usefulness in those. Besides, Santa brings presents! The Christ Child brings.... well nothing. HE'S DEAD (if he ever existed in any capacity)
2001-12-13 08:39:19 AM  
I think it's widely accepted that jeebus is a historical person, with mentions in various sources from that time.

Anything beyond that is obviously down to how lively your own imagination is.

Exactly the same goes for Santa Claus. Interesting...
2001-12-13 08:42:40 AM  
SantaClaus: And the rest - a 16pc drum kit, Winona Ryder and my own recording studio you fat alcoholic cvnt. I've been a good boy and cleaned the streets every night this month with my stiletto, and I managed to bag a few drunks and lust-crazed youths into the bargain too.
2001-12-13 08:53:05 AM  
Not good enough Goatman.

Bagging a few is insufficient.

1,000 is my price.
2001-12-13 08:58:05 AM  
A few to me is well over 1,000, Santa, you know that. You can trust The Goatman. Just hand over the goodies and I'll keep cleaning. I don't want to have to do The Bad Thing again.
2001-12-13 09:03:59 AM  
you mean licking my candy cane?

Alright Wynona is yours.
2001-12-13 09:05:22 AM  
She always has been, but I want her delivered this time.
2001-12-13 09:14:03 AM  
The Santa in the mall smells funny....
2001-12-13 09:19:30 AM  
Their just jealous because because the Santa story is more fun than the Jesus story.
2001-12-13 09:22:29 AM  
Simpman76: Watch "life of brian", might change your mind :)
2001-12-13 09:49:13 AM  
Just to be fair, i think i'll sit on a baby jesus at christmas and crucify a santa at easter.
2001-12-13 09:51:58 AM  
Bonobo lol
2001-12-13 10:05:35 AM  
Meshman: "The catholic church. What a bunch of brainwashed morons."

Well, at least you didn't just make a giant sweeping generalization about millions upon millions of people, the vast majority of whom you know absolutely nothing about.

Oh wait, yes you did.
2001-12-13 10:34:10 AM  
Well its apparent Goatman264 and FB are flamers! Takes a few gays to bash the catholic church. lol What has society cum to! Im sorry this is my retort! LOL :)
2001-12-13 10:50:10 AM  
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
My bedroom was silent,
save the click of my mouse
The children were sleeping
Tucked tight in their beds
while visions of Britney
Jiggled 'round in their heads
I jumped to the sound
of the tree all 'arustle
so I crept down the stairs
to find the source of the bustle
I peered through the banister
and what did I see?
Dear old Saint Nick -
He was humping my tree!
I blinked my eyes thrice,
Gave my forehead a smack,
and cried, "oh dear lord,
he's a dendrophiliac!"
I began to approach him,
My brain all 'awhir,
"I expected some presents,
but you're farking my fir!"
Santa said softly
as he buckled his pants
"I'd like to explain
if you'll give me the chance.
Mrs. Claus is too frigid
she's cold as can be
I haven't seen boobies,
since Carter's presidency.
I was horny so I tried
My luck with the elves
but now they can't walk
or get 'round by themselves
I slept with the reindeer
but soon had to stop
when prancer enjoyed it
and wanted on top
so horrid was
this sex drive of mine
I just couldn't help it
I screwed a young pine
Tonight I came here
and saw this verdent tree
I just couldn't help it
I jogged my mem'ry
I'm sex starved as hell
and all out of booze
so I thought 'might as well,
what more can I lose?'
My buzz is now dwindling
and I really can't stay
so give me your silence
and I'll be on my way."
So Santa rode off
with my last box of wine
slurring, "Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good pine!"

By Guenevere
2001-12-13 10:52:05 AM  
Did you know Santa is a machine of Communist propaganda? It's true! Let's take a look at the facts on this so-called "jolly" man.

1) Wears all red, year round

2) Forces all his Elves to dress and look the same

3) Awards kids for being good (i.e. ratting out their parents to big brother)

4) Illegally enters housing without a warrent, so he can eat the bread of the common man

This year, keep your gun handy.

In closing, when someone fears a broad concept (such as "being an individual" in this case with the church) - they will make up excuses why a group should be ousted. Then again, he is only a fictional character, and only kids benifit from it.
2001-12-13 11:38:00 AM  
Direct letters to the Christ child!? I don't think he can read!

2001-12-13 12:08:14 PM  
It's true... he's one of ours
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