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(Metro)   Truth in advertising: Altered alcohol labels that tell the real truth about alcohol and what it does to you   (metro.co.uk) divider line 48
    More: Amusing  
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9465 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Aug 2014 at 6:39 PM (4 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-14 03:41:50 PM
Bullshiat.  I didn't see a single one that said "This will help you get laid".
 
2014-08-14 03:58:40 PM
List fails without a joke about Korsakoff's Syndrome.
 
2014-08-14 04:14:05 PM

dittybopper: Bullshiat.  I didn't see a single one that said "This will help you get laid".


Also missing

"Your sports team recently triumphed"

and

"It is not your kid so celebrate"
 
2014-08-14 04:55:42 PM
Gin and Tonic: "You won't know you drank to much until the morning."
 
2014-08-14 05:35:18 PM
Mind Eraser:
 
2014-08-14 05:35:54 PM
Scotch: You'll look classy until you try standing up.
 
2014-08-14 05:50:22 PM
This one says it all: img.fark.net
 
2014-08-14 06:43:06 PM
Also missing: "Yea, sure, I don't smoke but I'll take a cig anyway."
 
2014-08-14 06:43:10 PM
I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."
 
2014-08-14 06:44:50 PM
IIRC, it's illegal to print anything on a label that mentions that alcohol may be bad for you, other than the mandated don't drive while pregnant warning.
 
2014-08-14 06:47:13 PM
Heh. Reminds me of walking past my neighbors trash a while back. A former box of diapers, filled to overflowing with empty wine bottles. Still makes me laff.
 
2014-08-14 06:48:33 PM
Getting a kick out of these replies on hard cider #2.

/McKenzies FTW
 
2014-08-14 06:51:35 PM
media.tumblr.com
 
2014-08-14 06:51:53 PM
coors light: the DD should be able to pretend they're drinking.
 
2014-08-14 06:52:10 PM
shechive.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-08-14 06:52:11 PM

Tigger: Scotch: You'll look classy until you try standing up.


Jokes on you! I drink standing up.  SO HA!

/I know I had enough when I fall down.
 
2014-08-14 06:53:32 PM
media.giphy.com
 
2014-08-14 06:53:39 PM
Bourbon: "Hey. Hey. Lemme say somethin'.  Lllllllllemmme say somethin'.  Hey."
 
2014-08-14 06:54:12 PM
s3-ec.buzzfed.com
 
2014-08-14 06:54:46 PM

Ow! That was my feelings!: Heh. Reminds me of walking past my neighbors trash a while back. A former box of diapers, filled to overflowing with empty wine bottles. Still makes me laff.


Stay away from my house, jerk.

/kids are tough, but great
 
2014-08-14 06:55:18 PM
Warning:  This beverage may help you to become one of the most prolific authors in American Literature, but chances are far, far better that you're going to jail.
Enjoy Responsibly.
 
2014-08-14 06:56:07 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."


I used to drink that. When you can no longer afford to buy it, you're in deep do-do
 
2014-08-14 06:57:29 PM
24.media.tumblr.com
 
2014-08-14 06:57:49 PM
... it makes me a jolly old fellow  ... sometimes it makes me feel mellow.
 
2014-08-14 06:58:34 PM
 
2014-08-14 06:58:36 PM
Kraken Black Rum: You're half pirate and half retard
 
2014-08-14 07:13:02 PM

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Kraken Black Rum: You're half pirate and half retard


Oh shut your whore mouth - I love Kraken! Argh......biatch!
 
2014-08-14 07:13:46 PM
Those were lame, you guys do it better.
 
2014-08-14 07:13:49 PM
Captain Morgan: It's like Sailor Jerry, but for pussies.
 
2014-08-14 07:24:48 PM

BKITU: Captain Morgan: It's like Sailor Jerry, but for pussies.


Drink Captain Morgan Black then! :)
 
2014-08-14 07:25:07 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: Mind Eraser:


Face Eraser.
 
2014-08-14 07:26:18 PM

Misconduc: BKITU: Captain Morgan: It's like Sailor Jerry, but for pussies.

Drink Captain Morgan Black then! :)


You might get black pussy that way.

/change your luck
 
2014-08-14 07:40:01 PM
Tequila brand:

Some girls evidently have a penis

NTTAWWT
 
2014-08-14 07:49:37 PM
I've always been fond of "Punch That Motherf**ker in the Mouth if He Looks at You Again" cider.
 
2014-08-14 07:51:36 PM
Johnnie Walker Red label:

"You want to look sophisticated, but you're still young and broke."
 
2014-08-14 08:00:12 PM

uber humper: I May Be Crazy But...: I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."

I used to drink that. When you can no longer afford to buy it, you're in deep do-do


the good'old comin'down.
first,let me tell you that, after a while, there is no hangover per se, just a general discomfort of being.
then comes the chills, the recognition that you have lost a lot of your fine motor skills.
You can masquerade yourself through these; a smile and an acknowledgement of how clumsy you are will convince other people and yourself that this is just not your day.
8 PM, the good news is that you are not sweating anymore.
You spent your day drinking so much water that your pee is now clear and does not smell that kind of dark phenolic molasses from the morning.
Time for bed.
It is finicky... it starts as a simple discomfort.
you start falling asleep and then WHAM!!!
Remember that sensation you have of falling when just entering sleep?
here it is, it is snorting coke off your cerebrum and won't let go.
Nearly falling asleep and WHAM again, legs, harms, neck.
they all twitch in different manners.
And then here comes the sweat again. The kind that stink and turn any kind of bedding into sand paper.
You will ask for mercy between two bouts and promise yourself not to drink again.
And whence you finally fall asleep, wrapped into that soaked bath towel, still twitching, know that you will dream more vividly than ever.
Dreams that will fill you with wonder.

You will wake up worn, smelling of 2 years outdated smegma.

You will drink a lot of fluids trying to displace the sickness on your breath.

At 3 PM you will make a pact with yourself not to drink again.

At 3.30 PM you will tell yourself that you may as well celebrate being sober.

Just one drink.

At 5.30 PM you will buy this $5.99 fifth of Vodak.
By 6.30 you will one more time be on the top of the world.
 
2014-08-14 08:02:33 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-14 08:11:41 PM

Banned on the Run: Bourbon: "Hey. Hey. Lemme say somethin'.  Lllllllllemmme say somethin'.  Hey."


Hey, I love you, man. I mean it, rilly . You're like my best friend ever, man. Hey, I love you, man.
 
2014-08-14 08:20:22 PM
Jameson: Everyone Loves a Flame War, Go Start One.
 
2014-08-14 08:44:51 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."


That only goes on the half gallons of Popov Vodka.
 
2014-08-14 08:46:33 PM
I'm more interested in the article further down the page:


www.med-health.net

This tool will insert liquid caramel into your banana
 
2014-08-14 08:53:39 PM

Banned on the Run: Worth sitting through the ad


The ad was the best part.  Just discovered Lilan Bowden.  Hot!
 
2014-08-14 09:00:24 PM

le dernier des maudits cons: uber humper: I May Be Crazy But...: I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."

I used to drink that. When you can no longer afford to buy it, you're in deep do-do

the good'old comin'down.
first,let me tell you that, after a while, there is no hangover per se, just a general discomfort of being.
then comes the chills, the recognition that you have lost a lot of your fine motor skills.
You can masquerade yourself through these; a smile and an acknowledgement of how clumsy you are will convince other people and yourself that this is just not your day.
8 PM, the good news is that you are not sweating anymore.
You spent your day drinking so much water that your pee is now clear and does not smell that kind of dark phenolic molasses from the morning.
Time for bed.
It is finicky... it starts as a simple discomfort.
you start falling asleep and then WHAM!!!
Remember that sensation you have of falling when just entering sleep?
here it is, it is snorting coke off your cerebrum and won't let go.
Nearly falling asleep and WHAM again, legs, harms, neck.
they all twitch in different manners.
And then here comes the sweat again. The kind that stink and turn any kind of bedding into sand paper.
You will ask for mercy between two bouts and promise yourself not to drink again.
And whence you finally fall asleep, wrapped into that soaked bath towel, still twitching, know that you will dream more vividly than ever.
Dreams that will fill you with wonder.

You will wake up worn, smelling of 2 years outdated smegma.

You will drink a lot of fluids trying to displace the sickness on your breath.

At 3 PM you will make a pact with yourself not to drink again.

At 3.30 PM you will tell yourself that you may as well celebrate being sober.

Just one drink.

At 5.30 PM you will buy this $5.99 fifth of Vodak.
By 6.30 you will one more time be on the top of the world.


Sad, but true. I used to sweat so much you might as well have poured a liter or more of water on the bed. Still drink, but no more shakes/withdrawal symptoms.
 
2014-08-14 09:02:49 PM

I May Be Crazy But...: I didn't see "Drink me because it's the only way you can sleep anymore instead of laying awake thinking about the complete mess you've made of your life."


YOU MADE IT TOO FARKING REAL!
FARK YOU.
 
2014-08-14 09:21:06 PM
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-14 09:39:37 PM
No "whiskey dick"?
 
2014-08-15 12:12:05 AM
those are stunningly accurate
 
2014-08-15 02:20:03 PM
For Fireball, my hubby's shot, the sweet and spicy:

1 large shot glass
Half full of Fireball
Half full of Honey Liquer

Enjoy
 
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