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(Uproxx)   This guy isn't getting his bike back, but at least the entire internet knows he cleverly called the thief a douchebag   (uproxx.com ) divider line
    More: Amusing  
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13836 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2014 at 4:32 PM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-12 04:03:44 PM  
He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.
 
2014-08-12 04:35:42 PM  
I guess thieves are worse than bicyclists.
 
2014-08-12 04:36:09 PM  
I guess I should return his bike now, that note really made me feel bad.
 
2014-08-12 04:37:50 PM  
If only he rolled on coal, this wouldn't have happened.
 
2014-08-12 04:39:19 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


It's the UK, we all know that MI-6 technology has been commercialized since Goldfinger and is available at any corner newsagent.
 
2014-08-12 04:39:24 PM  
 
2014-08-12 04:40:59 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


it sounds like it should be...

first google search gave me this

encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com

however, not practical.  costs $50, and has a 2 day battery life.

meh, maybe it's worth it, if you can charge it everyday and you have an expensive bike... although, not sure how to put inside the frame, more likely to just get knocked off.
 
2014-08-12 04:42:11 PM  
also, my all time favorite bike thief post:
images.elephantjournal.com
 
2014-08-12 04:42:19 PM  

mikefinch: Obligatory:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=m68-oWBh9Ow


came here for this. thank you :)
 
2014-08-12 04:42:54 PM  
That notes just drips with impotent rage. Go shake your tiny fist somewhere else (within walking distance).
 
2014-08-12 04:44:20 PM  
I imagine that even if he did have a tracker in the frame (you can buy ones that your kids wear, so it's not actually impossible), the metal frame would prevent the signal from being detectable.

I also imagine the thief sold it before getting home, probably for $20, enough to score some drugs. (That's why they get stolen here in Baltimore.) Maybe a tracker would get your bike back, maybe you could get someone arrested for receipt of stolen goods (doubtful), but you're never catching that thief.
 
2014-08-12 04:44:34 PM  
my bike got stolen in college. It was intense. I got huffy. Schwinn is it the right time to call the cops? I didn't want to make a federal case out of it. But they should have a specialized guy that locates bikes. I bet his name would be Gary Fisher. I just took a trek around the neighborhood for a couple days. It was a giant pain in the ass. Never found it. That wasn't ideal.
 
2014-08-12 04:46:01 PM  
thepinksmoke.com
 
2014-08-12 04:47:20 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


Such technology does exist and is widely and cheaply available.  San Francisco PD actually uses it - they put out "bait bikes".  Seriously.

I think the guy who posted that note is full of shiat though because if I had a tracker on my bike and it got stolen, I'd be talking to the police about getting it back rather than writing notes to the thieves.

And what is this shiat about giving them until the end of the week?  If my bike got stolen, I'd want it back this instant - not in a few days.

And if I were the thief, I would have already sold it.
 
2014-08-12 04:54:42 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


Not only that, but bike thieves are big readers who will totally see his notice.

/Had a bike stolen from a rack in front of a federal building, in the middle of the work day. Taught me not to use cheap bike locks. Fortunately, it was a cheap bike that I hated, and gave me an excuse to get my first real bike.
 
2014-08-12 04:55:15 PM  
Oh, another one of these....

/yawn
 
2014-08-12 04:58:07 PM  

busy chillin': my bike got stolen in college. It was intense. I got huffy. Schwinn is it the right time to call the cops? I didn't want to make a federal case out of it. But they should have a specialized guy that locates bikes. I bet his name would be Gary Fisher. I just took a trek around the neighborhood for a couple days. It was a giant pain in the ass. Never found it. That wasn't ideal.


Jamis feel Raleigh terrible about all those puns.
 
2014-08-12 04:58:09 PM  
But but but...He says he has a pitcher of da thief and he knows where he lives. That thief is so screwed.
 
2014-08-12 04:59:13 PM  
The second a decent bike tracker is developed I'll be buying one.  My bike isn't worth much anymore but it has a ton of sentimental value (bought as a gift by my friends&family years ago)
 
2014-08-12 05:02:39 PM  
Well, the entire internet just saw him pull an Internet Tough Guy act on the internet.

I don't know about Her Majesty's Finest, but in the US if you go to the policy with the GPS coordinates of your lost personal property, if they stop laughing long enough, they'll hand you a form to file a report for insurance.  Minor property crimes don't get investigated here.
 
2014-08-12 05:07:41 PM  
Aw, come ON! Can't believe I'm the first:
www.boulderblueline.org
 
2014-08-12 05:10:50 PM  

pute kisses like a man: also, my all time favorite bike thief post:
[images.elephantjournal.com image 502x667]


This is probably the best way to go.
 
2014-08-12 05:15:16 PM  
I'm sure this guy was waiting to have someone steal his bike so he can post that smarmy message. Bike thieves can't even read.
 
2014-08-12 05:15:48 PM  
So the thief should upgrade this petty theft to murder to keep his identity secret?
 
2014-08-12 05:17:23 PM  
And who knows, with all this evidence maybe the boys at Scotland Yard are working in shifts to retrieve the grey Giant?

i.ytimg.com

Auto Circus Cop: [the Dude asks the Auto Circus Cop if there are any leads on who stole his beater car] Leads, yeah, sure. I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab, they've got four more detectives working on the case. They got us working in shifts!

[laughs]

Auto Circus Cop: Leads!

[laughs as he walks away]
 
2014-08-12 05:19:38 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


If such a thing were available, I'd put it into my bikeframe.

(just remove the seat. The hole there goes into the frame).
 
2014-08-12 05:23:54 PM  
thefilmreview.com
/nothing is obscure on Fark.
 
2014-08-12 05:28:58 PM  
Well, it's good to know that there's a week's grace period for the thief to "come to his senses" and realize that he should "straighten up and fly right", or there might be some consequences to his actions.  Otherwise, someone will call on him, and he'll have to say, "What bike?".  And then it's worse, because it won't be just that he stole the bike.  Oh no.  It will be that he LIED about it.
 
2014-08-12 05:41:22 PM  
If I were a serial bike thief, this note would make me feel a great sense of empowerment and I'd be overcome with strong desires to steal more bikes to recapture that feeling.  My crime shall be my obsession, and my technique will become more perfect with each endeavor.

Also, I might hang around and steal this very person's bike at every chance for thinking I'm so stupid as to believe his 'tarded note.  I might leave a note of my own saying he deserved it.
 
2014-08-12 05:49:38 PM  

Cyber_Junk: The second a decent bike tracker is developed I'll be buying one.  My bike isn't worth much anymore but it has a ton of sentimental value (bought as a gift by my friends&family years ago)


First result I found on Google costs $130, and goes 3-4 weeks on a charge.

Bike Spike
 
2014-08-12 06:14:40 PM  

Nana's Vibrator: If I were a serial bike thief, this note would make me feel a great sense of empowerment and I'd be overcome with strong desires to steal more bikes to recapture that feeling.  My crime shall be my obsession, and my technique will become more perfect with each endeavor.

Also, I might hang around and steal this very person's bike at every chance for thinking I'm so stupid as to believe his 'tarded note.  I might leave a note of my own saying he deserved it.


I, for one, welcome our new bike-stealing overlord.
 
2014-08-12 06:17:22 PM  
I can't believe this hasn't been posted yet. (maybe nsfw)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd63P7mYXzo
 
2014-08-12 06:22:39 PM  

12monkeys: [thefilmreview.com image 620x350]
/nothing is obscure on Fark.


The Bicycle Thief is obscure?  It's on like... every movie critic's list of greatest films. :)
 
2014-08-12 06:27:08 PM  
Am I the only one who thinks thieves are bad people, who should be punished? "He was askin' for it.' That argument doesn't work for rape, it shouldn't work for theft...

/treat thieves of transport like they used to in the old west.
 
2014-08-12 06:49:24 PM  

GDubDub: Well, the entire internet just saw him pull an Internet Tough Guy act on the internet.

I don't know about Her Majesty's Finest, but in the US if you go to the policy with the GPS coordinates of your lost personal property, if they stop laughing long enough, they'll hand you a form to file a report for insurance.  Minor property crimes don't get investigated here.


I've gotten the FBI and CHP to recover stolen computers for me a few times.

If you're handing them an easy arrest on a silver platter. I had the IP addresses, photos of the thieves taken on the webcam, as well as in most of the cases the persons full name.

Every time they recovered other stolen property, and in one case a shiatton of meth that the guy had just cooked up.
 
2014-08-12 06:50:37 PM  
Bike thieves are low down, worthless scum.

I once chased one down the street with an abnormally large bladed weapon. He pissed his pants and dropped my bike, and I still chased him until he was long gone. He shouldn't have tried to steal my bike from my patio in the wee hours of the night when I was still awake and in the room adjacent to the patio.


When I commuted by bike, I made sure to have an excessive amount of locks. I had a U-lock, and two chain locks-- One for each wheel. Sometimes I also added a large chain around the whole bike, almost Pee-Wee style. My bike was never stolen after that. It would have been too damned much hassle to try.
 
2014-08-12 06:52:44 PM  

Tony_Pepperoni: I can't believe this hasn't been posted yet. (maybe nsfw)  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd63P7mYXzo


You're the man now, dog.
 
2014-08-12 06:58:35 PM  
...then everyone in the theater clapped
 
2014-08-12 07:04:44 PM  
Some kids here pulled a sapling tree out of the ground to get the bike chained to it. One of those trees in a planter on a city sidewalk right on front of the bar!
 
2014-08-12 07:55:15 PM  
I want to play poker with this kid.
 
2014-08-12 10:46:30 PM  

redsquid: That notes just drips with impotent rage. Go shake your tiny fist somewhere else (within walking distance).


The tracer in the frame is run on a quantum battery entangled with his impotent range. He'll get that bike back, but only if he can maintain his rage.
 
2014-08-12 11:50:06 PM  
I think the 'one week to return it' kind of implies there really isn't a tracker inside it.

morg: The tracer in the frame is run on a quantum battery entangled with his impotent range. He'll get that bike back, but only if he can maintain his rage.


How hard would it be to design a pedal powered charger that didn't look obvious?  (Obviously, lojack is a possibility for bikes, but it seems a charger to keep it going very long would be hard to hide.)  Of course, you'd have to hope the bike thief wasn't like most Americans- I mean, I own a bike.  It's had a flat tire for 3 years and it's just taking up space in my closet, but I own it.  A theoretical lojack wouldn't be powered, but it would still be there.  (Neighbor has an electric assist bike.  I'd be really worried about that being stolen, which is a shame.  That might actually make it out of the closet once or twice a year.)
 
2014-08-13 07:28:28 AM  
Homeless guy to me, as I carry my half-dismantled bike to a shop for repairs, after a theif took what he could and fled:  Bike theives will pay on judgement day."  Me to homelessg guy: Amen, brother.

/end CSB
 
2014-08-13 04:25:09 PM  

unlikely: He totally does have a tracker inside the frame. That technology is widely and cheaply available and it is easy as anything to put that inside a bike frame.


LOL.
 
2014-08-13 04:36:16 PM  

fang06554: Cyber_Junk: The second a decent bike tracker is developed I'll be buying one.  My bike isn't worth much anymore but it has a ton of sentimental value (bought as a gift by my friends&family years ago)

First result I found on Google costs $130, and goes 3-4 weeks on a charge.

Bike Spike


Or, spend the same amount and never again worry.

cdn.mos.bikeradar.com

Makes the other bikes MUCH more attractive targets.

Added bonus: thighs like iron.
 
2014-08-13 05:10:42 PM  

Finger51: fang06554: Cyber_Junk: The second a decent bike tracker is developed I'll be buying one.  My bike isn't worth much anymore but it has a ton of sentimental value (bought as a gift by my friends&family years ago)

First result I found on Google costs $130, and goes 3-4 weeks on a charge.

Bike Spike

Or, spend the same amount and never again worry.

[cdn.mos.bikeradar.com image 700x525]

Makes the other bikes MUCH more attractive targets.

Added bonus: thighs like iron.


of course, that's when some asshat just takes a tire.

/ someone i know has some kind of special keyed screws for his tires and seat that require the key to loosen.  or something.  i don't remember.  the set would have cost more the 2 of my bikes, so i didn't listen closely.
 
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