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(NBC Philadelphia)   Drunk Dad locks children out of the house, tells them to go search for seashells, presumably to sell by the sea shore   (nbcphiladelphia.com) divider line 38
    More: Dumbass  
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3007 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Aug 2014 at 2:12 PM (40 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



38 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-08-13 12:48:23 PM  
Parents have been doing this for years.

/dnrtfa
 
2014-08-13 01:39:09 PM  

JoieD'Zen: Parents have been doing this for years.

/dnrtfa


I'm assuming you didn't grow up in landlocked Western PA ;-)
 
2014-08-13 02:14:20 PM  
I don't see the problem.
 
2014-08-13 02:18:14 PM  
There's a drunken man in the house. Locking them outside is just a good safety precaution. Dad of the Year!
 
2014-08-13 02:19:55 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-08-13 02:23:13 PM  
Get me some Propwash,
some flightline
a sky hook
"souffle pump"
"left handed screwdriver",
"board stretcher",
"eye measures",
"hammer grease",
"wall expander",
"glass hammer",
"striped or tartan paint",
"box of assorted knots"
"red lamp oil for the port running light" or  "green lamp oil for the starboard running light"
"brass magnet"
ID10T form
Spare spots for the spot welder
Blinker fluid
Box of grid squares
White ink for the inkjet printer
 
2014-08-13 02:26:05 PM  
Well? Did they find any?
 
2014-08-13 02:26:14 PM  
What a conch.
 
2014-08-13 02:26:57 PM  
It's my house! And if you don't like it, you can get the fark out! That's right motherfarker, I'm drunk, I'm beautiful. And if you don't like it, kiss my ass, motherfaker!

/Goony googoo!
 
2014-08-13 02:29:01 PM  

Diogenes: JoieD'Zen: Parents have been doing this for years.

/dnrtfa

I'm assuming you didn't grow up in landlocked Western PA ;-)


Well, by the time they find some and return he ought to be sober by then, now wouldn't he?
 
2014-08-13 02:30:12 PM  
We were locked out and told to rake the yard.  These kids are lucky!
 
2014-08-13 02:31:12 PM  
Was it the dad from 'Gullah Gullah Island'?
 
2014-08-13 02:31:24 PM  
Lucky for the kids it wasn't wintertime.
 
2014-08-13 02:31:47 PM  
My dad did this all the time.  My did didn't drink though

/we had a strict curfew, could be home before 11:00 pm
 
2014-08-13 02:31:48 PM  
FTA-- He fought with police as well.
(translation-- They kicked his a$$ and added a resisting to his rap sheet)
 
2014-08-13 02:33:29 PM  
...and this is the thanks I get.
 
2014-08-13 02:34:27 PM  
Let me see if I get this. Getting fed up with the kids and telling them to get the fark out of the house for a while is considered endangering the welfare of children. If you walk out of the house yourself and leave the kids by themselves it's also endangering the welfare of children. You're farked either way.
 
2014-08-13 02:34:49 PM  
Westmoreland county trifecta in play?
 
2014-08-13 02:35:07 PM  
Usually, when I was locked out of the house it was accompanied by, "Go outside and play, and I don't want to hear one more word about how bored you are!"
 
2014-08-13 02:36:31 PM  
We bought you a noose for Fathers Day.
 
2014-08-13 02:38:02 PM  
I was told to go play in traffic.
 
2014-08-13 02:38:06 PM  
Caligula?
 
2014-08-13 02:39:23 PM  

Guilty_plea_bargain: I was told to go play in traffic.


I dream of playing in the traffic. I was instructed to get lost in a hole...


/thus, how I found subby's mom
 
2014-08-13 02:41:21 PM  

Earthworm Jim Jones: Was it the dad from 'Gullah Gullah Island'?


They hit hard times after the show was canceled.

Poor Binyah Binyah... but at least his meat lasted them through the winter.
 
2014-08-13 02:42:03 PM  
These kids are just pissed that they had to go outside.
 
2014-08-13 02:49:02 PM  
My step coont used to kick me out so she could smoke pot. She'd tell me to go take a walk because I needed to lose weight. One day I just decided to keep walking. I was gone for hours. When I got home she was freaking out because she thought something bad had happened. She went through all the scenarios that had haunted her pot addled mind- I was hit by a car, I was kidnapped, I had run away, I got lost, I was hurt. When I asked if she had called anyone she got really quiet and tried to change the subject. I knew as well as she did that the main reason she was freaking out was because she thought something had happened but she was too stoned and paranoid to call the cops. I realized that I had the upper hand. When dad got home she didn't say anything. I waited until dinner and sheepishly apologized to my dad for causing so much trouble and scaring my step mom so badly, I just really wanted to walk and lose weight. He had no idea what I was talking about (of course) and this forced her to tell him what happened. Needless to say she spent the rest of the evening getting her ass chewed out for being irresponsible while I played innocent.
biatch never tried to kick me out of the house again.
CSB
 
2014-08-13 02:53:06 PM  

ReapTheChaos: Let me see if I get this. Getting fed up with the kids and telling them to get the fark out of the house for a while is considered endangering the welfare of children. If you walk out of the house yourself and leave the kids by themselves it's also endangering the welfare of children. You're farked either way.


Not really, the oldest is 14 if he had said I have to go out for a bit, you are baby sitting, I don't see what the problem would be, unless the house was unsafe.
 
2014-08-13 02:55:56 PM  
I just RTFA.

14 year old couldn't hang out with the other kids for a bit but was able to walk them all, in the dark, to a neighbor's house?
Maybe the kids were being sh*theads and he put them out for a few while he cooled off.
What are they doing while he is in jail?
 
2014-08-13 03:04:56 PM  

redsquid: My step coont used to kick me out so she could smoke pot. She'd tell me to go take a walk because I needed to lose weight. One day I just decided to keep walking. I was gone for hours. When I got home she was freaking out because she thought something bad had happened. She went through all the scenarios that had haunted her pot addled mind- I was hit by a car, I was kidnapped, I had run away, I got lost, I was hurt. When I asked if she had called anyone she got really quiet and tried to change the subject. I knew as well as she did that the main reason she was freaking out was because she thought something had happened but she was too stoned and paranoid to call the cops. I realized that I had the upper hand. When dad got home she didn't say anything. I waited until dinner and sheepishly apologized to my dad for causing so much trouble and scaring my step mom so badly, I just really wanted to walk and lose weight. He had no idea what I was talking about (of course) and this forced her to tell him what happened. Needless to say she spent the rest of the evening getting her ass chewed out for being irresponsible while I played innocent.
biatch never tried to kick me out of the house again.
CSB


I have a much darker csb.  When my step mother moved in (i was 19 or so) of course she got to park in the garage because she had to nice car my dad bought her, and I was outside.  I come home one night from my 3 to 11pm work shift, walk around to the service door and I'm startled by the sound of an engine on.  I turn on the light and there she is, slumped over in her new car with the engine going, in an enclosed area.  I turn off the car, I shake her, 'nancy! nancy! wake up'.  I hear her snoring and I'm thinking what the hell is going on.  I go inside the first thing I see is a liter bottle of Capt Morgan almost polished off.  What was she thinking?  Was she trying to go somewhere, was she trying to kill herself?  I go through my routine watch old ep of Taxi and M.A.S.H. and go check on her at 3 am and she's still asleep.  But what popped into my head was that I could have just turned around and left her in there to die.  I don't know what happened dad, after work I went to a buddy's house to play games and just crashed on his couch.  To this day I've still never brought it up to her.
 
2014-08-13 03:05:20 PM  

ReapTheChaos: Let me see if I get this. Getting fed up with the kids and telling them to get the fark out of the house for a while is considered endangering the welfare of children. If you walk out of the house yourself and leave the kids by themselves it's also endangering the welfare of children. You're farked either way.


I like it. Now we just need to increase the length of the sentence.
 
2014-08-13 03:36:28 PM  

redsquid: My step coont used to kick me out so she could smoke pot. She'd tell me to go take a walk because I needed to lose weight. One day I just decided to keep walking. I was gone for hours. When I got home she was freaking out because she thought something bad had happened. She went through all the scenarios that had haunted her pot addled mind- I was hit by a car, I was kidnapped, I had run away, I got lost, I was hurt. When I asked if she had called anyone she got really quiet and tried to change the subject. I knew as well as she did that the main reason she was freaking out was because she thought something had happened but she was too stoned and paranoid to call the cops. I realized that I had the upper hand. When dad got home she didn't say anything. I waited until dinner and sheepishly apologized to my dad for causing so much trouble and scaring my step mom so badly, I just really wanted to walk and lose weight. He had no idea what I was talking about (of course) and this forced her to tell him what happened. Needless to say she spent the rest of the evening getting her ass chewed out for being irresponsible while I played innocent.
biatch never tried to kick me out of the house again.
CSB


You were just mad she was hogging the weed, weren't you?
 
2014-08-13 04:08:37 PM  
Did they check the bathroom? There should be 3 in there.
 
2014-08-13 04:14:12 PM  

Cheron: My dad did this all the time.  My did didn't drink though

/we had a strict curfew, could be home before 11:00 pm


That's how it was with us. Sat morning we had until 10 to finish watching cartoons. The we were shoved out the door and the door was locked. Lunch would be on the porch at 12, there is water in the garden hose. Be back when the street lights come on. I think this was pretty normal back in those days. Now a days if you see a kid out on the street, it is something suspicious. God forbid anyone go play outside anymore.
 
2014-08-13 04:23:20 PM  

redsquid: My step coont used to kick me out so she could smoke pot. She'd tell me to go take a walk because I needed to lose weight. One day I just decided to keep walking. I was gone for hours. When I got home she was freaking out because she thought something bad had happened. She went through all the scenarios that had haunted her pot addled mind- I was hit by a car, I was kidnapped, I had run away, I got lost, I was hurt. When I asked if she had called anyone she got really quiet and tried to change the subject. I knew as well as she did that the main reason she was freaking out was because she thought something had happened but she was too stoned and paranoid to call the cops. I realized that I had the upper hand. When dad got home she didn't say anything. I waited until dinner and sheepishly apologized to my dad for causing so much trouble and scaring my step mom so badly, I just really wanted to walk and lose weight. He had no idea what I was talking about (of course) and this forced her to tell him what happened. Needless to say she spent the rest of the evening getting her ass chewed out for being irresponsible while I played innocent.
biatch never tried to kick me out of the house again.
CSB


How come you didn't like to be outside in the first place? Some kids don't even have an outside to play in. Sounds like she was trying to improve the quality of both of your lives and you were mad that you couldn't watch your cartoons or play your Atari. Harshing someone's mellow for spite is what jerk offs and asshats do. I hope you lost weight and grew up.
 
2014-08-13 04:47:39 PM  
Or to cover Lady Gaga's bosom, apparently.

/ not sure if child abuse or not.
 
2014-08-14 12:20:01 AM  
I had a babysitter in kindergarten that would do this, until one day her daughter and I decided to check out the deep freeze on the neighbor's back porch.  There were strawberries in there, and they were delicious.  When she called us for lunch, we came back with our shirts and faces smeared with strawberry juice.  She was hysterical for a few moments until she realized it wasn't blood, then she was furious that a couple of unsupervised five-year-olds had gotten into something they shouldn't have.  She never did that again, though.

/She also wouldn't let us have anything to drink until after we finished our meals.  Evil wench.
 
2014-08-14 07:41:17 AM  
content8.flixster.com
 
2014-08-14 01:35:40 PM  
That only works for girls.  (It's "SHE sells sea shells", remember, guys?)
 
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