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(Edmonton Journal)   Bleeding-heart sends too many text messages. "save the whales, lol" "free Tibet" "Help, I've been stabbed multiple times in the heart and am bleeding"   (edmontonjournal.com) divider line 48
    More: Stupid  
•       •       •

2940 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Aug 2014 at 9:54 AM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



48 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-14 08:12:40 AM  
Stabbed through the heart
 
2014-08-14 08:13:15 AM  
And you're to blame
 
2014-08-14 08:14:02 AM  
Darlin', you give knives
 
2014-08-14 08:14:39 AM  
A bad name.
 
2014-08-14 08:15:28 AM  
www.arcpress.com
 
2014-08-14 08:16:01 AM  
Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee.
 
2014-08-14 08:22:35 AM  
samotako1.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-08-14 08:37:33 AM  
Mohamed Ali?

Ok.
 
2014-08-14 09:56:48 AM  
The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.
 
2014-08-14 09:57:55 AM  
Apparently subtard couldn't go for the obvious Mohammed Ali connection.

Has to go with a horrible pun.

/subby's an ass.
 
2014-08-14 10:04:41 AM  
The moral of the story, watch where the fark you are walking.
 
2014-08-14 10:05:46 AM  

vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.


If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....
 
2014-08-14 10:07:08 AM  

dittybopper: If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance


Like a Politics thread?
 
2014-08-14 10:08:32 AM  
www.edmontonjournal.com

Ali looks like he's got a marathon to get to.
 
2014-08-14 10:15:30 AM  

dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....


So one could be a complete asshole without fear of physical reprisals? Besides, hockey brawls would be short & boring (after the body hits the ice).
 
2014-08-14 10:16:52 AM  
The suspect claims he didn't do it, but his defense is pretty shaky.
 
2014-08-14 10:21:11 AM  
Seems like it would be pretty difficult to stab someone right in the heart.  Too many bones and stuff in the way.
 
2014-08-14 10:21:43 AM  
Since this is Canada, did they at least stab him politely??
 
2014-08-14 10:21:51 AM  
Free Tibet

/one inside each specially-marked box
 
2014-08-14 10:22:21 AM  

MooseBayou: Seems like it would be pretty difficult to stab someone right in the heart.  Too many bones and stuff in the way.


That's why the pros always come up from the bottom of the ribcage.
 
2014-08-14 10:23:27 AM  

kendelrio: Apparently subtard couldn't go for the obvious Mohammed Ali connection.

Has to go with a horrible pun.

/subby's an ass.


4.bp.blogspot.com
/not submitter just think you need cryglasses
 
2014-08-14 10:26:09 AM  

Rev.K: Mohamed Ali?

Ok.


Joe Frazier and George Foreman should've warned him - you may think you've beaten Mohamed Ali, but he'll always be back...
 
2014-08-14 10:27:40 AM  

Queensowntalia: The suspect claims he didn't do it, but his defense is pretty shaky.


i323.photobucket.com
 
2014-08-14 10:28:37 AM  

oldfarthenry: So one could be a complete asshole without fear of physical reprisals?


Like I said.
Politics tab.
 
2014-08-14 10:39:17 AM  
Sounds like he got...

stung like a bee.
 
2014-08-14 10:42:16 AM  
Ha! I knew it would be Moslems.
The most easily offended and stupidly violent people on the planet.
 
2014-08-14 10:45:05 AM  
"I FLOAT LIKE A BUTTERFLY, AND STAB LIKE A BEE!!!!! I'M A BAAAAAAAAAAAD MAN!"
 
2014-08-14 10:46:05 AM  

dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....


This is Canada, so I'm guessing skates and a hockey stick?

//My fat finger typing on mobile originally had that the last words as "hickey stuck". I almost left it, but the story isn't about Alabama.
 
2014-08-14 10:47:37 AM  

Queensowntalia: The suspect claims he didn't do it, but his defense is pretty shaky.


img.fark.net
 
2014-08-14 10:48:22 AM  

vudukungfu: dittybopper: If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance

Like a Politics thread?



vudukungfu: oldfarthenry: So one could be a complete asshole without fear of physical reprisals?

Like I said.
Politics tab.


I have to say, this is really one of the best comebacks I've seen on Fark in quite a while.  I doff my cap to you, Sir.  A hearty "Well done!" from me.
 
2014-08-14 10:57:41 AM  
Save the termites??!?
 
2014-08-14 10:59:16 AM  

Bacontastesgood: kendelrio: Apparently subtard couldn't go for the obvious Mohammed Ali connection.

Has to go with a horrible pun.

/subby's an ass.

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 400x277]
/not submitter just think you need cryglasses


I use a five gallon bucket. Holds more.
 
2014-08-14 11:10:21 AM  

MooseBayou: Seems like it would be pretty difficult to stab someone right in the heart.  Too many bones and stuff in the way.


My fiance's ex father in law as murdered when one of his cousins stabbed him with a huge knife in the sternum and just kept going up. How he did I dunno but it's horrifying and I'm glad he died a few years back.

Also subby this is all I could think about after your headline

He does the voice for the tf2 scout. The guy who does the voice for the sniper and the woman who does the for voice GlaDOS are married. They must have some interesting conversations if they get into character at home and I would pay good money to hear them arguing while in character.
 
2014-08-14 11:12:37 AM  

dittybopper: vudukungfu: dittybopper: If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance

Like a Politics thread?


vudukungfu: oldfarthenry: So one could be a complete asshole without fear of physical reprisals?

Like I said.
Politics tab.

I have to say, this is really one of the best comebacks I've seen on Fark in quite a while.  I doff my cap to you, Sir.  A hearty "Well done!" from me.


The three of us have been round long enough to enjoy a ribbing and a laugh.
 
2014-08-14 11:16:18 AM  

dittybopper: If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....


This is really sad, and I feel for the victim's family. But I'm happy that gun violence in Canada (where I live) is quite low and would love to keep it that way.
 
2014-08-14 11:16:23 AM  

Queensowntalia: The suspect claims he didn't do it, but his defense is pretty shaky.



www.reactiongifs.us
 
2014-08-14 11:18:59 AM  

A Terrible Human: My fiance's ex father in law was murdered when one of his cousins stabbed him with a huge knife in the sternum and just kept going up. How he did it dunno but it's horrifying and I'm glad he died a few years back.


Oh boy typos ahoy.
img.fark.net
 
F42
2014-08-14 11:21:50 AM  
Mohamed Ali, 27, has been arrested and charged with attempted murder and aggravated assault. Police are seeking one more suspect

If you know where Cassius Clay is hiding, contact them!
 
2014-08-14 11:24:23 AM  

oldfarthenry: dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....

So one could be a complete asshole without fear of physical reprisals? Besides, hockey brawls would be short & boring (after the body hits the ice).


You have a god given right to be an asshole.

You do not have a right to physically attack someone for being an asshole.

If you cannot resist the urge to attack an asshole you deserve a bullet to the gut and a jail cell if you live.
 
2014-08-14 12:15:11 PM  

Cynicism101: dittybopper: If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....

This is really sad, and I feel for the victim's family. But I'm happy that gun violence in Canada (where I live) is quite low and would love to keep it that way.


In parts of Canada the overall homicide rate is worse than the rate for the United States as a whole.  Double to 3 times worse, in fact.

/Don't move north.
 
2014-08-14 12:16:58 PM  
Has anyone made any Bon Jovi puns yet? I only looked at the 1st four posts.
 
2014-08-14 12:48:00 PM  

danielscissorhands: Has anyone made any Bon Jovi puns yet? I only looked at the 1st four posts.


Good practice would be to spell out "first" if the following number is also spelled out.

/And it's actually a Burma Shave joke
 
2014-08-14 01:19:39 PM  

kendelrio: Apparently subtard couldn't go for the obvious Mohammed Ali connection.

Has to go with a horrible pun.

/subby's an ass.


See:

Queensowntalia: The suspect claims he didn't do it, but his defense is pretty shaky.


I don't know why I even bother anymore.  Most of the submissions in main fall into 3 categories:

C&P of the article headline.
Blatant (and unfunny) misrepresentation of the contents of the article (click bait)
Trite/Cliche paraphrasing
 
2014-08-14 02:07:31 PM  
While I agree anyone who walks around with there head stuck in there phone needs a good smacking. Stabbing them in the heart is a bit over kill.
 
2014-08-14 02:09:26 PM  
If only he had had the foresight to pay attention to where he was walking, then those losers wouldn't have been forced to act like bloodthirsty animals over a mistake.
 
2014-08-14 02:11:42 PM  

roc6783: dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....

This is Canada, so I'm guessing skates and a hockey stick?

//My fat finger typing on mobile originally had that the last words as "hickey stuck". I almost left it, but the story isn't about Alabama.


Now if only the attack had happened while each side had some sort of distance on one another! Then Dittybopper might finally be able to ejaculate!
 
2014-08-14 10:18:01 PM  

The My Little Pony Killer: roc6783: dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....

This is Canada, so I'm guessing skates and a hockey stick?

//My fat finger typing on mobile originally had that the last words as "hickey stuck". I almost left it, but the story isn't about Alabama.

Now if only the attack had happened while each side had some sort of distance on one another! Then Dittybopper might finally be able to ejaculate!


I uhhh...ok, then. May want to check the warning label on your prescription.
 
2014-08-14 10:18:45 PM  

roc6783: The My Little Pony Killer: roc6783: dittybopper: vudukungfu: The 33-year-old was "well disciplined" in fighting techniques, and originally fought the two attackers off before one of the suspects pulled out a knife and stabbed him, police allege.

Apparently not.

If only there were some kind of device that would allow one to effectively engage multiple attackers at a safe distance....

This is Canada, so I'm guessing skates and a hockey stick?

//My fat finger typing on mobile originally had that the last words as "hickey stuck". I almost left it, but the story isn't about Alabama.

Now if only the attack had happened while each side had some sort of distance on one another! Then Dittybopper might finally be able to ejaculate!

I uhhh...ok, then. May want to check the warning label on your prescription.


Or have some pancakes with real maple syrup. That always helps me.
 
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