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(New Statesman)   Giant panda sex expert explains how hard it is to get panda bears to have sex with each other   (newstatesman.com) divider line 32
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749 clicks; posted to Geek » on 12 Aug 2014 at 2:34 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



32 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-08-12 11:21:30 AM  
Doesn't look that tall to me.
 
2014-08-12 11:26:20 AM  
The panda expert is a giant?
 
2014-08-12 11:28:41 AM  
Well, duh. Tiger penis and rhinoceros horn is pretty ineffective on vegetarians.

Or on anything not a tiger or a rhino.
 
2014-08-12 11:49:18 AM  
You know who I blame here. That's right...

persephonemagazine.com
 
2014-08-12 11:51:04 AM  
Darwin explains this very well.
 
2014-08-12 11:57:10 AM  
img.fark.net
What a panda sex expert might look like.
 
2014-08-12 12:06:13 PM  
"Stop farking with my shiat!"

www.iup.edu

Really, the only tool in their self preservation toolbox is that they look like stuffed animal carnival prizes so no one wants them to go extinct.
 
2014-08-12 01:31:57 PM  
When you spend most of your time hanging around and eating long thick poles of ribbed bamboo...let's just say I could see why neither panda wants to make love.
 
2014-08-12 01:36:40 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-08-12 02:36:00 PM  
simpsonswiki.com
 
2014-08-12 02:44:32 PM  
oi61.tinypic.com
img.fark.net
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2014-08-12 02:44:55 PM  

Chris Ween: Darwin explains this very well.


So does Idiocracy.
 
2014-08-12 02:47:03 PM  
Well the internet is filled with plenty of evidence of bears mating.  You should go ahead and GIS (safe search off of course)...
 
2014-08-12 02:52:22 PM  
Do we really need pandas?
 
2014-08-12 03:12:11 PM  
I read an article a couple years ago that asked whether we should be going to such great and expensive efforts to rescue a species that seemed to be on its way out. As I remember, it made a pretty good case that pandas were going extinct because of their mostly non-nutritious diet and territory needs. And some other things....
Off to google...
 
2014-08-12 03:17:39 PM  
A panda sex expert? Is that like a pick-up artist who specializes in endangered species?
 
2014-08-12 03:18:21 PM  
Didn't Seanbaby already cover this?
 
2014-08-12 03:20:22 PM  
Roofies work.

/So I'm told.
 
2014-08-12 03:21:21 PM  
Sure, Pandas are cute and all, but if they aren't willing to do the *one* thing that is required of a successful species...
 
2014-08-12 03:30:39 PM  

thetrenchcoat: Do we really need pandas?


Yes, because humans need a species we can point to that's more useless and self-destructive than ourselves.
 
2014-08-12 03:36:50 PM  

bdub77: Yes, because humans need a species we can point to that's more useless and self-destructive than ourselves.


There were an estimated 5 million people on earth 10,000 years ago. Today it's 7 billion.
 
2014-08-12 03:45:03 PM  

farkeruk: bdub77: Yes, because humans need a species we can point to that's more useless and self-destructive than ourselves.

There were an estimated 5 million people on earth 10,000 years ago. Today it's 7 billion.


You are obviously very good at math.

Look we found someone that has a use! Let's breed them!
 
2014-08-12 03:49:42 PM  
www.bite.ca
 
2014-08-12 03:51:30 PM  

quatchi: You know who I blame here. That's right...

[persephonemagazine.com image 400x300]


I think the south park episode you want to use for this situation would be:

www.nowcultured.com
 
2014-08-12 04:18:45 PM  

thetrenchcoat: Do we really need pandas?


Gonzee: I read an article a couple years ago that asked whether we should be going to such great and expensive efforts to rescue a species that seemed to be on its way out. As I remember, it made a pretty good case that pandas were going extinct because of their mostly non-nutritious diet and territory needs. And some other things....
Off to google...


Their numbers are small enough that they don't have much ecological impact good or bad, so they could disappear tomorrow and things wouldn't change much. That's not to say that they don't have potential value - in 30 years we may find that one of the enzymes they use to process bamboo turns out to cure pancreatic cancer - but if you're going to prioritize on saving species, pandas are pretty far down the list.

Bees, bats, coral, snakes, spiders... if they die off we are well and truly farked.
 
2014-08-12 04:46:02 PM  
The problem is pandas in captivity are bored, so they tend to get overstimulated too soon, spending so much time sniffing and licking the other panda that they climax before intromission, after which the male tends to lose interest and walk away.

Hence the panda's reputation: eats shoots and leaves.
 
2014-08-12 05:25:51 PM  
Have they tried Colt .45?
 
2014-08-12 06:01:49 PM  

ArkPanda: Have they tried Colt .45?


how often does it work?
 
2014-08-12 07:07:26 PM  

Meatybrain: The problem is pandas in captivity are bored, so they tend to get overstimulated too soon, spending so much time sniffing and licking the other panda that they climax before intromission, after which the male tends to lose interest and walk away.

Hence the panda's reputation: eats shoots and leaves.


I have the same problem.
 
2014-08-12 11:11:52 PM  
If they would stop forcing the pandas to get married, maybe the female would put out on occasion instead of eating Haagen Dazs in bed.
 
2014-08-12 11:14:16 PM  
In all seriousness, pandas are in an evolutionary dead end.  The massive resources been spent to keep them going is reducing what is available for species that might have a chance of survival.
 
2014-08-13 12:32:08 PM  

escherblacksmith: ArkPanda: Have they tried Colt .45?

how often does it work?


coolwatersprods.com
 
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