Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(When On Earth)   Attention tourists: If you're visiting the United States there are some things you can do to blend in, including adding ice to every drink, call football soccer, and brag about being dumb   (whenonearth.net ) divider line
    More: Obvious, strict rules  
•       •       •

10814 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2014 at 7:23 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



328 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-08-12 11:40:38 AM  
I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.
 
2014-08-12 11:42:36 AM  

NakedDrummer: The_Sponge: NakedDrummer: From all my travels, I found that every place prefers American tourists to European tourists, even in Europe.

During my last overseas trip, I had a really nice conversation with this older guy (about 75) at this restaurant in Prague.

I eventually asked him which country provided the most annoying tourists in Prague, and then hoped he didn't say the U.S.

His answer wasn't even country specific, it was city specific:

"Liverpool."

He then explained that tourists from Liverpool tend to be unemployed soccer hooligans who drink too much.

/CSB.

That's about the same sentiment I got in Amsterdam.  We would avoid the bars where all the English were hanging out, especially if soccer was on the TV.


Most Americans think of the English as comical ponces. A lot of real English tourists are SCARY; they like to fight, and it's easy and relatively cheap for them to travel around Europe getting shiatfaced. You can say one thing for American tourism: we leave our punchy, stabby assholes at home. I'll take a stupid, loud-mouthed fat guy over a skinhead with anger-management issues any day.
 
2014-08-12 11:45:20 AM  
There are uneducated hicks in every country. Ours are just more famous.
 
2014-08-12 11:48:38 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?


We got good at making entertaining TV decades before European countries (who handled it as a government information/cultural enrichment service at first), and got hooked on it from early childhood. You'll catch up.

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

This is true of chain restaurants, and it's one reason we're so fat. They can charge more for big portions, and labor is a fixed cost, so they make more profit per portion with oversized portions. You can avoid this by eating at local places, super fancy places, or some ethnic cuisines (Japanese, say, but not Mexican). Again, this trend is likely on its way around the world.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

New Yorkers aren't rude, just aggressive. They're more likely to aggressively friendly than not, but don't piss them off.
 
2014-08-12 11:49:32 AM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?


Advertising and information.

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

i.ytimg.com


Other Italian Guy: And you thought Germans were classless pieces of sh*t.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

NYC welcomes us with warm loving arms, provided we don't stop suddenly in the middle of rush hour pedestrian traffic to instagram a pigeon or throw trash on the ground.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.

Yeah, if you only buy "American chocolate" at the impulse purchase rack at the supermarket.
 
2014-08-12 11:51:45 AM  

doubled99: There are uneducated hicks in every country. Ours are just more famous.


Hell, we've even had (Harvard and Yale educated millionaire sons of blue blood nepotists) presidents hell bent on acting like them.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 11:53:04 AM  

LemSkroob: Part of the issue with Ice in Europe, and keeping drinks cold, is that energy costs are so damn expensive over there (2-4x more than US average in some countries) its prohibitive to bother with ice machines, or keeping refrigerated drinks at low temperatures. The overhead costs for bars and restaurants would kill them if they had to max out all that equipment.


So their dislike of ice is just sour grapes?
 
2014-08-12 11:55:31 AM  
38.media.tumblr.com
USA!  USA!  USA!
 
2014-08-12 11:56:00 AM  

Ant: All warm beer tastes like shiat, in my opinion.


That's because you drink swill.
 
2014-08-12 11:59:32 AM  

LazyMedia: Most Americans think of the English as comical ponces. A lot of real English tourists are SCARY; they like to fight, and it's easy and relatively cheap for them to travel around Europe getting shiatfaced. You can say one thing for American tourism: we leave our punchy, stabby assholes at home. I'll take a stupid, loud-mouthed fat guy over a skinhead with anger-management issues any day.


Those people exist no doubt, but no way are they the majority. They just make it to the newspapers more frequently. Also we herd them like cattle to Magaluf for their holidays, so they can leave the rest of us alone...

/went to Magaluf this year, never again... actually, so long as you accept it'll be horrible and the people are scum it can be quite amusing. Just go stay in Palma, get a bus to Magaluf, do not stay there, under any circumstance.
 
2014-08-12 12:00:50 PM  

thamike: God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

Advertising and information.

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

[i.ytimg.com image 480x360]

Other Italian Guy: And you thought Germans were classless pieces of sh*t.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

NYC welcomes us with warm loving arms, provided we don't stop suddenly in the middle of rush hour pedestrian traffic to instagram a pigeon or throw trash on the ground.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.

Yeah, if you only buy "American chocolate" at the impulse purchase rack at the supermarket.


Low end chocolate is low end chocolate.

Better to compare with Godiva or Ghirardelli.
 
2014-08-12 12:02:37 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.


1) Advertising.  You'll notice those aren't the networks playing in the cabs and lobbies.  I don't know why they do it at coffeeshops and bars.  I can't stop looking.  They hypnotize me.

2) I don't eat out often, when I do I either over eat or eat a really nice meal.

3) I recognize this.  People complain about New Yorkers particularly too much.  I found them quite friendly.

4) The beer is fairly new (I doubt you meant budwiser and miller).  Blame Hershey for the chocolate.  He loaded his chocolate with cream and sugar and rolled it out cheaply on a massive scale.
 
2014-08-12 12:03:01 PM  
No.

It's a misunderstanding. It costs much less to produce ice than the drink even in Europe. (The drink goes through heating and cooling cycles in a factory)... maintaining ice doesn't take that much power.


Europeans feel gypped when they order a drink and get half ice. It's like being cheated of half of what you ordered.

Most simply don't realise you can get free refills of drink in most US restaurants
 
2014-08-12 12:05:25 PM  

mike_d85: God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.

1) Advertising.  You'll notice those aren't the networks playing in the cabs and lobbies.  I don't know why they do it at coffeeshops and bars.  I can't stop looking.  They hypnotize me.

2) I don't eat out often, when I do I either over eat or eat a really nice meal.

3) I recognize this.  People complain about New Yorkers particularly too much.  I found them quite friendly.

4) The beer is fairly new (I doubt you meant budwiser and miller).  Blame Hershey for the chocolate.  He loaded his chocolate with cream and sugar and rolled it out cheaply on a massive scale.


Hershey also picked a higher melting point so the chocolate bars would survive transport cross country (and there might be wome WWII influence too, where Hershey bars were sent to servicemen like crazy, and they had to survive the battlefield).  Higher melting point really screws with the entire texture of the chocolate.
 
2014-08-12 12:07:54 PM  
Also:  "milk is partially lipolyzed, producing butyric acid, which stabilizes the milk from further fermentation" but it gives the chocolate a distinctive tang or sour taste.
 
2014-08-12 12:09:42 PM  

AMonkey'sUncle: A couple of the times I was in Italy, mostly the Piedmont, people thought I was German.


My buddy and I (both Americans) were in Boston and got mistaken for Germans. We were speaking English and everything, of course - I guess we just had "that look," whatever that is.
 
2014-08-12 12:13:12 PM  
Is this an American thing? God do I hate burnt or 'crispy' bacon as they euphemistically refer to it. I like my pork belly fat-renderingly-warm and with some flavor remaining, thank you very much.
 
2014-08-12 12:13:13 PM  
One reason we don't use metric, and it's a very big one, our real estate is measured in feet, miles, etc. When you buy a lot or a field it is based on none-metric measurements, whereas in Europe (and the original 13 colonies) it's a mess of "from the tree to the creek" gibberish.

I'm simplifying here, but when it comes to things like land title and highway projects you want to stick with what has been historically used, or you may introduce all sorts of legal quandaries with conversions.

If the history of measurement in the U.S. is of interest I recommend this book "Measuring America: How the United States Was Shaped by the Greatest Land Sale in History."

It's an easy and interesting read.
 
2014-08-12 12:14:00 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.


Weird, I vacationed in NB and NS last year and I didn't notice anything different about restaurant portion sizes compared to where I'm from in Southern New England.  I've also taken several ski trips to the Gaspe, and while we only ate out a little bit, same thing.

The only two things different I noticed, one good, one bad, was that (bad) service was insanely slow everywhere except a couple places in Halifax: 1 1/2 hours minimum to dine out, even if seated immediately on walking in and (good) the server never took your plastic, but they all had portable card readers so they could swipe at the table and you never had to let your card from your sight.

Wait- there was a third.  There wasn't often a host/hostess to seat you.  That led to some awkwardness just standing inside the door of a couple restaurants.
 
2014-08-12 12:16:21 PM  
A mile is 1000 paces. Your move metric.
 
2014-08-12 12:24:50 PM  

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


Rome isn't exactly a hotbed for modern civilization anymore.  Probably not since the 1st or 2nd Century anyway.  My one visit to the area made me think of one thing, Organized Anarchy.
 
2014-08-12 12:27:21 PM  

OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.


Savages.

Lemme break this list down.

1: Use English system
No shiat.  I sort of understand the metric system even if I have to think for a minute how far 100 km is in miles and I don't complain when everyone else in the world can't communicate in pounds and Fahrenheit.
2:Eat giant meals
No.  You can eat as much as you want, but it doesn't have to be a lot.
3:  Own lots of cars.
No.  I can only drive one at a time.  I've never owned more than one car.  What's the point?  There's even less of a point if you're a tourist.
4: Brag about being dumb
No.  Nobody brags about that.  I may be dumb, but according to me I'm the smartest motherfarker in the world.
5:  Put ice in every drink.
Not really.  I don't put ice in my coffee (although some idiots do) and I don't put ice in my beer.  Water and Coke (which is what we call "fizzy drinks") get ice.  What are you, a savage?
6:  Only include American teams in the World Series.
No, I'm pretty sure Canada is not in America and they have a team.  I haven't given a shiat about baseball since the Astros traded Nolan Ryan and that's been a while.
7.  Treat pets better than people.
They're generally nicer than people so I'll accept this, but if you're a tourist leave your farking pets at home.
8.   Call football soccer.
Yes, because that's what people who aren't savages call it.
9:  Know nothing about soccer.
I know you're supposed to get the ball in the net, but beyond that what is there to know about it?
10:  Have strict rules about alcohol.
I am so over not being able to drink when I was under 21.  I don't want to go to bars with teenagers.  Now if only I could buy beer at 3 AM in this stupid state all would be right with the world.
11.  Have very few rules about guns
You only need a few rules.  Just don't point them at me.
12,  Treat school athletes like heroes.
Nope - never did, not even when I was a school athlete.  I actually played soccer.  That probably will blow some Eurofark's mind.
13.  Get mad at things you like.
Whatever, dude
14:  Pretend to read books and magazine
Look, I'm having a hard enough time pretending to read this stupid article.  I don't have time to pretend to read books.
15.  Own a huge house
Look, I don't expect tourists to be homeowners where they are visiting, but if you can afford it go for it if you want.

And now I realize I've been trolled and cl1ckbaited.
 
2014-08-12 12:28:40 PM  

fredklein: 1) In America 12 inches equals a foot, three feet equals a yard, and 1,760 yards equals a mile. Ask any American and they will tell you that this system is a lot simpler.

It is. A foot is (approx) the length of... lets see, what body part? Oh, yeah- a foot! A yard is (approx) an average walking pace. A Mile is (approx) 1000 marching paces. And so on. Real world measurements, for people who live in the real world, not a laboratory. In a laboratory, I'm sure it's very important to deal with "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/299,792,458 of a second", but in the real world, it's more handy to use actual items (feet, for example) to measure things, even if the outcome is only approximate. If you ask how big a room is, would you rather hear "10 feet by 20 feet", or "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/29,979,245.8 of a second", by "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/59958491.6 of a second"??

tl;dr- Real World measurements for Real World people!


You realize, of course, that the definition of the inch is now directly tied to the definition of the meter, right?  It's defined to be exactly 2.54 centimeters.  Nobody that I know of refers to metric measurements by their scientific definition anyway.  For your room example above, it seems more likely you'd hear 3m x 6m or 300cm x 600cm than whatever gobbledegook you said involving the speed of light.

That said, I prefer inches because my thumb is about an inch wide.  I grew up with inches and feet, so it's easy for me to eyeball things.  Drives my friend who knits nuts, too.  "Is this 5 inches yet?" [I glance over.] "No, it's 3 and 3/4s inch."  [I hand her a tape measure.  She measures and fakes being angered.]  "Get out of here, now!"  I was dead on.  ;-)

Another advantage the US system of measure has for weights and volumes is that it's nearly all based on halves and doubling.  Two cups to a pint, two pints to a quart.  Ok, there's 4 quarts to a gallon, but that's just two doublings.  When you're measuring volumes in the kitchen, doubling and halving are two of the easiest operations you can do, without even needing to measure.

Still, metric isn't hard to work with. It takes me a few seconds longer to relate to the measurement, but I'm sure I'd get used to it if I used it more regularly.  A meter is a bit longer than a yard.  A foot is approx 30cm, etc.  I actually prefer metric when working physics and engineering problems.

The point is:  All this hullabaloo about foot/pounds/inches vs. metric is overblown.
 
2014-08-12 12:38:12 PM  

Hospitaller: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.

Rome isn't exactly a hotbed for modern civilization anymore.  Probably not since the 1st or 2nd Century anyway.  My one visit to the area made me think of one thing, Organized Anarchy.


Oh and when in Europe, do not ride the city buses on Wednesday.  The odor of unwashed masses of humanity is unbearable.
 
2014-08-12 12:42:01 PM  

im14u2c: fredklein: 1) In America 12 inches equals a foot, three feet equals a yard, and 1,760 yards equals a mile. Ask any American and they will tell you that this system is a lot simpler.

It is. A foot is (approx) the length of... lets see, what body part? Oh, yeah- a foot! A yard is (approx) an average walking pace. A Mile is (approx) 1000 marching paces. And so on. Real world measurements, for people who live in the real world, not a laboratory. In a laboratory, I'm sure it's very important to deal with "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/299,792,458 of a second", but in the real world, it's more handy to use actual items (feet, for example) to measure things, even if the outcome is only approximate. If you ask how big a room is, would you rather hear "10 feet by 20 feet", or "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/29,979,245.8 of a second", by "the length of the path travelled by light in vacuum during a time interval of 1/59958491.6 of a second"??

tl;dr- Real World measurements for Real World people!

You realize, of course, that the definition of the inch is now directly tied to the definition of the meter, right?  It's defined to be exactly 2.54 centimeters.  Nobody that I know of refers to metric measurements by their scientific definition anyway.  For your room example above, it seems more likely you'd hear 3m x 6m or 300cm x 600cm than whatever gobbledegook you said involving the speed of light.

That said, I prefer inches because my thumb is about an inch wide.  I grew up with inches and feet, so it's easy for me to eyeball things.  Drives my friend who knits nuts, too.  "Is this 5 inches yet?" [I glance over.] "No, it's 3 and 3/4s inch."  [I hand her a tape measure.  She measures and fakes being angered.]  "Get out of here, now!"  I was dead on.  ;-)

Another advantage the US system of measure has for weights and volumes is that it's nearly all based on halves and doubling.  ...


Drug dealers are ahead of the game when it comes to the metric system.  We may buy pot by the ounce or half ounce - I do anyway, but they measure that shiat in grams.  Look motherfarker - there are 28.3495 grams to an ounce, not 28.  Stop ripping me off!
 
2014-08-12 12:48:10 PM  

rwdavis: A mile is 1000 paces. Your move metric.


No, it isn't. A mile is 1,760 yards. Unless you can stride 5 and a quarter feet with each pace.

English measurements ARE very useful in construction, because you can divide feet and yards by 4 and 3, and use awesome tools like a speed square to easily scale things with even units. This is one reason why 100-second metric minutes never caught on (the French tried it during the Revolution); there are vast advantages in terms of dividing time to a 60-minute hour. This also applies to English cooking measurements; it's a heck of a lot easier to divide a recipe by a factor of three or four with cups and teaspoons than with ccs.

Other great things about English measurement includes: a track around 120-yard football field is a quarter-mile, or 440 yards, roughly the longest distance that can be run at a moderate sprinting pace, while a furlong (220 yards, 1/8 mile) is the farthest you can sprint flat out. A foot is, as said, a foot. A man's thumb is about one inch wide. A yard is the length of an average stride, and is about the length of your arm from nose to fingertips (a cubit is half that length). A pint of water (or beer!) weighs a pound, as does a standard loaf of bread.

An acre, btw, is 660 feet (one furlong) on a side. A square mile is 64 acres. Again, nicely divisible by 2 and 4. Try that with hectares.
 
2014-08-12 01:10:05 PM  

joeshill: Low end chocolate is low end chocolate.

Better to compare with Godiva or Ghirardelli.


Even those are still at candy level, basically.  But it's not as if it's even remotely difficult to find amazing dark chocolate in the States.

Much like fine wine, high quality chocolate is ubiquitous over here  (and frequently better than you can find in Europe).  It's not 1985 anymore.
 
2014-08-12 01:13:56 PM  

LazyMedia: I bet the 20-year-old Cal-Bakersfield sophomore who has never been outside the United States other than a day trip to Ciudad Juarez is sitting back with a sense of smug accomplishment after writing that listicle. Bravo, Justin, your Twain-like social commentary has really shown the jocks back at El Camino Real Senior high a thing or two. Go on with your bad cosmopolitan self, and good luck banging that German chick that just transferred in.


You read my mind.  Justin should also know that all those nice guy points are totally going to pay off with the German chick, once she realizes it's been him all along.
 
2014-08-12 01:15:33 PM  

doubled99: There are uneducated hicks in every country. Ours are just more famous wealthy enough to travel.


FTFY
 
2014-08-12 01:21:13 PM  
  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Perhaps my perception is colored by the fact that I have never been to a Philadelphia stadium...


Or Oakland for that matter:

image.shutterstock.com

ww4.hdnux.com
wac.9ebf.edgecastcdn.net
www.gannett-cdn.com

We do lots of stuff during the game.
 
2014-08-12 01:24:14 PM  

The_Sponge: On the flip side, allow me to give advice on how to visit the Czech Republic:

Don't be a dick, and learn how to say hello, please, and thank you in Czech.

/That's it.


That's easy. "Prosim" means all of those.
 
2014-08-12 01:26:38 PM  

LazyMedia: rwdavis: A mile is 1000 paces. Your move metric.

No, it isn't. A mile is 1,760 yards. Unless you can stride 5 and a quarter feet with each pace.

English measurements ARE very useful in construction, because you can divide feet and yards by 4 and 3, and use awesome tools like a speed square to easily scale things with even units. This is one reason why 100-second metric minutes never caught on (the French tried it during the Revolution); there are vast advantages in terms of dividing time to a 60-minute hour. This also applies to English cooking measurements; it's a heck of a lot easier to divide a recipe by a factor of three or four with cups and teaspoons than with ccs.

Other great things about English measurement includes: a track around 120-yard football field is a quarter-mile, or 440 yards, roughly the longest distance that can be run at a moderate sprinting pace, while a furlong (220 yards, 1/8 mile) is the farthest you can sprint flat out. A foot is, as said, a foot. A man's thumb is about one inch wide. A yard is the length of an average stride, and is about the length of your arm from nose to fingertips (a cubit is half that length). A pint of water (or beer!) weighs a pound, as does a standard loaf of bread.

An acre, btw, is 660 feet (one furlong) on a side. A square mile is 64 acres. Again, nicely divisible by 2 and 4. Try that with hectares.


You dropped a zero.  1 square miles is 640 acres.
 
2014-08-12 01:26:47 PM  
Thought I'd take a crack at this:

1. Use the English system for measurement.

So do the English, to a certain extent. It's not quite as simple as it sounds: liquid goods are often primarily in metric. As an example, I'm listing the weight/volume of 5 random packaged things in my apartment (all are exact transcriptions of the label):

Bottled water: 16.9 fl. oz (1 pt, 0.9 fl. oz)( 500 ml)
A can of soup: 18.5 oz. (1 lb 2.5 oz) 524 g
Soda: 1 liter (1.05 qt)
Lotion: 8 fl oz/236 ml
Hair spray: 200 ml/ 6.8 fl oz

So that's three primarily in metric and two primarily in English customary.

2. Eat giant meals.

True, some restaurants do tend to serve portions as if we were all lumberjacks or rail splitters. However, the concept of a "doggie bag" or taking home leftovers is far more accepted in the US than in Europe. So if you can't finish your meal, you can take some home. Granted, all you can eat buffets don't usually allow take-out for obvious reasons. Fine dining in the US is like fine dining all over the world.

3. Own lots of cars

We're rather spread out, and public transportation isn't very good outside of large Northeastern and Midwestern cities (and San Francisco).   Our trains (outside of the Northeast Corridor) are rarely on time. I don't have a car, and it's been a pain in the butt--it can take me as much as three times as long to get somewhere by public transportation as by driving.

4. Brag about being dumb.

Sounds like self-deprecation.

5. Put ice in every drink.

Lukewarm soda and water are gross. American summers (in most places) can be very hot. 30C is considered a scorching heatwave in England. It's a pleasant summer day where I live outside of DC. Temperatures well over 40C are common in the Southwest. Ice is somewhat essential. I'll back up what everyone said--never seen anyone put ice in beer.


6. Only include American teams in the World Series

Can't add anything that hasn't been said before.

7. Treat pets better than people

Find it hard to believe that this isn't done in Europe. I suppose, the fewer children you have, the more Fido and Fluffy serve as substitutes.

8. Call football soccer

Have nothing to add.


9. Know nothing about soccer.
Many non-Americans know little about American football, baseball, NASCAR, basketball, softball, lacrosse, etc. The great majority of Americans do care about soccer every 4 years, though...

10. Have strict rules about alcohol.

I think the drinking age should be lowered to 18. However, if we loosened the laws, I'm afraid we'd drink more like the British than the French or Germans. And that's a shame.

11. Have very few rules about guns.
This has been covered better upthread. It also varies widely from state to state and from county to county.

12. Treat school athletes like heroes.
Depends on the area--and the sport. I'll bet the swim team probably gets as much attention as the debate club.

 13. Get mad at things you like.
This is pretty universal.

14. Pretend to read books and magazines
There are posers around the world.

15. Have a huge house
We have more stuff and larger families. Land is also cheaper. This is starting to die out, though--in cities, European-sized apartments are the hottest thing.

tl;dr: America is a weird and diverse place. And I will explain why and debunk blatant lies.
 
2014-08-12 01:29:55 PM  

LazyMedia: rwdavis: A mile is 1000 paces. Your move metric.

No, it isn't. A mile is 1,760 yards. Unless you can stride 5 and a quarter feet with each pace.

English measurements ARE very useful in construction, because you can divide feet and yards by 4 and 3, and use awesome tools like a speed square to easily scale things with even units. This is one reason why 100-second metric minutes never caught on (the French tried it during the Revolution); there are vast advantages in terms of dividing time to a 60-minute hour. This also applies to English cooking measurements; it's a heck of a lot easier to divide a recipe by a factor of three or four with cups and teaspoons than with ccs.

Other great things about English measurement includes: a track around 120-yard football field is a quarter-mile, or 440 yards, roughly the longest distance that can be run at a moderate sprinting pace, while a furlong (220 yards, 1/8 mile) is the farthest you can sprint flat out. A foot is, as said, a foot. A man's thumb is about one inch wide. A yard is the length of an average stride, and is about the length of your arm from nose to fingertips (a cubit is half that length). A pint of water (or beer!) weighs a pound, as does a standard loaf of bread.

An acre, btw, is 660 feet (one furlong) on a side. A square mile is 64 acres. Again, nicely divisible by 2 and 4. Try that with hectares.


The mile is quite literally defined as 1000 paces in its origins (millenium has the same root), the fact that the American system of measurement no longer has the pace as a unit doesn't change that.
 
2014-08-12 01:32:59 PM  

Flab: The_Sponge: On the flip side, allow me to give advice on how to visit the Czech Republic:

Don't be a dick, and learn how to say hello, please, and thank you in Czech.

/That's it.

That's easy. "Prosim" means all of those.


Hey....you learn something new every day. I just used it when saying please.
 
2014-08-12 01:40:31 PM  

joeshill: Low end chocolate is low end chocolate.

Better to compare with Godiva or Ghirardelli.


Since we're used to the beer fight, I'm going to start a new one.  Newhouse (a Belgian company) makes the best chocolate that I've ever tasted.
 
2014-08-12 01:49:48 PM  

LazyMedia: rwdavis: A mile is 1000 paces. Your move metric.

No, it isn't. A mile is 1,760 yards. Unless you can stride 5 and a quarter feet with each pace.


Remember that a pace is not 1 step, a pace is actually the distance between two strides/step: step with your left foot, then your right, then your left. From heel to heel on your left foot placements, that's one pace.

/common misconception
//my normal pace is about 72"
///have had to use it at work for basic timber inventories
////miss those days
//slashies
 
2014-08-12 01:55:53 PM  

fireclown: joeshill: Low end chocolate is low end chocolate.

Better to compare with Godiva or Ghirardelli.

Since we're used to the beer fight, I'm going to start a new one.  Newhouse (a Belgian company) makes the best chocolate that I've ever tasted.


No disagreement.  I was merely stating that judging American chocolate by the low end is not a fair comparison.  If you are comparing to Mid rangee (Cadbury/Tobler) then compare to American midrange (Ghiradelli/Godiva).  I don't eat enough chocolate to know the high end at all.
 
2014-08-12 01:59:24 PM  

dookdookdook: Why would anyone call Football "Soccer"?  They're completely different sports.


Nah, calling football soccer is just a posh abbreviation of association football. Compare and contrast with rugger for rugby football.

I propose, along these lines, that American football should therefore be abbreviated to merrer.
 
2014-08-12 02:02:45 PM  

joeshill: No disagreement. I was merely stating that judging American chocolate by the low end is not a fair comparison. If you are comparing to Mid rangee (Cadbury/Tobler) then compare to American midrange (Ghiradelli/Godiva). I don't eat enough chocolate to know the high end at all.


Agreed.  If you're going to take on Newhouse, you best bring your a-game.  I'm not sure who the American high end chocolate even IS.  Is Godiva an american company?  Do they make chocolate bars?  I only know the liqueur.
 
2014-08-12 02:05:23 PM  
I thought Americans loved to mock everything about their own country. Isn't that what the sarcastic and snarky 'mericuh! and its variants are about?  Laughing at America?  Mocking the name itself and all it represents?  I see that stuff literally everywhere.  Why else would it be so commonplace?
 
2014-08-12 02:13:24 PM  

fireclown: joeshill: No disagreement. I was merely stating that judging American chocolate by the low end is not a fair comparison. If you are comparing to Mid rangee (Cadbury/Tobler) then compare to American midrange (Ghiradelli/Godiva). I don't eat enough chocolate to know the high end at all.

Agreed.  If you're going to take on Newhouse, you best bring your a-game.  I'm not sure who the American high end chocolate even IS.  Is Godiva an american company?  Do they make chocolate bars?  I only know the liqueur.


You're right.  Godiva is Belgium.  What do I know.  Okay Ghiradelli.  I think they are out of San Francisco.  (Though they are now owned by Lindt).
 
2014-08-12 02:24:01 PM  
I live in Europe.

This is how it works.
1.)  Europeans mock American's for X
2.)  5-10 years or so (sometimes more, sometimes less) x slowly becomes popular in Europe
3.)  Europeans mock American's for X while X is incredibly common in Europe

Obesity and fast food jump to the top of the list.  'Haha!  Fat American's eating at McDonald's!  Drinking their Starbucks!'.  Meanwhile, Europe is experiencing the same obesity epidemic and McDonald's and Starbucks are on every corner.

People are the same.
 
2014-08-12 02:48:31 PM  

fireclown: I spent some time in India, on and off from about 1995 to 2010, and I was kind of surprised that the increase in affluence hasn't resulted in more ice.


I know that in restaurants a lot of Indians think that if they ask for no ice they will get more beverage. Indians love to think they are finding loopholes in the system.

A lot of countries don't seem to use ice. Maybe it's a third-world lack of freezer thing.
 
2014-08-12 02:54:04 PM  

Fark_Guy_Rob: I live in Europe.

This is how it works.
1.)  Europeans mock American's for X
2.)  5-10 years or so (sometimes more, sometimes less) x slowly becomes popular in Europe
3.)  Europeans mock American's for X while X is incredibly common in Europe

Obesity and fast food jump to the top of the list.  'Haha!  Fat American's eating at McDonald's!  Drinking their Starbucks!'.  Meanwhile, Europe is experiencing the same obesity epidemic and McDonald's and Starbucks are on every corner.

People are the same.


Hell, Americans do that to each other.

"Those drinks at starbucks are stupid"
"I guess since I'm AT starbucks I'll have a mocha-chino-chai-vanilla-latte..."

I do it.  I can't drink their coffee, it's awful if it doesn't have half a glass of milk and a shot of sugary syrup covering the flavor.
 
2014-08-12 02:54:15 PM  

God Is My Co-Pirate: I've had a lot of great visits to the States and a couple of things always stick out:

1) TVs everywhere. Every building lobby, every coffee shop, even in cabs. Why?

2) The portions. My god, the plates of food are just ridiculous almost everywhere.

3) Everyone is so friendly and chatty. Even New York - you think you're all cynical and impatient? Nah.

4) Your beer is much better than the stereotype. Your chocolate, however, is terrible.


I did see a blog by some Irishmen once who said we smile too damn much. I blame the antidepressants.
 
2014-08-12 03:00:14 PM  

mike_d85: Hell, Americans do that to each other.

"Those drinks at starbucks are stupid"
"I guess since I'm AT starbucks I'll have a mocha-chino-chai-vanilla-latte..."

I do it. I can't drink their coffee, it's awful if it doesn't have half a glass of milk and a shot of sugary syrup covering the flavor.



I live in the Seattle area, and I loathe Starbucks.

Mostly because of my personal hatred towards Howard Schultz.
 
2014-08-12 03:02:12 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: I want a Parisian hipster - beret, Marcel Marceau-style striped shirt, comically large cigarette, and maybe a Monty Python-esque french accent.


I used to work with French folks and that's pretty much what I came up with but I would add that they spend their free time painting the Eiffel Tower
 
2014-08-12 03:14:34 PM  

gfid: Drug dealers are ahead of the game when it comes to the metric system. We may buy pot by the ounce or half ounce - I do anyway, but they measure that shiat in grams. Look motherfarker - there are 28.3495 grams to an ounce, not 28. Stop ripping me off!


They pull the same sort of trick on us booze-hounds: our "fifths of a gallon" are now 750 milliliters, when they should be about 757; our "half gallons" are now 1.75 liters, when they should be about 1.89...
 
2014-08-12 03:29:14 PM  

joeshill: 6. Only include American teams in the World Series.
Baseball was invented in the United States.


Modern baseball, as played in the US, was developed in the US, but it evolved from older bat and ball games, some of which were known as baseball, and shared many of its features, in much the same way that American football shares much of its history with other football codes.

upload.wikimedia.org

More here.
 
Displayed 50 of 328 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report