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(When On Earth)   Attention tourists: If you're visiting the United States there are some things you can do to blend in, including adding ice to every drink, call football soccer, and brag about being dumb   (whenonearth.net ) divider line 328
    More: Obvious, strict rules  
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10809 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2014 at 7:23 AM (1 year ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-12 10:46:27 AM  
Who the fark puts ice in beer?
 
2014-08-12 10:48:20 AM  

Deathfrogg: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

My brother went to Thailand several years ago. He brought back some of their version of Red Bull. It is really a concentrated syrup with enough caffeine to kill a horse, and they drink it at room temperature. Which means around 90 degrees Fahrenheit in Thailand.

Ugh. That shiat is nasty enough here.


My friend brought back some of it in the late 90s. It was funny how it came in brown medicine bottles and when I tasted it I almost threw up.
 
2014-08-12 10:48:26 AM  

WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead


You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?
 
2014-08-12 10:48:59 AM  
The general theme I get from this thread: Americans are angry.
 
2014-08-12 10:49:05 AM  

OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.



Was it the really large one that used to be a small train station, or something like that?  I was there when I was 12.

/CSB.
 
2014-08-12 10:49:30 AM  
I bet the 20-year-old Cal-Bakersfield sophomore who has never been outside the United States other than a day trip to Ciudad Juarez is sitting back with a sense of smug accomplishment after writing that listicle. Bravo, Justin, your Twain-like social commentary has really shown the jocks back at El Camino Real Senior high a thing or two. Go on with your bad cosmopolitan self, and good luck banging that German chick that just transferred in.
 
2014-08-12 10:50:03 AM  
This guy sounds like he is about to go on a shooting rampage, another American pastime.
 
2014-08-12 10:50:12 AM  

Burr: LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.

It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)

[eye-on-college-football.blogs.cbssports.com image 512x341]


Don't forget the "Squeezin' o' the Nuts".



I'm not kidding.



i224.photobucket.com
 
Ant
2014-08-12 10:50:19 AM  
Americans love their ice. At bars and restaurants it is in almost every single beverage. Water, soda, beer, they all have ice in them.

The only person I've ever seen put ice in beer was my Taiwanese friend's dad. I remember thinking how weird it was. Americans do not put ice in beer.
 
2014-08-12 10:50:40 AM  
FTFA:

At an American grocery store, customers need to take out their ID so that it can be run through a scanner before they can buy a bottle of wine or case of beer. At an American gun store, people just need to fill out some forms and pay cash to buy a rifle or shotgun.


Enough with the bullshiat....you have to show ID at a gun store....and go through a background check.  Private sales are another matter, but stop spreading lies.
 
2014-08-12 10:50:55 AM  

joeshill: WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead

You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?


Bloody SUV drivers.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 10:52:48 AM  

fireclown: FullMetalPanda: I think it's an exchange program like cab drivers. My understanding is German tourists are like that in any country. Old, Fat and naked.

Also, they travel in packs.  And they seem to be in some kind of war with the British about waking up early and claiming beach chairs.


Don't mention The War!
blog.chron.com
 
2014-08-12 10:52:56 AM  
I am curious if this colored some of my interactions with Hotel workers in Rome.

I would normally have a quick chat with soemone at the front desk about what I planned on checking otu that day, and both times they were very insistant that I not walk to all the places I wanted to go. To this day I wonder if theyw ere liek that because they though americans don't liek to walk or they just thought it was a lot of walking for anybody.


I had the same type of conversation when I was in Rome.  I'm pretty sure they were afraid I would get lost and call one of them to come get me or maybe have my organs harvested. . .
 
2014-08-12 10:53:05 AM  

WinoRhino: Scorpio Rex: All the same, who has the time to wait to fill your tank with 60+ of something?!?  I'll keep my 16 gallons, thank you.

The metric system is the tool of the devil. My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it.


to convert mpg to rods/hogshead multiply by 20160.  My really crappy truck (10 mpg) gets 201,600 rods/hogshead.

(320 rods/mile)    (63 gallons/hogshead)  1 mile/gallon = 20160 rods/hogshead.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 10:54:46 AM  

Bowen: Also note that you don't notice the non-annoying Americans in other countries. We just walk around, take pictures of stuff and have polite conversations.


This. Watch out for confirmation bias.
 
2014-08-12 10:54:49 AM  

Ant: Americans love their ice. At bars and restaurants it is in almost every single beverage. Water, soda, beer, they all have ice in them.

The only person I've ever seen put ice in beer was my Taiwanese friend's dad. I remember thinking how weird it was. Americans do not put ice in beer.



Yeah....I rolled my eyes when I read that.

IIRC, I have only seen it once or twice here in the U.S.....sitting on a bar patio on a hot day, and they placed a small bag of ice in a pitcher of beer to keep it cool.  And that's still different than actually having ice directly in your beverage.
 
2014-08-12 10:55:22 AM  
"At an American grocery store, customers need to take out their ID so that it can be run through a scanner before they can buy a bottle of wine or case of beer "

In Pennsylvania (where I live, for now) you can't EVEN buy beer or wine at a grocery store.  The much cheaper hooch peddlers just across the state line in DE have the whole shmear in one spot (DE is another state that does not sell beer or wine in grocery stores).  Never, ONCE when I've been ID'ed has it been put through a "scanner".  Granted, it's been a while since I was carded.

"At an American gun store, people just need to fill out some forms and pay cash to buy a rifle or shotgun."

This is utter horseSHEIT.  If purchasing from a gun store, not only do you have to fill out the forms, you have to complete a background check, AND you must have a state issued photo ID that proves age, residency, and identity, or a combination of documents that proves the same, one of which MUST be a government issued form of photo identification.

Ugh, I took the troll bait.  I feel unclean...
 
2014-08-12 10:55:42 AM  

joeshill: WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead

You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?


Yes, and you realize it was a "Simpsons" quote, right?
 
2014-08-12 10:56:57 AM  

Flab: Rapmaster2000: Wendy's Chili: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export.

Indiana.

I've wondered if when airlines estimate the fuel they need if they choose average weight of passenger based on location. I thought of this at the airport in Indianapolis.

The FAA guideline used to be 250lbs (I think they uppped it to 300 or even more), but I know one at least one low-cost carrier who would ask passengers their weight at the check-in counter.

Attendant: how many pieces of luggage, ma'am?
Passenger: just one.
A: put it on the conveyor belt. Thank you.
A: how much do you weigh?
P: what?
A: it's for fuel calculations.
P: you don't fill the tanks on every flight?
A: no ma'am. We couldn't charge you 95$ for a flight from Newark to St-Petersburg if we did.
P: ok, then.. 195.
(Attendant looks at lady and types 300)


They primarily need to know it for C/G reasons. Being wrong on the estimation can be leathal.
 
2014-08-12 10:57:21 AM  
It's nice when the author outs himself as an idiot by not knowing that soccer is a British term.
 
2014-08-12 10:58:34 AM  
On the flip side, allow me to give advice on how to visit the Czech Republic:

Don't be a dick, and learn how to say hello, please, and thank you in Czech.

/That's it.
 
2014-08-12 11:01:10 AM  

RobSeace: Having 100 centimeters equal a meter, or 1,000 grams to a kilogram would be confusing.

No, the reason we stubbornly stick with the Imperial system is because we are intuitively familiar with it... We all know exactly how much a pound or gallon or foot is... We don't intuitively know that about the metric units, because we didn't grow up with them... So, we have to convert them to Imperial units first before we can really understand what they mean... If we just bit the bullet and started teaching kids to exclusively use metric units, this shiat would sort itself out in a generation, and just leave some old foggies biatching about the whippersnappers and their millimeters and centiliters...

Though, for some reason, we've been a lot more accepting of the liter as a native, intuitive measure, at least when it comes to beverages... Us booze-hounds have long accepted fifths of a gallon being replaced with 750 milliliters, and half gallons replaced with 1.75 liters... Soda has been sold in liters for ages... But, don't try to sell us gas by the liter! That's commie talk!

/You'd think we'd like the idea of gas by the liter...
//Wouldn't you love the see the prices at the pump cut by almost 1/4?!
///Sure, it would just be a psychological trick, but I think it would make people happy to see gas around $1 again...


We don't use the Imperial system for volume (an Imperial gallon is 1.25 US gallons, because an English pint is 20 oz. vs. 16 oz. for a U.S. pint). That's why cars seem to get such insanely good gas mileage in Britain, as they use miles and mpg when talking about cars (despite buying petrol by the litre). You have to multiply it by .8 to get the US equivalent mileage.
 
2014-08-12 11:01:28 AM  

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


This may come as a surprise, but the majority of American tourists are not generously proportioned, dress conservatively, and speak quietly.  You just aren't noticing them because they aren't drawing attention to themselves.

It seems everyone (on both sides of the pond) loves the Griswold stereotype, so possibly there is a selective perception bias at play too.
 
2014-08-12 11:01:47 AM  

WinoRhino: joeshill: WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead

You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?

Yes, and you realize it was a "Simpsons" quote, right?


Yeah, but he didn't have an onion tied to his belt.

It was the style at the time....
 
2014-08-12 11:02:22 AM  

joeshill: WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead

You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?


The mileage is better when you wear an onion on your belt.
 
2014-08-12 11:03:01 AM  

Cdr.Murdock: Yeah, but he didn't have an onion tied to his belt.


Damn you.
 
2014-08-12 11:04:02 AM  

Ant: magus007: I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them.

Wal-Mart. You could live in a town for years and never see the people who show up in the local Wal-Mart.


OMG, This! They opened a Wal-Mart in my town a few years ago. I would go in and think, "Where in the hell did these people come from?" There's a Target on the other side of town. The clientele is completely (ok, mostly) normal.
 
2014-08-12 11:04:28 AM  
From all my travels, I found that every place prefers American tourists to European tourists, even in Europe.  When I was in Thailand the girls gushed over my muscular arms, chiseled chin, and fat wallet.  They pushed passed those pansy whiney Euro guys to get to me.
 
2014-08-12 11:05:34 AM  
ts1.mm.bing.net

Egg Toss
 
2014-08-12 11:07:00 AM  

This text is now purple: Xythero: Putting ice in drinks is a remnant from prohibition.  They used to put ice in drinks to kill the flavor of bathtub gin.  After a while people expected "professional" drinks to have ice in them when they went out on the town.

I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the introduction of affordable freezers in the 1920s and has everything to do with bathtub gin.


How are these two things mutually exclusive?
 
2014-08-12 11:07:27 AM  

NakedDrummer: From all my travels, I found that every place prefers American tourists to European tourists, even in Europe.


During my last overseas trip, I had a really nice conversation with this older guy (about 75) at this restaurant in Prague.

I eventually asked him which country provided the most annoying tourists in Prague, and then hoped he didn't say the U.S.

His answer wasn't even country specific, it was city specific:

"Liverpool."

He then explained that tourists from Liverpool tend to be unemployed soccer hooligans who drink too much.

/CSB.
 
2014-08-12 11:09:02 AM  
i141.photobucket.com
 
2014-08-12 11:10:47 AM  

MythDragon: Article is fake. And I can prove it
[whenonearth.net image 780x585]
What self resepecting American uses German/Swiss breakfast gun?

I only use a Colt .45 to keep people from taking anything from my mornin' bacon pile.
And my lunch gun is a Smith and Wesson .38 (I prefer to have a light lunch)
And for dinner I bring out my Winchester 30/30. A serious plate of steak n' ribs requires a serious rifle.


homerize.com

What's your beer opening gun?
 
2014-08-12 11:10:56 AM  

Maud Dib: Don't forget the "Squeezin' o' the Nuts".

I'm not kidding.


People wonder why I'm tired of this planet.
 
2014-08-12 11:11:56 AM  

limeyfellow: Really? Must be a southern thing. cider is typically drank by 12 year old who have limited money and offer sexual favours to dirty old men for a big bottle so they can get wasted in the park and rarely by some chick in a pub. The only thing I seen stuck in it is a bit of blackcurrent juice.


So, I can get sexual favors just for buying hard cider?

BRB.

NakedDrummer: From all my travels, I found that every place prefers American tourists to European tourists, even in Europe. When I was in Thailand the girls gushed over my muscular arms, chiseled chin, and fat wallet. They pushed passed those pansy whiney Euro guys to get to me.


Those were all dudes.
 
2014-08-12 11:12:01 AM  
Bashing America is getting old, kids
 
2014-08-12 11:13:42 AM  

Billy Liar: [ts1.mm.bing.net image 300x199]

Egg Toss


rlisu.files.wordpress.com

Flop Ball
 
2014-08-12 11:14:33 AM  

The_Sponge: NakedDrummer: From all my travels, I found that every place prefers American tourists to European tourists, even in Europe.

During my last overseas trip, I had a really nice conversation with this older guy (about 75) at this restaurant in Prague.

I eventually asked him which country provided the most annoying tourists in Prague, and then hoped he didn't say the U.S.

His answer wasn't even country specific, it was city specific:

"Liverpool."

He then explained that tourists from Liverpool tend to be unemployed soccer hooligans who drink too much.

/CSB.


That's about the same sentiment I got in Amsterdam.  We would avoid the bars where all the English were hanging out, especially if soccer was on the TV.
 
2014-08-12 11:14:36 AM  

Clemkadidlefark: Bashing America is getting old, kids


I personally don't mind it, since I know that they're just jealous.
 
2014-08-12 11:14:47 AM  
At fast food restaurants, especially drive thrus, I ask for no ice in my soda, because otherwise, by the time I finish it, it would be half water and horrible tasting.  They screw it up about 20% of the time, but this isn't considered a abnormal request.  At normal, sit down restaurants, I usually don't, because the straw tends to float up if there isn't ice in it, and I usually finish the drink quicker anyways (as it's usually smaller and I'm drinking it right there as opposed to taking it home).  Of course, if I have a beer, it always comes with no ice.
 
2014-08-12 11:15:19 AM  

WinoRhino: joeshill: WinoRhino: 40 rods to the hogshead

You do realize that means you are burning a gallon every 10 feet or so, right?

Yes, and you realize it was a "Simpsons" quote, right?


Yep.  Season 2.  I still always wondered at the conversion.
 
2014-08-12 11:15:32 AM  

LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.


Is this the part where I point out that an amusement park is typically going to be filled with international tourists? Much like cruise ships, you'll also find large men in speedos-- and most of them are not Americans. I won't say that we don't have badly dressed and badly mannered a-holes. We do. I'm just saying that an amusement park is a poor place for a sampling of American culture. If you're in Walt Disney World or any other major tourist attraction, that becomes especially true.
 
2014-08-12 11:15:47 AM  

Born_Again_Bavarian: X_Raraavis: You can't troll Americans by talking about Soccer. We really really really don't care.

Nobody puts ice in beer but it should be served as cold as possible.

Unfortunately everything else is pretty spot on.

No, no, NO!

I get stabby when I order a guinness and it is served at 40 degrees.  Super ice cold beer is the domain of only the macro brew swill that thankfully America is slowly weening itself off of.


Forty degrees is how lager and many other quality beers are  supposed to be served. It's served that way everywhere that can afford the cooling, especially in Germany. Ale is supposed to be served between 45 and 57 (cellar temperature) degrees, depending on the style of ale (English ale is warmer, but not warm). Lager is not necessarily swill, it's just a different style (although most swill beer is lager).
 
2014-08-12 11:17:56 AM  

supayoda: Is this the part where I point out that an amusement park is typically going to be filled with international tourists? Much like cruise ships, you'll also find large men in speedos-- and most of them are not Americans. I won't say that we don't have badly dressed and badly mannered a-holes. We do. I'm just saying that an amusement park is a poor place for a sampling of American culture. If you're in Walt Disney World or any other major tourist attraction, that becomes especially true.



My message for all foreign tourists visiting the U.S.

DO NOT go to Wal-Mart.
 
2014-08-12 11:21:12 AM  

magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.


I think it's just tourists, in general. It doesn't matter what country you're from when visiting another country that's a huge cultural shock. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. I've run into annoying tourists from just about all over. (Also, part of my family is Italian, and I really can't stand them, but it has nothing to do with them being Italian They're simply just insufferable shiatheads.)

The_Sponge: My message for all foreign tourists visiting the U.S.

DO NOT go to Wal-Mart.


Yeah... That, too.
 
2014-08-12 11:22:42 AM  

supayoda: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.

I think it's just tourists, in general. It doesn't matter what country you're from when visiting another country that's a huge cultural shock. You're going to stick out like a sore thumb. I've run into annoying tourists from just about all over. (Also, part of my family is Italian, and I really can't stand them, but it has nothing to do with them being Italian They're simply just insufferable shiatheads.)

The_Sponge: My message for all foreign tourists visiting the U.S.

DO NOT go to Wal-Mart.

Yeah... That, too.


OH Lord, this.  I avoid the place like the plague and I was  born and raised here.
 
2014-08-12 11:23:18 AM  

CleanAndPure: macross87: Burr: LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.

It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)

Texas also knows how to throw a good bonfire!

Only when some minority is tied to a stake above the bonfire.


You mean like a damnyankee?  I'll go for that
 
2014-08-12 11:27:24 AM  

trappedspirit: [i141.photobucket.com image 169x113]


Man, I thought with the new album Weird Al wouldn't be so desperate for attention.
 
2014-08-12 11:30:06 AM  

DanInKansas: Anyone who's convinced of the inherent moral and intellectual superiority of Europeans hasn't spent enough time in Europe.


^ The majority of Americans I hear complaining about the U.S. have never lived outside of the U.S.  We Americans do not have the monopoly on idiocy.

The_Sponge:

His answer wasn't even country specific, it was city specific:

"Liverpool."

He then explained that tourists from Liverpool tend to be unemployed soccer hooligans who drink too much.


Scousers are, without a doubt, some of the worst people to run into on a holiday.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 11:37:58 AM  

Gary-L: X_Raraavis: You can't troll Americans by talking about Soccer. We really really really don't care.

Nobody puts ice in beer but it should be served as cold as possible.

Unfortunately everything else is pretty spot on.

Ice cold beer is for swill like Coors Light, Bud Light, and all that other crap that is mislabeled as Beer.

/Not a beer snob, I know good, proper beer and the appropriate serving temperature


All warm beer tastes like shiat, in my opinion. Drink beer how you like to drink beer, and don't listen to people who make fun of you for remembering that refrigeration has been invented.
 
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