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(When On Earth)   Attention tourists: If you're visiting the United States there are some things you can do to blend in, including adding ice to every drink, call football soccer, and brag about being dumb   (whenonearth.net ) divider line
    More: Obvious, strict rules  
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10824 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Aug 2014 at 7:23 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-08-12 09:39:58 AM  

RobSeace: /You'd think we'd like the idea of gas by the liter...
//Wouldn't you love the see the prices at the pump cut by almost 1/4?!
///Sure, it would just be a psychological trick, but I think it would make people happy to see gas around $1 again...


That can be really scary the other way around, though. My wife is Danish, and she had told me about how folks tend to have fewer cars or smaller cars, and one of the reasons is the high gas prices. So we go to visit, and I see a gas price that I convert to dollars, and it's a little high, but nothing outrageous. $4, or so I think. Well, that's really high for where I live, but not as ridiculous if you live in California, for instance. So I asked her about it, and she just stared at me for a while with this pitying look, then said only "liters."
 
2014-08-12 09:40:28 AM  
15. Own a huge house

Excellent advise for the visiting tourist. It'll give the real estate industry a much needed boost.

Maybe if the author went American and had a better breakfast than a stale pastry and 4 double espressos, he wouldn't be such a dick.
 
2014-08-12 09:40:28 AM  
i1151.photobucket.com
Mah feels is butthurt and I needs a hug - and maybe some a metric sh*t-tonne of comfort food.
 
2014-08-12 09:40:34 AM  

LaurenAguilera: HotWingConspiracy: Water, soda, beer, they all have ice in them. Restaurants are able to save money this way because they can fill half the glass with nothing but ice while charging for refills.

Getting away from the absurdity of claiming we take ice in our beer, I'm unclear on where people get charged for water refills, and how adding ice would save the restaurant on...water costs?

People get ice because they like ice. I can accept that it's cultural, but it has nothing to do with mitigating cost.

I DNRTFA, but... adding ice to fountain sodas could potentially reduce the cost per soda, on the syrup used ... but... I don't even think it would be by enough to count


It doesn't. The cost of refrigeration is more than the cost of syrup plus soda water.
 
2014-08-12 09:40:49 AM  

NicoFinn: Next to baseball and apple pie, being causing outraged is one of the country's oldest traditions.

That's gold.


FTFY

blog.debate.org

Outrage about things at home: Sure, but we hardly have a monopoly on that.

Outrage about other countries: Nah, we're too rich, powerful and distant to get riled up about much. We just do what we farking well please, and the haters can only sputter helplessly.

i.imgur.com

You hear that world? We think your outrage is hilarious. Why do we gorge ourselves on bacon, call our series "World" (or Word), and act like arseholes overseas?

BECAUSE WE CAN

/fark yeah
 
2014-08-12 09:41:35 AM  
Only retards ask for ice in their drink.

You paying for ice instead of the drink.  I don't farking care how hot it is outside, no ICE.  I paid for the drink not half the drink and the rest ice.
 
2014-08-12 09:42:46 AM  

joeshill: 1.  Use the English System for measurement.
Americans measure things in feet, gallons, and degrees Farenheit to measure common things like room size, gasoline and weather.  When measureing for any kind of scientific purpose, they use the metric system like everyone else


And since the guys is playing to be such an exacting smartass, the US does not actually use the English system, but rather a derivative of it:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_customary_units
 
2014-08-12 09:42:50 AM  

He_Hate_Me: abhorrent1: The only thing that Americans love more than sports, politics, cars, and food is complaining about them. Visit any household or sports bar on a Sunday afternoon and watch as grown men scream and throw things while their favorite athlete tries to play a game.

Cause soccer fans around the world are so mature, civil and well behaved.

It's always been my experience at the game itself that American sports fans are much tamer than European sports fans.  Americans are always sitting down, cheering only periodically, but otherwise being rather orderly.  The Euros, at least in the Ultras sections, will be singing, chanting, jumping u-and-down, setting off fireworks, etc. the entire game.  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Perhaps my perception is colored by the fact that I have never been to a Philadelphia stadium...


You haven't seen a Seattle Sounders or Portland Timbers game, then. Particularly a game when those 2 play against each other.

/otherwise, the fans are pretty damn quiet and/or unmoving in their seats
//does it seem like the Seattle fans are getting more mild these days?
 
2014-08-12 09:43:54 AM  

LemSkroob: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them. It is not a bad idea, a lot of Europeans ignore America because they think it is populated by people with Hawaiian shirts who talk very loudly.

I lived in Italy for a while, and also traveled across much of Europe. After living in Italy and then traveling elsewhere, it became REAL easy to spot the Italian tourists. Usually it was packs of girls overdressed, holding hands as they walked down the street, and talking extremely loud even when the other person was right in front of them, and being very 'flashy' with their body movement (everything seemed to be done in an exaggerated manner). Very out of place in cities like Vienna, Prague, and Paris.


I imagine the mustaches gave them away, too.
 
2014-08-12 09:44:45 AM  

X_Raraavis: You can't troll Americans by talking about Soccer. We really really really don't care.

Nobody puts ice in beer but it should be served as cold as possible.

Unfortunately everything else is pretty spot on.


No, no, NO!

I get stabby when I order a guinness and it is served at 40 degrees.  Super ice cold beer is the domain of only the macro brew swill that thankfully America is slowly weening itself off of.
 
2014-08-12 09:45:54 AM  
Apart from the metric system, and how weird US measurements really are 12 inches to a foot, 3 feet to a yard, cups, pints, quarts, gallons, etc, Europe at least is getting a grip on standardizing bra sizes.

There's still one cultural practice that throws fear into tourists from just about everywhere else, especially Italians: Sales Tax (translated as VAT) is added at time of purchase. Most are used to tax included. Only gallons of fuel have tax included in the US.

Italians are scared of any tax and try to avoid them at all costs, to the point there are very well dressed tax police cruising the tourists, who need to look at your restaurant receipt or scontrino to see if tax was charged.  If you don't have one, you have probably not paid any tax.

Man failing to communicate size among the EU, UK, Belgian, Spanish, French, Italian or Czech standards.

i.dailymail.co.uk
 
2014-08-12 09:46:01 AM  
Attention tourists If you're visiting the States DON'T go to the south they will kill you and eat you.
 
2014-08-12 09:50:05 AM  
Oh so trolly. Rude, but unfortunately all too true.
 
2014-08-12 09:50:27 AM  
Putting ice in drinks is a remnant from prohibition.  They used to put ice in drinks to kill the flavor of bathtub gin.  After a while people expected "professional" drinks to have ice in them when they went out on the town.
 
2014-08-12 09:58:58 AM  
Real Americans are too stupid to brag about how stupid they are.
 
2014-08-12 10:00:37 AM  

FullMetalPanda: Only retards ask for ice in their drink.

You paying for ice instead of the drink.  I don't farking care how hot it is outside, no ICE.  I paid for the drink not half the drink and the rest ice.


Xythero: Putting ice in drinks is a remnant from prohibition.  They used to put ice in drinks to kill the flavor of bathtub gin.  After a while people expected "professional" drinks to have ice in them when they went out on the town.


Enjoy your warm sticky-sweet soda on a hot day. Refreshing!

Hell, on a really hot day, I'd gladly pay for the ice and let them keep the sugar-water.
 
2014-08-12 10:02:39 AM  

X_Raraavis: You can't troll Americans by talking about Soccer. We really really really don't care.


Are you saying that 0 Americans care about soccer?

Speak for yourself, jerk-o!!! Hmph.
 
2014-08-12 10:04:04 AM  

Wendy's Chili: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export.

Indiana


Ohio
 
2014-08-12 10:04:28 AM  
I farking love ice in my drink, the Chinese don't.  Cue me digging through department stores for a week trying to find an ice try, to find a Japanese made one that are little fishes the size of quarters.  I drank my coca cola fish ice and liked it.

Also got confused for a Russian a lot despite having zero Slavic heritage nor anywhere near it.  I blame the beard.
 
2014-08-12 10:05:29 AM  

Naritai: I'm waiting for someone to notice that the people in the photo in "Get mad at things you like" are very likely Canadian, as main guy is wearing a Saskatchewan Roughriders jersey, and background guy is wearing a Calgary Stampeders Jersey.

Which means this photo was probably taken _in_  Saskatchewan, because... who else cares enough about the Roughriders to even watch them, much less throw down over some slight?


Europeans don't or can't differentiate between America and Canada.


/And yes for those of you (smelly Europeans) that don't know America is the common vernacular for the United States of America.
 
2014-08-12 10:06:03 AM  
hey subby,
your buzzfeed/content-mill-wannabe blog sucks.
 
2014-08-12 10:07:21 AM  

limeyfellow: syberpud: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

And yet the Brits put ice in hard cider.

/not bad on a summer day

Really? Must be a southern thing. cider is typically drank by 12 year old who have limited money and offer sexual favours to dirty old men for a big bottle so they can get wasted in the park and rarely by some chick in a pub. The only thing I seen stuck in it is a bit of blackcurrent juice.


You should really stop offering large bottles of cider to 12-year-olds in exchange for sexual favors.
 
2014-08-12 10:08:28 AM  
your blog sucks...
but the metric system is superior. Lets change over already.
 
2014-08-12 10:08:52 AM  

limeyfellow: syberpud: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

And yet the Brits put ice in hard cider.

/not bad on a summer day

Really? Must be a southern thing. cider is typically drank by 12 year old who have limited money and offer sexual favours to dirty old men for a big bottle so they can get wasted in the park and rarely by some chick in a pub. The only thing I seen stuck in it is a bit of blackcurrent juice.


That's what we have Arbor Mist for:

img.fark.net

It's like soda with a little wine in it.

I was hoping that I could drink in the UK without looking like a giant wuss.  If I drink beer it sprays out the back end in about the same consistency as it came from the bottle.  I'm assuming from what you said that I still need to hide from the local rugby club if I go drinking there.
 
2014-08-12 10:09:41 AM  

macross87: Burr: LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.

It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)

Texas also knows how to throw a good bonfire!


Only when some minority is tied to a stake above the bonfire.
 
2014-08-12 10:09:53 AM  

neversubmit: Attention tourists If you're visiting the States DON'T go to the south they will kill you and eat you.



Nope. We don't like foreign food.
 
2014-08-12 10:12:20 AM  

Xythero: Putting ice in drinks is a remnant from prohibition.  They used to put ice in drinks to kill the flavor of bathtub gin.  After a while people expected "professional" drinks to have ice in them when they went out on the town.


I'm sure it has absolutely nothing to do with the introduction of affordable freezers in the 1920s and has everything to do with bathtub gin.
 
2014-08-12 10:15:20 AM  

limeyfellow: syberpud: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

And yet the Brits put ice in hard cider.

/not bad on a summer day

Really? Must be a southern thing. cider is typically drank by 12 year old who have limited money and offer sexual favours to dirty old men for a big bottle so they can get wasted in the park and rarely by some chick in a pub. The only thing I seen stuck in it is a bit of blackcurrent juice.


It was the south.  Plus I've seen the same thing in some Toronto bars.  I assumed it was one of those things like wearing straw hats: done in the summer only by "proper" gentlemen.
 
2014-08-12 10:15:53 AM  

The Voice of Doom: #16.
If someone jokes about hinting at the suggestion of poking fun at God's chosen nation or exaggerating a stereotype, you have to become serious and defensive, pick out and argue details, tell them they're wrong, that $shiathole on the other side of the galaxy is worse anyway and that they can stuff their opinions where the sun doesn't shine because they don't have citizenship.


What does Israel have to do with this?
 
2014-08-12 10:19:34 AM  

macross87: Burr: LaurenAguilera: Having spent the weekend at an amusement park, I would also add "not wearing a bra if you are obese, definitely wearing tank tops and bathing suit tops if you are obese, lycra shorts are OK even if your shirt does not cover your ass."

Holy hell, America.

It is fair (state and county) season.  Good lord the people you see on the midway.  It is embarrassing

He_Hate_Me: .  It's only recently that places like Wisconsin are bringing some of that "hey, let's do more than just sit and watch" spirit to American stadiums.

Got to a Texas A&M game.  They stand through the entire thing, since at least 2000 (probably longer then that, I have just know about it since 2000)

Texas also knows how to throw a good bonfire!


well, they know how to throw a bonfire... not sure if it was good.

if you mean good in a moral sense, then no.  not good to burn people up.

if you mean good in a fire sense, then, maybe, it certainly exceeded everyone's expectations.
 
2014-08-12 10:20:00 AM  

joeshill: 1. Use the English System for measurement.
Americans measure things in feet, gallons, and degrees Farenheit to measure common things like room size, gasoline and weather. When measureing for any kind of scientific purpose, they use the metric system like everyone else.


Uh, not really.  A lot of engineering continues to use Imperial units, including my work with aircraft systems.

joeshill: Some large American cities ban gun ownership entirely.


One city tried to ban gun ownership, but it was ruled unconstitutional.
 
2014-08-12 10:20:50 AM  

bekovich: somewhat drunken bunch.


Nah, the REAL drunks hang out in the "drink driving" threads and opine like a bunch of MADD vaginas.
 
2014-08-12 10:21:04 AM  

Slaxl: OgreMagi: When I was in a Budapest McDonalds (not my choice, my fiancé's daughter wanted to go), they looked at me like I was insane when I asked for ice in my Coke.

When I was in Sacramento I ordered a coke with no ice, the guy looked at me like I was insulting his mother and said "Is that the way they do things in Europe?" I said "yes...". Very bewildered that it was even a thing. I say no ice over here too because ice is assumed. I just like my drink to not be diluted by the end, I didn't mean to insult anyone. I did deliberately insult him later though, because I figured why the fark not, in for a penny in for a pound. If someone's going to dislike me I at least want to deserve it.


My wife's from China and the first couple of years she was here, it was no ice in any drink, including Coke and other soft drinks.  She's done a 180 on that and now asks for ice in her Coke when in China and gets miffed when she doesn't get it.

I always want ice in my sticky-sweet drinks, partly 'cause I like it cold and also because I *do* want it diluted.
 
2014-08-12 10:22:08 AM  
That was a long article to not have one original thought. Granted I only made it to #4.
 
2014-08-12 10:22:12 AM  

aerojockey: joeshill: 1. Use the English System for measurement.
Americans measure things in feet, gallons, and degrees Farenheit to measure common things like room size, gasoline and weather. When measureing for any kind of scientific purpose, they use the metric system like everyone else.

Uh, not really.  A lot of engineering continues to use Imperial units, including my work with aircraft systems.

joeshill: Some large American cities ban gun ownership entirely.

One city tried to ban gun ownership, but it was ruled unconstitutional.


Points taken.  Amend sentence 1 to read "When measuring for most kinds of scientific purposes..." and sentence 2 to read "Some large American cities just about ban gun ownership entirely, by their use of highly restrictive ordinances."
 
2014-08-12 10:23:39 AM  
Attention tourists: If you're visiting the United States there are some things you can do to blend in, including adding ice to every drink, call football soccer, and brag about being dumb

How about we call football...wait for it....football.
And soccer will be called soccer.
And NOT call soccer football.
Or football soccer.
It makes more sense to call things what they are.
Mmmmkay....
 
2014-08-12 10:24:18 AM  
Actually, who was the DICK who wrote that crap-fest?
 
2014-08-12 10:24:28 AM  
Ice in beer? Paying for refills? Has this author ever been to the us?
 
2014-08-12 10:32:10 AM  

El Dudereno: Laotians?

The... the ocean?


Hank: "This is Kahn, he's Chinese."
Cotton: "Nope, He's Laotian. Aren't yeah Mister Kahn?"
 
2014-08-12 10:32:36 AM  
Just went to Rome, I bartered with one of the sales guys and got about 40% off a souvenir. (Yeah, still paid too much) But he was pissed to learn I was an American. Because we pay full price.

/CSB
 
2014-08-12 10:33:34 AM  
1) handegg is funny.  and true.
2) how about america be the most charitable.
3) I don't see anyone else stepping up to be the world police?
 
2014-08-12 10:34:10 AM  
Fat, ignorant, and proud of it. Anything else are either slight nuisance or can also apply to many other places in the world.
 
2014-08-12 10:35:15 AM  

Scorpio Rex: All the same, who has the time to wait to fill your tank with 60+ of something?!?  I'll keep my 16 gallons, thank you.


The metric system is the tool of the devil. My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, and that's the way I likes it.
 
2014-08-12 10:35:51 AM  

Tango_down: I don't see anyone else stepping up to be the world police?


.... hooray?
 
2014-08-12 10:39:16 AM  
Missed this rule:

Burn lard to a charcoal crisp and call it bacon.
 
2014-08-12 10:40:34 AM  

WinoRhino: Tango_down: I don't see anyone else stepping up to be the world police?

.... hooray?



cinema-crazed.com

Fark yeah!
 
2014-08-12 10:41:13 AM  
Article is fake. And I can prove it
whenonearth.net
What self resepecting American uses German/Swiss breakfast gun?

I only use a Colt .45 to keep people from taking anything from my mornin' bacon pile.
And my lunch gun is a Smith and Wesson .38 (I prefer to have a light lunch)
And for dinner I bring out my Winchester 30/30. A serious plate of steak n' ribs requires a serious rifle.
 
2014-08-12 10:41:14 AM  

Wendy's Chili: magus007: Here in Rome you can usually spot Americans they are generously proportioned people loudly shouting about how old everything is.  I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export.

Indiana.


Texas.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 10:42:51 AM  

rev. dave: Drink the worst beer in the world and treat it like a fine wine.


Are you saying that every single micro brew made in America is the worst beer in the world? That's really hard to believe.
 
Ant
2014-08-12 10:45:40 AM  

magus007: I have been to the US and never see these types... I was wondering if there was a place they were manufactured to export to other countries who are more civilised than the US to annoy them.


Wal-Mart. You could live in a town for years and never see the people who show up in the local Wal-Mart.
 
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