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(Foodbeast)   Man trolls coworker by continually stealing his sandwich   (foodbeast.com) divider line 225
    More: Silly  
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12844 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Aug 2014 at 10:15 AM (17 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



225 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-08-22 08:06:40 AM  
That's when you make a "special" sandwich...with ghost chili.
 
2014-08-22 08:11:32 AM  
Busted.

img.fark.net
 
2014-08-22 08:18:07 AM  
That's why you print out the signs at home, or off of another person's computer.
 
2014-08-22 08:32:52 AM  
Meh.  If only it were true.
 
2014-08-22 08:40:30 AM  

jehovahs witness protection: That's when you make a "special" sandwich...with ghost chili.

Ebola mayonnaise.
 
2014-08-22 08:48:01 AM  
Just make a regular sammi h out of rotten meat.
 
2014-08-22 08:51:52 AM  
36.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-08-22 08:54:35 AM  
Fake and they left out one of the signs, this one:

www.pleated-jeans.com
 
2014-08-22 09:13:45 AM  
Fake. What sort of workplace keeps a color printer on the network?
 
2014-08-22 09:52:45 AM  
Lighten up, Francis
 
2014-08-22 09:56:28 AM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: Lighten up, Francis


Nice.  Francis hoisted himself on his own petard.  Sonny boy best show up to HR with a fresh deli-bought sandwich toute de suite.

Also if this sort of thing charms my fellow farkers, there is also the time-suck passiveaggressivenotes.com for your consideration.
 
2014-08-22 10:10:30 AM  
It's fake, and now I want a goddamn ham and swiss on rye sandwich and I don't have the ingredients.

/not a fan of turkey
 
2014-08-22 10:12:38 AM  

I_Am_Weasel: Meh.  If only it were true.


Yeah, still funny though.
 
2014-08-22 10:15:45 AM  
big.assets.huffingtonpost.com
 
2014-08-22 10:18:33 AM  
Was it Isis? It was Isis, wasn't it?
 
2014-08-22 10:18:54 AM  
Unfunny fake shiat on a shiat site.  Might as well have been a Buzzfeed article.  Didn't make it past 5 pics down.  Who submits and greenlights this garbage?
 
2014-08-22 10:19:32 AM  
HAI GUYS, THIS IS REAL STORY LET ME TELL IT

SO I WORK AT PLACE WHERE WE HAVE NUCLEAR BOMBS

ONE DAI I SAI TO BOSS, WHERE IS BOMB GO?

HE FIRE ADAM, BUT IT WAS ME THAT TOOK BOMB!

HE GET ANGRY AND POST NOTE ON FRIDGE "ATOM NOT TAKE BOMB? WHERE BOMB?"

AND I RESPOND WITH NOTE "I NOT TELL!"

HE RESPOND WITH NOTE "TELL"

AND I NOT TELL.

THEN HE SAY "WE HAVE SECURITY CAMURA. I SEE YOU MARIIS"

"I NOT MARIIS. I ATOM"

BUT BOS NO I AM MARIIS.
 
2014-08-22 10:20:42 AM  
cf.geekdo-images.com
 
2014-08-22 10:20:50 AM  

ChrisDe: Was it Isis? It was Isis, wasn't it?


Just switch to ham and Swiss. Problem solved.
 
2014-08-22 10:22:08 AM  

SecretAgentWoman: It's fake, and now I want a goddamn ham and swiss on rye sandwich and I don't have the ingredients.

/not a fan of turkey


www.sargento.com
 
2014-08-22 10:22:11 AM  
wildcardjack


UT, Intel, AMD and IBM are all places I have worked that have color printers on the network. It's really not that odd.
 
2014-08-22 10:22:46 AM  
All food security requires is a series of chains, wire ropes, locks and tarps.

comedycentral.mtvnimages.com

No plumbers allowed near the lunchroom, though.
 
2014-08-22 10:22:55 AM  

MmmmBacon: That's why you print out the signs at home, or off of another person's computer.


Printer queues are tagged by user. Of course, would be a great lesson to those that don't lock computers.

Also, this didn't happen.
 
2014-08-22 10:23:10 AM  

wildcardjack: Fake. What sort of workplace keeps a color printer on the network?


The kind that knows how to set up a print server and printer permissions?
 
2014-08-22 10:23:33 AM  

blatz514: I_Am_Weasel: Meh.  If only it were true.

Yeah, still funny though.


Yeah, no, it isn't.
 
2014-08-22 10:24:07 AM  
Had a friend whose yogurt was getting taken out of the office fridge.  As it was the middle of July, I suggested setting one outside for a few days and then putting it in the fridge but she's way too nice for that.
 
2014-08-22 10:24:15 AM  
A teaspoon of Visine soaked into the bread will cure this right damn quick

/stock extra TP
 
2014-08-22 10:24:55 AM  

topcon: Unfunny fake shiat on a shiat site.  Might as well have been a Buzzfeed article.  Didn't make it past 5 pics down.  Who submits and greenlights this garbage?


You should have written that fifteen posts ago.
 
2014-08-22 10:25:56 AM  

marius2: HAI ...


tl;dr
 
2014-08-22 10:26:29 AM  
I had someone take my lunch snacks all the time at work,  whenever I brought in cookies or cupcakes, they would be gone.   I finally planted a ton of hot peppers into the icing, and over the next few days I had less and less theft.     Though I was called into  the HR department offices later that week.

Apparently the person had the gall to bring me in front of the head HR person for attempting to poison them with hot cupcakes.

/Hated that job.
 
2014-08-22 10:26:32 AM  

skozlaw: wildcardjack: Fake. What sort of workplace keeps a color printer on the network?

The kind that knows how to set up a print server and printer permissions?


Workplaces that both need a color printer and have a competent IT staff are a nearly empty cell.
 
2014-08-22 10:27:32 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: A teaspoon of Visine soaked into the bread will cure this right damn quick

/stock extra TP


Does that really work?  I tended a bar for years, and always figured it was a legend.
 
2014-08-22 10:27:39 AM  

Target Builder: [cf.geekdo-images.com image 750x563]


These are the Daves I know, I know
These are the Daves I know
www.toplessrobot.com
 
2014-08-22 10:27:48 AM  
You know how I know this is fake? No one in HR knows how to use a computer.
 
2014-08-22 10:27:56 AM  
What a quirky workplace!  I'd sure love to pal around with a bunch of jokers like that.  Might get a little wild around the water cooler though.

/fake
//or made by a real schizophrenic
 
2014-08-22 10:28:22 AM  
fake, stupid, unfunny, etc
 
2014-08-22 10:29:03 AM  
 A couple of drips of dish soap hidden in a sandwich also works.
 
2014-08-22 10:29:45 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: A teaspoon of Visine soaked into the bread will cure this right damn quick

/stock extra TP


That can actually kill someone and the police have a name for it, attempted murder/poisoning.

No, really, you idiot, visine will not give you diarrhea, it will stop your farking heart if ingested.  Stop repeating that shiat.

http://www.snopes.com/medical/myths/visine.asp
 
2014-08-22 10:29:47 AM  

MooseBayou: Clemkadidlefark: A teaspoon of Visine soaked into the bread will cure this right damn quick

/stock extra TP

Does that really work?  I tended a bar for years, and always figured it was a legend.


The active ingredient in Visine eye drops is
Tetrahydrozoline HCl 0.05%. Swallowing this substance can result in a number of nasty effects, including:
Lowering body temperature to dangerous levels
Making breathing difficult, or even halting it entirely
Blurring vision
Causing nausea and vomiting
Elevating and then dropping blood pressure
Causing seizures or tremors
Sending the ingester into a coma
 
2014-08-22 10:29:58 AM  

ph0rk: skozlaw: wildcardjack: Fake. What sort of workplace keeps a color printer on the network?

The kind that knows how to set up a print server and printer permissions?

Workplaces that both need a color printer and have a competent IT staff are a nearly empty cell.


Now, wait a second here, you can't just add criteria after the fact. Nobody said anything about needing the color printer that management made you buy just so they could print bar charts in color for meetings where they'll be projected onto a screen anyway.
 
2014-08-22 10:31:11 AM  

Eddie Adams from Torrance: jehovahs witness protection: That's when you make a "special" sandwich...with ghost chili.

Ebola mayonnaise.


Someone in my friend's condo building was routinely stealing his paper. One night he got home later and drunker than usual, and the paper had not yet been taken. So he took it inside, unrolled it, took a shiat in it, rolled it back up, and put it back in front of his door.

It was never stolen again.
 
2014-08-22 10:33:58 AM  

Target Builder: [cf.geekdo-images.com image 750x563]


Membership in the Dave Conspiracy does have drawbacks.

www.webcomicsnation.com

 
2014-08-22 10:34:30 AM  

b-maz: I had someone take my lunch snacks all the time at work,  whenever I brought in cookies or cupcakes, they would be gone.   I finally planted a ton of hot peppers into the icing, and over the next few days I had less and less theft.     Though I was called into  the HR department offices later that week.

Apparently the person had the gall to bring me in front of the head HR person for attempting to poison them with hot cupcakes.

/Hated that job.


How did things end?
 
2014-08-22 10:35:56 AM  

Mr. Shabooboo: A couple of drips of dish soap hidden in a sandwich also works.


Or some powdered Habanero. If you're feeling particularly motivated for revenge and to identify the culpret you could also grow some 7 Pot or Naga Viper peppers.
 
2014-08-22 10:36:09 AM  
People who believe these types of stories also forward messages because Bill Gates is testing software and wants to give you $100.

I TRIED IT AND IT WORKS!!!
 
2014-08-22 10:38:25 AM  

Target Builder: [cf.geekdo-images.com image 750x563]


Dave's represent!
 
2014-08-22 10:39:43 AM  

Nogale: How did things end?


Indeed, I definitely want to know, too.
 
2014-08-22 10:39:52 AM  
Many years ago a bachelor coworker made meatloaf every weekend. Every morning he'd slice off some of it to make a meatloaf sandwich for his lunch at work. His sandwiches started disappearing every day and he couldn't find out who it was. This went on for several weeks.

Finally one day at the end of report he tells us all:
"I just wanted to say, I hope whoever has been stealing my sandwiches has really enjoyed them. For the last week I've been using slices of dog food instead of meatloaf. Bon appetit."

His sandwiches never disappeared again.
 
2014-08-22 10:40:42 AM  
Maybe it's just me, but I'm more paranoid about people TAMPERING with my food than with stealing it.  Luckily, we don't have that problem where I work.

If I ran a company, I'd have video surveillance in the break room to catch this sort of thing.  I'd make it a top HR priority.  Anyone who would steal a lunch is enough of an ethical risk to the company to warrant immediate termination.
 
2014-08-22 10:41:47 AM  

gunther_bumpass: You know how I know this is fake? No one in HR knows how to use a computer.


In my experience this seems more accurate than I want to admit.

I work in a place now where anything that isn't in a reusable container has about a 50% odds of getting stolen.  Not sure what the hell the mindset is of folks who do that.  Even at my peak of hating a job I had I never felt that taking it out on other employees was acceptable.
 
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