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(USA Today)   Johnny Bench   (usatoday.com) divider line 110
    More: Amusing, Brian Hoyer, Browns, Johnny Manziel, starting lineup, Brian Orakpo, Boomer Esiason, Mike Pettine, Kyle Shanahan  
•       •       •

2838 clicks; posted to Sports » on 20 Aug 2014 at 9:31 AM (28 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



110 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

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2014-08-20 08:59:19 AM  
Damn, that's a good one, subs.
 
2014-08-20 09:03:25 AM  
Johnny Clipboard was also a front runner....
 
2014-08-20 09:25:00 AM  
Johnny Manziel will have to wait to become the 21st starting quarterback for the Cleveland Browns since 1999.

Geez. Talk about insult to injury.
 
2014-08-20 09:36:37 AM  
It was always going to be Hoyer.
 
2014-08-20 09:37:25 AM  
Approves.

media-2.web.britannica.com
 
2014-08-20 09:39:29 AM  
Come on, how many Johnny Bench headlines are we going to greenlight about this guy?

http://www.fark.com/comments/8375972
 
2014-08-20 09:40:21 AM  
Johnny Bench called
fc03.deviantart.net
 
2014-08-20 09:40:35 AM  
The first games are against the Steelers, Saints and Ravens.  No sense getting your new toy murdered.  Jonny will start week 5 against the Titans.
 
2014-08-20 09:44:26 AM  

Arkanaut: Come on, how many Johnny Bench headlines are we going to greenlight about this guy?

http://www.fark.com/comments/8375972


THIS.

Recycled headline is recycled.
 
2014-08-20 09:44:43 AM  

elguerodiablo: The first games are against the Steelers, Saints and Ravens.  No sense getting your new toy murdered.  Jonny will start week 5 against the Titans.


As long as he's in for week 11 against the Texans. It'll be great to see Watt rip his stupid head off.

Just looked at the Browns full schedule...glad to see the Raiders will have at least one win this year.
 
2014-08-20 09:44:57 AM  
The next milestone of his Tebowification is complete.
 
2014-08-20 09:47:40 AM  

veedeevadeevoodee: Arkanaut: Come on, how many Johnny Bench headlines are we going to greenlight about this guy?

http://www.fark.com/comments/8375972

THIS.

Recycled headline is recycled.


Not to metion we really should have saved this headline for when he does eventually start and then inevitably loses the job to the Browns #1 overall pick, the Heisman winning QB in 2016.
 
2014-08-20 09:49:15 AM  

media.whas11.com



"Hey Johnny, can I give you some tips" ?



sports.cbsimg.net



"What's that Tim" ?



media.whas11.com



"Make sure you hold the clipboard with both hands".



media.wfaa.com



"Whaaa" ?



media.tumblr.com

 
2014-08-20 09:55:02 AM  

elguerodiablo: The first games are against the Steelers, Saints and Ravens.  No sense getting your new toy murdered.  Jonny will start week 5 against the Titans.


It'll be hilarious if the Browns somehow come out of that stretch with a winning record.
 
2014-08-20 09:59:11 AM  
I am shocked, SHOCKED, that both quarterbacks looked terrible so far in a Kyle Shanahan offense.
 
2014-08-20 09:59:44 AM  
Johnny FUBAR!  Poor Johnny, anytime he is sacked  he will be heckled with his own 'show me the money' sign.  They will call it 'Manzieling'.  He is doomed.  He is running like a man in leg irons.  It will be hard to watch.

wwwdotruckusbucketdotcom.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-08-20 10:01:48 AM  
Is this thread where we make fun of the guy who is going to get paid $2,000,000 to be a backup QB? It is, ok. Go, all you great success in life! Give him your best!
 
2014-08-20 10:04:05 AM  

sign_of_Zeta: I am shocked, SHOCKED, that both quarterbacks looked terrible so far in a Kyle Shanahan offense.


Shanahannigans!
 
2014-08-20 10:07:41 AM  
But.. I thought ESPN already announced him as the second coming of Brett Favre... oh snap!
 
2014-08-20 10:08:21 AM  

JerseyTim: Is this thread where we make fun of the guy who is going to get paid $2,000,000 to be a backup QB? It is, ok. Go, all you great success in life! Give him your best!


$6.7mm actually
 
2014-08-20 10:10:16 AM  

fatalvenom: [media.whas11.com image 402x402]

"Hey Johnny, can I give you some tips" ?

[sports.cbsimg.net image 640x400]

"What's that Tim" ?

[media.whas11.com image 402x402]

"Make sure you hold the clipboard with both hands".

[media.wfaa.com image 469x264]

"Whaaa" ?

[media.tumblr.com image 278x173]


I still think ESPN should have one full season where we have Tebow and Manziel in the starting positions, so we can watch ESPN analysts heads' asplode, anytime their respective teams face off against each other.
 
2014-08-20 10:10:50 AM  

SamWaters: Johnny FUBAR!  Poor Johnny, anytime he is sacked  he will be heckled with his own 'show me the money' sign.  They will call it 'Manzieling'.  He is doomed.  He is running like a man in leg irons.  It will be hard to watch.

[wwwdotruckusbucketdotcom.files.wordpress.com image 750x410]


Not to mention that since he can't take heckling in a pre-season game he'll get more smack talk than he would've originally gotten. I am looking forward to his Ryan Leaf-esque melt down.
 
2014-08-20 10:12:58 AM  

dwrash: But.. I thought ESPN already announced him as the second coming of Brett Favre... oh snap!


Well, Favre was the backup on his first team before being traded to the Pack....

MANZIEL TO PACKERS CONFIRMED!
 
2014-08-20 10:15:35 AM  

JerseyTim: Is this thread where we make fun of the guy who is going to get paid $2,000,000 to be a backup QB? It is, ok. Go, all you great success in life! Give him your best!


Yes, because success means you are beyond criticism and discussion. And also, your salary dictates your value.
 
2014-08-20 10:16:25 AM  
I don't get manziel hate. Fark will make it sports tab business like romo hate. Soooo, yay sports tab I guess I needed another source for uneventful discourse.


... Scratches head. Goes back to work
 
2014-08-20 10:22:41 AM  

thecpt: I don't get manziel hate. Fark will make it sports tab business like romo hate. Soooo, yay sports tab I guess I needed another source for uneventful discourse.


... Scratches head. Goes back to work


Actually, for me it isn't even really Manziel hate.  I just hate the Browns.  I truly believe they have the worst fans in the league and enjoy when they implode year after year after year after year...
 
2014-08-20 10:24:42 AM  

bighairyguy: The next milestone of his Tebowification is complete.

Nah.  At least, I think the comparison is disingenuous.  Tebow has been around adversity (not so much his college career as growing up) so I never questioned his mental toughness; his problem was that growing up a brainwashed fundie mamma's boy meant his brain was stunted.  When he resisted calls to switch positions people called him selfish or stubborn; I more thought he was terrified of change.  His feeble brain doesn't re-wire easily.  But love or hate the guy, I don't recall Tebow ever making a jackass of himself.

I think Manziel's shaping up to be a Ryan Leaf clone:  Extremely talented, very successful in college, but also a douchebag who's responding to the first major adversity of his life with hot-headed petulance.  Too early to say for sure, but this does not bode well for the Browns' investment.
 
2014-08-20 10:27:29 AM  
Blaming ESPN for the popularity of Manziel is like blaming MTV for the popularity of Bieber
 
2014-08-20 10:28:34 AM  

Big_Doofus: thecpt: I don't get manziel hate. Fark will make it sports tab business like romo hate. Soooo, yay sports tab I guess I needed another source for uneventful discourse.


... Scratches head. Goes back to work

Actually, for me it isn't even really Manziel hate.  I just hate the Browns.  I truly believe they have the worst fans in the league and enjoy when they implode year after year after year after year...


Me too!
 
2014-08-20 10:33:33 AM  

dragonchild: Nah.  At least, I think the comparison is disingenuous.  Tebow has been around adversity (not so much his college career as growing up) so I never questioned his mental toughness; his problem was that growing up a brainwashed fundie mamma's boy meant his brain was stunted.  When he resisted calls to switch positions people called him selfish or stubborn; I more thought he was terrified of change.  His feeble brain doesn't re-wire easily.  But love or hate the guy, I don't recall Tebow ever making a jackass of himself.


Tebow was a bad QB and not a good enough athlete to play anything by FB in the NFL.

It has nothing to do with being brainwashed or whatever idiocy you have in this post.
 
2014-08-20 10:37:14 AM  

WhiskeySticks: glad to see the Raiders will have at least one win this year.


YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!!!

10-6,      book it.
 
2014-08-20 10:37:20 AM  

JerseyTim: Is this thread where we make fun of the guy who is going to get paid $2,000,000 to be a backup QB? It is, ok. Go, all you great success in life! Give him your best!


Worthington's Law in full effect.
 
2014-08-20 10:38:09 AM  
That was an awful article. It used the  exact same paragraph twice, FFS!


That was an awful article. It used the exact same paragraph twice, FFS!
 
2014-08-20 10:41:31 AM  

sign_of_Zeta: dwrash: But.. I thought ESPN already announced him as the second coming of Brett Favre... oh snap!

Well, Favre was the backup on his first team before being traded to the Pack....

MANZIEL TO PACKERS CONFIRMED!


Yeah, but that quarterback was Chris Miller. Certainly a keeper.
 
2014-08-20 10:47:20 AM  

thecpt: I don't get manziel hate.

He's a rose among weeds.  If Tebow's popularity rankled fans because of his fundie upbringing, Manziel represents the plutocracy.  There are plenty of religious players (including Russell Wilson and Aaron Rodgers) and legacy players, but Manziel is a true outlier.  He's a rich white pretty boy playing a position traditionally played by pretty white boys in what's supposed to be the last American meritocracy.  Not that he hasn't put in hard work, but he's the son of a Texas oilman sharing the field with people who've grown up in poverty, broken families, and despite breaking their bodies against the likes of Alabama, Texas A&M fans were more than happy to give "Johnny Football" all the credit.  So even though he really hasn't gotten in real trouble (honestly, I'd want to GTFO of College Station too, especially if half the town was stalking me), he's an inherently polarizing figure who's done little to help his own image.

I don't hate the guy -- I don't know enough about him to -- but what little I've seen is that the guy is relatively well-raised, intelligent and talented. . . for a rich boy.  Problem is the NFL is packed with guys who've had to fight for every inch and glass jaws don't do too well in that sort of environment, especially when they visibly crack in preseason.  I mean he took his licks in the SEC but I wouldn't have taken him in the first round due to the very likely chance his career will go the Ryan Leaf route.
 
2014-08-20 10:47:39 AM  

Rapmaster2000: sign_of_Zeta: I am shocked, SHOCKED, that both quarterbacks looked terrible so far in a Kyle Shanahan offense.

Shanahannigans!


ooooooh.  I totally forgot that hack got a new job.  Jonny won't finish the season.
 
2014-08-20 10:47:40 AM  

dwrash: But.. I thought ESPN already announced him as the second coming of Brett Favre... oh snap!


Johnny can snap a football? Well, I mean.
 
2014-08-20 10:49:56 AM  

Big_Doofus: thecpt: I don't get manziel hate. Fark will make it sports tab business like romo hate. Soooo, yay sports tab I guess I needed another source for uneventful discourse.


... Scratches head. Goes back to work

Actually, for me it isn't even really Manziel hate.  I just hate the Browns.  I truly believe they have the worst fans in the league and enjoy when they implode year after year after year after year...


Come on.  They're bad, certainly one of the worst fan bases, but they're not Raiders or Eagles bad.

stir22: WhiskeySticks: glad to see the Raiders will have at least one win this year.

YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!!!!

10-6,      book it.


Besides SeaBass, who on the Raiders is good?  Hell, who is above average?  Khalil mack will probably join that list, but we won't know until the season starts.
 
2014-08-20 10:56:05 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: JerseyTim: Is this thread where we make fun of the guy who is going to get paid $2,000,000 to be a backup QB? It is, ok. Go, all you great success in life! Give him your best!

Worthington's Law in full effect.


I'm not making judgement on Manziel or his talent or his worthiness of being where he is. I'm making a comment on the response.

Just about every single person gleeful because he did not earn the starting QB position would step over their own grandmother to be in the exact same position he is in now.
 
2014-08-20 11:01:21 AM  

Lt. Cheese Weasel: Damn, that's a good one, subs.


Either Conan or Letterman did it last night.  Can't remember which.
 
2014-08-20 11:08:03 AM  

thecpt: I don't get manziel hate. Fark will make it sports tab business like romo hate. Soooo, yay sports tab I guess I needed another source for uneventful discourse.


... Scratches head. Goes back to work


Step 1: Be the focus of ESPN's annual slobber fest. (See: Crosby, Sidney; Tebow, Tim; and Lin, Jeremy)
Step 2: Maintain the level of attention despite falling short of the hype. (See: Tebow, Tim; every USC QB in the last decade plus)
Step 3: Come up with an idiotic gesture that garners a daily section in itself. (See: Puig, Yasiel; Kaepernick, Colin; Tebow, Tim--eye-black in this case)

Manziel is one of the few to hit the triple crown, though it is admittedly premature to shovel dirt on his career. Wait, he's on the Browns roster.
 
2014-08-20 11:08:17 AM  
It's unfortunate that Hoyer will have to do the heavy lifting early (PIT, NO, BAL) right before the bye.  He will get benched after going 0-3 or maybe 1-2 and then Manzchild will come in to face TEN PIT JAX OAK TB and go 3-2 or 4-1 just based on the schedule.

(assuming he survives either the PIT or OAK game)
 
2014-08-20 11:13:38 AM  
Yep, he's a real #2 all right.

And by #2, I mean he's a real piece of shiat. Just in case that wasn't clear.
 
2014-08-20 11:16:51 AM  
Johnny Couch
 
2014-08-20 11:21:53 AM  
Begs the question, whatever happened to the 21st pick in the draft?
 
2014-08-20 11:23:26 AM  

Arkanaut: Come on, how many Johnny Bench headlines are we going to greenlight about this guy?

http://www.fark.com/comments/8375972


I'm already preparing my full deck of Manziel headlines:

- Johnny Carson - For when he gets his leg destroyed by the Steelers
-  Johnny Cake - For when he becomes the starter against an easy opponent in week six or seven.
-  Johnny Cash - For when he either gets a big extension or declares banktrupcy
-  Johnny Appleseed - Nov. 19, when Johnny... sees... the big apple. It's a bit of a stretch, but I've seen worse greenlights.

/some total farker will get the submission before me anyway
//sees is a funny-looking word
 
2014-08-20 11:25:05 AM  
Cleveland will win the championship.


/Saturday in the AFL
 
2014-08-20 11:42:56 AM  

Lost Thought 00: Blaming ESPN for the popularity of Manziel is like blaming MTV for the popularity of Bieber


...because they all suck balls?
 
2014-08-20 11:56:30 AM  

SirDigbyChickenCaesar: It's unfortunate that Hoyer will have to do the heavy lifting early (PIT, NO, BAL) right before the bye.  He will get benched after going 0-3 or maybe 1-2 and then Manzchild will come in to face TEN PIT JAX OAK TB and go 3-2 or 4-1 just based on the schedule.

(assuming he survives either the PIT or OAK game)


There was a while the Jets liked to put Tebow in as QB in goalline situations. Sanchez would take the Jets all the way across the field to the 1-yard line. then Tebow goes in and runs it in and then screams and stomps the ground and flexes muscles for the camera.

It was nauseating. I think you're spot on with your read here as well. Similar kind of thing. They want to set up their obvious mistake for the best chance he has to prolong his likely short career.
 
2014-08-20 12:13:41 PM  
This is more Brian Hoyer wins by default. Neither looked at all like an NFL QB, and even if they did, their receivers aren't helping.

Ben Tate at least looks promising early, but if they have to abandon him to air it out 50 times a game like last year, they might as well have kept ol' One-Knee McGahee...
 
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