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(Breitbart.com)   And now a truly historic document. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The Declaration of Inderpendence   (breitbart.com ) divider line
    More: Asinine, enemy combatant, Western civilizations  
•       •       •

4306 clicks; posted to Politics » on 15 Aug 2014 at 4:54 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-15 01:43:59 PM  
Cute. I wonder if he's aware that the Constitution explicitly provides the President the power to call forth the militia to suppress insurrections.
 
2014-08-15 01:50:06 PM  
I kinda skimmed it. Pretty funny stuff there. The Onion should have such good writers. I wonder how long until it's on my fundie friends' Facebook wall.
 
2014-08-15 01:54:04 PM  
TFA: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied, and it is through the voluntary efforts of the fortunate among them to care for the less fortunate

SDO-6 measure, item 1: "Some groups of people are simply inferior to other groups."

Animal Farm: "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others"

incendi: Cute. I wonder if he's aware that the Constitution explicitly provides the President the power to call forth the militia to suppress insurrections.


Probably not, since he doesn't recognize that under the Constitution the Judiciary gets to resolve any controversies of law.
 
2014-08-15 02:05:21 PM  
Smeared on the walls of a padded cell in your own poo-like writing detected.
 
2014-08-15 02:10:57 PM  

abb3w: Probably not, since he doesn't recognize that under the Constitution the Judiciary gets to resolve any controversies of law.

 
Funny, the message board comments there made me think of this:


Before the Hate had proceeded for thirty seconds, uncontrollable exclamations of rage were breaking out from half the people in the room. The self-satisfied sheep-like face on the screen, and the terrifying power of the Eurasian army behind it, were too much to be borne: besides, the sight or even the thought of Goldstein produced fear and anger automatically. He was an object of hatred more constant than either Eurasia or Eastasia, since when Oceania was at war with one of these Powers it was generally at peace with the other. But what was strange was that although Goldstein was hated and despised by everybody, although every day and a thousand times a day, on platforms, on the telescreen, in newspapers, in books, his theories were refuted, smashed, ridiculed, held up to the general gaze for the pitiful rubbish that they were - in spite of all this, his influence never seemed to grow less. Always there were fresh dupes waiting to be seduced by him. A day never passed when spies and saboteurs acting under his directions were not unmasked by the Thought Police. He was the commander of a vast shadowy army, an underground network of conspirators dedicated to the overthrow of the State. The Brotherhood, its name was supposed to be. There were also whispered stories of a terrible book, a compendium of all the heresies, of which Goldstein was the author and which circulated clandestinely here and there. It was a book without a title. People referred to it, if at all, simply as the book. But one knew of such things only through vague rumours. Neither the Brotherhood nor the book was a subject that any ordinary Party member would mention if there was a way of avoiding it.
 
2014-08-15 02:12:54 PM  
Good reading on the subject from The American Thinker


THIS SENTENCE ACTUALLY OCCURRED
 
2014-08-15 03:07:00 PM  

abb3w: TFA: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied, and it is through the voluntary efforts of the fortunate among them to care for the less fortunate


"Which is exactly why article 1 of this Declaration clearly states the rights of jerb creators to never be taxed!!!!"
 
2014-08-15 03:10:49 PM  

maudibjr: Good reading on the subject from The American Thinker


THIS SENTENCE ACTUALLY OCCURRED


I saw that.

That's the funniest thing I've seen all day.
 
2014-08-15 03:59:54 PM  
We hold this truth to be self-evident: all dead assholes are created equal
 
2014-08-15 04:15:15 PM  
Look, I'm not endorsing this in any way whatsoever, but it would be nice to have a Declaration of Independence that didn't take a detour into "merciless Indian Savages" land.
 
2014-08-15 04:20:53 PM  

JerseyTim: Look, I'm not endorsing this in any way whatsoever, but it would be nice to have a Declaration of Independence that didn't take a detour into "merciless Indian Savages" land.


Well, sure. Maybe if we substituted that for the lyrics to Evil by Mercyful Fate, kind of a centuries-late FU to George.
 
2014-08-15 04:37:48 PM  
...all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied

So, equal but not equal?
 
2014-08-15 04:44:36 PM  

Lionel Mandrake: ...all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied

So, equal but not equal?


No, they just have different gifts. Like that one guy got gold, frankincense and myrrh. WTF is myrrh??
 
2014-08-15 04:48:35 PM  

fusillade762: Lionel Mandrake: ...all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied

So, equal but not equal?

No, they just have different gifts. Like that one guy got gold, frankincense and myrrh. WTF is myrrh??


lh4.googleusercontent.com
 
2014-08-15 04:51:52 PM  
Thomas Jefferson you ain't.
 
2014-08-15 04:56:38 PM  
"Waahh we didn't get our way so we're going to form a new declaration, and when that one fails us, we'll just keep doing it until we get our way waaahhh"

Did I paraphrase that correctly?
 
2014-08-15 04:59:51 PM  
Four score and seven beers ago
 
2014-08-15 05:00:55 PM  
Minions... Minions ... Minions Minions Minions Minions MinionsMinionsMinionsMinionsMinion sMinionsMinionsMinions

.... just had to get that out.
 
2014-08-15 05:01:55 PM  
When in the course of human events, a n****r president is elected,
 
2014-08-15 05:04:24 PM  
slightly tweaked for accuracy:

Now and again in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to assume that their president, hostile to the principles that formed the nation and determined to act with malice toward its inhabitants by suppressing their rights and enabling its enemies to prosper in their attempts to destroy it, must be confronted, a rational response for the nation is to encumber itself no more with such a president and reject his authority and the acolytes who carry out his wishes.

It is known that these truths are self-evident, that all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied, and it is through the voluntary efforts of the fortunate among them to care for the less fortunate, not the province of a government to intrude on the natural imbalances that arise from the human condition, that the sanctity of ethically earned property is not to be compromised by a government eager to impose its will to address such imbalances, that when a president or member of the government flagrantly ignores the restraints of the Constitution of the United States they be punished with expulsion from the government; that when despotism in the form of such behavior arises it is the duty of the people to throw off such government and elect representatives who honor the foundational principles that underlie the nation's existence.

Given, the sufferance of these United States impels action to ensure the existence of the nation. The history of the present president is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Gross is His refusal to Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his minions to be charged with crimes both high and low in order to present an image utterly hostile to the truth; he has endangered the nation both from enemies abroad who have sworn its destruction by refusing to condemn their governments and in many cases, aiding and abetting them, and those enemies who enter the country defying its laws and intent on defying the laws once ensconced in the nation; he has invaded the sacred privacy of individuals by tolerating the use of government apparatus to spy on them without their knowledge; he has championed the rights of the living to deny the right to life to those about to join their ranks; he has created enmity among the populace, separating one group from another with the use of separatist language rather than the language of unification, he has endangered those most at risk as they serve their country by destroying the defensive tools intended for the protection of the nation; he has supported the destruction of the free use of faith that is the pillar of Western civilization; he has appropriated the power granted to other branches of government in order to further ends that cannot be legislated because there is legitimate opposition to them; he has willfully ignored the future financial demise of the nation while indulging in spending doomed to ensure the demise is a certainty.

Ere, we have warned of our grievances, though a culpable media apparatus has denied us the right to be legitimately heard; we have tolerated the abuse of our citizens by those who reside in our nation but do not share its founding principles; we have trusted in the process through which the nation has traditionally resolved its differences; we have watched as those who do not share American values usurp the rights of legislators to make the law by invoking a willing judiciary to circumvent such legislators.

Resolved, therefore, the people of the United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do swear, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these States, that we are independent of said president and his minions, that we resolve not to eschew the rule of law and remove such persons from power by force, but rather to uncompromisingly and unstintingly work without hesitation to replace them now and forevermore by voting them out of power, and continually voting them out of power until their values are seen for the enemy of our principles that they truly are. We have sworn our fealty to our Constitution, and its eternal continuance, and may the Supreme Judge of the world strengthen us in the battle for the soul of the nation that lies ahead.
 
2014-08-15 05:05:58 PM  
These tea tards really need a long SE Asian sex tour, a bag full of Vicodin, and a bag full of weed.  Follow it up with madatory no fault divorces for any of them that are married.  They're completely stressed out and are really a drag to be around.
 
2014-08-15 05:08:53 PM  

fusillade762: Lionel Mandrake: ...all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied

So, equal but not equal?

No, they just have different gifts. Like that one guy got gold, frankincense and myrrh. WTF is myrrh??


i.imgur.com
/edited for filters!
 
2014-08-15 05:10:44 PM  
Penis.
 
2014-08-15 05:11:11 PM  
FTA: ethically earned property

Yeah, I think the problem is that the ones causing the most problems aren't ethically earning anything. Legally? For the most part. Ethically? Not even close.
 
2014-08-15 05:11:23 PM  

JolobinSmokin: Four score and seven beers ago


Sounds like a perfect sunday.
 
2014-08-15 05:12:25 PM  

maudibjr: Good reading on the subject from The American Thinker


THIS SENTENCE ACTUALLY OCCURRED


www.mathsisfun.com
 
2014-08-15 05:12:28 PM  

Sergeant Grumbles: FTA: ethically earned property

Yeah, I think the problem is that the ones causing the most problems aren't ethically earning anything. Legally? For the most part. Ethically? Not even close.


Who the hell is going to adjudicate whether or not property was earned "ethically"?
 
2014-08-15 05:14:51 PM  
Dnrtfa, can we call the teabaggers "traitors" now?
 
2014-08-15 05:15:19 PM  

sprawl15: slightly tweaked for accuracy:

Now and again in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to assume that their president, hostile to the principles that formed the nation and determined to act with malice toward its inhabitants by suppressing their rights and enabling its enemies to prosper in their attempts to destroy it, must be confronted, a rational response for the nation is to encumber itself no more with such a president and reject his authority and the acolytes who carry out his wishes.

It is known that these truths are self-evident, that all men are created equal, but their gifts are varied, and it is through the voluntary efforts of the fortunate among them to care for the less fortunate, not the province of a government to intrude on the natural imbalances that arise from the human condition, that the sanctity of ethically earned property is not to be compromised by a government eager to impose its will to address such imbalances, that when a president or member of the government flagrantly ignores the restraints of the Constitution of the United States they be punished with expulsion from the government; that when despotism in the form of such behavior arises it is the duty of the people to throw off such government and elect representatives who honor the foundational principles that underlie the nation's existence.

Given, the sufferance of these United States impels action to ensure the existence of the nation. The history of the present president is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States. To prove this, let Facts be submitted to a candid world.

Gross is His refusal to Assent to Laws, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good. He has forbidden his minions to be charged with crimes both high and low in order to present an image utterly hostile to the truth; he has endangered the nation both from enemies abroad who have sworn its destruction by refusing to condemn their governments and in many cases, aiding and abetting them, and those enemies who enter the country defying its laws and intent on defying the laws once ensconced in the nation; he has invaded the sacred privacy of individuals by tolerating the use of government apparatus to spy on them without their knowledge; he has championed the rights of the living to deny the right to life to those about to join their ranks; he has created enmity among the populace, separating one group from another with the use of separatist language rather than the language of unification, he has endangered those most at risk as they serve their country by destroying the defensive tools intended for the protection of the nation; he has supported the destruction of the free use of faith that is the pillar of Western civilization; he has appropriated the power granted to other branches of government in order to further ends that cannot be legislated because there is legitimate opposition to them; he has willfully ignored the future financial demise of the nation while indulging in spending doomed to ensure the demise is a certainty.

Ere, we have warned of our grievances, though a culpable media apparatus has denied us the right to be legitimately heard; we have tolerated the abuse of our citizens by those who reside in our nation but do not share its founding principles; we have trusted in the process through which the nation has traditionally resolved its differences; we have watched as those who do not share American values usurp the rights of legislators to make the law by invoking a willing judiciary to circumvent such legislators.

Resolved, therefore, the people of the United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do swear, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these States, that we are independent of said president and his minions, that we resolve not to eschew the rule of law and remove such persons from power by force, but rather to uncompromisingly and unstintingly work without hesitation to replace them now and forevermore by voting them out of power, and continually voting them out of power until their values are seen for the enemy of our principles that they truly are. We have sworn our fealty to our Constitution, and its eternal continuance, and may the Supreme Judge of the world strengthen us in the battle for the soul of the nation that lies ahead.


o_o


e_e
 
2014-08-15 05:15:48 PM  
Someone give Dave a participation trophy.
 
2014-08-15 05:17:17 PM  
From the political party that brought you "God's infallible word isn't infallible enough, here's our edit of the Bible".
 
2014-08-15 05:17:21 PM  
Oh yeah this totally isn't treason.
 
2014-08-15 05:17:40 PM  
Haha hurpy hurp.

We get it, you love guns and religion and white people.
 
2014-08-15 05:19:44 PM  

Bob Falfa: I kinda skimmed it. Pretty funny stuff there. The Onion should have such good writers. I wonder how long until it's on my fundie friends' Facebook wall.


TheOnion already did it

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-passionate-defender-of-wha t- he-imagines-c,2849/
 
2014-08-15 05:20:45 PM  
If it doesn't bother mentioning Reagan or Guns then how am I expected to sign it?
 
2014-08-15 05:20:51 PM  
We declare that if we don't get our way we're not going to play anymore! And we're going to sit on the first base line and shoot off bottlerockets.

Can't tell us to stop either, because we're not plaing anymore!
 
2014-08-15 05:20:55 PM  

qorkfiend: Who the hell is going to adjudicate whether or not property was earned "ethically"?


Some would say that ethically and legally are the same thing, and in a free and democratic country I largely agree, but on the other hand, they or their overlords usually write the laws and often imply adding to the laws to be unethical in itself(via whatever flavor of communism/socialism they last heard spewed from a pundit).
 
2014-08-15 05:21:24 PM  
Great, you're independent now. When are you leaving?
 
2014-08-15 05:24:02 PM  

Sergeant Grumbles: qorkfiend: Who the hell is going to adjudicate whether or not property was earned "ethically"?

Some would say that ethically and legally are the same thing, and in a free and democratic country I largely agree, but on the other hand, they or their overlords usually write the laws and often imply adding to the laws to be unethical in itself(via whatever flavor of communism/socialism they last heard spewed from a pundit).


Well, sure. I was mostly talking about the implication that the courts should be empowered to consider morals and ethics instead of (or in addition to) the letter of the law. I wonder whose moral code would be used...
 
2014-08-15 05:24:22 PM  
i.imgur.com

i.imgur.com

To its credit, at least TFA assumes a semblance of unity not seen in the original secessionary declarations.
 
2014-08-15 05:25:37 PM  

vernonFL: Dnrtfa, can we call the teabaggers "traitors" now?


If the shoe fits...
 
2014-08-15 05:25:49 PM  

Sergeant Grumbles: FTA: ethically earned property

Yeah, I think the problem is that the ones causing the most problems aren't ethically earning anything. Legally? For the most part. Ethically? Not even close.


meh. They didn't even unethically earn shiat. They just inherited it.
 
2014-08-15 05:27:54 PM  
When high school students engage in exercises like this it's cute.  Maybe even a little precocious and edgy.  When grownups do it, it's rather sad.
 
2014-08-15 05:28:17 PM  
Someone should tell this guy the Declaration of Independence has no force of law, and isn't the founding document of our country.

That founding document is the Constitution, and was preceded by the Articles of Confederation, which in and of itself was an attempt to severely limit a centralized federal power with the bulk of it in the sovereign states, and it was largely unworkable.
 
2014-08-15 05:29:21 PM  

vernonFL: Dnrtfa, can we call the teabaggers "traitors" now?

i.imgur.com  i.imgur.com

How about Confederates? That's not taken, is it?
 
2014-08-15 05:30:16 PM  
I look forward to the establishment of Dumbfarkistan, somewhere tens of thousands of miles away from here.

Buh-bye, and don't let that door hit you in the hovverround on your way out.
 
2014-08-15 05:31:09 PM  
hooray more dirtbag sovereign citizens
 
2014-08-15 05:31:27 PM  

Somacandra: How about Confederates? That's not taken, is it?


I wonder if that Heritage, Not Hate thing works both ways. As a mixture of Spanish-American and German-American, I should be able to celebrate my heritage.

www.warstore.co.uk

anonymousradioshow.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-08-15 05:35:49 PM  
The Declaration of Potato.
 
2014-08-15 05:35:50 PM  

hardinparamedic: As a mixture of Spanish-American and German-American, I should be able to celebrate my heritage.


i.imgur.com

I don't know about any Germans, but I can tell you Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead. That one Austrailian guy is standing by him in that one picture, so maybe he's dead too.
 
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