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(Omaha World Herald)   Couple says the secret to their marital bliss is that they only see one another on weekends   (omaha.com) divider line 87
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5653 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Aug 2014 at 5:11 AM (23 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-21 04:03:58 AM  
I think something like that applied to my parents in the 80s. My dad worked third shift, mom worked and went to school at night, racking up a Masters degree eventually. More recently, dad's working alternate weekends. When he had to take 6 weeks off after shoulder surgery and they were always around it got on her nerves.

I wonder if they can handle retirement together. I suspect they'll both take up consulting.
 
2014-08-21 05:23:08 AM  
Not really a secret.
 
2014-08-21 05:24:00 AM  
That's about to be my marriage. My wife is unemployed right now but once she's working again we'll only see each other twice a week. The money will be nice but I'm not looking forward to it.
 
2014-08-21 05:26:15 AM  
When we first got married, my husband and I lived apart for six months of the year and did this for a few years.  It was an awesome mix of togetherness and independence.  Plus it was too short a period to get lonely and long enough together to really develop a closer relationship.  We were able to see each other on the weekends if we chose, but to be honest we didn't need to all that much.  Relationships can be great, durable things in many forms.
 
2014-08-21 05:33:12 AM  
Weird, I only see her once a week as well.
 
2014-08-21 05:41:10 AM  
Fred Colon has a similar arrangement with his wife.
 
2014-08-21 06:14:34 AM  
That's pretty much been my relationship with my GF for the last... hmm... Going on 7 years. She lives two hours away, we have odd schedules, so generally we see one another either every or every other weekend, and on rare occasion for longer stints.

It's great. Miss each other like crazy all week, then I show up, we shag one another comatose, snuggle like mad, then when we're sick of having someone else around I go home. Rinse, repeat. Aside from the odd debate over some issue or another, we still want to ravage one another the second we're within range.
 
2014-08-21 06:21:12 AM  
I was at a friend's wedding and they had these little slips for married people to write advice.  Mine was "Work different shifts."  It is not the only way but it really does help.
 
2014-08-21 06:30:02 AM  
I actually work side by side with my girlfriend. She's my dental assistant. We work together 3-4 days/week. I'm an employee in a dental practice so I'm not her boss and there's no conflict of interest. Just an inter-office romance I reckon. We spend time with each other Friday night and Saturday and go our own way the rest of the week (with an occasional dinner here and there). We decided not to live together because we both like our personal space. We both decided a year ago there's no reason to get married. Things are great the way they are. Been together over three years now.
People think we have an odd relationship, but it works for us. Two times I've moved in with a girlfriend and it was a disaster after six months. I'm far too selfish to live with someone.
 
2014-08-21 06:44:34 AM  
My daughter, Ann, is 33 and an elementary school reading specialist. My son, Mike, is 31 and farms.

Oh well THATmakes it a little easier.  Try living this way with actual kids, pretty soon the one who has them at the moment will be run ragged and demanding the other one drive over to help.

That said, the article highlights something that young PhD's can look forward to: after sacrificing their personal life for years to get a degree, they get to sacrifice it for years in a financially impoverishing post-doc, followed by (in theory) a better-paid junior faculty position with an incredible workload.  Somewhere in there, if you're lucky, you might get married and have children if desired.

Of course, if you're female, and take maternity leave, the tenure committee won't officially consider you a lazy slacker, but if it's between you and the other assistant prof who has three grants and a recent Cell paper but doesn't know their kids' names... well bye bye, toots :/
 
2014-08-21 06:57:50 AM  
We did this for nearly two years. It pretty much sucked
 
2014-08-21 07:03:02 AM  
Imm'a gunna not read the article..not RTFT..and just say..   DUH..!

I've been in a relationship for just over twelve years now..  The first 6 involved separation distances of anywhere from 150 to 350 miles apart (had to move for work)..  She or I (mostly) would travel on weekends to be with the other..and everything was wonderful..  Then, circumstances allowed us to be same-place-same-time..to live together..and everything went downhill..

As things are right now..we're Housemates..barely even friends at this point..  But the current arrangement works so we avoid each other and go on with our lives..  That's putting things in a nutshell so small that you may as well toss that Tunneling Electron Microscope in the trash as useless junk, cuz y'ain't gunna see nothing..

Regrets..?  I've had a few..and, to be sure far more to mention..  (..apologies, Frank..)
 
2014-08-21 07:03:22 AM  
Speaking as one who spent a lot of time on board ship in the service, all I have to say is: They saw each other every weekend!? What the hell did they talk about?
 
2014-08-21 07:04:47 AM  
Sounds plausible. My marriage ended when I had a job where I didn't travel much. Not that we were all that happy when I was traveling 35 weeks a year, but when you have enough solitude you're not forced to deal with pointless soul-crushing fights on a daily basis.
 
2014-08-21 07:10:39 AM  
"Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Or, more pointedly, "How can I miss you if you never go the fark away?!"
 
2014-08-21 07:14:28 AM  
Thanks Omaha
 
2014-08-21 07:16:40 AM  
I can see how this could work for a lot of people.
 
2014-08-21 07:18:14 AM  
I've been happily married (my opinion), for 34 years. Army for 20 years with long hours and lots of deployments. Over the road trucker for 12 years, home Friday night and back out Sunday morning. When I'd get home, I was treated like a freak'n king. I recently took a local job to be at home more. After 32 years of raising the kids and running the house, my chick decided she wanted a paycheck with her name on it and she got a part time job.
I take vacations a week at a time. Friday after work until Monday morning 9 days later. By Tuesday just 3 days in, I start getting the, you're still here/leave me alone/go find something to do looks.
I have a really nice garage, lots of tools, lots of projects and I built a teepee in the woods to camp out in. I learned early on that the best thing to do when I'm home is to stay in the shadows. Which is cool because it allows me to focus attention on my main hobby, Yuengling and Jäger.
 
2014-08-21 07:20:01 AM  

unchellmatt: That's pretty much been my relationship with my GF for the last... hmm... Going on 7 years. She lives two hours away, we have odd schedules, so generally we see one another either every or every other weekend, and on rare occasion for longer stints.

It's great. Miss each other like crazy all week, then I show up, we shag one another comatose, snuggle like mad, then when we're sick of having someone else around I go home. Rinse, repeat. Aside from the odd debate over some issue or another, we still want to ravage one another the second we're within range.


I have same kinda arrangement at the moment. He lives & works 90kms away. close enough not to be a pain travelling, but still we have our alone time. we are both used to being alone a lot so seeing each other all the time might be a problem.

we do talk on the phone a lot. i have never met a man that can talk so much on a phone. (30-50 mins every morning and each night)
 
2014-08-21 07:21:22 AM  
Marriages definitely suffer with excessive contact hours.  It's okay before marriage, when everyone is still pretending they like each other,  but once the ring goes on, the gloves come off.
 
2014-08-21 07:28:21 AM  

Cold_Sassy: I can see how this could work for a lot of people.


1-1/2  to 2 hrs. worked really well for me once.  Too far to drive on a Tues. night, but pretty easy for a Friday
afternoon or Sunday night.  Monday through Thursday were all about work.
 
2014-08-21 07:32:58 AM  

cynicalbastard: Speaking as one who spent a lot of time on board ship in the service, all I have to say is: They saw each other every weekend!? What the hell did they talk about?


An old ophthalmologist i worked for started with a navy career once told me that long distance saved more marriages than it wrecked. He and his wife were totally in love after more than 30 years.
 
2014-08-21 07:33:48 AM  

wildcardjack: I think something like that applied to my parents in the 80s. My dad worked third shift, mom worked and went to school at night, racking up a Masters degree eventually. More recently, dad's working alternate weekends. When he had to take 6 weeks off after shoulder surgery and they were always around it got on her nerves.

I wonder if they can handle retirement together. I suspect they'll both take up consulting.


Were you attributed to a particularly persuasive note?

Beware the RHS
 
2014-08-21 07:35:19 AM  
This is bs, for me personally. My boyfriend works days and I work evenings. He gets home tired and wants to rest, then I leave for work about half an hour later. Then when I get home at night I'm tired and want to rest, by which time he's asleep all ready. I get up early to make his packed lunch and we try to grab a bit of time together before he leaves for work. Rinse, repeat. Our few rare days off together are brilliant but we're both tired to the point doing anything but watching tv, surfing the internet and eating haribo.
 
2014-08-21 07:35:23 AM  
"I tell ya, my wife, we get along good cause we have our own arrangement. I mean, one night a week I go out with the boys and one night a week, she goes out with the boys."

Rodney Dangerfield  RIP
 
2014-08-21 07:42:33 AM  
Worked for me and my wife pretty well for a year-and-a-half. At which point I met someone awesome and had to either stop going home or move my wife to be with me full time.

/Chose the wife full time. With a side helping of regret, but hey.
 
2014-08-21 07:48:33 AM  
Me and my girlfriend have this going on right now, we knew each other for years before we dated so it was cool when we started dating. About 6 months in she had to go take care of her grandparents in Nashville and from there to DC is a 8-9 hour drive and not so bad flying. We made it work and get to see each other every couple of months, she will be here Saturday (wooo hoo) and will probably move back here some time next year. I just hope I dont say or do something to ruin it when we are back together.
 
2014-08-21 07:48:44 AM  
I prefer seeing her only on weekdays once football season starts.

(I keed, I keed.  Happily married for 31 years and counting...)
 
2014-08-21 07:49:12 AM  

unchellmatt: That's pretty much been my relationship with my GF for the last... hmm... Going on 7 years. She lives two hours away, we have odd schedules, so generally we see one another either every or every other weekend, and on rare occasion for longer stints.

It's great. Miss each other like crazy all week, then I show up, we shag one another comatose, snuggle like mad, then when we're sick of having someone else around I go home. Rinse, repeat. Aside from the odd debate over some issue or another, we still want to ravage one another the second we're within range.



Two best relationships I ever had was this.
 
2014-08-21 07:50:06 AM  
A reporter at a local station interviewed a man who was about to celebrate his 50th anniversary. She asked him what was the secret to their long-lived marriage. The man replied, "Well, on our 25th anniversary I took my wife to Italy."
"That's wonderful!" said the reporter. "What will you do for your 50th?"

"I'm going to go back to Italy and get her."
 
2014-08-21 07:53:53 AM  
Hmmm, marriage trifecta in play.

And on our 21st anniversary; good going Fark!
 
2014-08-21 07:57:24 AM  
I'm on the road 3-4 days/week. If I was at home every day, one of us would have died long ago.
 
2014-08-21 08:04:54 AM  

cynicalbastard: Speaking as one who spent a lot of time on board ship in the service, all I have to say is: They saw each other every weekend!? What the hell did they talk about?


My wife and I work at the same company on the same shift.  We get up at the same time, ride to work together, eat lunch together, go home together.

Our co-workers can't figure out how we don't drive each other insane.
 
2014-08-21 08:13:31 AM  
A few years ago I worked 200 miles away in Toledo for 6 months, it was the best my wife and I got along in years.
 
2014-08-21 08:16:12 AM  

No Such Agency: My daughter, Ann, is 33 and an elementary school reading specialist. My son, Mike, is 31 and farms.

Oh well THATmakes it a little easier.  Try living this way with actual kids, pretty soon the one who has them at the moment will be run ragged and demanding the other one drive over to help.

That said, the article highlights something that young PhD's can look forward to: after sacrificing their personal life for years to get a degree, they get to sacrifice it for years in a financially impoverishing post-doc, followed by (in theory) a better-paid junior faculty position with an incredible workload.  Somewhere in there, if you're lucky, you might get married and have children if desired.

Of course, if you're female, and take maternity leave, the tenure committee won't officially consider you a lazy slacker, but if it's between you and the other assistant prof who has three grants and a recent Cell paper but doesn't know their kids' names... well bye bye, toots :/


Get out of my head! seriously though, I'm right in the middle of your description (poor post-doc) and I can already tell that only working 10 hours a day and going home to my family is starting to have a negative impact on my future chances for success. Not to mention the fact that the average age for your first RO1 is 42 and getting that faculty position pretty much requires you getting a grant, which are funded about 7% of the time.

/end rant, puts away soapbox
 
2014-08-21 08:26:19 AM  
When I first got married I took a job in NYC and my wife worked in Philly so we would see each other on weekends. It went pretty smooth but then we lived together and that ended in divorce.
 
2014-08-21 08:28:31 AM  
This isn't that unusual, my parents did similar things for years at a stretch too.  The issue being, as described here, their respective employment; it wasn't really a matter of 'only' seeing each other two days a week, it was a matter of fixing otherwise chaotic and variable work schedules so that they'd  always be together for those two days a week and not just coincidentally live out of the same apartment.

"Make time" isn't slang for courting someone just because we ran out of phrases for describing your dating life.
 
2014-08-21 08:31:57 AM  
Wife and I were like this for almost 10 years, I worked first shift and she worked split second/third, we saw each other for dinner and on weekends. Worked pretty well for us.
 
2014-08-21 08:35:04 AM  

Abuse Liability: Get out of my head! seriously though, I'm right in the middle of your description (poor post-doc) and I can already tell that only working 10 hours a day and going home to my family is starting to have a negative impact on my future chances for success. Not to mention the fact that the average age for your first RO1 is 42 and getting that faculty position pretty much requires you getting a grant, which are funded about 7% of the time.


If you can, get a real job. Because it doesn't get any better.

/academia FTL
 
2014-08-21 08:35:46 AM  
Am I the only one who sees this? Has the internet made me too judgmental?

[That guy in the article.jpg]
(Reuters) A family man from Henderson, Nebraska has been arrested on a staggering 200 counts of child molestation and 30 counts of felony animal abuse. In a scene too graphic to describe, police found the man "writhing in a sea of guinea pigs" based on an anonymous tip from the internet...
 
2014-08-21 08:44:55 AM  

UltimaCS: Am I the only one who sees this? Has the internet made me too judgmental?

[That guy in the article.jpg]
(Reuters) A family man from Henderson, Nebraska has been arrested on a staggering 200 counts of child molestation and 30 counts of felony animal abuse. In a scene too graphic to describe, police found the man "writhing in a sea of guinea pigs" based on an anonymous tip from the internet...


I am NOT clicking again to look at that! LALALALA OOH SHINY
 
2014-08-21 08:55:20 AM  

phamwaa: Hmmm, marriage trifecta in play.

And on our 21st anniversary; good going Fark!


It's 4 days too early for ours.

/only 6th
//beat the odds so far
///three slashies are best slashies
 
2014-08-21 08:58:17 AM  
I would not like to not see him for the entire week, but when we were first married (pre kids) Mr. Namegoeshere would work a normal day Monday, be gone Tues morning through Thurs night, then have Fri - Sun off. I worked two 8s and two 12s and also had a three day weekend. It was great. Two nights of alone time with an extra weekend day together was a beautiful thing.
 
2014-08-21 08:59:58 AM  

mdeesnuts: Abuse Liability: Get out of my head! seriously though, I'm right in the middle of your description (poor post-doc) and I can already tell that only working 10 hours a day and going home to my family is starting to have a negative impact on my future chances for success. Not to mention the fact that the average age for your first RO1 is 42 and getting that faculty position pretty much requires you getting a grant, which are funded about 7% of the time.

If you can, get a real job. Because it doesn't get any better.

/academia FTL


I was offered a job at Lilly doing some medical writing... 100k in Indianapolis.  My wife missed home though, and that's much more important to me (also, I missed home like crazy, but don't tell her that).  Starting to think I made the wrong choice, though job stability in Industry is shiat.  Need to get some government work.
 
2014-08-21 09:06:49 AM  
My secret to marital bliss is not getting married but watching other people suffer through it.
 
2014-08-21 09:14:12 AM  
Mr. ShutYerBeak spent years with a government job where he was gone two weeks and home two weeks. This was pretty awesome. Gone just long enough to really miss each other and home just long enough to shag like a honey moon and he was out the door before he made me crazy. Or worse, tried to make "man changes" to the way this house runs.

Now different schedule and we travel some together to keep the balance working....a truly happy marriage is a constant balancing act.
 
2014-08-21 09:22:46 AM  
This just makes sense to me. I was in a long distance relationship once and hated it. Why be with someone if you don't actually like being with them?
 
2014-08-21 09:24:30 AM  
Worked for my parents. They made it to 49 years, 10 months and 30 of those years Dad worked around the state and was gone from Monday AM to Friday PM except for vacations. They wouldn't have made it otherwise.
 
2014-08-21 09:32:29 AM  
"Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."
― Katharine Hepburn

K.T. Oslin - Live Close By Visit Often (YT: K.T. Oslin - Live Close By Visit Often)
 
2014-08-21 09:40:55 AM  
i am usually out the door sundays and back friday.  on the ocassions that i work out of the house, i have to watch it.  my wife is retired.  she said i screw up her schedule.  i have learned not to get on the phone until she wakes up.  and it really, really helps if i get the coffeee going first thing in the morning.

when i am home on the weekends usually sleep in, and by the time i get up, she is almost ready for a nap.

still love her after 33 years.  must be doing something right.
 
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